Voyage Into Manhood Ch. 04

"What the fuck is this?"

The men all turned around to see Ezekiel and Brad standing in the doorway, their eyes glued to the screen. Brad raced forward and grabbed his phone, trying to figure out what had happened.

"It's not coming from my phone. I don't know how it's playing, sir," Brad said frantically.

"Turn off the fucking TV, you idiot!" yelled Ezekiel.

Something caught Chris' eye as Brad raced to unplug the TV. He could see movement out the parlor window. Curious, he stood up and walked over to the window, looking out.

"Uh, guys?" he said. He could see Alex and Jacob running towards a car, laughing to themselves. "I think Alex and Jacob just left."

Ezekiel pushed him aside, staring out the window as the two men got in the car. He clenched his hand into a fist as he watched it speed away.

"What the hell is this?"

Ezekiel turned around. One of the older gentlemen at the retreat was standing, glaring at him.

"What is this place? You've got someone in leadership having sex with one of the guys?" he yelled.

"Sit down!" said Ezekiel.

"We want an explanation, here!" he said.

"And a refund!" said the other older man. They stood up, walking towards Ezekiel angrily.

Ezekiel raised his hands. "It wasn't me. I had nothing to do with this, you can see on the video. Brad is the sinner."

Brad stared at him in shock. "What the fuck, man?"

Everyone began talking at once, the men angrily converging on Brad and Ezekiel while they tried to defend themselves. Chris took this moment to try and slip away, hoping they would forget that he was also on the video.

Suddenly he felt a hand go flying towards his face as someone slapped him. He grabbed his cheek in shock. Wesley was standing in front of him, fuming.

"How dare you fuck my man!" he yelled. He grabbed Chris' red curls, pulling him to the ground. The two men wrestled as the room descended into chaos.

_____________________

Jacob and Alex checked into a motel in Joshua Tree, planning to head back to Los Angeles in the morning.

"How many beds?" the woman behind the desk asked.

"One," Jacob said quickly. Alex looked at him, surprised. Jacob smiled nervously, then took the key from the woman.

They took their bags into the room, collapsing next to each other on the bed. Jacob laid on his side, running his fingers down Alex's stomach.

"When are you gonna publish your article?" he asked.

"I'm not sure," he said.

"Well, you should do it sooner rather than later. I want to see that fucker fry."

Alex laughed, then fell silent. He took Jacob's hand. "Are you sure you wanna do this? He might make good on his threat to out you if I publish the article."

Jacob nodded. "It's the right thing to do," he said. He paused, then added, "Plus, a good man tells the truth, right?"

Alex smiled. He leaned over and pulled Jacob's body into his, holding him against him. "When are you gonna tell her?" he asked quietly.

Jacob was silent for a moment. "Tomorrow. I want to make sure she hears it from me."

"How do you think she'll react?"

"I have no idea," Jacob said.

"You never know. She might surprise you," said Alex.

He sighed. "I just wish I could do better for my son."

Alex traced his fingertips along Jacob's arm. "I think the best thing you can do as a parent is to be honest, even when it's difficult. And love him no matter what. You're pretty good at that."

Jacob smiled at him. He leaned in and kissed Alex's lips, laughing as Alex's mustache tickled his nose.

Alex reached his hand down to rub Jacob's butt, slipping his hand underneath Jacob's waistband to feel his soft skin. Jacob moaned as Alex squeezed him, his muscles turning to jelly under the touch of his lover.

Alex ran his hand down further in between Jacob's cheeks, slipping his finger inside Jacob's hole. He moved it slowly around inside Jacob, causing Jacob to writhe against him.

"Oh, baby," whispered Jacob.

Alex kissed Jacob's neck as he continued to finger him. Jacob was completely at the mercy of Alex's touch, his body limp in Alex's hands. He could feel his cock beginning to strain against his pants as Alex continued the assault on his prostate.

Jacob lowered his pants, releasing his hard cock. He reached back and touched Alex's hand, feeling his fingers as he moved them in and out of his hole. He would never get over how strange it felt to be penetrated, to take on the woman's role in sex. He felt like he was giving over complete control of himself to Alex, and he trusted him implicitly.

Alex pushed Jacob onto his stomach, lowering his head down to his butt cheeks and kissing them softly. He stuck his tongue inside Jacob, licking his outer hole and making Jacob shiver. Jacob reached back and held Alex's hand as Alex lovingly and tenderly ate his ass.

"I want you," Jacob moaned as Alex's tongue darted in and out of his asshole. Alex lifted his head, moving his lips to Jacob's ear.

"Do you want me to fuck you, Jay?" he whispered softly.

Jacob turned his head to look in Alex's eyes.

"I want to look at you while you're fucking me," he said.

Alex smiled. "Okay, baby," he said, flipping Jacob onto his back. He kissed Jacob again as he reached down, lifting Jacob's leg onto his shoulder.

Jacob took a deep breath as Alex began to slowly finger him again. He reached down and grabbed hold of Alex's cock, rubbing it against his own. Alex moaned.

"Baby, you know I love it when you do that," he said breathlessly.

Alex continued fingering Jacob until his hole was nice and relaxed. He grabbed his cock and positioned it against Jacob's entrance, then kissed Jacob before slowly sliding it in.

"Ohhhh..." Jacob moaned as Alex pushed the head of his cock into his asshole. Alex put his hand on Jacob's cock and began stroking it, causing Jacob's hole to relax enough to accept the rest of his cock.

Alex stroked Jacob's cock as he rocked back and forth, thrusting his own dick inside of Jacob's warm hole. Jacob reached out and ran his fingers across Alex's abs, marveling at the beauty of the man fucking him.

He still couldn't believe how amazing it could feel to be fucked, especially by someone so handsome and angelic as Alex. Alex expertly played with his cock while fucking him, causing Jacob to writhe on the bed underneath him as they fucked.

They kept each other's gaze while fucking, almost like they were saying all of the things they couldn't say aloud through the movement of their bodies and the look in their eyes.

"I've never met anyone like you before."

"I didn't know I could be this happy."

"I love you."

All this and more they wordlessly communicated to each other with every thrust, every groan, every stroke. Alex leaned down and kissed Jacob, holding the back of his neck as he continued to pound his hole again and again. Tears came to Jacob's eyes as he became so overwhelmed with pleasure that he couldn't hold back anymore.

Jacob's cock began to shoot cum all over Alex's chest, dripping down those perfect washboard abs. He covered Alex's hand with cum as Alex continued to stroke him. Alex could feel Jacob's asshole tightening around his cock as he drove into him. The tightness and warmth of Jacob's hole and the knowledge that he'd brought his lover to orgasm caused Alex to shoot his own load inside of Jacob.

No matter how many times Alex came inside of Jacob, it never stopped feeling as good as the first time. It was like Jacob had said--being inside him felt like the most natural thing in the world. How could it possibly be wrong?

Alex collapsed onto Jacob, his chest heaving as his cock pumped out the last remaining bit of semen into Jacob's stretched hole. Jacob held Alex to his chest, his arms wrapped around his lover's sweaty back as he savored the feeling of Alex's spent cock still deep inside him. Jacob smiled. He didn't know what the future held for him and Alex, but this moment was enough.

Saturday

Jacob and Alex left their motel in Joshua Tree early in the morning, driving back to Los Angeles in a car that Alex had rented. They rode in silence for the first part of the trip, Jacob holding Alex's hand tightly as he prepared himself to go home.

"It's gonna be okay," Alex said, squeezing Jacob's hand. "I wish I could be there to support you."

"I know," said Jacob. "But I need to do this on my own. I owe her that much."

Alex dropped Jacob off around the corner from his house. He kissed him long and deep as they said goodbye.

"Let me know how it goes. Whatever happens."

Jacob watched as Alex drove off, then grabbed his bag and walked down the street to his house.

"Ruth?" he called out as he walked through the door, tossing his bag on the ground.

Ruth walked out of the living room, holding their 1-year-old son in her arms.

"Jacob! I thought you were gonna be home later tonight?"

Jacob walked over to her and hugged her, then took his son in his arms.

"I know. I got back a little early. Can we... sit and talk?"

He carried his son into the living room, giving him a kiss on the cheek before putting him in his playpen. He sat on the couch and smiled as he watched as his son picked up some blocks and began to play with them.

"What's going on, honey? How did it go in Las Vegas?"

Jacob turned away from his son to look at his wife. She was standing in the doorway, her arms wrapped around herself with a worried look on her face.

"Come here," he said as he patted the seat next to him on the couch.

Ruth walked hesitantly over to him and sat down next to him. He took her hands in his.

He did his best to look her in the eye as he told her everything. That there had been no business trip in Las Vegas. That he had struggled with same-sex attraction since he was a little boy. That he had been working with their pastor and with Brothers Who Surrender for the last year to make himself straight. That he had lied to her so he could attend Voyage Into Manhood and rid himself of these feelings once and for all. He told her about his discovery of Brad and Ezekiel, his realization that they were lying to them and that there was no way to rid himself of being gay.

She held his hand throughout all of it, staring at him wide eyed as he detailed all of his struggle. He took a deep breath, then let go of her hand before he told her about Alex. He told her about meeting Alex, about being overwhelmed by his attraction to him. He told her the truth about what happened between them, that he had broken his vows to her and slept with another man. He couldn't bring himself to look at her as he told her this, keeping his eyes closed as he confessed his betrayal.

When he had finished, he opened his eyes. Ruth had remained silent throughout his entire speech. When he looked at her now, he saw her staring back at him with a look of pity and deep, deep sadness.

"Were you ever attracted to me at all?" she asked quietly.

He shook his head. Ruth wiped away a tear.

"And this Alex... you're attracted to him?"

He nodded.

"Are you in love with him?"

He didn't say anything.

"So our whole marriage, that was just... what, an experiment? Some way for you to see if you could turn yourself straight?"

"No, of course not," said Jacob. He took her hand again but she pulled it away from him. "I love you, Ruth, I do. I tried to be the best husband I could be, but I just can't... I can't be who I wanna be."

Ruth got up and walked over to the window. Jacob looked up at her, watching as she stared outside for a moment. Finally she spoke.

"I knew something was wrong. I told myself it was me. I didn't know what, I wasn't pretty enough, I was too stupid for you, I didn't lose the baby weight... I never for a moment thought it was you."

She turned to look at him. "I know you can't help who you are. I get that, I'm not an idiot. But you could have been honest with me. You could have told me what I was getting into before you asked me to marry you. Maybe if you had, things would have been different."

Jacob got up and walked over to her. He tried to touch her arm but she pulled away from him again.

"I can't... I can't do this right now," she said. She walked over to the playpen and picked up their son.

"Where are you going?" Jacob asked.

"I'm going to my parents'. I need some time to... figure out what I want."

She looked back at him, tears in her eyes.

"Can I just ask something?" she said. "How did it feel? Being with him?"

Jacob was quiet for a moment. "It felt right."

She nodded.

"I want to know what that feels like."

She turned and walked out of their home, leaving Jacob standing there alone.

One Month Later

Alex sat on the booth side of the table sipping his cup of coffee. Verve was his favorite coffee shop in West Hollywood, so it seemed like a good place to meet. Still, he couldn't help but feel nervous despite the familiar surroundings.

"It's good to see you again," he said. "How have you been?"

Jacob shrugged, a sad smile on his face.

"I'm getting by. I saw your article online."

Alex smiled. "My editor was over the moon. He thinks I might get nominated for another GLAAD media award."

"You deserve it," said Jacob. "And Lord knows Ezekiel deserved what he got."

"I still think he got off easy," said Alex. "He should be in jail for the shit he pulled with some of those guys. Threatening to out people is blackmail, plain and simple. Still, I'll take firing and a little public disgrace."

"Oh, I think it's more than just a little," Jacob said, smiling. "Voyage Into Manhood is over thanks to you."

Alex put his hand on Jacob's. "Thanks to us," he said.

Jacob pulled his hand away.

"Sorry," Alex said quickly. "I don't know why I did that."

"No, it's okay, it's just..." Jacob looked around. He didn't know anyone in this area of town, but he checked regardless. "This is all new to me."

Alex nodded. "I know. And I want you to know, I don't expect anything from you. Especially with everything going on with you and Ruth-"

"It's done," he said. "She's made up her mind, and let's face it--divorce is for the best."

"Still," said Alex. "I know it must be difficult. That's why I wanted to give you some space."

"I appreciate that," said Jacob. They were silent for a moment before he asked, "So, what's next for you?"

Alex shrugged. "I don't know. Do you know any more ex-gay organizations that need toppling?"

Jacob grinned. "Why? You looking for a partner in crime?"

Alex blinked, surprised. "Oh, I was just-"

"You know, actually, I was thinking," said Jacob, leaning forward. "We took down Voyage Into Manhood, which was great, sure. But it's kind of small potatoes when you think about it."

Alex raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?" he said.

Jacob nodded eagerly. "I mean, there's still the whole network of Brothers Who Surrender. I'm sure there's gotta be more we can do to expose them. They're liars, there's gotta be more sketchy shit under the rug."

"Well, now that you mention it," said Alex, "I did hear something about the guy who runs their San Diego chapter. He seems like a real piece of work, he's all holier-than-thou in real life but I hear he's been known to cruise Grindr."

"That sounds like as good a place to start as any!" said Jacob.

Alex smiled curiously at him. "Since when did you become Mr. Detective?"

"I guess that's just what happens when you're dating an investigative journalist," said Jacob.

Alex froze.

Jacob blushed. "I mean, I don't mean to be presumptuous or anything-"

"I think I love you," Alex said. Jacob looked at him, wide-eyed.

"Do you mean that?" he asked. Alex nodded.

"I think I love you too," said Jacob. He leaned forward and kissed Alex.

Alex touched his face as they kissed across the table, oblivious to the people around them.

The voice in Jacob's head, the one of shame and self-loathing, was silent. The voice of Alex's father was silent in his head too.

After a few moments, they broke away.

"Wow," said Alex. "For someone who's new to all this, you sure are good at it."

Jacob smirked. "We're in West Hollywood," he said, grabbing Alex's hand from across the table. "I'm a fast learner."

Alex smiled and sipped his coffee as he held Jacob's hand.