Vivian: Life in Estonia Ch. 04

In the morning, it was Vivian who was the first to wake up. For a moment she was discombobulated, not recalling the exact reality of her circumstances. As soon as she had cleared the cobwebs out of her head she smiled. Guilt of having committed adultery was not even a remote nagging concern in the deep recesses of her subconscious mind. Instead, the memory of an intense but wonderful dinner date with Jed Baxter was the paramount thought in her head. That being the case she knew that her first desire of the day was to prolong this wonderful reunion with her former lover who seemed to still hold a high regard for her.

To this end, she naturally gazed down to his groin and spotted his flaccid penis at rest. Since Jed still seemed to be solidly in deep slumber, Vivian was overjoyed to realize it represented a relatively rare opportunity to indulge in one of her absolute favorite sexual delights. It so happened that Jed's penis at rest was of the diminutive size but when coaxed into a full erection it blossomed into an above average extent. That being the case, in performing fellatio from the moment of such an inauspicious beginning to achieve the full enlargement was a heady experience indeed. Vivian inwardly giggled at her own imagined pun.

Accordingly, Vivian cradled Jed's soft male member in her hands and popped it into her mouth. As she twirled her tongue all over the skin of his cockhead and his rod, her provided stimulation at first had no effect. Gradually her tongue action started to produce concrete results. His cock was starting to expand in size. She squeaked in delight upon recognition of this development. At this point, even though Jed was not evidencing any conscious reaction to her oral administrations, still his body had.

Paradoxically, Vivian was not dismayed by the lack of a conscious physical reaction from Jed, but instead was encouraged by the situation. Vivian knew, on this occasion she would have contained his cock in her mouth longer than the run of the mill blow job. That had the effect of driving her passion to its ultimate level in recognition that she would enjoy the full complement of a truly satisfactory fellatio without worrying about enduring the usual unpleasant complications of a premature ejaculation, such as last night. Although she wasn't really too disappointed with Jed's speedy climax then either.

In any case she had the patience to await his eventual subconscious mind to alert his conscious mind that he was in the midst of a torrid oral sex play. And of course, the longer she had Jed's cock in her mouth the stronger her own sexual arousal grew. Once Vivian could discern that Jed's cock had achieved its maximum size, she noticed he had awakened. Vivian thereupon changed her mind as to what she desired sexually. She decided to switch to a vaginal penetration sexual intercourse.

Accordingly, she got up to hover over him, and with her back towards him in the reverse cowgirl position, impaled herself on his stiff rod. Then she started riding him at a brisk pace. Jed for his part grabbed a hold of her sides to provide a steady sexual ride for her. As Vivian felt his embrace, and thereby had free use of her hands, she opted to indulge in a metaphorical fantasy. She imagined she was bucking a wild horse in a rodeo event. To simulate her fantasy, she twirled her one hand in the air as if she had a lasso to catch livestock. To complete her imagery, she started shouting, "Yippee! Ride 'em cowgirl!"

The resultant orgasms for both of them were truly delicious to their psyches. When Vivian could sense Jed's cock was wilting and slipping out of her cunt, she unceremoniously lifted herself up and turned herself around to face him. Remembering that Jed was not shy concerning kinky sex and outrageous fetishes, she plopped herself down on him. Sticking her vulva right under his nose, she said, "Perhaps you'd like a taste of my cream pie. But please Jed don't be a hog. Save some to share with me."

In accordance with Vivian's suggestions, Jed slurped up all the sperm that had post coital oozed out of her vagina. He also sucked on her pussy in an effort to extract any sperm in her vagina that he was able to dislodge. When he had completed this assigned task, he slapped on her buttocks as an understood signal. Consequently, she rolled off him to lay on her back. He moved over to her to effect a cum swapping kiss as a complete finish to their sexual intercourse.

They had a shower and after checking out of the hotel Jed drove Vivian in his rental vehicle to Vivian's apartment to allow her to change into her normal casual attire. Before parting their ways Jed treated Vivian to a sumptuous breakfast at a delightful café.

During this meal Jed noted that at their previous evening dinner, their conversation centered around discussing the events and their different viewpoints leading up to the end of their affair some six years previously. This time instead Jed was interested in learning of the circumstances of how Vivian ended up in Estonia and her new marriage. In response, Vivian advised him of her new situation, but naturally was careful in omitting the details of exactly how she acquired her current new wealth.

At the conclusion of Vivian's recital, Jed opined, "Well Vivian, it looks like you're certainly better off now than you would have been had Sam not been murdered. If you would have remained married to him while he served his time, it would not have been easy for you. And surely continuing to live in Chicago would not be a pleasure considering your dismissal from Kirkland, Mayer & McDermott. Anyway, I have been delighted to see you again it has been a real pleasure to learn of your current success.

"Incidentally, I'll arrange for one of my European business associates to get in touch with you for a possible investment in your craft beer enterprise and the possibility of marketing your beer throughout Europe. So, I wish you the best of luck. I have a meeting to go to at one o'clock this afternoon, and then I'll be flying back to Chicago. I trust we may meet again."

They parted on good, amicable terms, although in the back of Vivian's mind there was a lingering disappointment that Jed had not blatantly suggested another future rendezvous. Then again, she realized that this past chapter in her life was irretrievably closed, even though he seemed to have hinted that he might have been amenable to a resumption of their old passion. That thought gave pause to Vivian to ponder what in the world was she about, to harbor such a desire. It was the theme of her contemplation as she drove back to the farm.

Curiously, although she had committed deliberate adultery, she was not as guilt ridden in her mind as she had been after her group sex episode in Tartu. That reality was certainly remarkable considering there was lots of mitigating factors in play regarding the Tartu incident. (how she now referred to it in her mind). Assuredly, that indiscretion was not exactly pardonable but still she deserved some slack to understand her motivation for her negative behavior. In any case she knew she should not have tolerated the brutal beating which Eino had inflicted on her, but still she accepted the punishment as an understandable outcome of her husband's anger.

But in this case with Jed, there was no moral, righteous never mind intellectual justification possible for her action. Furthermore, she was not ashamed, but then again, she knew she ought to feel shame. And that made her realize that she was now in a bad place.

In truly assessing her situation, if her desire was to become a super woman as deemed by current societal standards she was there. She was well educated having acquired a law degree from one of the most prestigious law schools in the United States. She was married to a wonderful, solid man who doted on her. She had given birth to a remarkably precocious daughter of whom early indications would point to an equally brilliant future was in store for her, when she matured. As a result of her marriage, she became stepmother to a boy who accepted her as his de facto mother without any resentment. She was a true partner in managing the success of their family dairy farm and for good measure had started a craft beer enterprise that promised to become a fairly profitable venture. Finally, she had successfully entered into Estonian politics and had become a truly respected legislator in the national government.

All that, and that's not even counting her substantial personal wealth acquired as a result of the criminal embezzlement committed by her first husband, where such ill-gotten gains had not been recovered by the proper authorities. So aside from the personal misfortune of a miscarriage and her subsequent inability to bear further children, life for Vivian Tarvas née Laaning was as wonderful and fruitful as they come. So why in heaven's name did she put all this in jeopardy for a truly incautious tryst with her former boyfriend? It was a definite bona fide enigma.

What was even more galling for Vivian was that she did not even achieve a meaningful benefit from her sin. Setting aside the lustful ephemeral pleasure of the sex she had engaged with Jed, all she really got out of this rendezvous was a sense of disgruntlement and an inundation of useless speculation in the form of what might have, should have or could have been. If Jed were to be believed, that he would have agreed to reverse his vasectomy and he would have left his wife for her, it left in her mind a deep regret of the most poignant kind.

Were that to have really happened, then her life would have been spared from the most humiliating incidents she had endured. She wouldn't have met and married Sam Crawford and witnessed him carted off to jail within two hours after the exchange of their wedding vows. She wouldn't have unceremoniously been fired from one of the greatest law firms in Chicago and thereby become a pariah in the Chicago legal community.

Instead, again if Jed were to be believed, he had been on the cusp of leaving his wife for her. Only the age disparity between them was what was holding him back from an open declaration. He hinted that they would still be an item had she not unilaterally abandoned him. By item, he did not elaborate, but for Vivian that meant either he would have really left his wife and subsequently would have divorced and married her. Or he would have left his wife and established her as his exclusive mistress. Either scenario would have worked for her so long as she had a child by him, and apparently, he would have undergone a reversal of his vasectomy to accommodate her wish.

Vivian intellectually knew that all that regret was useless, it was all water under the bridge now. One cannot change what has occurred in the past. Besides she had truly moved on and in fact successfully moved on. Likening to a vulgar metaphor, if she had fallen into a vat full of shit by marrying Sam Crawford, she nevertheless had come out of it smelling like a rose. Thus, Vivian was cognizant that nothing good could come out of continually pondering the implications of this sudden unexpected one-night stand with her former lover. Nevertheless, the memory of this episode lingered relentlessly in her mind, refusing to go away.

To preserve her marriage to Eino, Vivian had the good sense not to divulge this tryst to her husband. She knew that unlike the debauchery of her Tartu incident, which had forgiveness potential after confession, knowledge of this sexual episode with her former lover would have a devastating effect on her husband and ruin his regard he had for her. She believed the dissolution of her marriage would naturally follow as a result.

Luckily for her purposes there wasn't any public exposure with her meal date with Jed. Most of the patrons at the restaurant that night happened to have been tourists mostly from Finland. With her status as a member of the Riigikogu, she had become somewhat recognizable in public; especially with the political reporters, specifically the ones writing for Postimees the most prominent daily newspaper in Estonia. Luckily, she had dodged a bullet as her date with Jed went unnoticed.

Perhaps because of the clandestine nature of her rendezvous with Jed Baxter and the need to keep it secret, it had an irritating reproachful psychological effect on Vivian. Afterward, in regard to interacting with her husband she had difficulty in maintaining her normal joie de vivre attitude, thereby preventing the unfettered marital bliss the two of them experienced in their married life prior to her miscarriage. Since her miscarriage their interaction had been restrained at times, but more often than not there was still a carefree camaraderie atmosphere prevailing between them.

This time there were lots of occasions whereby Vivian was simply sullen acting and not at all inviting to accept cheerful companionship. During this time span whenever Eino noticing Vivian's dour mood would happen to ask, "What's wrong honey? Why so glum?"

Vivian would invariably answer, "Oh, nothing babe. It's just a nasty problem I have to deal with at the Riigikogu, and I'm somewhat stymied as to how to handle it."

Since Eino had little or no interest in his wife's political career, he was not as a result curious to seek an elaboration of her laconic response. Thus, he would let the matter drop, but there remained an ugly elephant in the room in their marriage. Vivian was unhappy. One could label the atmosphere in their marriage as lethargic. At least the management of the farm, the running of the beer enterprise and her political career kept Vivian completely occupied. To outwards appearances to a disinterested observer their marriage would be judged as normal, on an even keel.

As a result of her state of unease towards her marriage, on the next trip to see her family in the United States the following May, Vivian had no compunction about attending the TLR orgy occurring during the middle weekend of her fortnight visit. This time in her mind, she did not justify her action with the frivolous notion that she was just indulging in some harmless fun empty of any negative consequences to her marriage. Instead, she was well aware of the dangerous path she was on plus the unpleasant ramifications thereof. Her attitude was simply that since she was 'in for the penny' in having committed adultery with Jed, then she might as well 'be in for the pound' and truly make her sins mean something worthwhile.

In that regard Vivian identified with a scene she recalled of the television show "The Good Wife". That show was naturally one of her favorite TV shows when she was living in Chicago, because the premise involved the main female character being an attorney in Chicago. In the recalled scene, the philandering husband of the main character protested that his admitted adultery meant nothing. To which the main character retorted to the effect of, "Too bad for you. Because my affair sure did mean something." Actually, the analogy to Vivian's situation did not quite apply since as far as she knew Eino had not been unfaithful to her. Still, she felt her tryst with Jed truly meant something and that in turn gave her license to go to the TLR orgy. In the back of her mind, she knew she was full of shit, but she could not help her feelings. She was mindful of the recognized psychological mantra: 'Feelings are neither good nor bad. They just are.'

On this occasion, Vivian, along with Maia, in the first week visited her brother Paul and his family at the Laaning family farm in Wisconsin. The visit was most pleasant and instructive as Vivian and Paul traded anecdotes as well as ideas concerning the operations of their respective dairy farms. On Thursday night, Vivian and Maia took the three and a half hour bus trip from Madison to Chicago to meet up with Erica.

On Saturday morning Erica drove Vivian to the O'Hare airport for her flight to Dallas. Vivian was circumspect in her relationship with her brother, so that he would be unaware of her plans, or for that matter had no idea of her membership to the swingers sex club. On the other hand, Erica and Vivian were intimate and each was privy to the other's complete character, warts and all. Accordingly, during the drive to the airport Erica had to ask, "You had eschewed going to an orgy in Texas for the past several visits, presumably on the pretext to ensure a happy and solid marriage to your Estonian farmer. Has something drastic changed then? Are you no longer gung ho in preserving the viability of your marriage? Is your marriage really going down the toilet?"

Vivian answered, "No Erica, I think I still want to stay married to Eino. He is truly a wonderful man. I really can't ask for a better husband. I know I'm playing with fire, but I can't help myself. You know I told you I had a one night stand with Jed Baxter last February, and I've not been myself since then as a result. It seems like I might have been too hasty in letting him go six years ago, as he assured me that he truly was on the verge of leaving his wife for me. And so, I feel that I've cheated myself from the most fabulous outcome in my life which I could have possibly hoped for."

Erica asked, "Are you saying you think he still has a regard for you? Do you think he still wants to leave his wife for you? Is that what you really desire?"

Vivian answered, "No, I don't have any belief that he would want me back. I get the impression, that his only agenda for seeing me in Tallinn was to satisfy his curiosity as to why I left him. Now that he knows that it's all water under the bridge. The fact we had sex occurred only because I was available, and no doubt in his mind was that a fuck is a fuck, and so why not!"

Erica was shocked to hear such a self-defeatist attitude articulated by her sister. In her mind, Vivian had been the most self-assured, self-confident, most optimistic and cheerful person she knew. Now there was a hint of self-loathing in her speech and demeanor, which was alarming to Erica. So, she asked, "But for God's sakes Vivian you are married to a wonderful man by your own admission. And you say you really want to stay married to him. Maybe it's truly unfortunate that you made a mistake in losing Jed Baxter, but life hasn't treated you that badly since, isn't that so?"

"Yes, that's true. I've been very happy with Eino and my life in Estonia."

"So why in the hell are you jeopardizing the satisfactory life you now have by going to this orgy, especially as you told me you had promised your husband that you would not stray?"

Vivian answered, "Who knows? I'm not sure I can explain it and I certainly can't justify it. The thing is that I had already broken my promise by having had sex with Jed and so this additional event can't make my broken promise even more heinous.

"All I can say is that I'm thirty-five years old and already the rest of my life seems to be etched in stone. I can no longer have any more children, so my stepson and daughter are the limit of my motherhood. With my husband I have a successful dairy farm to help manage. I've started an interesting craft beer venture, which incidentally, Jed has put me in touch with a business associate to enable me to market my beer throughout Europe, not just in Estonia. For variety and as a change of pace I'm an elected member of the Estonian parliament.

"So that's a lot on my plate and it will keep me constantly active. However, all of this lifestyle is so predictable and unvarying. There seem to me no scope for the true excitement to make my life an adventure. I'm thinking then that this orgy will be the fling I need to satisfy my desire to fulfill my grand passion to live my life to the fullest; the ultimate bucket list if you will. Needless to say, I'm truly hoping after this, I can revert back happily to the everyday orthodox living that seems to be in store for me."