All Comments on 'Vivienne's Mommy Slut Ch. 01'

I like the concept. I like the topic. You didn't make countless spelling or grammar errors. But there is just something about your story...it just seems very mechanical. Instead of you writing a story for us to read, it just seems as if you yourself are reading to us. It sounds like an old primary reader. "See Jane suck. See Jane suck. Jane will cum. Cum Jane cum." If you can show a little emotion and passion in your story, it will be solid. Everything else seems good. So keep trying please.

Hope to hear more from you.