All Comments on 'Viv and His Sister'

You need more excitement. Siblings are too old for first time.

Can’t wait for the next chapter..

Changing from the first person to second person in your story was very distracting. The majority of it was “I” but you switched it to “you” at the end.

This story had so much potential, but you ruined any hope it had by making rookie mistakes. I would recommend an editor. A second set of eyes quit often makes all the difference in the world. Good luck on your next story. I look forward to reading it.

No buildup, no tension, no details. Just short and bad.

The story was quite enjoyable but short.

When is the second part arriving.

Thaat is nicey story

...until I could barely get through the first two paragraphs. It was too short, had no character development and had way too many grammatical errors. I believe you could become a good writer with practice, but you definitely need an editor to help you get there.

But this story fizzles fast and ends up a snoozer zzz..zzzz

Why do you keep switching between past and present tense? Your writing is atrocious. Don't quit your day job.