Wait, Am I A Zombie? [BOOK 3]

Oscar looked up and smiled at me, but it wasn't the kind smile he'd had before; this one chilled me. "Please don't threaten us. It is beneath you." Oscar turned and gave Bane the same look. "And hollow."

"Uh," I interrupted the staring contest the guys had going on. "Hate to interrupt, but there are hundreds of guests I have to do this same dance with, so can you do the dick-measuring contest another time. Though, fair warning, my husband's got you beat."

Barney and Oscar turned back to look at me. "Peaches." Barney said my name like he was tasting it, seeing if he liked it. If his expression was any indication, it tasted like shit.

I could hear Bane's teeth grind, jaw pop. But my husband had long stopped fighting my battles—wait, when did he even start? Sure, Bane was pissed, but he'd given me the tools to handle Oscars and Barneys the world over.

I stepped forward, all up in my Merchants' personal spaces. "Don't say my name. You haven't earned that right, Barney," I stressed, narrowing my eyes. "Now look. I don't have the patience for this nonsense, so unless you wanna take me on" —I poked his chest— "I suggest you knock it off."

Uh-huh, that's right. Peaches had powers. Peaches was a boss. I did a little mental song and dance in my head but never stepped away or backed down. I'd been through worse things then two old dudes prospering and strutting around like they were the best thing since sliced bread.

Little specks of red floated in Oscar's eyes. "Control—"

I ruthlessly cut him off. "You better be about to say something that ends with a compliment and me moving on."

Oscar glared at me for a long moment, not quite baring fang but close. In the next second he was gone along with Barney. Ha! Dicks.

"Well, that was certainly a show," Luther said, stepping in from the side as conversation resumed around us.

I couldn't give less of a crap about the old dudes. One poke had told me all I needed to know. Oscar might not be the Collector, but he wasn't an ally either. My ambiguous species, general demeanor, and gender were all problems for him. Didn't mean he was going to kill me... yet. Overthrow? In a heartbeat.

Samantha immediately engulfed in a hug, before she pulled back to eye me. "What are you wearing, Georgia?"

"Zombie make-up." I spread my arms wide. "Thought I'd be myself."

Samantha's laugh was bright and tinkling. She looked beautiful in a petal pink dress with a diamond choker at her throat. Her hair was in a complicated, but loose updo. While she looked refined and mature, I was rocking the teenager at halloween party vibe.

"You are not a zombie, Peaches. Nonetheless you look perfect." Luther smiled and extended a small box towards me. "A gift from Samantha and I."

I raised an eyebrow, but took it. "I didn't know that I'd get presents."

He smiled. "It is a party, after all."

I opened the box and pulled out a set of car keys. "Uh, you got me a car?" Could I still drive without a license?

"It's a custom Plum Lamborghini."

My eyes bugged and I almost dropped the keys. "Holy shit!" I looked at them and then launched myself at the couple and hugged them. "Thank you so much!"

Luther stiffened, but he eventually hugged me back. When I finally pulled away, I was in tears. "You guys really didn't have to do anything."

Casper strolled forward with Zeno on his arms to join our crew. I looked at the pair, just barely suppressing my grin. Zeno's lipstick was smeared and her hair looked hastily pinned. Casper was in a suit, but his tie was a little too loose and his hair was mussed. I gave Zeno a slow once over and mentally cat-called at her. She gave me a disgusted look. But the woman looked hot in a scarlet dress with a low neckline, slit up one side, and fuck-me pumps. No wonder Casper had taken her up on the offer those shoes promised.

Casper's laugh was low and rough, relaxed. Zeno, being the prickly pear that she is, bristled. "No fear as usual when it comes to my wife, I see."

"Ex-wife," Zeno snapped.

Casper ignored her and extended a thick packet to me. "Since we're all giving gifts."

I looked up at Casper and Zeno, and then back to Samantha and Luther. "You all really shouldn't have."

Zeno waved her hand. "Open it."

I did. Inside were tickets and bracelets and a bunch of other stuff. I looked at the bracelets. There were six plastic wristbands, all different colors. And they all had Mickey Mouse on them. I looked at the packet, and I really did start crying. "You got us a Disney Vacation Club membership?"

Wow. I wish I'd had friends like these when I'd been human.

Zeno reached forward and gave me a brief squeeze. It felt like she forced herself to do it. I was just surprised she showed me any sort of kindness. The former vamp queen stiffened. "You are my brother's wife, my ex-husband's friend, and now queen. I am not stupid. I need you as an ally, not an enemy."

Oh, now that made sense. Vampires had this whole "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" mentality. It was both funny and dangerous, because they could flip sides at any time. But I doubted Luther and the others would flip. I just couldn't see them giving a luxury car and Disney vacation to a girl they would betray.

We chatted for a while longer, and I noticed that Zeno really had warmed up to me. It was in the casual way she referred to me as "malikati saghira," the way she smiled instead of baring her fangs. I might still be a threat, but I wasn't one to her or the people she cared about. Hell, I might even be one of those people she cared for one day.

Casper glared at her the entire time as she casually said, not once or twice, but four times "ex-husband." I couldn't help but laugh at their dynamic. It was kind of strange, but Zeno and I weren't so different. Of all the vampires I'd met, she reminded me the most of myself: sort of chaotic, and the type of person to take whatever death threw at her by the balls.

Eventually, Zeno and Casper exchanged one too many heated glances and excused themselves to go and, uh, "freshen up." As if everyone and their mother didn't know that was code for "fuck like rabbits in the nearest closet or bathroom." Samantha and Luther left when Ivy sidled up with her pregnant partner and whispered something in Luther's ear. His eyes flashed before he excused Samantha and himself to go with Ivy.

"Should we be worried about that?" I asked, tilting my head to look at Bane.

Before he could answer his phone vibrated in his suit jacket. Bane stared down at the message on the glass screen, frowning. "Yes. Later."

"How much later?"

"Not tonight."

"Uh-huh."

Bane sucked at reassuring smiles, mainly because I could see past them now. But I let it go. If I focused on every little problem, then I'd forget the massive one: someone trying to get me. For the time being that was paramount.

We continued to tour the ballroom while I tried not to gawk at everyone around us. Most people were dressed in party outfits, but that ranged from more western dresses to just straight up tribal wear. It was interesting. One thing that really struck me was how young everyone looked. Luther, with his highschool-going-on-college guy face, fit right in with the vamp crowd. No one looked older than forty, but at least no one looked prepubescent.

I was on the same train of thought of "Wow, everyone looks so young and good looking," when the most attractive woman I'd seen to date sauntered up to us. And I do mean sauntered; hips swinging, head bobbing to some invisible music. She had the smallest waist I'd ever seen, and I bet she could fit her whole body inside one of my jean legs. Her breasts were small and perky, nipples pointed straight like arrows. If I didn't know by those breasts, I'd sure know by her almond shaped eyes that she was coming towards us.

The woman stopped a few feet from me, giving only the slightest curtsey. "Congratulations, Malikati. I hope you have a long reign."

Oh, but did those words sound forced out. I thought the woman might like to nibble on shards of glass dipped in lemon and salt before talking to me. I looked her up and down. Black stilettos and a drapey silk black dress that looked about as thin as tissue covered her body. Her skin was baby smooth, but I noticed some sort of tattoo curving over her shoulder and up her neck. Her jet-black hair fell over her shoulders in shiny glossy waves. Overall, the woman looked hotter than wet sex on a million dollars—if that was even a thing—and I hated her instantly.

I hadn't hated Zeno instantly. In fact, I'd pretty much declared that, had I been a lesbian, I would have screwed her brains out. I hadn't even grown the biggest hate-on in history when Ariel kidnapped and nearly killed me. Nope. But this Asian chick in front of me I hated immediately, and maybe a little irrationally. By the look in her too bright-green eyes—that I would bet my life were contacts—she knew it and she liked it.

"Lilith," the woman introduced herself to me with a sly smile and only the barest hint of an accent. She turned to Bane and extended her delicate, pale hand complete with bedazzled acrylic nails.

I looked closely at her nails. They were nice; I couldn't hate the woman's style. In a more rational world, I would have sat down with her and made her tell me who did the designs, but Peaches didn't live in that world.

"Bane." The woman moaned my husband's name as if he were kissing her neck and not the back of her hand.

I was in between them so quick, I would've thought Bane had passed some of his vamp powers to me during our marathon sex sessions, because we had a lot of them. "Please call me Mrs. Bane's Wife."

Lilith smiled coolly, and I tried to think of a way to make fun of her name. Her smile deepened. "Lilith is the name of Adam's first woman." She licked her glossy pink lips. "They had a fight about who was to be on top during sex, but Adam got angry and decided he wanted a submissive partner."

Adam? Who was she talking about? I tried to think of a common Adam, but all I came up with was Adam Levine. And Mr. Levine didn't seem the type of guy to fight about a woman being on top. Hmm... he seemed like the type of man to take a woman anyway he wanted. Oh, screw Ms. Jackson if you're nasty; the lyrics should be rewritten to Mr. Levine if you're nasty, or Mr. Gosling, or Mr.—

"How many men will I have to kill before you understand, habibti?" Bane's voice was soft. Too soft.

He always ruined my fun. "I wouldn't sleep with them, Bane. Just fuck 'em."

His hand was on the back of my neck, gripping hard with his fangs against my throat. "Do you think because you are surrounded by people I won't take you?"

"Promises, promises. But I still have my panties on."

Something hard prodded against my stomach, and his hand was at my waist, slipping my dress up higher on my legs. "Is a thong really panties?"

"Bane." We both turned our attention back to Lilith. Her eyes were narrowed, her tone angry. Good. If he decided to strip me, back me into a wall, and fuck me, then at least she'd know who he belonged to. I'd scratch my freaking name into his back!

Wait. I paused. She'd called him "Bane," not Miliki. I hyper-focused on the woman because she wasn't just a person I instantly hated; there was a history here.

"Who's Adam?" I didn't get the sense she had chosen her name flippantly while cruising the TV. If she wanted to tell the story, it was probably important that I listen. I knew I could sometimes be stupid, but when it came to my husband, I was just as possessive as him. Weird, but that might as well have been the slogan for my life.

Her smile returned. "Adam and Eve."

Oh, she was talking about the Bible. Damn, wish I had read that. But at least I knew the gist. "I don't think Lilith was mentioned in the Bible. You make her up?"

Irritation flashed through her eyes, but she covered it up with a soft shake of her head. "No, dear."

The way Lilith was talking made it seem like I was an idiot. That put her in the running for evil villain.

"Peaches." It was Bane, and his voice was one of those "watch it" tones. I hated when he did that.

"Lilith," she continued, "left. God sent angels to bring her back and serve Adam. She refused, fled to the sea, and became the mother of demons. That is the abridged version. But the point is that she chose her path and became whatever she needed to keep her freedom."

Lilith turned and I saw that the back of her dress dipped all the way to her butt crack. But that wasn't the awesome and terrifying part. Across her back was a complicated tattoo in every color imaginable depicting scenes of violence, sex, and rebirth. The thing was beautiful, but just looking at her back made pain shoot through mine.

"This," the woman said quietly, "is all I've done for my freedom, my rights."

"That looks like a Yakuza tattoo."

She turned back around, and if looks could freeze a person, I would have been an ice cube. "That's because it is."

She really wanted to be on my bad guys list, didn't she? With a name like Lilith and a Yakuza tattoo on her back, no one would mistake her for little miss innocent. Ugh, I'd kind of imaged the Collector being a dude because Society, but maybe I was wrong. Lilith fit the—

Realization hit me like a semi because Bane and Lilith did have history. I'd seen it. She was his memory from the red carved diamond piece. The woman my husband had been fucking.

Bane's had tightened around my waist, pulling me tight into his side. "That was the past."

"Then why is she here in the present?"

"I didn't kill Rob," Bane growled in my mind."The man you thought to marry. The one that hurt you."

I looked at the Yakuza-mother-of-demons person in front of me. "Are you planning to kill me, Lilith?" Just one word. All I needed was an excuse and I was hoping she'd give me one so I could ignore Bane's very rational thinking and give into the animal under my skin chomping at the bit.

She blinked in surprise, before her eyes darted to Bane. "I won't say the thought hasn't crossed my mind since I found out about your betrothal to Bane, but I have no intention of killing you at the moment."

It wasn't the confession I was looking for. "Got any plans to sleep with my husband again?"

Lilith glanced at Bane. "If he wants me."

That's it! Gloves off!

Bane chuckled next me. "I don't. Neither do I appreciate your offer, Lilith." That statement made it very clear that while this woman might have been something to him in the past, that was the past and I was his present and future.

Green eyes turned to me. "I was Bane's fiancée almost a century ago. Very nearly queen."

"Yeah, well, you aren't now; so I'd appreciate it if you'd stop eye-banging my husband."

"You have absolutely no decorum," she hissed. I raised a brow and the vamp paled, her eyes wide as if she hadn't even realized she said that out loud.

"My mom had a saying: if you don't have anything nice to say" —I narrowed my eyes and changed my voice so that it was good and vicious— "shut the fuck up."

She didn't immediately respond and that's when I realized the room had stopped again. The only sound was my breathing and the air conditioner on the ceiling. I counted the second by my breath, the tightening of my muscles, the digging in of my heels. If she decided to attack, I was gonna be ready.

"Music," Bane said in his king voice, not too low but not too high. My husband didn't need to raise his voice or carry a big stick or posture. God, did I envy him for that.

Somewhere in the background, a string was plucked, and people started to gather on the dance floor. Guess this was the part of the evening when the dancing ensued, followed closely by either my assassination or kidnapping.

Lilith turned to Bane, opened her mouth, and Japanese came out. However, since I only spoke English and the basic, "Hello. My name is Peaches. No, I don't speak Spanish," amount of Spanish, I could only assume she was reminding him of all the crazy sex they'd had and how her was an idiot for being with me and not her.

"Peaches." Bane's voice drew me away from the always chaotic jumble of my thoughts. I turned and looked at him, grip loose around my waist. "Will you be alright while I dance with Lilith?"

My immediate response was No! But I didn't say that. Instead, I reached up, pulled his head down, and kissed him like we were surrounded by zombies and the antidote was embedded in his tongue. "Will you? Don't think I'll just stand here and watch, Bane. Plenty of men in the room."

"I can keep her company," Luther interrupted, pulling up from the rear sans Samantha.

Bane's glower cleared as a triumphant smile took its place. "You're welcome to dance with any number of the married ones," my husband growled.

He nodded toward Luther before escorting his little strumpet ex-fiancée to the dance floor. I wasn't mad. Okay, that was a lie. But I knew I'd be the one on Bane's disco stick by the end of the night, because if that Yakuza bitch was then there would be no more Bane. Either way, it was a win-win for me.

"Where's Samantha?" I asked a second later.

"Bathroom." He paused before sidling up next to me and continuing. "Are you enjoying yourself, Malikati?"

"Meh. It's—"

Malikati. My senses flared, some self-preservation switch being flipped in my psyche. All it took was a brush of my hand against his to know that Luther wasn't Luther. Nope. It was Rajamar. One of my Merchants. And he was the Collector.

His vamp strength and speed pulled me close in the next millisecond while a very sharp knife buried deep in my side. Oh God, that hurt! It was more painful than anything I'd ever felt in my life, which was saying a lot considering what I'd been through for the last month. What was it made from? A billion little shark teeth and coated with poison?

I opened my mouth to scream and found I couldn't make a peep. When I tried the pain in my side turned to burning fire, felt like lava flowing through my veins.

"Be calm or the pain will worsen," Rajamar murmured casually as he slid a black scarf from around his neck to mine. Whatever Luther spell he'd cast was broken and I could see Rajamar: tribal patterns of sludge-like black paint were all over his face, neck, and hands. He bent and placed a marble on the floor, crushing it under his heel. A thick smoke wafted from the shards in a strange blur of human-like shadows.

In the next second his hand was banded on my upper arm and I was being led out of the room. Dude didn't even bother hiding the knife, which meant it had to be magicked. The knife, the scarf.

Ugh, this was just gonna suck for a while. I had no doubt that eventually my friends would find me—of course they would. Or I'd somehow outwit my captor, but there was still a knife in my side and magic keeping me hidden and imobile.

Options, Peaches. What are our options? The pain was messing with my head, fogging up any avenues with panic setting in every second I couldn't move my body. Couldn't bite my tongue for the poisonous blood. Couldn't open my mouth to spit acid. Couldn't use the moves Zeno'd taught me to turn my arms and legs into deadly weapons.

All I had were my thoughts.

Thoughts! Immediately I reinforced all my mental walls while simultaneously using the connection from Rajamar's knife to sneak into his mind.

The witch's magic was flawless. They won't even notice we're gone.

For some reason I'd kind of thought Samantha was the last witch. That didn't really make sense, but I didn't see witches. Didn't know that, aside from Luther, vampires even associated with witches. I'd sort of had it in my head that the Collector was a lone vamp, sitting on a throne of jewels with women chained at his feet Jabba the Hutt style.