Vivian: Life in Estonia Ch. 13

When Urmus had confessed to Juuli, his wife, of his onetime sexual cheating with Ursula Nõmmik, his regular contract bridge playing partner, he had the best of intentions. He thought at the time that coming clean with his indiscretion and assuring her that it meant nothing to the integrity of their marriage, was the right and proper thing to do. In his view, he honestly believed that it would be more beneficial to her health to first hear about his adultery from him, than discover of it from other sources. His decision might have been the appropriate and correct action to take under normal circumstances of the average couple confronting the first instance of adultery by one of them. Unfortunately, it had a devastating effect on Juuli Tralla.

Upon hearing of his guilty confession of adultery, Juuli instantly succumbed to an acute melancholy triggering a manic episode congruent to her bipolar disorder. Within an hour, fortuitously he recognized the severity of her relapse, and took her immediately to the University of Tartu Hospital, the best avant-garde hospital in all of Estonia. They were able to calm her down with efficient medical treatment and dissuade her from committing suicide. After a week at Tartu, Juuli was transferred to a rehabilitation treatment clinic in Pärnu for a six weeks stay. Finally, her depression was overcome, and she was able to return home to resume her normal life.

Urmus was quite shaken by this event since it had been touch and go throughout, whether Juuli would indeed commit suicide. In retrospect it was easy to second guess himself. However, he did believe he had been naïve in thinking that Juuli could have discovered his adultery on her own from other sources. It might be true that had that happened her reaction would have been even more severe than the actual case. Now as he was trained in law, he had to be cognizant of every contingency. Therefore, by confessing to his sin, he was protecting her against the more devastating effect of discovering his adultery surreptitiously.

However, even if theoretically this might have been the safest course of action to take to prevent the worst scenario for Juuli's reaction, it did not square what he knew of her character. For one thing, Juuli was diagnosed with the bipolar disorder while she was a university student. Her first most important decision she made about her life after learning of her disability was to have her tubes tied. A minor factor for her decision was the possibility of passing on her genes to any children she might bear. But the most important factor was the fact that she could't truly rely on her lucidity 100% of the time to guarantee the safety and wellbeing of any child she would conceive.

Even though Juuli managed to acquire her baccalaureate at the University of Tartu, she was realistic with her job prospects. Even though, her disease was usually under control by her medication, she was still prone to having periodic manic episodes. Sometimes they were so severe that it could take up to six months to fully recover. Realizing she was an unreliable employee, she moved back home to live with her mother in Pärnu. With her mother's help she was able to acquire work as a free lance seamstress.

When her mother died, Juuli hired Urmus as her attorney to handle her mother's estate for her. From that professional relationship a romantic love interest developed. When Juuli was lucid she was as a sweet beguiling woman as he could ever wish for. So, the idea of marriage was a natural progression in their mutual love affair. Juuli technically was not a virgin when she first met Urmus.

As a third year student she had agreed to go out on a date with a classmate from the University. It turned out, that her date was a complete jerk, and truly an unsavory character. During a drink at a bar, he slipped into her drink a roofie, i.e. Flunitrazepam, widely known for its use as a date rape drug. As she was getting drowsy, he suggested that he would take her home. He sort of dragged her to his car as she could no longer walk normally. In his car he drove her to a secluded area near the University, and he raped her as she had no ability to resist.

After having finished his sexual assault, he panicked as Juuli had totally passed out. He drove her to the emergency entrance of the Tartu University Hospital. He dragged her comatose body out of the car and dumped her on the pavement. He quickly got into his car and drove off. Unluckily for him, a nurse of the hospital happened to be outside taking a smoke break. She witnessed the whole scene and had the presence of mind of mind to take down the license number and report it to her superiors.

In the initial examination of Juuli, it was clearly obvious that she had been raped. The hospital alerted the Police who in turn were able to track down the miscreant. The cowardly villain immediately confessed his crime when confronted by the Police, and he was promptly arrested. It was a good thing that he did so for the sake of Juuli's fragile mental health. p of her involuntary ingestion of Flunitrazepam, she could not recollect anything of the incident; she had even forgotten his name or even the circumstances of accepting the date in the first place. The only reason she subsequently was aware of the incident, was that the Police under the recommendation of her doctors allowed her to read their report.

Juuli was moved to the clinic of the hospital for a week. The clinic had a pioneering role in the study of mental illnesses, as it was the world's first university clinic with a psychiatry department. During her stay, she was diagnosed of her bipolar disorder. A treatment plan was devised that would allow her to lead a relatively normal life. However, even though she could not actually recall the details of her rape, nevertheless, the physical effects of the incident did unduly exasperate her condition. As a result, she succumbed to more manic episodes than is typical for sufferers of bipolar disorder.

Admirably she was able to complete her studies and graduate from the University of Tartu. She did not again date until she met Urmus Tralla. As the legal work provided by Urmus was rather straight forward, there was a seamless transition from a lawyer-client relationship to a boyfriend-girlfriend situation. After about an eight months courtship with lots of mostly dinner dates, and some occasional premarital sex, he proposed marriage.

Juuli certainly had been very forthcoming about her illness and its natural impact on her wellbeing. Perhaps as his courtship of her, had been the happiest period of time in her life, she had not once relapsed into a manic episode. She had feared that Urmus had been lulled into believing that they could lead a normal typical marriage. To his mind he probably thought that her malady was adequately under control by her medication, and to some extent that was normally the case. However, she knew that her mental health condition was still iffy. She realized that any set-back to her daily routine could send her off to a manic episode.

Accordingly, in reaction to his wedding proposal, Juuli had cautioned, "You ought to know right from the start, I will not entertain any suggestion to explore the possibility of reversing my tubal ligation. I understand that the Tartu University Hospital is an excellent hospital for such an operation and given my age, chances of success are quite high. I did give you my reasons before as to why I had my tubes tied, and those reasons won't change by my marrying you. No amount of your lawyerly debate skills will dissuade me on that point. You do know I'm not a whole person given my bipolar disorder, so I'm grateful for your love. If you can overlook my condition and still want me, I'd be honored to be your wife."

The one thing that greatly surprised Urmus after their marriage had occurred, was how Juuli coped with her illness. She was very insular and reclusive. Conjointly with her bipolar disorder, she had developed symptoms of anthropophobia, a pathological fear of people or human company. With her mother's death she had given up her vocation as a free lance seamstress. Her mother had been the one who acquired customers for her and ascertained their requirements. Thus, her job as housekeeper at the hotel was ideal. No one paid any attention to her except to articulate tersely a particular chore in her purview, which they would wish her to undertake.

Her anthropophobia did not allow them to entertain or make public appearances. In the first ten years of their marriage, they only entertained another couple once in their home, and only once did they accept an invitation for a dinner date at another couple's home. Both occasions were disasters as Juuli hardly ever contributed a word never mind a sentence in the conversation. Thus, they never again entertained in this fashion. Juuli was fun to be with, when it was just the two of them on a date. At a restaurant she invariably tuned out the noise and bustle of the other patrons. She was able to focus just on themselves, and she always amazed him with her witty urbane conversation. Her observations especially regarding his legal work and personallater his political career were always so insightful despite her isolationist lifestyle.

Juuli seemed quite content to while away her time with sewing, knitting, cross stitch and even some weaving. She had only one female friend who would visit occasionally to knit or weave. Juuli never went to her house. Their conversation was confined strictly to their hobby. Juuli was not even aware of the name of the other women's husband.

After the disaster in the aftermath of confessing to Juuli of his adultery with Ursula Nõmmik, he realized he had been absolutely stupid. He did have the honest belief, that yes if Juuli did discover of his one night stand with Ursula on her own, the result probably would have even more harmful to Juuli's wellbeing than what it actually was. Still, he had to have or should have known that by admitting his adultery, Juuli would not react like a healthy furious woman scorned. Instead, she became very close to committing suicide if it were not for the intervention treatment at the hospital and subsequent rehabilitation clinic.

So, he should not have been shocked at the severity of her negative reaction. But the material point was that his belief that it would have been worse had she learned of his adultery on her own was a red herring. He really was cognizant that a snowball in Hell would have better chances remaining intact, than Juuli would learn of his adultery by her own efforts. She knew that her health depended on her perceived happiness which would not provoke a devastating manic episode. Thus, Juuli was on the alert to ignore any negativity in her life and remain constantly positive. Perhaps that was the subconscious catalysis for her surrender to the morbidity of anthropophobia.

After this incident, Urmus knew it would be best from him not to ever commit any form of adultery again, no matter how ephemeral. Especially, that had to be emphatically true if he sincerely wished to remain married, and thus making his wife's wellbeing to be his paramount concern. In the main he was successful as his desire to strive for a meaningful political career sapped his energy to deliberately pursue a hot romantic entanglement. Besides there were very few women he had encountered who were tempting enough for him to forsake his wedding vows. Actually, even Ursula Nõmmik had not been a real temptation. He had known her personally for several years without ever inclined to make a sexual play for her. It was an unusual set of circumstances that brought about which up to now was his sole act of adultery.

His night with Vivian Laaning on the other hand was the most exciting experience of decadent sex he had ever enjoyed. There are undoubtedly lots of women universally and objectively considered prettier than Vivian. Nevertheless, her facial features had a sina qua non appeal that was irresistible to him. And of course, the alluring beauty of her naked female body could not be denied. During their conversation at the Party victory celebration fete, he truly was impressed by her political acumen. He had up to this evening had very few contacts with her, so his knowledge of her was superficial not much more than what was in the public domain. Their conversation confirmed to him that her prominence in the Party was deserved.

What was even more remarkable about their conversation at the fete was the fact that there was an absence of any sexual suggestions, flirtations or double entendres. In fact, a reader of a hypothetical transcript of their conversation would not be able to discern that there was any sexual attraction between them in examining the words exchanged. It seemed to be a more or less mundane conversation analyzing average political issues of the day. However, in their minds the sexual chemistry between them was patently obvious, despite the apparent neutral language.

As already noted, Urmus was in essence content with his marriage. However, there was no denying that the infrequency of their marital sexual activity was a negative factor in his overall happiness. Juuli's bipolar disorder malady was fatiguing to endure, and as a result an uneasiness in interaction with his wife was the unsurprising norm in their day-to-living. Ergo, he was ripe for engaging in adultery. However, his respect and his genuine love for Juuli precluded him from indulging in a meaningless casual sexual tryst. That is why he was so mortified by his momentary indulgence in having sex with Ursula, especially considering that there was no compelling lust on his part for her.

However, Vivian was a different kettle of fish. As he had already intimated to her, he would have no regrets for this evening. He knew he would not suffer any guilt feelings, since he realized that Juuli would not ever be privy to this evening's events. In the aftermath of his dalliance with Ursula, it had come to his attention like a sledgehammer blow to his head the following obvious truism: that what Juuli didn't know could not harm her.

During his conversation with Vivian at the Party victory celebration fete, he could sense the mutual sexual attraction and chemistry that entwined them together. Thus, his invitation to Vivian to accompany him to his hotel room was issued without any trepidation on his part that it would be met with an indignant refusal. That she agreed without any hesitation, did not surprise him. After his cunnilingus, her fellatio and their mutual face to face lap coitus, plus their in between sex conversation, he formed the impression that Vivian Laaning was the perfect woman for him to satisfy the deficiency in his marital serendipity. Not only that, but what had been revealed by her in her conversation suggested that she was not averse to an affair either.

To confirm her desires and to get to know her even better, Urmus elected to question some of her peculiarities he perceived in her. As they were sipping on a glass of wine during their afterglow from their face to face lap copulation, he said, "I believe I've changed my mind after all. I think I'll accept your offer to receive your panties to add to my collection of souvenirs of the women I've bedded. Since your panties will be the first souvenir item of its kind in my nascent collection, it will be a prominent keepsake which I shall forever cherish."

Somewhat surprised but also bemused, Vivian teasingly asked, "Oh really? What has changed your mind? Have you decided after all to start a collection of such unique souvenirs. Do you then plan to seduce other Estonian female politicians, or will your campaign of seduction be of a wider scope?"

Adopting a serious demeanor despite the frivolous dialogue exchanged between them, Urmus replied, "I'm not sure that my collection will become all that extensive as you seem to imply. However, I am intrigued by what you said earlier. You admitted to being a woman with a voracious appetite for sex."

Vivian interrupted, "Not to put a fine point on it, but I did qualify my voracious appetite as being a healthy one. After all I wouldn't describe myself as a nymphomaniac."

Urmus responded, "Fair enough. However, you also intimated that your voracious appetite was evident by your tattoos and the baubles you adorn yourself. I'm at a loss to understand how they are evidence of your sexuality. Your tattoos in particular are rather puzzling. They seem to be a whole bunch of replicas of the Estonian flag and the German flag. Since you are Estonian albeit born in the United States, I take it the tattoos of the Estonian flags represent your affinity to our country. The German flags then must mean you have some affinity to Germany as well. If that's the case, it begs the question, why are there no tattoos of the flag of the United States as well? And for that matter why so many tattoos? Surely one for each country would suffice."

Whenever in the past, any of her lovers inquired as to the meaning of her tattoos, Vivian would usually have given a short shrift, off the cuff answer that would dissuade further inquiry. With Jed Baxter, Sam Crawford and Eino Tarvas, she did give a detailed full account of the significance of her tattoos. She sensed in the case of each of those men, that they would be significant men in her life, and thus were entitled to be privy to this incident when she was an undergraduate student. She by now had categorized Urmus Tralla, to belong to that group of the most important lovers in her life deserving to know about this remarkable sexual episode in her life. Curiously enough, she still was willing to remain married to Eino, so along as an accommodation to her desire for the occasional extramarital sex could be worked out.

Consequently, Vivian answered, "I must congratulate you my dear Urmus for your prescience. Eino, my husband, was my only other lover who could recognize that the tattoos were replicas of the Estonian and German flags, but he did not have the imagination to speculate further on the matter. Of course, none of my American lovers were aware of the design of the Estonian flag, and few if any could recognize the German flag.

"You were spot on in discerning that these flag tattoos represent my personal association with each country. There is no replica of the American flag, because when I had commissioned these tattoos I was in actuality an American, and expecting to live my entire life there. Besides the horizontal stripes of the American flag are much narrower, to accommodate the lettering and numbering you can see on my German and Estonian flags.

"The flags, then, represent my ancestry by blood relationship to each of those two countries. My mother is a German citizen, and has never bothered to take out American citizenship. She came to America when she was eighteen years old, and soon met my father, and subsequently married him. My mother spoke primarily German, and exclusively at home so naturally I'm fluent in German. Although my mother is fluent in English she only speaks it when it's absolutely necessary to do so. As a result to this day, she still speaks English with a heavy German accent.

"My father like me was born in the United States, but his parents were Estonian. They had been sympathetic to the German cause during the war. My grandfather was from Viljandi, and had been recruited as a pilot in the Luftwaffe when the German forces took over Estonia in 1941. My grandmother was from Narva and worked as a nurse in a temporary military field hospital for German wounded forces. So once the Red Army began pushing the German forces back to Germany, my grandmother had to flee to Germany. My grandfather had been a prisoner of war held captive in France, and once the war was over, he was release and sent to Germany. That's whe⁹re my grandparents met and married, not having known each other when they were both living in Estonia."