All Comments on 'Virtue in Iniquity'

That was a very interesting tale. Thank you.

What an interesting take on the human condition. Although I had a hard time warming up to the story's circumstances, the underlying relationships fascinated me. This is definitely a five-star story!

An unusual story for this site. Very well written. Your descriptions and dialogue draw me into the thoughts and feelings of these two people struggling to navigate life with it's pain, disappointments, hopes and dilemmas. You capture it well, leaving me with a multitude of wonderings, not because the story is incomplete or lacking, but because it is so full and engaging.

You lost that at the first chapter title. 'Us' does not thanslate to 'you and I' but to 'me and you'. I'm sure there were more unfortunate construction after that, but not worth my effort to find out. *

This went no where I expected. And was not what I expected from you having read your other works. But it was VERY good.

Totally unexpected. Very different than your other stories yet most satisfying.

Boyd Percy

I've made it a mission to read all your stories; the depths of your writing/stories is astounding. This one was so different from all others. I doubt readers will appreciate the research (or life knowledge) you must have/do to compose a story this deep. Yes, we live in an ever changing world, courtesy of the internet.

I forgot one thing this story, 'I first thought what the heck is?' It reminds me of how I was told about the Hobbit an adult (no sex) fantasy, I needed to read the first 100 pages and if you do not get it dump it, but by then you will be hooked, I was and read all of Tolkien. This story is much the same, 'read the first page', it will come clear.

M you have a unique way of starting this story, too bad if others don't get it. Salute.

Beautifully written! Such an unexpected story! Thank you! So enjoyed where you took it and how it was left. I concur. Brilliant! Just Brilliant!

Such a warm story - very well done. Just a sketch, really, but a beautiful and complete sketch. I'll have to return to some of the others.

Thanks

A gentle tale of how people deal with their loneliness.

Till it becomes clear.

Beautiful

It’s so sad you must seek opportunity to express your disdain and imply your superiority. Since you remain anonymous, the only audience for your supposed superiority is yourself. I sincerely hope your life becomes more fulfilled and less depressing

...very imaginative. Startled, nevertheless, to read "A Chat Between You and I". Makes no grammatical sense, as the construct is then a confluence of "a chat between you" and "a chat between I"...makes no sense. Basic English.

No, they are just pointing out significant errors that are jarring and occasionally can lead to misunderstandings.

You went to the gym. I went to the gym. You and I went to the gym. Not you and me went to the gym.

He gave it to you. He gave it to me. He gave it to you and me. Not he gave it to you and I.

It is between the door and you. It is between the door and me. It is between you and me. Not between you and I.

When in doubt try the pronoun by itself to see if it sounds right. If so, it should be used when there are multiple pronouns.

Originally, this story was written in the first person. No names were used: just YOU and I. The chapter heading was supposed to make it noticeable. The whole thing was talk between the older man and younger woman:

You: I am here now.

I: I want you.

I became used to it. The pronouns became names, in my mind, and I forgot to change the chapter heading before I submitted. I am NOT a natural writer: I wrote that story ten times over a year before submitting. Usually, I submit a story when I am sick of reading it.

I ask forgiveness. I may fix it eventually, but pulling it and resubmitting is a hassle.

I still think it's a good story.

Malraux

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“Primed to Kill” was odd and brilliant; this just seemed odd.

In a masterpiece the reader may stumble for a moment recognize the typo, error, minor inconsistency AND THEN MOVE ON. When the tale is told the reader cannot go back and put his finger on where it occurred. Mo need to apologize for this little gem.

Your characters were viscerally alive; as are those in other stories here. Charlie, Miriam, the Father, the wife, all very real, all remaining appropriate to their character.

This is the first of your stories I've read not in the Loving Wives category. I am encouraged to sample many others, if not all.

BTW: "Primed," "Merciful Lord" and "Surely We" are all favorited... and now this.

So totally original, and captivating. Grammar? As with many things, there is the orthodox, which the learned use, and the many ways english is actually spoken.

If it can be understood, it’s fine by me

Chilleywilley

.. this is a subtly twisted Mary and Martha story, much as in the Gospels, with quite an impact.

Martha, responsible, not much moved by what was familiar to her, going about the things that needed to be done.

Mary (Miriam in the original language) sat intimately at his feet (which was an OT euphemism not suggested in the Gospel telling, but a delicious frisson that most original koine readers would have known of).

And she had "the better part, which was not to be taken from her"... yeah, I can see that, and still they remained sisters.

Malraux, I do wonder if you had that in mind as you ultimately chose the names for the women characters. I have no speculation re the chat pseudonyms nor "Charlie", though!

Blessings - Allen in Butler, PA

Again

Such a sad story with such a somber end. Well done 5 stars

Margaux you are making me cry again

Does anybody know if malarux is still writing?

A sad and perverse solution to a needless situation. A marriage is about what is included and what is excluded. Adultery is excluded. Marital sexuality is included. Martha broke her marriage vows when she decided to sexually forsake her husband as well as other men. Would it be any different if Martha had decided to have a sex change operation? She brought something to her marriage and pledged it to her husband, then she withdrew it apparently without discussion and obviously without consent. Charlie should have reciprocated, by staying in the marriage but breaking a vow he no longer felt like honoring, just like Martha had.

The solution was juvenile. Miriam should have divorced her husband and found a whole man to be her mate. She is young, beautiful, and intelligent. Her surrender to her sterile marriage is sad, and disappointing. She is accepting at a still young and verile age what Charlie didn't have to accept until retirement. She should learn something from Charlie's loss and act now to avoid it in her own life. Let's hope she does.

Thanks for the effort.

Very well done story. I don't feel the critic by Anonymous was really about your writing it was more about the characters themselves an how they carried on their lives. It was how they cheated on their marriage but fulfilling all the marriage vows. Sex is part of marriage and when one desires or more or less than the other is being deprived or overwhelmed by it. If you really love some and love you the sex is much more enjoyable and full filling, believe me. The two main characters were obviously missing something in their marriages so indulged in a fantasy to fill the gap. Good writing.

@dgfergie I wasn't sure he still was either but apparently he is still writing. His most recent story was posted 7/21/21. Cheers

A lovely bitter-sweet story of two people who cared for each other in their own way. Thank you.

Very moving and well crafted, and explored with care a relationship that is often seen ad casual. Well done.

very interesting, different and a different way each family treated the surviving "chat pal"

A sweet story, full of hope and goodness and friendship. Thank you.

An exquisitely-told tale of remote affection and love. Beautifully and emotionally written! Thank you.

Two people in a similar need find each other while never physically violating their primary relationship. Touching

LMJ

I am a 70 year old veracious reader and I do not say this lightly, but this would rate as one of the best short stories I have ever read anywhere.

Such an uncommon plot, such depth in unique individual realistic life like people so profoundly portrayed in such a few words.

This story is probably more relatable to people of my generation. Before the proliferation of computers, before the instant communication of this new dang fangled interweb thing, we had very few friends and colleagues outside of our immediate circle of geographically close friends. Mass media meant writing the same document 100 times addressing and posting 100 letters. Ah, yes. The good old days.

Many of us however had penfriends, people we wrote to usually from another country or culture that we had been introduced to by snail mail through schools, service groups, newspaper and magazine ads, churches, scouts etc. International mail mail could take from 1 to 6 weeks to be delivered, so communication may have only been 3 or 4 times a year. And yet I know of many people who remained friends throughout their entire lives with their childhood pen friend whom they had never met.

For many people their trusted, and yet still unknown, penfriend became the recipient of cathartic deep emotional secrets. (They were teenagers after all) Almost like a secret diary, but with a real person as the recipient.

Also when international travel was less common and much slower, a lot of these blossoming relationships were the inspiration for these people to have their first overseas trip. They would travel half way around the world to "finally actually meet my best friend."

Lovec omes in a shapes and sizes. Well written, sir!

Wow. One of the 10 best that I've ever read on this site or, for that matter, anywhere else. Real to the nth degree without being cold as so much of this type of writing is. Instead of the edgy, open-ended, or gotcha ending normally seen, this one culminated with a touch of realism infused with hope, love, and optimism.

Second time thru. Touches my heart. Awesome characterization. Sense of place, too. I like the concept that their children do not need to know everything about their parents. I am in awe of the two women. Wonderful story. 5 STARS