All Comments on 'Valentine's Day with Sis'

Great story well worth the read

Almost good but this nonsense, " letting me suck my cum from her mouth." lost you a star and the ass fucking almost lost you another one. Oh and FYI, "as my balls erupted over her", only about 5% of a cumshot is from the balls.

Yes, they now know that they belong together forever, Jen got pregnant and they will have many more babies together and enjoy life and each other!

If you're really in D/FW, I know the area very well. I was born in Dallas and went to college in Fort Worth. I've always dreamed of what you wrote about with my step-sister.

loved it!

Malcom needs to give his sister the best valentine's day present ever--a baby bump.

There's fantasy and then there's over the moon unbelievable stuff like this. It could have been a good story if it wasn't so rushed and beyond the pale. I gave it a 2 and that was being generous.

I would have hoped you got to the end of typing this out, hit that period at the end of the last sentence which started with "Jen", then returned to the beginning, and the first word of it would have been a huge, flashing red light, and "Jan" would have triggered something inside you to wonder when Jan became Jen, and why she changed her name. Alas, you failed at that. I guess you plunked the words out on your keyboard, and you thought you were finished when you got to the end. You shouldn't have been.

The financial details are pointless and unneeded. They're also just incongruous with how they work in reality. If you're going to throw in details to try to make a story more "real", than make sure the details match with reality. For one to have a 401k account, one must have worked a job as an employee with the employer sponsoring that plan. To have and IRA account, one must have worked, as an employee or independent contractor, and had active, earned income. He did neither, she had just started as an employee recently. Real estate passes to the beneficiary as of the date of death of the decedent, and must do so unencumbered by a mortgage. You should have not bogged down the story with several paragraphs about finances when you don't understand the details.

Did the 'athletes' take classes on computers or go to school and have classes in the morning?

Writing isn't easy. You need to actual pay attention to what you're typing. My opinion is that you don't. Do better.

Love sibling sex. Very hot.

A very hot, welcome addition to the contest.

Excellent! Thanks

Jen and Malcolm are a very sexy pair -- give Malcolm a bit of sexy chest hair over his pecs and maybe a treasure trail to please his sister. I imagine her breasts being grazed gently by the hair on his chest. Keep,them together as a couple, maybe?

You two make sex sound delicious. Great story!

Very hot and enjoyable. Thanks for sharing this story with us.

Wonderful story, In enjoyed every moment of it. You can really feel the love between these two.

My only problem that she began as Jan then went to Jen, that was too distracting, so i have to drop my vote to 4stars. Other than that, this was a great read and I hope it does well in the contest

Managed to get almost 1/4 of page one when Jan suddenly became Jen. Gave up after that.

It wasn't too bad considering it was a rushed job. But you did start out calling the sister Jan and then about 1/3rd of the way through you changed her to Jen. 4/5

I really enjoyed this story! I didn't notice some of the things that the other commenters were noticing. However when I re-read the story I have to agree...inconsistent facts or information not really necessarily plot building are not needed in the story. However take all the constructive feedback, ignore the non-constructive feedback and keep on writing! I appreciate your time spent bringing this little valentine to us. Thankyou!

That Jan to Jen mistake was hard to ignore, you need to be more careful with that in the future. But other than that, this was a great story. I loved these two characters and the scene was incredible. Good luck with the contest.

5-stars.

Fantastic story. 5-stars.

Man that was hot!....Please tell me there is more.

Waiting for her to tell him, he was getting her pregnant.

This was very good, the immediacy and the emotion, the desire, all very well communicated.

One or two odd points...

1) There was no compelling reason for them NOT to screw much earlier in the story. This had a real effect on the story.

2) People orally consumed lube happily in this. Some casual direct mention of this would, either internally by our hero (women taste better than lube...) or between the two of them would help with verisimilitude.

Five for you, because a four would be a crime.

very good