All Comments on 'Vernon’s Valentines'

. . . the ending was strangely rushed and not well written. Too cliche an ending.

Barely worth commenting on.

I never expected another post from Spencerfiction in the LovingWives category. After the critical comments he received on some stories.

Your Romance stories have been a pleasant diversion.

This is a very unexpected gift. Hopefully, a mutually enjoyable experience.

On to the story.

AMerryman

story is OK, but you skip a lot of story to call it complete.

Sorry people, this story was rushed to try and get it in by the deadline of the Valentine's competition and I admit it lacks a lot of polish and probably a lot of misspellings and plot holes. It needs a few more hints about Vernon not being so blind as he appears. Also needed to give more examples of how Denise's lover Cox likes to rub his cuckhold's noses in it.

Working on a story for April Fool now and, from initial sketches, it's going to be a lot of fun to write and I hope to read, lots of laughter and a few tears. I promise this one will be finished and polished. It will fall into the Romance category.

"I know, she is stupid and she's a selfish bitch, even though she probably doesn't realise how stupid she is yet." - Who is speaking here? It LOOKS like it should be Vern, but he's never shown any sign of thinking this way! He has seemed completely unaware of anything untoward going on, suddenly he knows everything?

"Well, with what I have on Harry Cox and the Mayor, it is in everyone's interest in keeping everyone's secrets." - Again, he's never given ANY indication that he knows what his wife and Harry have been doing!

"Denise knew nothing about the cards" - Vernon TOLD her about the cards! And how did Harry have Vernon as a "puppet"?

@Spencerfiction - A FEW more hints? He was portrayed as TOTALLY clueless, then the Epilog shows him basically knowing EVERYTHING? Sorry, very cheap ending, better to not worry about the contest and tighten it up.

Started skipping on the first page and then finally just read the unremarkable conclusion. Boring as fuck!

"We've never had this conversation, Teri. I know your Mum as a straight stickler to the rules."

"Well, she was ex-military too, trains hard and can stick up for herself."

"Well, with what I have on Harry Cox and the Mayor, it is in everyone's interest in keeping everyone's secrets."

This was Vern on the dance floor at the Ball. I too feel the end was rushed, but jutting 5 years into the future made it easier. My big question is why do all of you writers insist on having old men get the girl pregnant every time. Using my psychic abilities Vern was at least 44 when the story started and 49 when his son was born. His two daughters were at least 24. Just wondering.

No, I didn't miss that! That was one of the statements that I was talking about, that until that moment, he was shown to be totally clueless about Denise, then suddenly he has all this info. It was a cheat to not show his suspicions and his actions to confirm them.

I completely agree with your complaint about cheats. It is permissible for the protagonist to do or say things which are not true (after all, he may be trying to mislead the evil-doers) but it is not kosher to think that which is untrue. He may be wrong about something, and that's okay but if he knows one thing, he cannot think another.

I also agree that the story was rushed. The interaction between Vern and the mayor were notable by their absence- notes on the fridge (it's not frig, by the way), tasteless food in the microwave and no sex. The story would be improved by the gradual slide from passion to apathy. (In my opinion)

Still, I enjoyed it. I also like comic books, so sue me.

Maybeit is there, but I don’t see how a youngish single mom working 20 hr/wk could afford what she spent! I am guessing an ounce of gold (pretty universal way to describe funds) would be the least the two tickets, his & her salons, and the room would have cost (I’ll throw in the V-Day cards.). And all that for a CHANCE to get Hubby there. All to save her from blackmail that is poorly established..And, how was the Hubby she thought she knew going to do that, anyway?

A long way around a mulberry bush (actually ‘tree’) that is nearly barren.

3*. mainly for Teri’s perky attitude.

"And it is a well-known fact that prisoners, and the screws which watch over them, approve of beating up females."

Have you left out the word 'don't'??

"... in ignoring statutory duties of car to users, ..."

Presumably that should be 'care'??

Very sloppy!!

1*

First, she was working 10-2 Monday to Friday which is not 20 hours. Second, she wasn't paying for all of that crap. It was all part of the attempt to get video of him for blackmail and was thus paid for by the wealthy blackmailer.

"It looks like she's making a play for him to pick up the pieces when he finds out." - Even allowing for the fact that the other women in the office don't know that he knows, this is the first we've heard about her affair, and the implication is that he doesn't know.

He's eating all these meals alone, and not ONCE does he think, "Oh, she's probably fucking her lover again," which he WOULD be thinking if he knew.

She comes in from a late night with her lover, which we NOW know that he knows about, and he's offering to rub her feet? Again, his offer implies that he doesn't know.

There was no big reveal or confrontation, just flash forward 5 years. I feel a little robbed by that. Oh, I also had laughing thoughts that the "alpha wannabe" should have had a pickaxe, that seems to be the btb expectation these days... lol

Mistakes like the screws and guards "approve of beating up females caused the story to a little difficult to understand. And your explanation of the blackmail and her Mother were downright hard to understand. Also, your characters seemed to lack much emotion. Still, overall, an entertaining story. Thanks for the effort.

OK, the story started on Monday the 12th, so we don't know what he knows or doesn't. I believe that Spencerfiction is in the belief that we could put 2 and 2 together. We read all kinds of stories and are never given every fact (what fun would that be) just to let our own imagination fill in the blanks. The indication I got was that he knew something was going on just not who the other person was. The fact that he had gotten a second room at the hotel and told Teri he knew it was a set up satisfied me.

If she was as beat up as was indicated in the Epilogue there would have been no need to take a pick axe to her himself.Thank you very much.

I agree that Vern's awareness was hidden from the reader in a dishonest and misleading way. How could Vernon be hoping Denise had brought sexy lingerie for his benefit, when he knew she was at a hotel in London fucking Harry?! Deception does not equal suspense and mystery. It just makes the author look inept at creating true mystery and clever plot twists.

It does appear that Denise was another victim of a husband's temerity and obsequious personality. Or is that supposed to be the stiff upper lip English husband, taking it in the shorts from his wife's lover while not making any fuss? Why wouldn't Denise hunger for some strong confident male companionship, she wasn't getting much from her husband! No sex for over two months, and Vern just sigh's and keeps playing the indulgent cuckold? Just another shallow tepid marriage of the English tradition, where passion is considered unseemly, and assertion of spousal rights and commitments are considered to be crude and boorish. How'd that work out for Vern and Denise? If Vern's marriage to Teri is a success it will be mostly due to Teri being ethical and self respecting, not Vern commanding respect.

Also agree that the rushed ending using the Epilogue side step was a real letdown. Especially feel robbed not getting to witness Denise's wailing and gnashing of teeth when her exciting cheating Fuck Fest Fantasy all came crashing down around her whore self, including her expulsion from her children and family. Serves the bitch so right, and we didn't even get to enjoy it in real time. I want my money back.

Actually well done. Just could have been so much better.

To say the least.

What came up to me while reading this story:

• I will, I say I will NEVER UNDERSTAND a cheater getting upset about the person they're cheating on getting attention from somebody/anybody else. I know why I don't understand it - I cannot grasp any benefit, especially long term, with being unfaithful, therefore any motivations, reactions and/or expectations from this kind of individuals is quite foreign to me. But damn, Denise - you've been fucking around on your husband for three months now, at the very least, so how the hell could you have the gall to lose your shit over him getting anonymous Valentine's Day cards? I mean, sure, cheaters are untrustworthy, hypocrites, selfish, lack empathy... still, this is clearly a sign of insanity! lol At the end of it all, the old cunt got exactly what she deserved.

• Speaking of worthless cunts - a word about Vicky Talbot and Ms Julie Cavanagh.

Hey ladies - if you like a guy or, at the very least, respect him in any sort of way, and you know for a fact his wife is cuckolding him... TELL HIM ABOUT IT. Because, not telling him means you're condoning his spouse's behavior, and therefore makes you just as bad as the bitch you seems to look down upon. You don't wanna tell him to his face or get to involve in it? Fine - email me, text him with a burner or one of those sites online that keeps you identity private, hell write him a letter, as long as you FUCKING TELL HIM, you're in the right! Thank God Harrison wasn't a clueless dot, but still... not telling him makes you as bad as the cheater.

• Once again... another (supposedly) clueless cuckold who doesn't seemed to have ANY FUCKING MALE FRIENDS who could maybe clue him in about his wayward wife. To all the LW writers out there: married men have friends too! I'm single myself, but a lot of my mates are in long-stading relationships, and we speak to one another at least once a week. Why do you always make those poor bastards friendless? Your cuckolds always happens to have friends AFTER learning about their partners' betrayal! Either that or they're the ones actually cuckolding him, which, although very realistic, isn't always the case - far from it. Most men would NEVER go after one of their friends' woman, and would definitely rat her out, if she ever did him wrong. Shit, just give me one fucking story, just one, when a guy asked his buddy "Dude - where's your woman?", then follow that up with "... Shouldn't you be worry about her never being around?" 'Cause that kind of conversations actually happens in real life.

• There's no real accomplishment in stealing another man's self-centered, menopausal, in-a-mid-life-crisis wife for some illicit sex on the side. Calling yourself an 'alpha', regardless of the reasoning behind it, already make you look like a tool. But doing so while bragging about such an 'accomplishment'... now, that's the definition of pathetic.

• Don't know about the likeness of Vern getting a girl like Teri at the end, if the poor girl wasn't as damaged as she claimed she is. No shot at him or her - they both deserved to be happy, but it's obvious a lot of the attraction she had toward him is because he seemed to have treated her way better than 90% of the men she encountered throughout her life. Hey, at least she got a good one now...

• Guys like Vernon astounded me... I never had, and I doubt I would ever acquired, the stomach to play the long game with a cheating wife. The man knew something was wrong with his marriage all the way since the beginning of December, and only managed to put an end to it all by the middle of February. Two and a half months of faking to still care, running her a bath, massaging her feet, showing nothing but affection, as always, toward her... I would have lost my shit way before that! That's why I can only like those 'man with a plan' stories only from a distance - it's fun to read about them, but sounds like a nightmare to actually being in one.

Finally, as for the story... it's good. I understand some readers' confusion about it, given that the author was what people would peg as an unreliable narrator, since he went out of his way to make Vernon looked clueless, while knowing full way he was anything, but. No doubt, Spender didn't quite make a smooth transition when he came out with his reveal... but the alternative to that was for Vern to be a dumbass who has been played by both Denise and, especially, Cox, and that would have simply be unacceptable. This story could also have benefited with, at least, one sex scene featuring Vernon and Teri - 'wouldn't have hurt, especially given this is still an erotic website! All and all, I definitely enjoyed this read - Spencer and I are usually of the same mindset, when it comes to marriage, so not really surprise I, once again, like the way he thinks.

2 stars

I join the majority who found this confusing and hard to follow. Too hard to earn more than 2* and not worth a thorough analysis and comment.

Good for Vern ... comes on top with a new hottie.... who has morals.

Shut the Fuck Up!!!

You guys would not know a good story if it walked up &

Slapped your Grungy little Faces!!!

Just because you guys can not follow a story

above the 2nd grade juvenile level

does not mean the rest of us do not enjoy a story with twist and turns.

Good job Spencerfiction!

5*s

Good little tale. Flow was a bit jumpy and felt like it skipped a bit but overall a decent read.

Thx!

Ending was too rushed, not enough background given during story, but overall good idea. Do what many other authors have done here and rewrite it, fill in the holes and flesh it out a bit. Resubmit the story and get the rating it deserves. Doesn't need a lot of work, but could be so much better.

Hey, Timmy, we have no problem following the story, we just don't like being misled.

For most of the story, he's presented as being clueless about his wife's cheating, then all of a sudden we find out that he knew all along.

That would be fine if the story was from the wife's POV, where she obviously doesn't know what he knows. But it was told in third person, with access to his thoughts, yet we never hear him thinking about her cheating.

I'm sorry. I awarded this effort 3*s. From my heart, with kindness.

Not much change from your "Fat Chance" story.

Not another word from me Spencerfiction.

AMerryman

Alright, I feel a bit played. But I had some thoughts before the story told me to go fuck myself.

The story was able to keep my attention 94% of the time. The first conversation with the card got a little too long for my liking. Apart from that, I got the feeling that I was watching something unfold in slow motion, with every event described in the right amount of detail...enough that it was surreal, but not so much it felt artificially colored. And it was a fun ride until the dance floor.

On the dance floor, I was a little confused as to who what where why and how certain things were being described. Once it was clear the narrator was fucking with me, I re-read from the dance scene and it didn't make more sense the second time around. Not including context clues for the dialog was remarkably unhelpful.

I wasn't having it at the point the blackmail was being detailed. It didn't even make sense, and then the narrator decided it wasn't enough bullshit, so they straight up lied about some details one of the first few comments covered. Well, Mr. Narrator, fuck you and the abusive pencil you wrote in on. Not many stories here make me want to strangle the narrator and slap the author, but this is one.

I don't like to be misled by the author, just as sbrooks103x said before the MC lived 4/5 of the story as a clueless husband of a cheating wife. Okay. But don't come at the very end to tell us, basically, ha-ha, surprise, I fooled you! He knew all along! That is not okay, to avoid aggravating the readers the author must introduce an element of doubt in the husband. We as readers must be given the chance to guess that something is out of order.

I agree with the previous posters that the whole blackmail bit was too odd, redo and do it right.

Still I thought that excepting the last bit, the story was pretty good, although a bit too wordy in places. I gave 4* but that was too generous I feel now, Maybe I was influenced by what it could have been.

Funny bit was Cox saying to Denise: "I need to work off my aggression towards your husband by giving you what he's not getting!"

I imagine that her husband was happy to NOT receive what she was getting!

Good natured, innocent, even a bit bumbling, then *BOOM* sophisticated James Bond-ian character. Surprised he wasn’t dancing a perfect Tango with Teri in the ballroom.

Still, I liked this story UNTIL the flip in character.

Unfortunately it is a little too highbrow for these Cretan Trump supporter commenters. They can’t follow this type of story. They are lucky if the understand their MADD Comics dialog (for those Trump supports, that’s the written stuff!).

Was really looking forward to Denise's "you've been served" moment and Cox's perpwalk.

It was a excellent story for sure. But as a Democrat who supports Trump, wasn't aware that MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, had a comic book. Anyone,except for a left wing Dem Socialist Bernie Boy would remember MAD Magazine, the old humor magazine. Read your Marx & Lenin and shut up.

What a stupid cunt. How was she elected Mayor?! The swift and sudden change in Vernon was a surprise but the story was great.

Did NOT see that coming. Well done.

Spencer what a yarn - you have one hell of a creative mind!... I am disappointed with your name selection - Denise should have been named Hillary. Then it would be a good story - making it even better Denise/Hillary got some prison time too!

*

5*, Hooyah, salute!

I need to read your more recent works. Your rising action and climax are good but the falling action is quick to a resolution. It hurts the over all impact. You did too well camoflauging Vern's cognicense of Denise's betrayal. The turn with Teri was great. If it was a little fleshed out more and if you had dropped hints that Vern may have known, you could have gotten away with the quick resolution.

Still, it's a solid 4.5

Great story, wonderful plot, great plot twists...

But, Vernon's personality change was inexplicable. There was no transition, no segue, no causation. Sure, he was aware and his character was introspective, but he went from plodding to Alphamale in an instant, seemingly. I guess in contemporary terms he was triggered. By what, I could not tell, he was not confronted and there was no foreshadowing of his awareness of Cox's duplicity in his business. I liked it, however. You explained expost facto but that was almost awkward.

But, great story.

Sajnos a vége nagyon összecsapott volt,annak ellenére hogy jól végigvezetett történet!A feleség története és bukásának körülményei és annak következményei csupán 1-2 mondattal lett elintézve,igazán sajnálatos befejezés!

Ending way to predictable as to getting together with Teri.

Other again too radical a change

jtwheels

Fun story, thank-you, very much, for it.

There are a couple of quibbles, though. The fact that Vern was suspicious of his wife's affair and Cox's corruption, came out of no where. The only thing I remember from college English Comp class, is that writers have to introduce, however subtly, ideas, situations or characters before using them later in their stories, articles, compositions, movies, etc.

Then the ending seemed rushed or incomplete, as compared to the rest of the story. Example, how did Vern know about Cox's plan to set Vern up for blackmail?

Despite these 2 weaknesses, I still very much, enjoyed this 'fic.

Thanks

Well done!

I don't agree with latest comments on Vernon.

You don't get into his work position by being stupid.

Mayors can, but not working bees.

It's in Vern's character to have noticed oddities

and done something about it.

It was just kept from us, for awhile.

Not only do I not see anything wrong with that,

I think it's pretty clever.

And that's just one of many reasons

I think this is a great story.

This story had a complex, warm plot,

great writing and high entertainment value.

Gets my absolute top ratings.

Great story!

5

Well written but it seemed very rushed at the end as though the author wanted to tie up the loose ends very quickly, spoiled what was an interesting story.

Intricate plot. Bit of a rushed ending. Some of the husband's "knowledge" comes out of nowhere. Would hope he would be suspicious after having had no sex with his wife for two months. And 3 times in 3 months. His ex wife was the prototypical entitled cheating slut. Her own thoughts processes were inane and delusional. She hadn't even realized how she was cutting off her husband. She realized she missed his gentle and satisfying love making but was also hooked on rough pounding sex with the conniving asshole. She even admitted to herself that the new sex wasn't actually better, just nastier and a thrill because of it being secret. She even realized after several months that she was hurting her marriage and wanted to put a stop to her affair buy of course went through with one more weekend with Harry the scum. Not knowing she was being manipulated and seduced so her unbribable husband could be coerced in the future to Harry's benefit. And this is a Mayor? She more than most should ask what's Harry getting out of this? She clearly doesn't love Harry. So what does Harry gain? He acts like he is some alpha male claiming her perfect vagina, but at her age? Really? She took her husband for granted, made him suspicious, and cheated on the man she loves (or purports to) with a blackmailing, conniving asshole who whispered honeyed words and banged her hard but didn't give a shit for her except using her in his twisted fraudulent schemes to make money. In doing so she threw away a long relationship with a good man and husband and is estranged from her daughter, not to mention being beaten by Harry and killing off her political career. Delusional and stupid. Again what does the other side gain? While she knew nothing of Teri, who sent the the Valentine's Day cards, or the planned blackmail of her husband, she was clueless about Harry's motives. Would have thought being a politician she would have more expertise in recognizing fraud, corruption and deceit. Apparently not. At least she was indignant when Harry blew the ruse after she told him it was over on Saturday night. For which she was beaten. Divorce was a no-brainer. Sad she did it for a thrill, and just different but not better sex, from her own thoughts.

Nice one 5*****

Quit silly but a good read, nicely put together

Anonymous commenter with post from 7 mo ths ago starting with "Intricate plot..." has an excellent precis on the cheating wife. The stereotypical self centered cheater who realizes along the way as the thrill dies out that she made a bad mistake and wants to end it, but does the classic "one more time" sex session and ends up getting completely burned. We know from her internal thoughts that she loves her husband (or thinks she does) and that thr sex was not better (just different with being rough) and she did it for the intoxicating thrill of being ridden hard and doing something illicit, which she comes to regret even before her confrontation with Harry the schemer. But ad a mayor, she should be asking what is the other side getting out of this. Why me? She too her husband for granted, feeling entitled, like so.mnay cheaters, and figured her husband woukd never know. Ok that is standard fare. Buy as a.mayor, no questions about why Harry is coming onto her so strong? Politicians see politicka or economic agenda everywhere. She was just clueless or willfully blind. Good story.

nice i couldnt figure out why after the first card he didnt just bin the rest as most of us old married guys would but knowing what he knew all make sence now great story well delivered a bit abrupt in parts but good going to hyave tyo head to your page and check out some of your other stuff

Too convoluted

Decent story. A bit abrupt at times. Some parts didn't make sense. For example, how could Vernon possibly have known or think Teri was being blackmailed, or who was behind it, seeing his and Teri's situations are completely unrelated from their perspective? Especially if Teri and her mother aren't sure who it is. Or how is it that everyone knew about Denise's affair, kept under wraps, she maintained her position, but then reelection comes up and she's cast aside? Because it's a problem now, but not before? And how is one that is so naive to never question her lover's motives, especially when she knows the score and her indiscretions appear to be common knowledge, get elected as mayor? I mean, the story suggests that Vernon was able to figure it out, so how could she not, yet still be in her position? Nonetheless, it is still one of the better stories I've read on here.

I didn't like the "reveal". The author deliberately lied about Vernon's thoughts. A plot twist that's basically "oh, I actually lied. He was aware of everything all along" is just lazy writing.

Maybe not the BTB some were looking for but the Bastard got burned rather well. The story started out kind of slow but chugged along nicely until the dance. Had to laugh when I first read the name of Denises lover. Verons field inspection made sense when it turned out to be one of Cox's job sites, just a twist of the knife by Veron before the execution so to speak. Five stars 🌟