Wait, Am I A Zombie? [BOOK 3]

Hey everyone,

As I said in my profile. I'll be posting all of my novels online because of these uncertain times. Afterall, a good book can take away a few hours of stress. So, I guess this is my contribution to helping you make it through the day.

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Now, on to the second book in the Peaches' series!

-Rosi

***

Prologue: It's A Vacay If We Don't Die

"Why are we going to Egypt? Is it the mummies? It's gotta be the mummies." I turned to my vampire husband, Bane, who'd been ignoring my gaze for the last hour or so.

I knew why. Hell, I couldn't even blame him. His cute little wife had just reached into a dead guy's chest and pulled out some weird, glowing orb. Then eaten it.

Talk about boner killer.

Bane didn't answer me, but continued to move his mouth and stare out the window. I knew he was talking to his sister and best friend in the car behind us. Vampires had super hearing, so even though it looked like Bane was having a mental breakdown and talking to himself, I was pretty sure he wasn't.

"You'd be right about that." It was the first thing he'd said to me in over an hour and it sounded forced.

I threw my hands up in the car and leaned forward, toward Samantha and Luther in the front seat. They both flinched away. My jaw dropped and I leaned back, crossed my arms, and pouted.

Maybe I should explain. See, I died. Busted my head open on my ex-boyfriend's steps and ended up in a morgue where I convinced myself I was a vampire. I ran into Bane shortly after and he told me I wasn't a bloodsucker. From there, my life spiraled in the most bizarre way possible.

In less than a week I was married to Bane, kidnapped, became an accidental murderer, grew fur, met a werewolf pack, fought a vampire queen, and ate a dead man. I also found out I could spit acid, turn my blood poisonous (haven't perfected it yet though), read vampire minds, heal pretty darn fast, dive into memories, and flash my emotions from my eyes in wacky neon shades.

That was why I couldn't exactly fault the flinching vamps around me. I wasn't a vampire; I wasn't a werewolf; and, until someone had a better answer, I was dubbing myself a zombie.

"You are not a zombie, habibiti," Bane growled as he turned his head toward me.

Finally, the guy looked at me. "Why are we going to Egypt, Bane?" I gestured to Samantha in the front seat. "Is it so she can use her witchy powers to raise up a mummy for me to talk to, or are you thinking about making a pyramid my new prison?"

I caught Samantha's worried glance in the rearview mirror. I'd seen that look a few times. Yeah, Bane and I fought a lot, but it was always his fault. The vamp thought he could coddle me. Ha! Coddling hadn't stopped any of the aforementioned stuff from happening, and I knew it wouldn't stop whatever was going to happen next.

"We're being called back."

"By who?"

"Our Merchants and Royals."

Just gonna step over those titles and not bother to ask any follow up questions that could for sure send me down a rabbit hole. "Fine. You can go. I'll chill at Disney World."

I looked him in the eyes, but when I didn't get anything out of his brown-red depths, I pushed into his mind. I will chain her to me. She will never leave. Disney World? She can watch Aladdin while she rides my—

I punched his arm. "Hey!"

His smile was all teeth. "Don't read my mind, Peaches."

"I was just trying to—" I stopped. This conversation was way too similar to ones I'd had with Bane before. We were going in circles, and I knew exactly what would happen next if I let it continue.

I took a calming breath and slowly blew it out. I'd learned a thing or two in the ten days I'd been undead. Bane would always only tell me as much as I needed to know, never more. That was why I needed to work on him until he gave me an answer. Stay focused and not get distracted. "Why are they calling you back?"

His eyes widened incrementally. He hadn't expected me to say that. Usually, I would have argued with him, bitched and moaned. That hadn't worked when I was trying to figure everything out, just like movies and books hadn't worked for any of my encounters with real vampires, witches, and werewolves. Vampires didn't burn or explode in the sun; werewolves didn't become crazy beasts on a full moon; and witches didn't have wands or brooms. They did however have a voice that raised the dead, created storms that ravaged cities, yada yada yada.

I'd tried to compare the supernatural creatures around me with movies and books, but when that didn't work I, more or less, abandoned those ideas. Same with our usual fights; he would not have his way this time and I would not be blindsided. We'd had a fight about him not telling me stuff, and if he wanted this marriage to work, he'd remember all that we talked about.

His voice was soft and some of the tension left his face. "I remember."

I reached up and touched his jaw gently. "Be honest with me." I softened my eyes and lowered my voice. "Are we going to meet a colony of zombies or your great, great, great, great grandfather who's a mummy?"

Bane stared at me for a minute, expression blank. A smile broke across his face, his shoulders started shaking, and then he threw his head back and laughed. I heard laughter come from the front seat, too, and the car shook.

I gaped at the supernatural beings around me. "Come on. We were just at a werewolf pack, and, before that, a vamp party. Is a zombie colony so far out of the realm of possibilities?"

Here I'd tried to be all gentle and tender with my husband. Screw that!

I flipped my hair and gave him a death stare. Bane held up a hand after he'd gotten all his laughter out. "You never cease to amuse me, habibiti."

Biting my lip, I scrunched up my face. "Glad I can be so amusing. It's not like I have anything important going on. Your amusement is what I live for."

"Peaches," Luther interrupted from the driver seat, "Are you hungry?"

I wasn't. Which was probably a problem in his eyes, but great for me. For the last week, I'd been eating buffet amounts of food at every sitting. That had also made me think I was a werewolf, but it sort of made sense from a zombie perspective, too. "I'm fine."

Samantha turned and looked at me, soft brown eyes pleading. "Not even a little peckish?"

Sighing, I shook my head. "Sorry."

Silence.

Ugh, I hated silence. There was something unnatural, unsettling about it. Noises were everywhere—in all living things. But vampires weren't exactly living.

I worried my lip between my teeth at my thoughts. Living. Right. So, vampires were dead. Yeah, Bane could breathe, but it wasn't necessary for him to do it consistently. From what I'd seen, vampires subscribed to some middle earth version of reality where the natural world just skirted around them and kept on with its business. Cool in theory, but pretty freaking weird in reality.

Silence equals death.

Looks like I was gonna have to Depeche Mode it.

Wait, no! "What's happening in Egypt, Bane?" I ground out, angry that I'd gotten sidetracked yet a-freakin'-gain. I watched his mouth open, but I interrupted him, "And the next word out of your mouth had better be the answer."

He closed his mouth, glared at me, and turned to Samantha and Luther. I watched his lips start to move; reaching forward, I gripped his chin and turned his head back to me. "Nu-uh. Don't ask them for help. Answer me."

I watched more red bleed into the brown of his eyes. Bane needed to eat, and he also needed to stop using so much energy.

His voice was a deadly purr, "Are you threatening me?"

I knew what he was doing. He thought showing some fang and getting angry would shut me up. It never had. It only got me angry, which led to a fight.

Not this time, though. Egypt was halfway around the world, and if he wanted me on that plane, his games would stop now. "Answer," I enunciated the word.

"There are steps, procedures, before you can be recognized as queen," Luther said.

"Wanna stop being cryptic and just come out with it?"

"You need to be presented in front of the other royals, along with esteemed members of our society. They can accept or discard you."

"But I thought Zeno already recognized me as queen?"

"No. She does not have that power."

"So the attack was just for fun. Super."

The car was silent too long and I was beginning to think the answer was yes. Though the why still stood. Aside from, ya know, accidentally killing my kidnapper, I was harmless. Okay, well, harm-lite. No reason to fight me and nearly lop off my head. You want me gone? Oh, I'm gone.

Self-preservation over bravery and pride anyday.

"Given you're not a vampire or any commonly known creature, she was given orders to assess your threat level," Bane finally said, glancing over at me.

Turning to face him, I raised a brow and asked, "How do you know?"

"She told me."

I blanched, blinking rapidly. "Just like that."

Bane's eyes hooded and intensified. "The bond I have with Zenobia goes beyond dictates passed down from others. In the end, she will follow me. Always."

Talk about blind faith.

"Not blind, habibiti. Binding. Blood."

There was so much layered into the words that I was simply incapable of unpacking it all; I didn't even try. Whatever had happened between Bane and Zeno went past the bone and straight to the soul. "So you trust her."

"You can trust her too. She wouldn't be here if you couldn't."

"She hates me."

He made a dismissive gesture. "She doesn't know you well enough to have any opinion. And besides," he added as if an afterthought, "Zenobia hates everything in degrees."

As if that made me feel better.

"Do we know who sent her?"

"Yes."

"And, of course, they're dangerous."

"Yes," he answered as if I'd asked a question. Yeah, no. Sending Zeno automatically qualified them as dangerous.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I glared at my husband. "Really loving these one word answers, Bane. I'm really just questioning you for the fun of it anyway."

"Zenobia was sent by the other royals. It's a tradition when a new king or queen wants the throne; they are challenged by another royal, either one from another region or their own."

"And if they win they become like a half-queen."

"No." He shook his head, stroking his jaw. "They are allowed to come before the royals as equal—nominees. Vampires value strength among all else. To lead a group of us, that leader needs to be the strongest. You get to be the strongest by challenging others until there's no one left, only you."

"That sounds barbaric."

Bane's smile was bloodthirsty with all the fang. "It was. The rules have somewhat shifted with time, and a contender for the throne has to pass a variety of obstacles set to push their minds and bodies to the absolute limit. You live or die by your own hand and ability."

I gave myself a lot of props—I was awesome—but fighting Zeno had been batshit crazy and hard as hell. Luck was clear on my side along with decent agility. However, I also got the feeling that Zeno hadn't gone all out. I wasn't a vampire, but a plaything, so she didn't feel the need to go full tilt. I couldn't imagine the others would think the same way.

Queen. Pfft. They needed to figure out new names because that shit was a lie. Queens did parades, opened hospitals, met with presidents and world leaders, kissed a crapton of babies. Queens did not fight to the death or do some stupid, impossible sounding tests just to earn the right to be people's servant for the rest of their lives.

"You are still assuming we are anything like humans," Bane purred, all six feet plus of male menace crammed into an itty bitty compact, "We're not."

I stared at my husband's fangs, fully elongated. Their appearance was pure bedroom and twisted sheets but his tone was all challenge, all "Still think you can handle this? Step into my world?"

Hell yes. And I'd do it beside him in shitkicking boots and a rockin' outfit. "Well it's good I'm not one of them either."

Not human. Didn't feel remotely weird to think that anymore.

"Okay, anything else I need to know before we go H.A.M. on this thing?"

"The title of 'king' and 'queen' is earned, not given anymore," Samantha chimed in, shifting in the seat to speak with me directly. "Most of the royals you will meet have been appointed. They are the strongest, most cunning, most loyal vampires only answering to their people and their Merchants."

"The ones who haven't been appointed?" I'd hate to see their resume if it was anything like the others.

"Australia's queen and the North African and Middle Eastern King."

"Bane," I deadpanned because of course he didn't fight for his position. They'd probably taken one look at my husband and popped the crown on his head before he even opened his mouth.

"So do Bane and Ms. Australia answer to Merchants, too?"

"Yes."

"Uh-huh. I'm gonna guess these guys don't sell stuff in markets."

"No. It is a term for council members who oversee royals," Luther picked up. "Checks and balances. Every society needs them."

"Riiiiight." I was still not clear on a lot of things, but at least I understood the basics. Being a vampire queen would not be a glamorous job where I hosted dinner parties and became a philanthropist.

Sounded dead boring anyway.

"Question: if Bane married me at the party why didn't we go to Egypt then?"

My husband joined in with a sharp look at Samantha and Luther. "You would have died. You needed to get stronger."

"Are you saying we were always going to go to the Pheehan Pack?"

"Yes. They have special status. You needed to learn how to control your powers, how to use them. Know your limits and your shortcomings."

It was harder and harder to hate my husband when he was so damn forward thinking. Just wish he had the foresight to include me in these plans. If he'd just said, "Here's what we're doing, Peaches," we'd have no fights, no anger or misunderstandings between us. However, men were men. And in Bane's case, hundreds of years walking the Earth did not shrink his penis or give him complete comprehension of females. Too bad. I'd just have to settle with duking it out and then bed-breaking make-up sex.

Your thoughts again, Peaches, Casper sighed exasperatedly. At least make an effort to wall them.

But then I'd miss out on our fun chats.

When Casper didn't respond back I sniggered and turned to Bane. "I'm already on information overload but do you have any idea who's trying to 'collect' me?" I air-quoted.

"No," Bane said darkly, eyes swirling with red. "Not. A fucking. Clue."

Ooh, Bane was pissed. I decided it was just better to stay away from the "who's trying to kill or kidnaps Peaches" topic and focus on something else. "How are we getting to Egypt anyway? Ya gotta say first class."

"Private jet," Bane grunted.

I'll see your first class and raise you a private freaking jet.

I frowned as a thought hit me. "I don't have a passport, and all our clothes are probably ash now."

Bane cocked his head and raised his eyebrows at me. Bane and I had these looks we gave each other; we had full on conversations with a raised eyebrow here or an eye roll there. His eyes were saying: Did you forget I'm a vampire?

When it came to this, I guess I had. Vampires probably couldn't even get passports, considering they didn't age. Plus, if Bane could convince a cop to get in his car and leave after he'd been pulled over for going a hundred miles an hour, I had no doubt he could do the same with airport security.

My husband smiled and slung an arm around me, pulling me close. He'd obviously gotten over my zombie hiccup. "When we get there you can shop at the mall attached to our hotel."

"What what?"

He preened, thoroughly satisfied with himself as I flung my arms around his neck and kissed the death out of him. Bane was so great sometimes it almost made up for the times he was an asshole. Almost.

I snuggled closer to him and breathed in his scent. God, I loved Bane's fragrance. Not something you'd ever find over the counter; it was some oil, spicy and foreign. I loved that scent. It made me think of the locker room showers, our bed, the overly large hotel bathtub, the—

"PEACHES," Casper yelled, startling me. I looked out of the rear view window and glared at him.

"You really need to learn how to tune me out."

I blew out an annoyed breath.

"Casper frustrating you?" Bane asked.

"Nah. More frustrated with myself. One of these days, you guys are going to have to teach me how to control my thoughts. At the very least keep you out of them."

"That will never happen, habibiti," Bane whispered seductively in my mind. "You will never keep me out of your mind, out of your body, or in any form from you. I am under your skin. You will just have to find a way to deal with it."

Now I was horny and wet. Great, just great. I heard a plane overhead and looked out my window to see a little airport coming into view. I wondered when they'd gotten this all arranged. Or maybe Zeno had done it when Bane had been whisper-talking to her.

Life was moving at a mile a minute and I was stumbling to keep up. It was amazing, exhilarating, shit-your-pants terrifying. I knew one thing though, whatever was in Egypt that wanted to get me, whether it was royals throwing tests every which way, Merchants doing whatever they did, or Collectors trying to snatch me up, it wasn't gonna get boring anytime soon.

Chapter One: That Explains It—Not

"How long's it take to get to Egypt?" I asked once everyone was settled into the private jet. It was a super nice plane, too, very roomy with a bed in the back and everything. It wasn't like I was thinking of having sex with my husband back there. Okay, that was a lie. But I wasn't willing to have it on a plane full of people. On a plane with just us and the pilot? Yeah, probably.

"Doesn't matter. You're not the pilot. Your job is to sit quietly and not eat anyone," Zeno hissed. "Behave."

I turned to her. She was sitting in the spot farthest from me. 'Cause that really mattered thirty thousand feet in the air. "What is your problem with me?"

Her eyes widened and she threw her hands up as she spoke, "You just ate a man!"

"I did not eat a guy," I growled. I'd only eaten something out of a guy. I looked around the plane. "What was that thing, anyway? The blue-blackish ball."

Bane shrugged, Luther looked bored, and no one gave me an answer. I was incredulous. "Are you telling me that none of you know what that thing was? How is that even possible?"

"We are not omniscient, Peaches." Luther looked at me with the sort of patience parents had for their kids. He always looked at me like that, like a dad or a teacher. It used to bother me because on the outside he looked around twenty, but after a rigorous training session where he taught me to master my acid spitting powers, I'd kind of gotten used to it.