All Comments on 'Vampire Ch. 01'

Your story was a nice start to what I think might be an interesting series. The narrator works in her innocence and awakening lust, but the others in the story seem to need a little more to make them work for you and the story. I did like the story and hope you get to do more with the young lady and her world.

I am enjoying the story, but an editor is sorely needed, some for grammar and punctuation, but especially for word choices, where homophones run rampant and some word choices are totally off base! For example, "We cannot parish" should be "We cannot perish"; "contaminate the marriage" should be "consummate the marriage." The spell checker has helped but cannot detect such word choice mistakes. Such errors reduce the readers' respect and confidence in the author. Please keep writing, but let an editor help a little.

I love Vampire Stories and am loving reading this. You did a really good job.

I liked the story but you need some editing. I find reading out loud reveals most errors.