Waiting for the Good Times

"And you refused?"

The corners of her mouth drooped as she replied, "Not exactly. Vera started asking questions about what happens if he did come out of it. The two doctors were very explicit, in reiterating that there was little chance of that, but if it did happen he could only be in what they called a vegetative state, where his eyes would open, but nothing else. She asked if he was actually brain dead, and the doctors had to admit that scans indicated a minimal area of activity, which in their opinion was negligible."

To Dan's surprise Connie reached out and placed her hand over his, as she said, "Oh, Dan, I loved Max, still do, I suppose, but I could not bear the idea of him living on in that state, all the paraphernalia attached to him like puppet strings. So I gave my permission --just to give him release."

"So how is---?" Dan began to ask but the realisation came to him before Connie said, without any bitterness, " Vera refused. Insisting that as long as there was some brain activity, there had to be a chance. She is really a dear lady, and we've always got along so well. He is her son after all. We can still talk amicably, but it is like a knife in my heart every time I visit and just sit there seeing him with all the life support stuff. And then came the unexpected blow---"

"What was that?"

Connie's eyes were looking out of the window at the darkening skies and the city lights coming on. "Looks like a lovely evening. Should we take a walk by the river?"

Dan liked the romantic sound of that. He was about to ask about the bill, as they walked towards the exit, but he saw Connie make a scribbling gesture to the waiter, and he nodded, as they passed through the double doors. As they descended the stairs Dan asked, "What was that all about?"

"Oh, I have an account . Put things on the slate until the end of the month."

"That was sly of you."

It was good to hear her slight giggle after what she had been telling him. On the way through the streets leading to the river she asked him why he had never married, and he told her about the error that was Sandra, missing out the details of her sexual proclivities, and ending with the note she had left.

"What a terrible thing to do to you. You must have been so hurt."

"I think I was more aggrieved at losing the army house," he told her.

"Can't have been pleasant though."

They found the river looking almost stationary as it reflected the early lamplight, and they turned left towards the two main bridges There were one or two couples strolling hand in hand, and Dan was wishing they could do that, but he knew he had to ask his next question, "Are you in the right mood to tell me what the unexpected blow was?"

Her eyes fixed straight ahead, Connie said, "Oh, yes, more than ready." Her pause was tantalising.

"And?"

"The unexpected blow was---you.""

Her answer stopped Dan in his tracks, "Me?"

She turned and faced him, her blue eyes shining in the fading light, "I've been uncertain about how to tell you this, even questioned whether I should. But, I was coasting along in a bad situation which I had, at least got used to. Then, on that stage, I turned and you were standing there. Something inside me turned to jelly, and my settled condition was destroyed."

"I'm sorry," Dan said, feeling a mixture of elation and regret.

"I knew I should have refused your request, and duck the disturbance you had started inside me."

Dan couldn't help thinking how close this was to his own early doubts, but, knowing it was the last thing he wanted he told her, "You can still do that,"

She took his arm and said, "Let's walk some more, It's getting chilly."

Delighted at the warmth of her hand on his arm Dan immediately reacted to her mention of chill, slipped out of his jacket and placed it over her shoulders.

"Thank you. You see, it's already too late for any change."

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"My emotions already stirred, I was reluctant to believe what my eyes were telling me, as I caught your too frequent glances in my direction."

"I must have been pretty obvious."

" I just couldn't stop thinking that you might be attracted to me."

"That is the understatement of the century."

With an uncertain smile, she squeezed his arm and went on, "But I had to be sure."

Dan stopped and turned her to face him, "You set it up, didn't you?"

"What?"

"That kiss. I didn't dare believe you had. But to choose Linda---"

Connie half smiled and shrugged, "Deliberately bad casting."

"So you could demonstrate. Right, my turn." And firmly but carefully he turned and forced her into a nearby arbour shrouded in ivy. There was a park bench set in there, but he stood, drew her close and kissed her with all the passion he had felt over the weeks.

Her mouth moved willingly against his, her lips parted and, so quickly, two tongues were tangling madly. Connie's hands raked up and down the back of his shirt, and Dan didn't care that his rising erection was pressed against her twisting belly, as a low moan escaped her throat.

God, he wanted her so much. His right hand slid down the glorious curve of her waist, over her hip and back up to her armpit. Without even thinking about it he allowed his hand to slip under his own jacket, and he was cupping a breast. Oh, such an exquisitely rounded breast. Her belly was making much play to increase his hardness. He wondered to reach down to--

Connie's mouth was making strange noises through their kiss, and suddenly she pulled her mouth to one side, and buried her face in his neck. Her body seemed to be jerking strangely, and that, along with the sudden dampness on his neck made him realise that she was sobbing. Gently he eased her away from him.

"Oh, I knew it would be like this. I just knew it." Tears were streaming down her cheeks.

"Connie. Connie. Please, sit down." She did and Dan snuggled beside her, one arm around her shoulders. "I didn't expect to make you cry."

She looked at him through tear filled eyes, "But, Dan, this is the reality. I'm not the kind of person who can have her husband lying comatose while I'm—doing--making it with another man."

Dan squeezed her hand gently, "Well, in my eyes that make you a very special lady." At the same time he was thinking, 'And quite the antithesis of Sandra.' "They call it faithfulness."

"From the moment you appeared I feared I might be tested like this."

"May I ask you a question?" Dan said.

"Of course."

"Will it make you happier if I stay out of the way?"

She leaned in against him, "No. No. I can't face the idea of that."

Dan nodded, "And neither can I. It would mean I'd have to stalk you."

Connie gave a slight tearful laugh and hugged into him, before looking up, her face serious once more, "I've had a lovely evening. Will it be a strain to keep it at this level.?"

"This level, you mean?" Dan asked, before leaning in and placing his lips gently on hers. Connie's lips were immediately welcoming, but they each managed to keep the kiss gentle. When the kiss broke Dan said, "I think I can live with that."

"But for how long? It will be frustrating," Connie warned, and tightening her arms around him she added, "Oh, so frustrating."

He returned her hug, before telling her, "Anything I can do that will help you through this I will consider my duty."

"Oh, thank you, Dan."

They sat there for some time talking through how they could go on coping with the situation. They agreed that it would be best if they tried to keep their feelings for each other out of the group sessions. "No favouritism," Connie had laughed. Meetings would be difficult given his evenings at the theatre, but daytime Tuesdays were available, and after Connie's hospital visit on Sundays.

It seemed limited but as Connie pointed out, "That might be the wisest move. Too much frustration could be bad for you."

So they started their bizarre but beautiful romancing on the following Tuesday, when Connie picked him up just before midday at a prearranged spot, and drove out into the country. They had lunch at a quaint little inn, before walking hand in hand through a wooded area. The seclusion of the trees afforded time for long exchanges of passionate but controlled kisses, and these were continued when they were back in the car.

Having Connie clinging to him so eagerly, having her tongue exploring his mouth made Dan's fingers ache with the desire to make more intimate explorations of her delightful body. But he was able to resist, telling himself that if he had known at that first meeting he could have this situation, he'd have been totally elated.

After the next Sunday drama session Dan drove with her for her hospital visit, and sat in the park-like grounds until she came out. On the drive back into town Dan asked if she had mentioned him to Max's mother.

Connie shook her head,"Vera is such a sweet lady. I haven't the heart to put this on her at this stage."

During their Tuesday outing at the same location as the previous week they followed the usual pattern of a meal first then a stroll. Among the trees in the woods they were in their own private world, where, it seemed. their ardour needed much greater control. As soon as they kissed Dan sensed the heightened excitement in Connie. Heat seemed to emanate from her every touch, as their mouths furiously engaged with each other, tongues entwining before tracing delicately along inner cheeks.

Dan, having traced her shape from thigh to armpit several eager times, allowed his hand to slide as it had once before, onto an incredible breast, albeit covered by the thin material of her dress. But he was immediately wondering whether she ever wore a bra. Since there was no prompt protest he continued to savour the exquisite bounty of her roundness, his fingers feeling out the nipple.

Connie's hand covered his own where it stroked her breast. Her belly continued to flex against his hard penis. Then she broke the kiss. She was panting heavily, gasping, "God, Dan, I don't know---I don't know---"

"Don't know what?" Dan asked as he became aware of her hand gently guiding his away from her breast.

"It's becoming heated, and faster, isn't it. How long can we—you-- stand this frustration?" And saying that her hand dropped to stroke over the bulge in his pants. Now it was Dan's turn to gasp. He looked into her face with some amazement.

"Would it help you if I handled you to some relief?" He felt her fingers tighten their grip. "That wouldn't be desertion, would it?"

Such a decision. Yet Dan was cool enough to recognise the dangers. God, he felt like a Mother Superior as, just as she had done to him, he moved her hand from his tender area, and said, "Connie, remember why we have to hold back? Yes, you are married, and I respect that, but, think about it. When you visit the hospital tomorrow, how would you be feeling if we both succumbed to the way we're feeling right now?""

Her lips trembled as she said, "You're right, of course." And she started to weep silently.

Dan held her head gently against his chest, his fingers riffling through her hair. "Don't upset yourself any further. I'd say we are pretty good friends. That has to be a solace."

"You are so good for me." And with the tears still blinding her eyes, a weak smile curled her lips as she looked up at him and said, "You're not a saint, are you?"

Dan hugged her, "No, I'm not. And some day you're going to find that out. In the sweetest possible way, of course."

On the drive back she whispered, "When I mentioned frustration I was thinking of you, but didn't realise how much I'd be tested."

"But that is wonderful for me to know." he told her.

On the Sunday of that week events took a massive turn. A pleasing day's work in the group, and the weather uncommonly warm, Connie decided she would sit outside with Dan for a while before going inside. Naturally he had no complaints about that. He held her hand and she snuggled her shoulder in close to his.

From their position they could watch visitors heading in and out. They played a little game of deciding who had enjoyed a happy visit and who hadn't. "You're letting me win," Connie laughingly claimed, and leaned in close to nibble at his ear. Suddenly she sat back straight hissing, "Oh, God, there's Vera."

Dan looked towards the entrance to see a tall, smartly dressed lady in a neatly fitted green suit just pushing open the hospital doors."Did she see you?"

"I'm sure she glanced this way. I'd best go in and find out." She scurried away, and Dan wished she was freed from this shackle, for her own sake. He sat for about half an hour, enjoying the sun, and continuing to watch the flow of visitors. Then he opened the Sunday paper he had brought with him.

He had hardly started to read when he became aware of a figure standing over him and a deep female voice said, "Mr. Mason?"

Surprised, Dan looked up. The tall lady standing over him, in green suit, hair pulled back into a bun, could only be Max's mother. He leapt to his feet to find that she almost as tall as him.

"I'm ---"

"You have to be Connie's mother-in-law."

Her head nodded, "I hope I haven't disturbed you, Mr Mason."

"Call me Dan."

"Then you must call me Vera. If I may just have a brief word?"

"No problem. Please sit." He offered to place the newspaper on the seat, but she shook her head and sat on the bench. Dan sat alongside her with his body turned towards her, wondering just what she would have to say, but decided to lead in, "I know from Connie that, in spite of the situation, she is very fond of you."

"I respect her greatly. We have always got along. If I may be frank with you, Dan."

Dan nodded, "I would expect nothing else."

For a brief second Vera's face suggested that 'being frank' was going to be more difficult than anticipated, "I have to tell you, Mr---er--Dan, that although you seem to be a very pleasant young man, I was most disappointed when I saw you together."

"What did she tell you?"

"That you were friends, but--"

She looked away across the park area, and Dan asked her, keeping his voice cool, "But what, Vera?"

"I'm sorry, Dan, but what I saw a few moments ago you seem much closer than just friends. She's been without physical contact for so long. I find it difficult to believe that--"

Dan could not let her go on, and could scarcely conceal his annoyance at the assumptions she was clearly making. "Believe what, Vera? That the last man Connie was intimate with was your son? Is that so hard to believe."

"I'd hoped to have an honest conversation. You are---seeing---each other?"

"Yes, we have been seeing each other. And yes, we have even shared a kiss or two." Dan was struggling to keep some control, "What shocks and surprises me is that, if you really respect Connie, you cannot accept that, through all of this, Connie has remained the most loyal, most faithful of wives. I have come to love her dearly for that very quality, and hope in time she will feel the same for me."

Dan rather enjoyed seeing the doubt and discomfort cross her narrow face, as he went on. "But if you cannot detect the good, the honesty that is in her character then you cannot really be her friend."

Dan found it difficult to believe he had spoken so vehemently, and he could see from Vera's stunned, open mouthed look, that she hadn't expected it either. "Dan, I didn't think that---"

Dan felt he was releasing some of the frustration of recent weeks when he jumped in again. "Vera, I appreciate what it must be like for you to lose your son in this cruel way, but what you have done, in not accepting the verdicts of two eminent medicos is to place Connie's life in a limbo, arguably worse than your son's, because he is not aware, but Connie is, so very aware---and she is hurting."

"But what does she expect?"

Dan weighed his words carefully, "Unlike yourself, she accepts that she has lost her beloved husband. Vera, she needs to be able to grieve. I don't doubt she will hold Max forever in her memory, but she deserves to get on with living."

Her eyes never leaving Dan's face, Vera stood up slowly, so Dan followed. As they stood face to face all he could think to say was, "I hope I didn't sound disrespectful, Vera."

"On the contrary. I appreciate your frankness, and your eloquence." She held out a hand, "I thank you for what you have told me. It has been a pleasure meeting you."

And as Dan took her hand she added, "I must go now."

Dan watched her walk away, tall and distinguished looking. He was astounded at the words that had flowed from his own lips during their conversation, yet he feared what damage he might have done.

After only five minutes Connie came hurrying towards him, her rush pressing her fine summer dress tightly against her body. For him, such a thrilling sight, but he could see the anxiety on her face. "Did she come to see you? What did she say? What did you tell her?"

Dan couldn't help laughing at the desperate nature of her questioning. "First, you tell me what she said to you," Dan said, taking her arm and guiding her towards the car park.

Connie's eyes glared at him as she replied, "Nothing I didn't expect. I told you she was a sweet lady. Didn't you find that?" She was opening the car door, and Dan was thinking that wasn't the way he'd have described her.

"Very elegant."

"Is that all?"

"Finish your story."

"Oh, you can be---so aggravating." But as she moved the car onto the main road she gave him a quick smile and said, "She had seen us, Thought we looked maybe too close, but was very hesitant in asking about you."

"What did you tell her?"

"Oh, that you were an eccentric hobo that I'd picked up."

Dan squeezed her arm "At least you were truthful."

"No, I told her that you had the potential to be a very fine actor. Which is also true."

"For that compliment, I'll pay for the meal tonight." Dan had eaten a few times at the small cafe he had in mind and knew the food was good.

"All right," she said. "I'll let you."

Dan, feeling daring, said, "I hope to hear you say that sometime when the outcome will be much more sensuous."

Her quick up and under glance at him was pleasingly lascivious, but then she demanded to know what had happened in his meeting with Vera.

As soon as he began to tell her, the car swerved dangerously as she jerked and with utter astonishment said, "Did you actually do that---scold her?"

Dan shrugged, "Sort of. But look let's wait until we're out of the car before I tell you more, or you'll have us in a ditch."

Connie reluctantly agreed, only asking, "Did she sound angry?"

"Stunned, that would be a better word," Dan replied, and for the rest of the journey he pondered on what he could tell Connie about his exchange with Vera.

Face to face across the table in the neat cafe, tucking into bowls of generous and tasty pastas, he gave her as good an account as he could recall, admitting how he had felt real annoyance at some of the things Vera had implied.

A rather worried look shaded Connie's face, "Oh, Dan, I hope you haven't--"

"How much worse can it be for you?" he asked .

But the rest of their evening together lacked the fervour of previous times, and their parting kiss, while warm, could only be described as gentle.

All day Monday he worried about her response to what he had said, and on the Tuesday, standing at their usual meeting place watching time tick away past their midday deadline, he became really concerned. Then at ten minutes to one her Audi arrived, and as he climbed in she apologised for being late. "I've been putting my house up for sale. And I have so much to tell you."

Dan was relieved that there had been no coolness in her voice. In fact there seemed to be an unexpected excitement as she went on, "I must find a legal place to park so I can tell you."