Valentine's Every-Day

"I appreciate what you're trying to say, but it's not the same. It's the heartland of Christian America, not gospel-starved desert."

Her inquisitive gaze turned to one of determination, "You're right, Michael. It's not the same. A lot of people paint overseas mission work as a glamourous job with a continuous harvest of saved souls. Well... it's NOT... at least not in my experience."

"There are so many barriers to effective ministry. Language, customs, political strife, instability of the mission organization... not to mention that most of the target population is more worried about surviving the day than they are about eternal salvation."

She continued, "The place I served in Haiti is a constantly revolving door of short-stint teachers and severely destitute kids. I knew the kids' names and showed them love while we were together, but I had no idea if they would be back the next week, or even the next day. There were only a couple kids that stayed in school for more than a couple weeks at a time. If they returned later, it would usually be to a different teacher that they didn't know... it's hard for them to understand a loving God in a world of constant chaos and strife. Don't get me wrong, it's important work and there are success stories, but it's not ideal."

I continued sifting through the bin of nuts and asked, "Why did you go back to Haiti this summer? You must have felt like it was important since you chose to go back."

Emily's tone turned softer, "I don't really know why I went back again. I guess it's what my parents and friends expected me to do."

"Are you going back next summer?"

"I don't know," she said quietly then paused for a moment, "I don't know."

We sat in introspective silence for a couple minutes before Emily said, "You know, most of the success stories I saw in Haiti weren't because of outside missionaries, they happened because of locals ministering to locals."

I nodded my head to let her know I was listening.

"You know the people at the hardware store... you know the road their life has taken... and you have the chance to build a deeper relationship with them every day, talking about things that matter to them. And when the time is right, that foundation of trust will give you the chance to share Christ and meet them at the point of their need."

"Michael, I think you have an opportunity that a lot of overseas missionaries dream about."

Her words had the remarkable duality of a compassionate reprimand and powerful encouragement, delivered in a way that only Emily could. I knew she was right. A stabbing pang of remorse shot through my stomach as I thought about not making the most of opportunities I had over the last two summers.

I looked into her kind blue eyes for the first time during that conversation and very sincerely told her, "Thank you, Emily. I needed to hear that. You're an amazing friend."

We both stood and shared a short embrace. Her arms around my waist, and mine cradling her head against my chest. No pretense. No awkwardness. Just an honest expression between friends.

*******

Classes unceremoniously began the next day and, over the next several weeks, I settled into a regular routine of school, work, and church activities. I was happy to discover that Emily and I were in the same 'Introduction to Biblical Theology' section together. It was one of the few general studies courses where our very different majors overlapped.

Our respective classes that followed Biblical Theology were both on the north side of the campus, so we often walked together and were eager to learn more about each other along the way. Some conversations were light-hearted and fun, while others were quite deep and personal.

A bond grew between us as we spent those hours together, and we began gravitating toward each other whenever in the same room or at the same events. We would always find each other before and after Sunday worship and we were always eager to hear each other's thoughts at the weekly NG study. During the week, Emily would occasionally stop by the hardware store to say hello and chat for a few minutes.

Over the course of that fall semester, I recognized that my mood soared when I saw her, and plummeted on the few occasions when we weren't able to connect. My feelings for her were becoming more than just friendship.

I wrestled with those feelings over the winter break between semesters. I had never experienced that kind of emotion for a girl. Confused and generally clueless about dating relationships, the last thing I wanted to do was mess up our friendship if she didn't feel the same way.

As the spring term began, I was no closer to resolving my internal conflict and decided it was just best to suppress my feelings for Emily. When our theology class ended with the fall term, we continued spending time together at church, and her social visits to the hardware store became more frequent.

Despite my best efforts, I couldn't completely put thoughts of something more than friendship out of my mind and began to do a little research. I covertly probed our group of mutual NG friends for information, innocently inserting questions into conversations over the course of several weeks so they wouldn't discover my interest.

After assembling all the tidbits, I surmised that Emily hadn't dated anyone during her college career, and probably not during high school either. Several guys had asked her out over the last couple years, but she graciously declined all of them. I was curious to know why but knew I would blow my cover if I kept asking questions.

*******

As it turned out, I would learn a lot more about the subject during NG group a couple weeks later. The study that week was on 'integrity in relationships'. The study material was pretty general and covered all kinds of relationships, both social and business. However, discussion among the unmarried college students naturally morphed into a dialogue of biblical perspectives on dating relationships and sexual purity.

The group consisted of students from very conservative Powell College, so the conversation was much what you would expect in terms of defining physical boundaries in dating relationships, avoiding temptation, abstaining from pre-marital sex, etc.

Emily was sitting a few chairs to my right and noticeably fidgeted with her Bible cover while others talked about various 'Christian' guidelines for dating. She listened politely to several volleys of points and counterpoints before adding her own perspective to the conversation.

"Sexual purity is important, but I think we're getting lost in legalism and missing God's larger purpose. The whole purpose of 'dating' is to find the spouse God has intended for us. That shouldn't be done randomly or haphazardly. We should be building serious platonic friendships and know that marriage is a very real possibility before ever going on a date."

She continued after a slight pause, "For me personally, I don't want to 'date'. I want to be attracted to a guy that I already love as my best friend, and then have him 'court' me as an intentional commitment leading to marriage."

She hesitated for an instant, then added, "I know that sounds unromantic and clinical... and maybe I'm being naïve since I've never dated... but I don't think there would be as much temptation if the relationship is defined by God's larger plan."

My mental wheels started turning as Emily's comment pivoted the group's conversation toward God's intent for marriage. Everything she said made a lot of sense and I spent the next couple days reading the Bible and studying everything I could find on the topic. Meanwhile, I couldn't help but analyze our friendship, and my feelings toward her, within that newly discovered context.

*******

The next time I saw Emily was Saturday morning when she stopped by the hardware store to say hello. Unfortunately, there were a lot of customers in the store and I was busy helping an older couple choose a new mailbox. Emily waved while the couple debated between themselves whether or not to spend the extra couple dollars for a sturdier metal box vs. a plastic one. She wrote something on a yellow notepad by the cash register, then waved goodbye as she walked out of the store.

The couple decided to go for the metal mailbox, which I thought was a good decision, and then I made sure they had the mounting hardware they would need. I went on to assist several other customers, and it was probably an hour before I was finally able to look at Emily's note.

Beautiful flowing handwriting was perfectly aligned on the ruled notepad and read, "Just stopped to say hi! I'll be studying at the library this afternoon if you are free. Text me." She signed the bottom of the note with a simple "-E" accompanied by a smiley face and her cell phone number.

I involuntarily smiled at the sight of her smiley face and phone number. The smiley face was just cute. The number was a welcome new step in our friendship.

I saved her number in my phone and texted, "Sorry, I work until 6."

I did want to see her and, on a whim, quickly hit send on a follow-up text, "Root beer at Muggs?"

My phone chimed almost immediately, " :-) Text me when you are leaving the store."

Mr. Jacobs and I locked up the store at 6 o'clock and I texted Emily shortly after to let her know I was leaving.

The local dog 'n suds type window-service stand was popular with Powell students and townsfolk alike, and was located just a couple blocks away from the hardware store. I was there in just a couple minutes and found the sunny April day had given a lot of other people the same idea. I didn't see Emily yet, but I figured I should claim a place in the ordering line.

She arrived a few minutes later, fashionably dressed in a knee length olive-color skirt, light-tan corded sweater, medium-brown tights, and light-tan laced-boot style heels. We greeted each other with a friendly hug and then discussed what to order as the line crept forward.

When it was our turn at the window, Emily ordered a chili-cheese dog, fries, and root beer. I did the same and we both paid for our respective meals. We shuffled a few steps over to the service window and, within seconds, received our tray of food. All the picnic tables were occupied and we waited a few moments as a family stood up and gathered their trash.

Once seated, Emily opened her petite mouth as wide as she could and fiercely attacked the comparatively huge chili dog. I chuckled at the odd contrast of neatly-dressed, normally prim-and-proper Emily sitting there with an overstuffed mouth and chili running down the back of her hand.

She facetiously reprimanded me with a mouth full of chili dog, "Stop it! These things are hard to eat!"

After talking for more than an hour, we disposed our trash and exited the corral of picnic tables onto the sidewalk. I didn't want our time together to end and asked, "Would you like to go for a walk?"

"Yes, that would be nice."

We slowly strolled side-by-side toward the Powell campus as the sun moved lower in the sky. Remembering back to our conversation about Haiti, I asked, "Have you made plans for the summer?"

"Yes, and I should thank you for that. I did a lot of thinking and praying after we talked that day at the hardware store. I'm going to stay here and volunteer at the Christian school's summer camp for special needs children."

"That's great, but why thank me?"

"Well, I was encouraging you that God can use you in great ways in your hometown... which I truly believe by the way... but, I think I was actually talking more to myself that day than I was you. You made me realize I strayed from God's calling. I chased the glamour of overseas adventures when I should have been right here reaching people in my own community."

She told me more about the summer camp as we slowly followed the meandering campus pathways, and it made me happy to hear the excitement and joy in her voice.

The topic of our summers dwindled to a close and we were content to walk in silence, just enjoying the time together.

After a little while, Emily somewhat hesitantly asked, "Michael... how did you feel about the NG study last week? You didn't say anything during the discussion."

We happened to be passing a bench when she asked the question and I gestured for us to sit down. We did, and I started talking from my heart without giving any thought to what I was saying.

"Honestly, I hadn't put much thought into relationships or marriage before that study. Not that I don't want to get married, I do. I'm just so awkward around girls... er, women... you know that. Dating was never a relevant subject for me, so let's just say there wasn't an urgent need to study God's intent for it."

Emily started to interject, "You're..." but truncated her comment when she realized I wasn't finished with my thought.

"I've done a lot of praying, studying and thinking since Wednesday. While courtship isn't directly spelled out in Scripture, I think what you said makes a lot of sense. I believe God's intent is for people to truly know the real intellectual, emotional, and spiritual soul of the other person, and to seek God's guidance for them as a potential spouse. I think most of that can be done within the context of platonic friendship... without the, er... complications... of traditional dating."

Our eyes met before I very intentionally suggested, "Mental and physical attraction is important too, but I think everyone knows that pretty much immediately without dating."

Emily simply replied, "Yes, I think you are right about feeling attraction right away."

She said it with normal tone and inflection in her voice, but her eyes gave her away. She had feelings for me, but was waiting for me as the Christian man to be the leader of the relationship.

I was honest and a thinly veiled in my response, "This whole idea is very new to me. I know how I feel, but I need to do a lot more thinking and praying on the subject."

Emily smiled warmly and we resumed our walk with more mundane topics of conversation.

*******

I did do a lot more thinking and praying on the subject over the following week. I knew how I felt about Emily, but I also knew that the idea of courtship was a huge commitment. Did God place her in my life as my future wife, or just as a really good friend? The last thing I wanted to do was take that decision lightly and end up hurting Emily.

The timing was also terrible. The spring term was ending in 3 weeks and we both had geographically separate summer commitments, her at the Christian school summer camp, and me at Burkee Hardware.

I didn't feel it was right to take the next step with her then spend the next 3 months apart. I also didn't think it was fair to leave her in limbo for 3 months and decided we needed to have a real conversation.

I was working at the hardware store that Friday afternoon and sent her a text, "Are you free tonight?"

She responded a few minutes later, "Yes."

"Hardware store at 6?"

"K"

Emily arrived a couple minutes after 6 o'clock, just as I was flipping the 'OPEN' sign in the front display window to 'CLOSED'. She smiled and cutely waved to me through the glass as she opened the creaky screen door. Dressed fashionably as always, she wore nicely fitting blue jeans and a white tailored button-down blouse that was thin enough to reveal the subtle shadow of a lace bra beneath. The outfit was smartly accented with matching black leather ballet flats, belt, and handbag.

The screen door squeaked shut and I greeted her from the front display platform, "Hi Emily. Would you mind closing the solid door and flipping the lock?"

"Sure."

She did and we gave each other a brief hello-hug after I stepped down from the platform. We sat facing each other in a couple old wood benches next to the front counter. Emily placed her handbag on the floor next to her, then sat rather formally on the bench with hands folded in her lap.

I had been building up courage for the conversation all day and couldn't bring myself to make small-talk.

"I've been doing a lot of praying since we talked last Saturday, and I would like to talk with you about it some more. I'm probably going to stumble my way through this, so please let me get everything out before you respond."

Emily mouthed an almost silent, "Ok," while she sat with a concerned expression on her face and nervously fidgeting hands.

"Emily, I want you to know that you are very special to me. From the day I met you Freshman year, I thought you were amazing. I was just a stranger to you that day, but you overlooked my awkwardness and genuinely cared about me as a person. And not just me, you treat everyone you meet with that same authenticity. You are truly a gift to everyone in your life."

My eyes began to swell with tears as I spoke, "I'm so thankful for the time we've been able to spend together this year. You're my best friend... and I think maybe God brought us together to be more than friends... but I'm scared..."

Emily brushed away tears that were streaming down her cheeks.

"I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you..."

I gathered myself for a few moments before continuing, "I want you to know that I take any commitment to courtship, and to you, very seriously. As much as my heart is screaming at me, I don't think it's wise to make an emotional decision right now... or for us to start that kind of commitment as a long-distance relationship over the summer."

We were both openly crying. "I'm so sorry Emily. I hope you can forgive..."

She interrupted me, "Michael! These aren't sad tears. You are the most incredible man... and my best friend. These are tears of happiness that you have the same feelings for me as I do for you."

We both stood and organically melted into each other's arms, my shirt absorbing her tears as she nestled her head against my chest.

Her voice was muffled by my chest when she said, "I appreciate that you are seeking God's plan us, and not just following our emotions. I'll be here when the time is right, no matter the answer."

I truly appreciated Emily's graciousness and patience, but it was still a very unsatisfactory conclusion for me. I suspect it was for her too.

*******

Emily and I spent as much time together as we could before the school year ended. In an unspoken understanding, we put aside serious relationship topics and just enjoyed a simple, everyday friendship. One of my best memories of that period, was when Emily stopped by the store for one of her normal 'hello' social calls on the last Wednesday of the school year.

I had promised Mr. Jacobs that I would price a recently received shipment of new inventory before leaving for the summer. He was old-school, so that meant manually stickering each item with a pricing gun. I was just starting the process when Mr. Jacobs directed Emily toward the stock room where I was busy opening boxes.

There was a lot to do and I convinced her to help apply pricing stickers while I focused on opening boxes and making count tallies on the inventory sheet. I gave a quick training session on how to use the pricing gun, then watched in amusement as her slightly OCD personality expressed itself through the pricing gun. She would carefully verify the listed price for each item, set the dial on the gun, then meticulously apply the stickers so they had the same location and orientation on each item.

We worked well together and made it through most of the boxes by closing time. I left a few items for last because they needed a special vendor symbol added to the sticker. Rather than teaching Emily, I dialed the symbol on the gun and quickly slapped on the stickers, much too haphazardly for her liking.

"Hey! Give me that!"

I mischievously mocked, "What?... this???" while holding the gun over her head.