All Comments on 'Velvet Heat Ch. 01'

You sure this is your first? really? Well good job. l'm soooo loving this story. Chapter two please.

i hope there's another chapter soon!!!

Lots of silly mistakes, some distracting.

Example:

"making her moaned"

I mean, basic proofreading could catch that.

Not bad, but could flow much better with a little attention to detail (and the aforementioned editor).

Promise to do a better job next time. And i will get an editor. I actually need one. lol

Nice.

Great job, I really hope there's more

I usually ding on grammar mistakes, but yours weren't that distracting. Editing can be taught, great writing can't. Well done.

I'm a volunteer technical editor. I catch things like grammar errors, spelling, syntax, etc.

Absolutely loved this story. I would be happy -- honored -- to edit for you.

Thanks a bunch Praetorian23. I am grateful for your kind words. And Broo, I'll be getting in touch veeeery soon. Lol! Thanks.

Lovely story. Write more.

For a first timer, you're my fav already. Silly mistakes...so what? I got the story. The passion was something else. This is really good. Keep writing. kiss kiss

PS: oh and chapter 2 please. Come on...don't be lazy.

Can't wait for chapter 2. You've got talent. keep it up

for hurting, hunting and being pickled, TK U MLJ LV NV

Hot hot hot! Dont keep us waiting. Lovely story. You'll be ok with a little proofreading. Kudos!

Loved the big cock and the chest hair! Cole seems a keeper!

would have loved a description of her pussy :(

I don't think I've ever read this level of detail on the sensations, feeling and sex--except in your other stories of Ty and Tanesha. I'm awed. You know how to tease, build it up and make it all explode into a crescendo. Very well done!

No matter how many times I read this story I feel it gets better and better love it

This was a hot story especially the second time. But the first sex scene was reckless and irresponsible. Cole seems to have forgotten that their last encounter 3 years ago ended with her kissing him and him yelling at her and kicking her out of his home. They had not seen each other or spoken for 3 years. She expressed deep anger when he shows up uninvited at her 18th party and asks him to leave. Instead of listening to her and respecting that he had hurt her years ago, filled with his ego he aggressively took her, progressing quickly to fucking her. Not only had he ignored her request to leave, disregarded her obvious anger, but he surely did not ask for her consent in sex. He might say she wanted it (maybe she did) but it is VERY wrong to assume - given ALL the outward signs expressed in this scene. Plus it was her birthday party, very public, with all her family and friends in attendance, barely legal... and still a virgin - which he couldn’t have known since he hadn’t seen her for years, didn’t ask, heck barely spoke to her before he in effect raped her. This scene was unsettling, actually criminal, and not an acceptable way to start this story. My opinion, but it’s never ok to assume consent and just take someone (especially that young) aggressively without expressed permission.

Having read Unbreakable Bond before this, I have to say your storytelling skills have indeed improved over the years. This feels...rushed.

Having sex in the garden was more than a little risky, someone else might have wandered there just as well. Neither seemed to have realise that. And having being sexually active for years already he didn't have any condoms?