All Comments on 'Waking Jani's Heart'

This was a nice start, and congratulations on taking that big step and putting your writing out there. In terms of critique, I think there are three points I would suggest you focus on with this story:

1) Pacing. There are parts of it that feel very rushed. It's most noticeable at the epilogue, but the setup needs some love too, because of:

2) Detail. Give us some more description of what the world we're in is like, and most importantly, what the characters are like. More emotion and thoughts, rather than just, "they did this and then this and..."

3) Tying into the above points, I feel like there needs to be at least one more scene before the final one. Even if you're protecting a wounded little bird, you don't go from fixing her up to bringing her home, tripping into bed, and then immediately falling in love. Plus, there would be an adjustment period as they get used to each other and she adapts to being with someone who sees her as a person. That scene would help tie everything together.

Cheers, and keep on writing!

I liked the story, no huge great spelling boo-boos that spoiled the read either, if I’m being picky I’d have liked some more background on Kirk and how come he’s there, how come he has money etc, and maybe just a bit more backstory on the how the world what the world looks like in this time generally, but it’s a short story and if you’re limiting yourself on story size there isn’t much wasted space. Good first effort! Thanks for writing and posting, cheers Ppfzz.

Congratulations on posting your first short story. It plays on an old theme of many television shows - robot girls and guys [Rod Sterling's Twilight Zone, Star Trek] - except the TV versions are not as descriptive! As noted by others, it could use some transitional time between scenes. I, too, would be curious about how this fellow exists in the future where doctors bring people back to life. Clearly he has some support mechanisms, money, and probably a job - things that would add more realistic elements - believability.

I have a couple of science fiction/fantasy - items about future world happenings - Aliens though - not robots!

Your advisors have probably already told you about reading the work of others as a means of gleaning insight into writing styles etc. There are some good ones in this small realm of writers that you have joined in that genre.

Looking forward to your future stories.