All Comments on 'Vanessa's Choice'

I commented at the end of several chapters when first posted in installments. Thoroughly enjoyed as a near hopeless romantic. Was torn when Vanessa and Sue parted as Vanessa made her choice to be with Aaron; I guess that I wanted the two protagonists to somehow find a way (and they did in the end). In any case, I sent you an email answering the questions you asked at the outset. Hope that you continue to share your writing talent with other stories/characters.

Hi — rather than post as lengthy comment thought I would send as email. By the way, am familiar with the setting for your story, I think, though the actual setting is irrelevant. Had to be somewhere and reads like Gulfport — Hattiesburg, MS. Regardless, liked very much this story and the MCs keeping in mind that I am a near hopeless romantic.

Are the characters interesting? Yes, all of them (especially the women, including Judith and Karen) believable even if some actions are on the edge but that behavior is integral to storyline. Vanessa is a remarkably interesting character in every way and Sue a uniquely perfect compliment (not necessarily a foil; each enhance the other) — the relationship is captivating.

Do you care what happens to them? Very much so; caught up in the storyline in part because of characters you created — linkage between characters and storyline is essential. Especially cared about Vanessa and Sue — of course, they are protagonists/MCs but it is the writing that generates that emotion in the reader.

Do they act in a logical fashion? Logical in sense consistent with character and storyline. No “what the hell is going on there” moments for me.

Are their actions believable? Yes

Is the story properly paced? In many ways a page turner.

Too slow? Nope. Too fast? Nope. Is there too much exposition? Nope — enough to understand actions/behavior and necessary background Too little action? Nope

Did you detect plot holes? Aaron’s action in relation to Judith arguably a bit far fetched including “sending” her to Russia. However, there is sufficient explanation to create believability; after all, she is the villain in this story.

Do the main points of the story get resolved in a logical and believable manner? Yes, though wonder what happened to Vanessa’s children (we know they are adults and manage father’s foundation); what is nature of Vanessa’s relationship to children — no need lengthy exposition, but few lines - maybe after mentioning daughters managing foundation.

Did I manage to avoid the deus ex machina problem? Nothing contrived. Yes, good question in light of Vanessa’s letter asking to see Sue coming after quite a few years and their romantic reunion, but handled well and entirely consistent with the two MCs. When Sue read of Aaron’s death, the reader knows there is more to come, but not entirely sure what. I like the timeline — the two women are older and no need to involve children in reunion, etc.

Does each of the main characters have a unique voice? Yes — you can easily picture them and not simply because of descriptions. Their action/behavior and the dialogue create uniqueness.

Can you imagine them saying the things they say in real life? Definitely

Hope you will continue to share new stories/characters on Literotica. Good luck with your writing adventures.

Migbird

Excellent story, very well done. Don’t often read long stories, but this one was entertaining…thx…

this is my seconf read of this wonderful story, i enjoyednit just as much this time.