Vibrations

Say something you stupid son of a bitch! My brain screamed at me.

Roo saved my ass, "Big guy!" She screamed as only a three-year-old can.

She reached for me with her one free hand, her other arm was busy wrapped around the stuffed kangaroo that I had given Casey the night that Roo had been born.

Casey shushed her gently, trying to get her to be quiet, and bounced her in her arms. "Quiet now baby girl. It's still really early and people are trying to sleep."

Her eyes caught mine for a split second and as fast as I could think, as I could hope to find some of sort of forgiveness for my stupidity the previous night they swiped away from me.

"Is Adrianna here?" She asked me shyly.

I rubbed my face to try to clear my head, "She is, but the poor kid didn't get to sleep until way late."

Casey looked away from me, out into the yard, like she was trying to think. She bounced Roo, who had put a thumb in her mouth and leaned into her momma. Little Roo was looking at me, that blank stare all small children seem to adopt when they are studying something they find interesting. I stuck my tongue out at her...

It was a goofy thing to do, but the urge struck me suddenly and I just rolled with it. Roo's face lit up in a smile around her little thumb and she giggled at me.

The sound caused Casey to spin around.

I barely got my tongue back into my mouth and did my best to look innocent.

Roo rated my ass out, "He's silly mommy! He stuck his tongue out at me!"

Casey looked at her daughter, then to me with shock.

She laughed for just a split second before that sadness I had put in her heart managed to snuff out the flame. I felt a dagger of guilt stab into my heart...

Casey shook her head, "Look. Can you wake Audrey for me? I overslept because of-" She cut herself off.

She didn't need to say it. I understood. She had overslept because she had been up crying most the night because the stupid ass she had been friends with since she was ten years old had decided that it was more important to him to stick his tongue in her mouth than it was to just be her friend...

She shook her head, her face nearly cracking, "Doesn't matter. Adrianna is sitting for me this summer while she's off school. I'm already late and I need to get ready fast. Can you wake her up?"

I held my arms out, seeing my chance to weasel my way back into her good graces. "Give her here. I can keep an eye on her. Then you can get ready and Re can get some extra sleep."

Her eyes widened and she looked from Roo to me. Her face was filled with such love when she looked at her daughter, and such sadness when she looked at me. She nodded quickly as she forced a smile onto her face.

"Yeah, that's a good idea. How about it pumpkin? You want to go with Jakey, hang out with him and Audrey today?" She asked the little girl.

Roo reached out for me, "Big guy!"

Her little face was filled with such joy I couldn't help but feel my spirits raise.

Stepping close I pulled her out of her mom's arms and scooped her close to my chest. She giggled and gave me one of those awkward hugs only a toddler seems to know how to give.

I looked at Casey and watched as her face nearly cracked with sadness...

"Hey, can we talk... about last night, I'm really..."

She cut me off, holding a hand up, "Tonight. I promise." She shook her head, looking back towards the safety of her house, "I'm crazy late. I need to run." Her eyes snapped back to me, and for the first time all morning she was able to hold my gaze for a second. "Tonight, can you come over? I'll make the three of us dinner, and then we can watch a movie or something and we'll talk after I put Roo to bed."

"But I don't wanna go to bed!" Roo announced.

Casey smiled, pushing the sadness out of her eyes as she stepped closer to me and ran her hand over her little girl's forehead. "I meant tonight silly. You want to have dinner with Jakey, and then we can watch Zootopia?"

Roo looked at me with amazement, "You'll watch Zootopika with me?"

I giggled as her three-year-old palate mangled the word and pulled her tighter, "Yeah kiddo. I'd love to watch Zootopia with you and your mom."

Roo looked back at her mom, "You promised." She held one of her chubby little fingers out. "You have to keep a promise."

Casey leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. "I will baby. We'll have dinner, and then we'll watch a movie together."

Her eyes came back to me and I could see them gloss over with tears...

I wanted to beg her. If I knew it would do a damn bit of good I would have thrown myself at her feet right there and begged for forgiveness.

She nodded, pushing the sadness back down, "Tonight."

I wanted to reach out and put a hand on her shoulder, pull her in for a hug, even hold her hand. Anything to try to suck some of the pain and sadness out of her...

After my stupidity last night, I didn't dare touch her. Best case scenario, I was going to have a long, hard road ahead of myself to try to earn her trust back. Worst case scenario... I didn't even want to think about what the worst-case scenario looked like.

Casey pointed to the two of us, "You two going to be okay?"

I sighed, trying to force my brain onto the topic of taking care of this little girl until my sister woke up.

I looked at baby girl, "You don't still shit yourself, do you?"

Casey barely compressed the laugh that tried to burst out of her, and forced it into a snort.

Roo held her hand in front of her mouth, "You said a bad word."

I took her hand and shook it, "Don't try to dodge the question. You know how to use a toilet?"

She primed up like a peacock, "I use the potty like a big girl."

I looked back at Casey, overjoyed to see that my offhand remark had put a little spark of happiness in her eyes.

I frowned, "I think we've got it covered then."

I saw the joy and the sadness fight for control of her mind and took it as a good sign when she put a smile on her face and dodged her way off of the porch. "Call me if you need anything," She threw over her shoulder as she fled.

Roo and I watched her go.

Finally, and with a big sigh I carried Roo into the house.

"Mommy's sad." Roo said ruefully.

I bounced her like I had seen her mom do. "Yeah, I messed up and made her sad."

She looked at me seriously, "Did you say you were sorry?"

I smiled at her, "I'm trying to baby. I'll just have to find a way to make it up to her."

She pursed her little face up, a look of total concentration on her face, "Maybe you should call her... she always smiles when you call her."

I sighed, "I'll think about it."

Shaking my head to try to clear it, I asked her, "So what the shit should we do?"

She again put her hand over her mouth, "You said another bad word..."

I laughed in her face. "Get used to it kid." I told her, laughing.

She laughed with me...

"Can we watch Zootopika?" She asked in her innocent little voice.

I looked at her sideways... I was starting to get the feeling I was going to be watching a hell of a lot of Zootopia, whatever the hell that was...

"We're going to watch that tonight with Mommy, remember?" I reminded her.

She rolled her eyes at me like I was stupid, "Yeah, I remember, but you can never watch Zootopia too many times silly..."

She was a little smart mouth like her mommy...

I loved it. I let her down and walked her over to the couch. Taking her hand, I lifted her and helped her climb up. She sat engulfed by the cushions, her legs sprawled out straight in front of her. I smiled at how cute she was.

"Well, kiddo. I don't live here, and I don't know if they have Zootopia and it would be rude for me to go pawing through their stuff. Can you think of something else you'd like to do? Learn how to do taxes, or juggle knives or something...?"

She tilted her head at me, "Mommy says knives are dangerous and that I shouldn't play with them."

I laughed. Kid didn't have much of a sense of humor, but she had good comedic timing...

I squatted down in front of her to be at her level. "Well, I threw out two perfectly good ideas. If you don't like them, why don't you suggest something."

She pointed a finger at me, "I thought of Zootopika..."

I smiled, "Good point. How about another choice?"

She leaned towards me conspiratorially, "Can we watch Dashie?"

I raised an eyebrow and scratched above my ear, "So... full disclosure. I'm a little out of the entertainment for three year old's circle. What the hell is a Dashie?"

She pointed to the TV. "On OoooTube."

Holy shit, it's like I need to learn a whole new language... I thought, trying to figure out what the hell she was talking about.

Then it hit me. "YouTube?"

She smiled as she nodded eagerly.

Shouldn't be too hard to figure out... I thought to myself as I started up my sister's Playstation and loaded the YouTube app.

I typed in Dashie on the controller and started shifting through the results. Looking at Roo I asked, "Little help here kiddo?"

She pointed excitedly. "That one! That's Dashie!"

I had never seen this particular guy do his shtick before, but I had seen videos like it. He sat and facecammed while he played video games. Seemed a little weird for a three-year-old to be interested in, but hey, who was I to judge?

I selected his channel and sorted through his videos, trying to figure out what she would like.

Damn, guy does a lot of videos... I thought as I sorted them.

"Which one do you want, Button?" I asked Roo.

"The ones where he plays Mario!" She said excitedly.

Okay, easy enough. I thought as I sorted to a playlist where he played Super Mario Maker.

I sat down next to her as I played the video for her.

Then I realized, maybe it isn't cool to sit cuddled up with a strange three-year-old... I was still a little fuzzy about all of the rules when it came to taking care of a kid...

Looking down at her I watched her little face enraptured by this guy as he screamed and yelled as he got trolled by the level. It seemed like the entire theme was built around people making levels for him that were purely designed to torture him...

It was pretty funny... maybe a little in the adult language department for a three-year-old, but still funny. Part of me wondered if I should turn it off... the larger part was more concerned with the fact that at least I wasn't watching something terrible.

Fuck it. Plausible deniability. If someone bitches about it I can just play stupid. I thought.

We had made it through three episodes when I heard a voice over my shoulder, "Ha. This one's funny."

I tilted my head back to find Audrey standing over the back of the couch. She leaned over and plucked a piece of cereal out of the bowl I was eating out of, and popped it into her mouth.

I smiled at her as she said, "You know if Casey finds out you let her watch this she's going to kick your ass, right?"

I looked at Roo, who was sitting on the other couch, a bowl of cereal as big as her head in her lap, then up at Re again, "And you know snitches get stitches right?"

Re lifted her eyebrows at me, "She's three, bro. They're not exactly politicians when it comes to keeping secrets right?"

I frowned.

Oops. She was probably right. I was most likely busted...

Roo was totally engrossed in the episode so I snapped my fingers at her, "Roo."

She looked at me, "Don't tell mommy I let you watch this okay?"

She looked at her bowl of cereal, then at the TV. Then her evil little eyes narrowed. "Mommy says I shouldn't keep secrets..."

I looked at Re in shock. "Is this evil little troll fishing for a bribe?"

She laughed and took another piece of my cereal, popping it into her mouth. "She's three. They're all little sociopaths. They have the self-discipline of a raccoon."

"Trash panda!" Roo screamed.

I looked at Adrianna questioningly. "Trash panda?"

Re giggled. "I taught her that. Her mom hates it, it's hilarious."

"So Roo. You understand if you tell your mommy I let you watch this I won't be able to let you watch it tomorrow."

Her face went wide in shock. "I won't tell."

I snickered and held my fist out to her, "Bump it."

She fist bumped me.

I gave Re a shit eating grin, pointing at Roo, "I taught her that."

Re grabbed the bowl of cereal out of my hand and started eating out of it. "Great job bro. You're the very definition of a role model. Her life is enlightened by your very presence."

Smart ass... I thought, giving her a dirty look.

It was still funny though...

"What's she even doing here?" Re asked between bites of food.

I gave her a perplexed look, "What do you mean? I thought you were sitting for her this summer?"

She chewed with her mouth open, "Remember bro? Volleyball camp this week. She's supposed to be going to one of Casey's friend's house this week."

My stomach sank and I grimaced, "Oops."

Re put another spoonful of food in her mouth, "Looks like you're babysitting today."

I looked at Roo. She was having a blast. Finally, I shrugged, "Whatever, she's cool."

Re smiled. "Roo?"

Roo looked up from the TV.

Re pointed her spoon at me, "Did you hear that? Jake thinks you're cool."

Roo nodded, full of innocent spirt, "I like Jake too!" She balanced her bowl carefully and started to lift it, "He gave me sugar cereal! See!"

Re motioned her to put the bowl back in her lap, "Yeah, I see." She looked at me, "You know mom's going to put your balls in a vice and squeeze if she spills that on the couch."

I paused... "Oops."

Re shrugged, eating another spoonful. "So, Casey must have forgotten about camp this week, huh?"

I looked at Roo and said absentmindedly, "She didn't get much sleep last night."

Re laughed, "About damn time!"

My head snapped around to her. I realized in horror she had misinterpreted what I was saying. "No! Or... fuck... not like that." I said quickly.

She gave me a 'sure.' look.

I shook my head at her, last night's stupidity flashing back into my head. Sighing, I decided to tell her...

"I went over there... it didn't go well. She's pretty pissed at me right now."

Her face went white in shock and she tilted her head towards the kitchen, pointing towards Roo with her spoon.

"We can't just leave her here!" I hissed.

"Why not?"

I looked at Roo, who was, incidentally, completely enraptured by the TV, "I don't know, what if she sticks her spoon in a light socket or something?"

Re looked at me like I was stupid... "Watch." Re commanded, "Roo!"

Roo's head snapped around to her. "Don't get off the couch. Auntie Audrey and Jake have to go into the kitchen. If you get off the couch, I'll turn off Dashie and you won't get to watch him for the rest of the day."

Roo's eyes went wide. "No. I'll be good. I'll stay right here."

Roo turned and looked at me. I nodded at her, "Yeah, uh... stay on the couch, and don't put your spoon in a light socket."

Roo looked down at her spoon, then back up at me. "That would be pretty stupid... that's where the electricianity lives."

Re laughed her ass off while I gave her a dirty look, "See bro? She's smarter than you..."

I looked at Roo and stuck my tongue out at her. She stuck hers back out at me and then went back to watching television.

Getting up I followed Re into the kitchen. She leaned up against the counter and gave me a questioning look. "You told her?"

I leaned against the kitchen table, rubbing the stubble on my chin and trying to think. Last night went so off the rails it was hard to remember exactly where it had taken the hard-left turn.

"Not really... I mean, yeah. I told her." My eyes found hers, "I kissed her first though..."

Her eyebrows shot up. "Going for broke, huh?"

I shook my head at her, looking at the floor, "I guess."

"Hey." Her voice woke me from my trance. She motioned with her spoon. "And how'd she take it?"

I chewed on my lip. I didn't really want to give her details, but I also wanted to get someone else's opinion on how badly I had screwed up. Re was only fourteen, but she had a really good head on her shoulders. There were few opinions in the world I held in higher esteem. Yeah, she might not have all the answers, and she might have a lot to learn about the world still, but she was an avid student of people, and she knew a shit load more about them than I thought I would ever figure out...

I stepped forward and held my pinky out to her. She dropped her spoon in her bowl and grabbed my finger gleefully.

I sighed, "At first, it was great. She kissed me back..."

"How'd she kiss you back? Was she into it? Or was she like, 'ew... this totally sucks, he's a terrible kisser and he looks like the ass end of a badger'?"

I rolled my eyes at her. This seemed really high school right now... "It seemed like she was into it..." I shook my head... that couldn't be right. She couldn't be into it, could she? I mean not if she reacted the way she had?

"And then?"

I looked at her and realized I had again gone into a trance, "And we were kissing, and I told her I loved her, and she shut me down."

"Wait. What?" She looked confused. "Back up there."

"She shut me down."

Re looked at me like I had grown a third arm. "No, before that. You told her you loved her? The actual word, the L word?"

I rolled my eyes. "You told me to tell her how I felt."

She put another spoonful of cereal in her mouth, "Yeah, but I thought you'd pussy out for sure."

I gave her a deadpan look. "Thanks for the vote of confidence..."

She chewed her cereal quietly for a few seconds. "She smack you one?"

I shook my head, "No."

Another bite, "She push you off of her, or away?"

I shook my head, "No. She was on top."

Now she looked like I had slapped her, "Wait! What? You suck at this! How did she end up on top of you?"

I looked at the floor, grinding my teeth. "I gave her the kangaroos..."

She pointed her spoon at me, "That was smooth." She told me through a mouthful of food.

I bounced my eyebrows at her, "Yeah, whatever. Anyway, she was looking at the kangaroos and I just kind of leaned in and kissed her. Nothing too aggressive, just a light peck. I started to chicken out. I wanted the words to just rush out and they wouldn't, so I figured I'd show her how I felt. I leaned in and kissed her and she kissed me back."

She put another spoonful of cereal into her mouth, "And she didn't act like you look like the ass end of a badger, I mean, you know you look like the ass end of a badger, right?"

"Ha, ha. Very funny. Stop it, my sides are splitting here..."

She smiled and put another spoonful of cereal in her mouth, "So she ignored the badger anus part of you, a good sign, and then what happened?"

"And we started kind of making out, and she climbed on top of me... and while we were... you know... I told her I loved her."

"Where was this?"

I blew out a breath, "On her front porch."

Her jaw dropped open, "You had sex with her on her front porch?"

"Sex! I didn't say we had sex!" I shook my head and held my hands out.

She spread her arms wide, "I told you! You suck at this! What was I supposed to assume when you said 'while we were, you know'?" She made a face at me while she said it...

"We were making out!" I told her incredulously, trying to keep my voice down so Roo wouldn't hear us.

She held her spoon up, "Okay! I get it now." She shook her head at me. "Sheesh. You really are a prude."

"You're not helping here!"

She laughed. "So, you were making out, and you told her you loved her, I mean, like that right, you didn't say something stupid like, 'hey, you're pretty cool', or 'you look finer than a new set of snow tires' or something, did you?"

I shook my head at her, "No. I told her that I loved her, like that, in so many words."