Vic E 01

Vic E 01

Well, hello there. I'm known as Vic E and that's because my expression is much better as a Vicki than a Vic and today, I'm going to tell you a few things about me and I'm going to start out with my laundry room, which is just off of the breezeway.

In my laundry room there is a pair of Denim shorts that all of you would agree do not fit me, but they hang there as a reminder of my goal to absolutely stretch the living daylights out of them next year and come hell or high water, that's what's going to happen. Not that I'm displeased with my slender legs today, but I want the, well, I will find that perfect balance between luscious and thunder and I will walk the Strip in those shorts next year! LOL, but not the type of walk that last statement may make it seem.

Also in the laundry room is a clothing rack, like one of those metal bars on feet, and it's also filled with assorted female clothing, but those are not mine. I mean, I wish I had the hips to wear literally any of low-rise waisted jeans that are on that clothing rack, but I don't and they are not mine anyways, so I leave my friend Marlo's clothes alone. And all of her clothes that are on the bar rack are older in nature and of a more durable type, meaning there are no "date" or "clubbing" clothes there.

You see, almost a year ago, um, I volunteered to rent out the over-sized detached garage behind my house to Marla so she could start her own business and by volunteered, I think I mean I didn't know what was happening until there was a sign over the garage doors. But it has all worked out and I even appreciated how she got my older brother and my cousin to fix the structure up to meet her particular needs. It's not that the family has given up on me, but they almost have, so no matter how my brother and my cousin came around, then so be it, right?

And at the end of the day, like almost immediately, I figured out how to use Marla's business to my advantage. I mean, I have walking up and down the Strip in Middleton with purpose for months now and before your mind goes sideways, I don't walk in the Strip in shame. I mean, sometimes I dress like I'm shame walking, but when you're as slender as I am, I mean, the things I can wear, right? And it helps more than matters that my bulge doesn't interfere much, so.

But I do, LOL, walk the Strip and drum up business!

Anyways, hi again, um, you already know me, right? While some of you were busy checking out the developing bodies of the girls in the hallways, I was the one who checked out all the different hair styles as I stood in hallways all alone. So, you know me, right? I was the one with the cooties, who wore high tops and a hoodie all the time and ate lunch alone.

So, fast forward a little and here I am, fully rehearsed to express myself my way and with a totally legit excuse to hang out on the Strip every Friday night.

Oh, and to get past Marla's intro, um, as I said, there are no "date" or "club" clothes in my laundry room and I'm not even sure that Marla dates much, but she found her place and popularity in the motorcycle and ATV detailing business, hence, the older and more durable clothing hanging on the rack. And when I say popular, I mean, Marla stays busy and makes her money. And beyond the cleaning aspects of her detailing skills, she does a little light wrenching, chain maintenance, oil changes and things like that and can even temporarily repair a leather seat if it becomes ripped or torn. I mean, Marla is a young woman who is charge of her life and that's great! LOL, my water bill sucks, but she pays, so.

Anyways, enter stage left, me! LOL, sometimes in ridiculously small or tight outfits, but it's all for the job (and the exposure to those who hang out on the Strip). Some of which, LOL, seem to have changed their minds about me having the softer boy cooties.

So, other than my tools of the trade being short shorts and small shirts, I use, well, Marla and I use our skills with electronics and social media to keep her detailing business busy and popular. I mean, yep, that's me strutting or driving up and down the Strip with flashy leg coverings and a mini tablet in the hand as I drum up new business or verify pre scheduled appointments.

Or Marla's business is my legit excuse to get out for short. With respect to rules of the Strip, of course.

[Beep, beep]

"I need a parking slot, Ernie. Can I use one of yours for an hour or so, hmm?"

"And I need you to swing around to the alley with me, Vic E, so what?"

"LOL, I thought I had cooties, Ernie."

"Well, those are days gone by Vic E and you know, before you started dressing full time. And maybe before your body finally formed and firmed up, so."

Typical guy response, right? Since you developed from stupid skinny to slender and a few things started to take shape, I mean, meet me in the alley, right?

"Can I park here or not, Ernie? I'm working the schedule and Marla gets pissed if I'm late to her main customer base, so."

"Can I jump in so we can take one quick loop around the Elm Street block and alley, Vic E? I have an itch and I wouldn't be mad if I had a reason to catch my breath just after words, so?"

See, guys, right? It's always "don't talk to me in public" and then it's all "but let's take a drive through the alley" and it's never all "hey, your hair and eyes look nice" or something along those lines.

"Ernie, I'm not scratching your itch tonight or any other night since you never once told me that my hair was nice or that my eyes sparkled back in the day. I mean, all you ever did for me was to make sure that I ate lunch alone every day, so?"

And then, LOL, I moved along to the next crew spot on the Strip because Ernie was clearly in a trade mood of his parking slot for sex, which he may or may not have gotten in those days gone by if he had just been a little more understanding on my struggles. And that's just something to say. I mean, I haven't really yet, so I can't say that I have a type, but Ernie is not it no matter what. A guy named Ethan may be on the other side of that statement, but Ethan doesn't come around to the Strip much on Friday nights, so, well, that's enough about that then, I guess.

So, back to Ernie and his stupid "blow me in the alley for my crew parking spot" trade offer. We parted company with a mutual wave at each other with the same one finger wave, so. Besides, Ernie's saved parking slots were good, but not quite primo, so moving along was easy.

[Beep, beep]

"Hey Blake, hey, I'm late for work and I need a primo spot to park, so?"

"Oh, hey, Vic E, um, [looks around for spying eyes] whip it around the Elm Street block and through the alley and slip it right back in then."

[Oops, the passenger opens and closes, so, oops]

"Oh, I guess this is a "come with" thing then, Blake, hmm?"

"Shut it and drive, you know, before too many eyes set in on us, so, hit it already, Vic E!"

Well, it was a primo spot to park and Blake is cool, so. LOL, and oh, LOL, by the way, yep, the alleys off the Strip have parking attendants with little orange flags and bongs, so.

"Tip out if you're parking for more than 5 minutes, folks."

"(Here, give him this butane lighter for his bong, Vic E)."

"Um, happy boing, I mean, bonging, I mean, tee, he, Blake is going all boing, so sorry, Claude."

"(Smartass)."

Well, he was going all boing in the pants and stuff, but I knew all he wanted was a make out session and I'm a big sucker for that! I'm a big sucker for smearing lip gloss everywhere! Which has never led to other sucking before, so.

[Mwah, ummah, smack]

"I mean, Blake, I may get weak in the knees from kissing and stuff, but I have a line in the sand, so?"

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, ah, rub, rub, mwah, ah, pat, ahh, ahh]

"My bike needs tending to, Vic E."

"Hmm, you already have an appointment scheduled with Marla for Tuesday, so be honest with me and confess that this is what you want tended too tonight [thump, squeeze, rub, rub], Blake. And I'm only reaching down to make sure I'm not mistaken about things, so."

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, ah, rub, rub, mwah, ah, oops, ahh, ahh]

"And I have no idea how I managed to swing over your lap like this, so."

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, ah, rub, rub, mwah, ah, ahh]

"And I know that you're holding out for that Ethan guy, but what I know best is that I like kissing with you the best. Especially when you have a ponytail and sparkly eyes, so?"

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, lip lock, rub, lip lock, rub, mwah, thrust, ahh]

"OMG, stop, Blake, Ethan needs to be my first!"

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, lap grind, lip smack, lap grind, lap grind, rub, lip lock, rub, mwah, ah, ooh]

"Oh, grind me, Vic E, grind me hard and deep! Aha, aha, ooh, ooh, oh, that's your hand too then!"

Well, I mean, snap, I'm such a sucker with the locking of the lips! And it was a nice moment until, LOL.

[Window tap, tap]

"Tip it out or move along, folks"

"[Mwah] maybe another time, Blake."

"Aha, aha, aha, aha, pull in next to my truck first, aha, aha, aha, I need to, um, oh."

"OMG, seriously, Blake? From a little making out and lap grinding?"

"Aha, aha, aha, when is my ATV detailing appointment, Vic E?"

Well, I had a primo parking spot and dry shorts and Blake didn't and I never knew that sort of thing could actually happen, so. Also, fine, maybe I kept reaching under and scratched his itch a little, but nobody was naked, so.

And never mind what Blake mentioned about me holding out hope for Ethan and never mind if I just so happened to scream anything out too! All I know is that maybe Ethan has been trying to "woo" me lately and I don't even know if people still "woo" each other these days, but it's a fun word to say. And until Ethan clearly identifies his "wooing" as an official "woo", well, I can scratch whoever I know who has an itch if the moment is right, right?

Oh, and it's not like I would expect or even want Ethan to throw an arm around me and introduce me as his boyfriend or anything. But a little lunch break from the Strip in one of the alleys wouldn't be at all rejected, if he ever came around on Friday nights to "woo" me some more with purpose or something, so. Also, tee, he, am I still rambling on about Ethan, tee, he?

I mean, I had business to drum up and appointments to verify.

But before that, I mean, I would totally scratch Ethan's itch and I would do that in several ways, maybe, but, I mean, I'd be under his charms in no time, so, a little itching or a little scratching, I mean, either way and um, huh, I'm still babbling then, huh? When I needed to walking with my mini tablet.

"Oh, I mean, Vic E, if you're on the move with your tablet in hand, I mean, does Marla have any open appointments then, hmm?"

"Hmm, Nate, [reviews the schedule on the mini tablet] she has four bikes and two ATV's coming and going just this weekend alone, so what are your needs then? Standard detailing or other, hmm?"

"(Giggles) I mean, I'm not the one who invented the name "sissy bar", but I would like a new sissy bar mounted on my bike and I want one with a rear camera mount and I already picked one out on the website "We Be Bike Parts". And, and, and, I'm not calling you a sissy, Vic E."

"Ha, ha, but what a butthead that guy must have been back in the day. Anyways, I'll send the request to Marla and she will respond with when she can receive the modern politically incorrect named sissy bar with a rear camera mount and a confirmation date and time will be sent to your phone, so?"

[Weep, work order request sent]

"Alright, um, I mean, there is a rumor that maybe a light lunch might be available while I wait, so?"

I mean, geez, right? Feed a couple of guys while they wait for their machines and all of a sudden, a light lunch is added to the maintenance list of procedures, geez.

"Fine, but on the patio! Unless you want to make up to me for how you verbally dissed me at the last rally, Nate, so?"

"Ahh, come on, Vic E, we had the rally all along the car dealership row at the south end of the Strip and there were tons of people around. And if I'm not mistaken, I mean, I think you dissed me back with your ponytail flips in my face and if I'm not further mistaken, I mean, wasn't that when you discovered the power of a good ponytail hair flip to make your point then, hmm?"

"Well, I mean, well, that part might just be true, Nate, so."

[Whoop, work order accepted]

"Huh, I guess you'll get a light dinner then, Nate. Tuesday at 6pm, so?"

"(Should I bring along a couple of condoms, Vic E?)"

"Nate! Just bring yourself, your bike and your money."

At least he asked first, right? And LOL, I whacked him twice across the face with my ponytail flips as I walked away from him. Or at least I think I did. I'm shorter than most, so I may have whacked his pecks.

"Oh, Cindi, I see that you have a 9am appointment tomorrow. That's pretty early for a Saturday after a Friday night on the Strip, so, juice or coffee then, hmm?"

"The word is that you're pretty good with the double-double bold, Vic E, so?"

"Laundry?"

"Just a couple of things, sweetie. A few of us our going to club tomorrow night, so?"

I mean, yeah, maybe the few female riders get a little extra attention from my end, so.

"Got it, a couple of Delicate's and a quick bikini trim, so, see you in the morning then, Cindi."

I mean, catering to the few female riders from my end of the business has a few perks.

"Hey, Vic E! Vic E, over here."

"Nope. All available appointments are filled, Billy."

"Hey, come on, I don't even own a motorcycle. I just want to talk to you, that's all, so?"

"In the alley behind the Strip, Billy, hmm?"

"Well, it is the best for privacy and all, so?"

Nope. Nothing will ever happen between Billy and I no matter who has an itch, so. And I don't know how to tell a person that the real days gone by are those of a weekly bath on only a Saturday night, so.

[Checks mini tablet schedule]

"Hey Gino, it looks like you're scheduled for mid afternoon on Monday with Marla, so?"

"Aww, Vic E, come a little closer, sea lily."

Well, Gino is a lovely shade of creamy caramel, so.

"I was actually going to drop off my bike late Sunday night, so maybe there might be a grilled cheese sandwich, you know, on the table or something, so?"

"Oh, I mean, if you're going to drop off your bike early then, I mean, who is your ride back home then, hmm? Like Ethan? And do you like bacon with your Italian bread grilled cheese?"

"Ethan?"

"Well, I'm just saying that you need a ride and Ethan has a driver's license, so?"

"Whoa, is there a story being told here, Vic E? Ethan popped out of your mouth quicker than your exhales, so?"

"What? Ethan hasn't popped off in my mouth yet. Does he want to pop off in my mouth, Gino? Did you hear him say directly that he wants to pop off in my mouth, Gino? I mean, I haven't yet, but I think I could with Ethan, so what exactly did he say about when he wants to pop off from mouth? Wait, what did you say, Gino?"

Well, fine, Gino was too stunned after that to speak any further and I was totally embarrassed from how I heard things differently, so, LOL, I ponytail flipped him twice as I spun around to make my quick exit from that weird exchange.

[Whoop]

"Are you working the Strip?"

[Whoop]

"Or flipping people off with your ponytail, Vic E?"

[Whoop]

"I'm getting weird texts!"

[Weep]

"Sorry, Marla. I'm working."

[Weep]

"And the Strip is popping!"

And back to scheduling and verification it was.

[Checks mini tablet schedule]

"Jay, your ATV will be ready for pickup tomorrow after 3pm and I picked up a birthday cake and a small gift for your girlfriend for her 20th, so?"

"Oh, and when is Andrea's birthday then, Vic E?"

"Sunday, the day after tomorrow, so."

I mean, the Detailing by Marla company is a full-service company, so.

"Well, is Ethan going to help you load your ATV up on your trailer tomorrow then, Jay? You might be still hung over from tonight and need a stable hand, so?"

"Um, I appreciate your concern, Vic E, but Ethan is away this weekend with his girlfriend, so?"

I mean, fine, right folks? That didn't bother me at all, not one mother fucking cock sucking little bit! I mean, whatever.

[Whoop]

"Getting more weird texts, Vic E."

[Whoop]

"R U kicking sidewalk benches?"

[Weep]

"Well, not anymore, Marla."

[Weep]

"Now I'm just limping, but still working."

I mean, I wasn't bothered at all until I started to scuff my high tops.

"So?"

"So, what, Ben? You don't have what Marla needs or wants, so?"

"Oh, assuming that was not a snide body slam remark, Vic E, what if what I want is for you to hang out with me and the crew on the Strip sometimes then, hmm?"

"Hmm, as a crew member or as a play toy then, Ben? And is this where we finalize our discussion in the alley then, hmm?"

"Is that so bad, Vic E? Would I be so bad then, hmm?"

Actually, no, Ben wouldn't be so bad, but he was clearly a one-night stand kind of crew leader, I think. And I was totally unattached, so.

"Well, Ben, I have a few more appointments to verify, but that is not a "yes" and maybe it's not a "no" either, so?"

[Whoop]

"Watch for over booking me, Vic E."

[Whoop]

"I have another life."

[Whoop]

"But find Pete so I can have that life."

Hmm, so, Marla wants to be the older woman then, huh? Like by 6 months! But she deserves that life, I suppose. And I deserved a major strutting down the Strip to the south.

"Pete???"

"OMG, Vic E, where's my woman, Marla, then?"

"Oh, probably waiting for you to make a major move, but you didn't hear that from me. But maybe you should go off-roading soon, so? And why am I spying Ethan's SUV right now? I thought he was out of town making babies with some slut and then popping off in her mouth! And those are Jay's words, not mine, so."

"Oh, um, Vic E, you know there are like ten Ethan's in Middleton, right?"

[Flips ponytail like a wind storm looking around]

"[Phew, slap, phew, slap] Hey, watch with the BDSM face whippings, Vic E! Save that stuff for Ethan, who wants you as bad as you want him, so?"

"Well, he should say that and do something about that then. Also, you should visit with Marla tonight and have some condoms at the ready and I wouldn't be mad if you slipped a couple of condoms in my back pocket and by that, I mean, just hand them to me on the down low because I don't want you grabbing my ass while I'm wearing these shorts, so? Also, would I need condoms if I were to find my Ethan tonight then, hmm?"

Um, three? He handed me a strip of three! That's like a six-months supply, right? Also, he didn't listen to me anyways and inserted them into my back pocket anyways, so let's keep that part just between us then, okay?

But from the reflection in the window of the Cash & Dash store window, I liked how they looked in my back pocket. LOL, they made a bigger bulge back there than I did in the front! Which is something that I should stop saying, I suppose.

"Ah-huh, I see you, Vic E, you're packed and loaded for a night with me in the alley then, so let's get with it!"

"Hank, they are for show and nothing more! But if they give me a little more Strip cred, well, you should say that. Anyways, have you seen my Ethan then, hmm?"

"Aww, damn it, Vic E, which Ethan? Ethan B, Ethan D, Ethan F, Ethan L, Ethan M, the other Ethan M, Ethan R, the other Ethan R, Ethan T or Ethan W, hmm?"

Huh, who knew there were actually ten Ethan's around just like Pete said! But fortunately, I knew Ethan's last name, so.

"Ethan B, Ethan Burns, so? His SUV is parked just to the north on the Strip, so."

"Oh, I mean, Vic E, I have three things to say about that."