Voyage Into Manhood Ch. 01

"What the hell? What kind of a man is this?" Jacob thought. It was one thing for him to succumb to temptation and engage in carnal sin with another man like this. But it seemed Wesley had planned ahead by wearing something that Jacob could only describe as... well, faggy. He didn't understand what would possess Wesley to wear something like that, nor why his own cock was leaking massive amounts of precum at the sight of it.

Brad spanked Wesley on one of his ass cheeks, causing the little man to cry out. "Sexy boy," Brad said. "I see you wore your special little undies for me."

"Yes daddy," Wesley said as he leaned against the wall, sticking his ass out. "I know you like it."

"Fuck yeah I do," Brad said as he spread Wesley's cheeks apart and shoved his tongue into his tight hole.

Wesley let out a high pitched moan as Brad ate his ass hungrily, his tongue rubbing around the inside of Wesley's asshole. He ran his hands along the wall and whimpered as Brad squeezed his cheeks, continuing to assault his hole with his tongue.

Jacob's cock was so hard it was aching. He had never seen a man do this to another man before. In fact, he hadn't even known that this was a thing. But both his cock and, strangely, his asshole were throbbing at the sight of Brad eating Wesley's ass.

He found himself wishing it were him standing there pinned against the wall, feeling Brad's tongue inside him as his eyes rolled back into his head.

Brad pulled his face away before spitting on Wesley's asshole. He stuck his middle finger in his mouth, getting it nice and wet and shoving it into Wesley's hole. He moved it around, opening Wesley up.

"Yeah baby, you ready for daddy's cock inside you?" Brad whispered.

"Yes, daddy, put it inside," Wesley panted.

Brad laughed as he pulled his finger out. He positioned his cock at the entrance to Wesley's hole and slowly began sliding it in.

"Oh..." Wesley moaned as Brad pushed the head of his cock through his anal walls.

"Fuck, boy your ass is so nice," Brad said as he pushed even further inside.

Jacob's brain was on fire. He knew that what he was witnessing would change him forever, but he also knew he was powerless to look away. This was the most erotic thing he had ever seen in his life. He had never even allowed himself to look at gay porn before, convinced that to do so would be to seal his fate as a homosexual. Now that he was seeing two men fucking for the first time in his life, he knew that image would stay with him forever.

"Screw it," he thought. "I'm already damned." He took his cock out of his pants and began to stroke it as he continued to watch the two men fuck in front of him.

Brad finally bottomed out inside Wesley, letting out a low moan as Wesley squeezed down on his cock with his ass.

"Fuck, boy you know I love when you milk daddy's cock," Brad said as he began to pump back and forth into Wesley.

Wesley pushed back to meet Brad's dick with every thrust, moaning as he stroked his little cock underneath him. Jacob wasn't sure with a cock that small that Wesley would be able to satisfy a woman, let alone father any children.

Jacob may not have been attracted to his wife, but at least he was big enough to please her. At least he was able to father a child. That must have made him more of a man than Wesley, right?

"It was almost like Wesley was made to be fucked by a man," Jacob found himself thinking.

What a strange thought. Of course that couldn't be true. Men were meant to fuck women. Still, Wesley seemed to be in ecstasy as Brad plowed into him repeatedly. Jacob watched as Wesley began stroking himself even faster.

"Stroke that cock, boy. Shoot for daddy," Brad said as he pumped in and out of Wesley's hole. His entire body was tensed, every muscle flexed as he fucked the living shit out of the skinny Asian twink in front of him.

Jacob couldn't help but admire how strong and godlike Brad looked. Even if what they were doing was undeniably gay, there was nothing more masculine than Brad in that moment. He was like an animal.

"Daddy I'm close," Wesley whined as Brad fucked him against the wall. His head was banging the wall at this point but he didn't seem to care. He was in too much pleasure, too focused on making himself cum as this god of a man took him like the bitch he was.

Wesley squealed as his cock started to shoot, spraying the wall with little jets of cum. He collapsed against the wall, the only thing holding him up being Brad's strong arms.

Jacob started stroking himself even faster, his own cock leaking enough precum that his hand was soaking wet.

Brad continued fucking into Wesley, grabbing his hips and holding on tight as he let out a guttural yell. The tightening of Wesley's asshole around Brad's cock was too much for him as he began to shoot his seed deep inside of Wesley. He rammed his pelvis against Wesley's ass, causing the younger man to yelp as Brad continued to unload inside him.

Jacob himself was reaching his own cresting point. He shoved the fingers of his left hand into his mouth to muffle his cries as his right hand brought him to ejaculation. He shot all over his hand, dripping down onto his pants and creating a giant, sticky mess. He could no longer see the men in front of him, his eyes clenched shut as he experienced what can only be described as a "cum to Jesus" moment.

Jacob had only masturbated a handful of times, and each time he had been overwhelmed by a massive feeling of guilt and disgust after ejaculating. This time was no different. As the effects of his orgasm wore off, the familiar feeling of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization descended upon Jacob like a wet blanket.

He opened his eyes, staring at his semen-covered hand in horror. He wiped it off on his shirt frantically before looking down in despair at the jizz on his pants. What was he going to do? How was he going to hide this?

He'd ruined everything. Not only had he watched the most shameful of acts, but he'd brought himself to orgasm as he'd done so. Unlike what had happened with Alex, there was nothing accidental about it. Jacob had engaged in deliberate sin. He may as well have committed sodomy.

He ran back down the hallway to his room, trying to stifle the sound of his sobs so as not to wake the other men. He opened the door to his room and slowly shut it behind him. Alex was still fast asleep. The moonlight illuminated his beautiful face--he looked like he didn't have a care in the world.

Jacob's was shaking as he got into bed and pulled the covers over himself. He lay on his back and stared at the ceiling, looking up at a God he knew was looking down at him with shame.

"I'm sorry, God," Jacob said as the tears began to come. "I'm so, so sorry..."

Tuesday

Jacob woke up the next morning still feeling the weight of what had happened the night before. He wasn't sure how he would be able to recover from such a gross violation of his heterosexuality. Was it too late for him? Would anything be able to work? He wanted it so so badly. Surely that should count for something.

He ate his cornflakes in silence, listening to the other men chatting amiably around the breakfast table. Wesley was engaged in conversation with Chris, talking animatedly about the new stained glass windows they'd just put in in his church.

Jacob watched him with contempt. How could Wesley just sit there like nothing had happened? Like he hadn't been violated by another man the night before? Jacob was feeling like the scum of the earth and he hadn't even...

But no, to everyone else, Wesley seemed like he didn't have a care in the world. It made Jacob want to scream.

When they gathered in the parlor for their morning session with Ezekiel, Jacob made sure to place himself as far away from Wesley as he could. To his horror, he noticed after a few moments that he'd placed himself right next to where Wesley and Brad had been fucking the night before. He took several steps to his right, ending up near Alex.

Alex smiled at him. "Everything all right?"

Jacob nodded. "It's fine, I just... I didn't sleep all that great."

Ezekiel entered the parlor with Brad. Like Wesley, Brad seemed his same old self, nothing amiss.

"Today we're going to talk about sexual sin," said Ezekiel. "None of us is perfect. And God does not require perfection. But one thing God does not tolerate is the blatant disregard for his laws. God gave us as humans the most beautiful gift that anyone can imagine--the gift of intercourse with a woman. To put your penis inside of a vagina is the greatest feeling that a man can possibly feel. It's like... slipping into a warm, relaxing bath after coming in from the cold."

Jacob shifted uncomfortably. He'd had sex with his wife many times, and he had to admit that it did not feel the way Ezekiel was describing. If he was honest with himself, it was usually accompanied by a bit of terror and a slight feeling of nausea. He usually just chalked this up to nerves. If only he could get out of his head long enough to feel what Ezekiel was describing.

"He's right you guys," said Brad, grinning. "Why do you think I have five kids?"

The rest of the men laughed. Jacob had to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

"To twist that gift, to turn it into something sick and wrong... that is something that God cannot allow," continued Ezekiel. "To put your penis not into the most holy of places, but into a man's anus... well, it's a sickness, really. There's no doubt about it."

Despite his efforts to the contrary, Jacob couldn't stop his mind from flashing back to the night before. The sight of Brad's cock sliding into Wesley's asshole. The way Wesley moaned Brad's name as Brad thrust into him again and again and again.

Jacob could feel himself getting hard. He bit his lip so hard he was almost bleeding. Finally he felt himself go flaccid.

"In order to truly free yourself of the desire to have sex with men, you have to be rigorously honest with yourself and with God," said Ezekiel. "Confess to Him your sexual sins, lay it all bare and throw yourself down in front of Him for His mercy and His judgment. The more you hold back, the more this sickness will grow."

"All right guys," said Brad, clapping his hands together. "Who's gonna be the first?"

Nobody moved. Jacob looked down, hoping to avoid Brad's wandering gaze. He was barely able to admit what had happened last night to himself, let alone talk about it in front of a room full of guys.

"Come on, I know somebody's got something they wanna get off their chest."

"I'll do it," said Chris. He stood up and walked over to Ezekiel, his hands shaking slightly by his sides.

"That's my man. This is what a fearless warrior of God looks like, gentlemen!" said Brad as he clapped Chris on the back. He let his hand linger there for a moment before taking a seat with the other guys.

"Welcome, Brother Chris," said Ezekiel. "What do you have to confess to us today, my son?"

"Well..." said Chris nervously. Jacob watched him with apprehension. He could tell that Chris was no more comfortable than he would be being up there on display like that.

"I haven't been with other men. Just my fiancé. But sometimes, when we're together... my thoughts wander. I think about... well, there's this David Beckham commercial that came out a few years ago. An... an underwear commercial. I remember it vividly, and I... well sometimes I think about it and it helps me... cum."

Chris was sweating profusely. His pale face was bright red, matching his curly red mane of hair.

"I see. But when these thoughts come, you redirect them towards your fiancé?" asked Ezekiel.

Chris nodded profusely. "Yes sir, every time. I love her, I'm totally attracted to her. These thoughts are just fleeting."

"Of course. We cannot help the first thought that comes into our head," said Ezekiel. "But we can help the second. And we always have control over our actions. Thank you for your honesty, Brother Chris. God looks kindly on you."

He touched Chris lightly on the arm. Chris sat back down, a look of relief on his face as he beamed. The rest of the men clapped.

"Who will be next to confess in front of God?" asked Ezekiel.

He scanned the room. Jacob closed his eyes, hoping to remain invisible.

"Jacob."

Fuck. Jacob opened his eyes. Everyone was staring at him.

"Come up and confess your sexual sins."

Jacob rose clumsily to his feet as he walked past the other guys towards where Ezekiel stood at the head of the room. Ezekiel stared at him with that same look of disapproval, his face betraying not even an ounce of warmth or compassion.

"Tell us, Jacob. Have you sinned?"

Jacob looked at the men sitting on the floor staring back at him. They watched him with intense curiosity. It seemed like they were getting a morbid sense of enjoyment out of watching his discomfort. Everyone except for Alex, who gave him a sympathetic smile.

"Yes, sir," Jacob said timidly.

"Speak up, Brother Jacob. How have you sinned?"

Jacob took a deep breath. "I... I touched myself. I... brought myself to... to orgasm when I was..."

He looked over at Wesley and Brad. Both men were watching him with mild amusement, completely unaware that he had seen them the night before.

"I was... thinking about men. About men having sex."

Ezekiel nodded. "I understand. When did this transgression occur?"

"Last night," Jacob said quietly.

A couple of the men let out a gasp. Jacob lowered his head in shame. The room felt like all the air had gone out of it, and Jacob felt like he was going to suffocate.

"You violated God's law here, in this holy place?" asked Ezekiel.

Jacob nodded.

"SPEAK, BOY!" shouted Ezekiel.

"Yes, yes I did! I'm so sorry," said Jacob as his face started to tremble.

"How dare you? How dare you turn this beautiful, transformative event into a farce? I thought you wanted to change, Jacob."

Jacob started to cry. He buried his face in his hands. He felt like a little boy being scolded in front of the class. But he deserved it. He deserved to be punished.

"You told me that you were serious, that you wanted to be free from your same sex desires. To make love to your wife like a real man, not like some weak little faggot. But you can't even make it one day without sin. You spit in the face of everything that Voyage Into Manhood stands for," Ezekiel said angrily.

"Leave him alone!"

Jacob looked up. Alex was standing in the middle of the other men, staring right at Ezekiel.

"You asked him to be honest and he did. He's trying. Obviously he is," Alex said.

"Sit back down right now, Brother Alex," said Ezekiel. "Jacob must bear his shame in the eyes of God. You cannot bear it for him."

Alex looked at Jacob. Jacob nodded at him, wiping the tears out of his eyes. Alex sat back down slowly, his eyes never leaving Jacob's face.

"If you want to change," said Ezekiel, "really, really want to change, then you have to take this seriously."

"I will, I promise," said Jacob.

"I'm going to take you at your word," said Ezekiel sternly. "But I must warn you--one more transgression and you're gone. No second chance, no refunds, no nothing. You take your bag and you leave."

Jacob nodded. "I understand," he said.

"We're done," said Ezekiel.

Jacob walked back to where he was sitting and sat back down, trying to avoid the looks from the other guys. He wanted more than anything to leave, but he didn't want to show weakness in front of Ezekiel.

"Who will be next?"

"I'll go," said Wesley. He got up and practically pranced over to the front of the room, taking his place in front of Ezekiel.

"Tell us about your sexual sin, Brother Wesley."

"Well, it's kind of embarrassing. But I did have premarital sex," Wesley said.

Jacob sat up in his seat. Surely his confession would blow Jacob's measly little sin out of the water.

"And who did you have sex with?" Ezekiel asked.

"This girl from my church choir. We've only just started dating, which I know is bad, but-"

Ezekiel started to laugh. "Brother Wesley, there's nothing wrong with engaging in God's purest of acts. You have nothing to confess."

Jacob's face turned to rage. Was this a fucking joke? No mention of getting railed by Brad the night before? Just some nonsense about a girl from choir (which probably wasn't even true!)

"Thank you, Ezekiel," said Wesley.

Jacob caught Wesley and Brad sharing a knowing glance as Wesley sashayed back to his seat. He wanted to puke. He wanted to scream. He wanted to get up in front of the other men and jump up and down and cry.

But he knew that none of that would get him anywhere. He would still not be any closer to his goal of being straight.

After the session was over, Jacob left to go pray in his room while the rest of the men were at lunch. He needed the guidance more than ever.

"Please God," he prayed. "Help me to figure out Your will for me. I'm trying, You know I am. And I know, I know that just because Brad and Wesley aren't taking this seriously doesn't mean that I shouldn't. But I just don't know what You want me to do. Please just give me a sign."

Jacob sat on the bed, feeling sorry for himself.. He was still reeling from being castigated by Ezekiel in front of the rest of the men. Man, Ezekiel sure seemed to be passionate in his beliefs. Could that be where God was directing him? To Ezekiel?

It made sense. Maybe if Jacob could just have faith and follow Ezekiel's lead, everything would be fine. He'd leave it to God to judge Brad and Wesley for their sins. After all, it would all come out the way it was meant to in the Kingdom of Heaven.

He had just made up his mind to go make amends with Ezekiel when Alex walked in.

"There you are," said Alex as he walked over to Jacob. "I was worried about you."

He hugged Jacob, catching him by surprise.

"Oh... thank you," said Jacob as Alex released him from the hug. He could still smell Alex's scent.

"Are you alright? That was so unfair, he-"

"No, he- he's right. I shouldn't have done that. I'm not taking this seriously," said Jacob.

"Are you kidding me?" asked Alex. "How could you be taking it any more seriously? I mean, you basically had a panic attack last night just for getting a boner, and now you get torn apart just because you jacked off? Clearly you want to change. I don't know why he doesn't see that."

Jacob was taken aback by Alex's anger. He shook his head.

"It's not enough just to want it," said Jacob. "I've always wanted to be straight, ever since I was a little boy. I used to sit on the floor of my bedroom and beg God on my hands and knees to change me, to love me. But all that wanting and I've gotten nowhere."

Alex stared at him. "You don't think God loves you?"

"How could he?" asked Jacob.

"How could he not?" asked Alex. "You're the most devout person I've ever met. You've given everything to God, you've done everything you think He wants from you: you've married a woman, you've become a father, you've come here... I mean, think about it. It shouldn't be this much work to earn God's love."

Jacob was silent. The things that Alex was saying made sense, but how could they be true? God couldn't love him the way he was. He needed to change, he didn't have a choice.

Alex took his hand. "And you are so fucking lovable. You're kind, you're honest, you wear your heart on your sleeve... and you wanna be a good dad. You deserve everything you could ever want. You shouldn't be in this much pain."

Jacob stared into Alex's eyes. They were light and freckled, almost the color of sunflower seeds. Jacob could see the concern and compassion coming out of them from behind Alex's clear glasses. He had never felt this cared for in his entire life. He had never felt this seen.

Before he knew what he was doing, Jacob kissed Alex on the lips.