by en_extase
... not sure whether that is the best story I have read here because of the quality of the writing, or because of the perfectly pitched, teasing storyline. It's certainly one of those things, but I rather suspect it's both of them. The word 'exquisite' doesn't do the story justice and I thank you for all the hard work and the beautiful word-craft.
Really good story and very well written. Truly an excellent writer. Don't know how writer maintained composure while writing this first person account. Enjoy the first person writing and present tense compared to third person and past tense.
You completely drew me in and kept me riveted throughout the entire lascivious tale. Holy smokes......
Had a roommate and his girl was of Dawn's type.
Lost a friend over it. He was besotted, I moved, and she thought it was funny.
Ran into him months later - he dumped her but our friendship was never the same.
Good realism.
Thx
I've reading Literotica stories for years, but this is the best and sexiest story I've ever read! It is beautifully written and the way that you just captivated me with your storytelling, I just could not draw myself away. Mindblowingly awesome! Whatever praise you get for this can never be enough!!!
Loved your story. My only regret is that the 2 of them didn't have more 'incidents'. I would have loved it to have been longer. Great job!
Thanks for writing such good stories. I belong to and enjoy many story sites on the Internet. Your stories get the best feedback of any I post on these sites. This one has received the best feedback yet. Wicked stepsister was the previous best and giving it up was another popular one as well. Keep creating so I can kep sharing them. Thanks again.
That was so hot, the constant teasing, Dawn's pushing his boundries, knowing he would eventually cum in her. Not only was he locked in her trance, so was I.
The story was good but you should write some more about these characters
Man i've read all of your stories like 20 time each ! Write domething new already !!! Nothing turns me on than your stories !!! Please come back !!!!!
its a real shame it's been years since we've had a new story. Would be great to see another.
This was a great story until the last paragraph. Until then, the slow teasing between the two of them was wonderful. But the abrupt ending in just 4 lines spoilt it for me. It would have been nice to see Dawn coming back when Zack was out, or even to drag 'him' out with her; but to have Dawn just walk out and never return was a real anti climax. In an ideal worrd, it would have been nice for Dawn and 'him' to have ended up together, but maybe that's just me.
Anyhow, it's your story and for the best part of 4 pages I really enjoyed it.
Thanks!
I loved the teasing and slow build up. I am sure it was well worth it
Two comments:
1. The climax should have been more colorful, prolonged, detailed, and intense with less stupidity on his part. Could have used some oral and anal material, too. Good stuff.... Keep up the good work....
2. I, and I'm sure many others of both sexes, enjoyed a deliberate, wall-banging, mind blowing masturbation!!!....
Very erotic, very real to life.
But what did she expect, she had him turned on to no end.
When he finally got into that lusted for pussy he was overwhelmed, and popped one off in her, prematurely I'm sure.
She should have stayed an let him fuck her a second time, as I would have, and knowing me a third.
She missed out and so did he.
Great story, this is what Literotica is all about.
I read this tale some years ago, but I'd forgotten how incredibly hot it was. Whew. Great characters but it's the interaction between them that makes this story such a sizzler. The writing is unbelievably precise, controlled. Every word and sound adds to the intent. So much more than a story – it's a performance, subtly leading the reader on, in just the teasing way Dawn manipulates the fellas. Oh boy – it's a virtuoso performance alright. Bravo, a thousand times.
Every scene was vividly realized. You invite us into the central character's head and cause us to simmer and stew as he does. Every bit of description like perfectly chosen spices and herbs, enhancing the flavor. And when it's all brought to a boil, you leave us drooling for more.
What a chef. I can't wait to dine at your table again.
Loved the entire story. Wished I was there. Hope there is a sequel.
Honestly my comment title says it all. I'm a fan of all en_extase's work. The build-up, the tease, the deviousness, and everything. It paints the most vivid picture and every buildup is tantalizing. I'd love more if the time comes for you to write again.
teasing carried too far usually hurts someone
Nobody cant tell me she did not plan something like this
As somebody else said Zach is better off without her
...where Dawn went. It would be great if there was a part 2 where, a couple of years later and perhaps in a different town, our hero unexpectedly ran into Dawn. Our hero could continue some sort of relationship with Dawn. But its your story.
So very well written. I feel the emotion .. the suspense ... the CLIMAX.
Great writing.
The way she just left was pretty anticlimactic, not to mention very abrupt to the point of being a bit detrimental to the story as a whole.
The buildup in this story is incredible. WOW. One of my all-time favorites. Thanks!
Freaking amazing story! That build up was something else! Wish there was more!
Maybe the best writer on here! My only wish is that after so much build up we should get a much longer payoff scene.
HOLY FUCK THIS WAS FUCKIGN HOT. The build up to all of this... 10/10.
Wow. Great story. So well written! The last couple pages got me going so much that I blew twice!
My girlfriend used to tease all of my friends including my roommate. Then while we were together she would comment that they got hard and it turned her on knowing that they all wanted to fuck her. Eventually they all did. We’ve been married 18 years now.
You really know how to build up a good story, my guy. Great pay out too. Wow.
What a manipulative, seductive little cock tease she was. That is until the end when she realized that she was a slut. Too bad…. dumbass Zach would have never caught on. She could have had both cocks.
great story.
just remembered a story of greedy man who killed a goose to have all golden eggs at once.
Just revisited this classic. Dawn is a terrifyingly hot, creative, manipulative little tease. It just doesn't get any hotter than her ...
Great t t tt tension! Dawn reminds me of someone that I used to know, but of course is much more one-dimensional, which for the purpose of the story is just right. I did find the protagonist a little too dense, and like others, the ending jarring. The story may have been able to go on longer if the protagonist remained in Dawn’s thrall, and I know from experience there are a number of ways that could have been done. Having her ultimately disappear is fine, but I think that would work better if you built that up too. All in all an excellent story though, nice job.
I was disappointed with the outcome, but that was just my expectation.
This was a very sexy well written story and the ending seemed complete, just not
The end I wanted. Still a good 5 stars. ⭐️
Bill S.
Excellent story, best thing I have ever read. In my 2 years of browsing this is exactly what I have been looking for, and if finally found it. 11/10
I like the idea that he could've prolonged this <teasing> game longer, but he couldn't hold out any longer...and now the game is over
God why was this story so good! I now have a hate/love with the story because I have cheating, all forms of it, I would never cheat and I would never help someone cheat, but this story was so hot and heated! If I were OC, it wouldn't have ended the same. I wouldn't have done any of the things he has done with her. Firstly, because my best friend, coincidentally named Zach, have complete and utter trust in each other, he would have known the first time I met her in the bathroom. Secondly, I wouldn't help her cheat on my best friend, although it was right of Dawn to break it off after she messed up.
Otherwise amazing story, it was super hot and well written.
This is one of the hottest, well-paced tease stories I've ever had the pleasure to have read. It's reminiscent of the old M1ke Hunt's "She's a Tease". Bravo!
That was a very hot story I love it . It reminded me when I fucked my bf at the time roommate and he watched and jackoff from me to watch him enjoy it. I did it because my bf said it would be a turn on for him. We didn't last long after that. But I would do it again if I was asked too.
Great fantasy.
Snaking a friend's girl in real life?
Time for a trunk ride to the pig farm.
Bet she found out she was pregnant and didn’t want her boyfriend to realize what happened
So well written. Realistic, erotic and engaging. You're one of the best writers on this website. Hope you treat us to some more.
Your story’s are great, but to short. I don’t care for the abrupt endings. Most could’ve been extended a bit more with more exciting moments and endings.
It was super duper amazing story. Simply made me breathless many times. I never knew something so wrong could feel so right but only by reading your stories. They never stop to amaze me, even though I know it's wrong...
Dear Author, please give a sequela of this story with more teasing and romantic ending 😭
Thanks a lot for this story though
Inevitable conclusion. Too many conflicts and desires from obsessive teasing. Not really mature or responsible. Wild child, give her an inch and she'll take a mile. Relief she left before disaster happened.
A good story... that I actually didn't like... so it got four stars anyway, but I didn't like the characters or their interactions. Still, I recognize a good tale even if it's not to my taste. It was very obvious she's an user and only stayed with Zach that long so she could play games with his roommate, so the ending was extra amusing when she lost control over herself and ruined her own "fun".
Although the story is pretty much concluded, I can't help but be intrigued at the possibility of a sequel where Dawn is playing games with someone else and MC stumbles into it and derails it enough she loses control and ruins it for herself again. Heck, you could make a series of it, as long as you didn't involve romance in it, since Dawn doesn't do romance. I just find the idea of MC repeatedly ruining it for her amusing, especially if there is still some mutual attraction, and mutual growing dislike to make it all the more conflicting. And interesting.
Always have to be careful playing with fire, definitely can get out of hand (and into pussy, lol). A very well thought out and written story. I definitely look forward to reading more of your work. I appreciate your and your Muse's imagination and abilities to bring it to your story. Thank you for sharing your vision and talents.
A wonderful turn on.
I felt that I was actually being the one teased in the shower and the massage.
Thankyou
Nicky