All Comments on 'Vampires Don't Sparkle Ch. 04'

[21.01.24]

I looked up 'Innocent Blood' and now I want to find it...as it's John 'Schlock'/'An American Werewolf in London' Landis with music by Ira Newborn.

Great story so far. I agree with another comment about some of the dialogue sounds a little mundane and generic.

However, what's more distracting are the grammar errors. This series is the only one of yours I've read so far, but looking at your list, it's clearly not some of your earlier work.

So since I'm not sure about the accuracy of your most recent work, I will suggest investing in a subscription to something like Grammarly as the free version can still miss many things. It also gives suggestions for many overly generic words.

"Worth it." He said as he began kissing her neck again.

She was enjoying his touch and was getting very turned on. "Ugh, I'm gonna make sure it says that on your tomb stone."

that had me dying laughing.

Loving the story so far, its almost impossible to find a good vampire story these days never mind one where the male is human. At least not with out going into the gay section. That said back in chapter 1 when she revealed she was a vampire one of the things she said was that she could not get pregnant, now you're saying she was born a vampire, and thus able to get pregnant. Either its a plot hole and you changed your mind, or its a species thing and only another vampire can get her pregnant. Either way you wrote it in a confusing enough manner that it is even a question. Still a good tale though, 4 stars

Pretty good story so far, but you need to work on your dialogue. It's very awkward and staccato. Too many exclamation marks, short sentences, and "Wow!"s. For example, she reveals after a year of dating, a near death experience, and a proposal that she is basically royalty and a mass murderer. He says, "Wow!". You can do better than that.

Sexy!!

I really hope theres more please

Hope you carry on in the genre!

This is the first thing I have read that actually fills my vampire fantasy if you could continue it I would be ever so grateful

Worth it.

I wasn't sure about dis story from the start but am glad I gave it a chance. ...thank you

Please make the chapters longer if you can

please continue this series.

I'm enjoying this series very much