Walking an Endless Path Pt. 02

"Sorry, but I burn out touchscreens. That's why my old phone has a keypad and a trackball," he said.

"We know. That's why this one is tuned for you. We dialed down the sensitivity of the capacitive screen and added a bypass if the charge on the screen goes above a safe level. If it trips, the phone shuts down momentarily. Just ground yourself, turn the phone on, and try again. The screen also drains off excess charge and trickles it into the battery. I assume you'll never need to recharge the phone after normal use." He handed it back to Joe.

Joe flipped through the menus and appreciated the larger screen, as his fingers always had difficulty with the tiny keyboard. "Hey! This is pretty sweet! Thanks! I'll have to discuss it with Christof, but I don't see any problems."

"Great!" Bannon said.

"Are you going to need me for anything today?" Joe asked.

"No, I don't believe so," he said.

"Good, I have a bunch of errands to run today. Thanks for the phone!" Joe made his way back to the door. "Oh, and sorry about the interruption."

"What?" Bannon froze.

Joe tapped a finger to his lips as he looked over his shoulder at Bannon. "See you later!" he said as he left.

Bannon walked over to the dresser and looked in the mirror. His lips were still a little puffy from kissing Rachel, but more damning were the traces of the lip balm she'd been wearing. He sighed and wiped it off with a tissue from a box on the dresser. He heard a knock on the door jamb and looked to see Rachel smiling at him from the bathroom doorway. She was fully dressed now but just as beautiful. He smiled back.

"We'll be discreet, she says, and then she leaves me with her lip balm on my lips," he groaned.

She gave him that dazzling smile he'd come to crave, and he knew he was doomed.

But he smiled anyway.

-=-

Joe paused on his way to see the General to take some pictures of his house. Reviewing the shots, he saw the camera on the new phone was way better than his old one.

He made his way to the General's trailer, hoping to be given the go-ahead to have the day to himself. The same Soldier he'd met the day before was guarding the bottom step.

"Hi, I'd like to speak with the General," he said to the man.

The Soldier passed along his request and stepped aside when confirmation came through.

Joe entered the trailer and saw the two secretaries. One was standing and turned to address him.

"I'm sorry, but the General is in a meeting. Is there something I can help you with?" the man asked.

"Oh, uh, maybe. I was wondering if the General would need me for anything today." Joe replied.

The man turned to review something on his monitor and touched a few keys. "I don't see anything on his calendar indicating your name, so it doesn't look like it. Can he reach you if something comes up?"

"Yeah, Director Bannon gave me a new cell, so he can call that," Joe started to take the phone out, but the man interrupted.

"No need, sir, we have the number for that phone," he said and smiled.

"Oh, okay. Well, I'll be on my way then," Joe said, feeling just a little uneasy. He was beginning to wonder how good an idea it was to carry the NSA phone.

"The General did ask that if you are going to leave the property, you should take an escort. I believe Sergeant Armstrong has been assigned that duty and is on standby," the secretary said, looking at his screen.

Joe thought about insisting he go alone, but he liked Craig, and since he no longer had his own truck, he didn't want to inconvenience his dad by borrowing his.

"Sure."

"I'll contact the Sergeant and have him meet you at the top of the driveway."

Joe got the distinct impression that he was dismissed, so he turned and left the trailer. Walking to the top of the driveway, he noticed it was getting cold outside. He really needed to get a warmer jacket, as his duster just wasn't keeping him warm. He didn't cope with the cold very well.

The big truck arrived moments later, a grinning Sergeant Armstrong at the wheel.

"Good morning, Sergeant!" Joe called out.

"Please, call me Craig! The man who introduced me to such a gorgeous woman deserves that much, at least!" Craig's grin grew bigger.

"Then you have to call me Joe."

"Do we have a plan for today, Joe?"

"Yes, we do. Several stops and, if we're lucky, maybe lunch with a certain woman." Joe replied.

Craig's grin threatened to harm his face, so he quickly put the truck in gear, and they were off.

Doc Watson was eager to meet with him when they reached the hospital, and they spoke for an hour just about questions the doctor had through the years he took care of Joe. He answered the doctor as best he could and finally had to direct the conversation to Rebecca. Joe explained why she was still asleep, showed the doctor his tongue, after warning the man not to touch it, described its effect, and outlined his concern of being the cause of Rebecca's current mental state. Doc Watson listened carefully and repeated what Safa had said to him the previous night. He did promise to run some tests to see if there were any chemical imbalances. He suggested a study he could do with Joe and some volunteers to track any changes in them between exposures. Much to the doctor's disappointment, Joe had to say no.

With a promise to keep in touch when he could, Joe left with Craig. They headed over to St. Germain's Feed and Supply. Rene was in her usual position but looking a little frazzled. When she saw Joe come in, her face lit up like the gates of heaven had delivered her an angel to take her away from the madness.

"Joe! Please tell me you've returned to take your old job back!" she begged.

Joe grinned and leaned across the desk to give her a big hug. "Sorry, no. What's the issue?"

"We got two shipments in at the same time yesterday, and both of my stock room clerks called in sick. The stock is piled up in the loading area. We have another shipment coming in today. There is nowhere to put it, and they called in sick again. I've been on the phone all day trying to reschedule the shipment, which they won't do, and trying to find someone to come in to move the inventory, which I can't."

"Two shipments? Piece of cake! I can take care of that for you. Almost twice as fast if I can convince Craig here to prove Army Sergeants are as strong as they're reputed to be." Joe teased.

"Bring it on!" Craig boasted with a grin.

Rene looked delighted, but she put on a stern expression. "Ground rules for the competition. No inventory must be damaged, so Craig will use the dolly and flatbed as required. Joe is only allowed to use his body.

Craig laughed at this unexpected turn in his favor. He set off for the loading area and missed the grin Rene and Joe shared.

Two hours later, the Sergeant was slumped back in a chair in the now empty loading area, gasping for breath, sides heaving, and muscles trembling. His shirt was drenched with sweat, and he was mopping his forehead with a towel Joe gave him. Joe was finishing up the last parts of Craig's order. When he got back, the man stared at him in dismay. Joe hadn't broken a sweat. Rene stood next to Joe with arms crossed and a grin on her face. In her hand was a package of black T-shirts, which she tossed to Craig.

"You can get cleaned up in the locker room, and the shirts are on the house for working so hard," she said. Craig groaned as he climbed to his feet and shuffled into the next room.

Rene turned to Joe and handed him a pair of black work boots. "I imagine your big feet have worn through your boots by now?"

"Wow! How did you guess?" he grinned, looking down at his rubber boots.

"I'm smart that way," she grinned back. "Seriously though, it's the least I can do for your help. When that shipment comes in today, they can dump it here, and I won't have another one coming in for a week. Anything else you need?"

"I do need a winter jacket, but I insist on paying for that!" Joe said.

"That's one of the items that's supposed to come in the next shipment. They're really late this year." Rene complained. "Seriously though, how are you doing? I heard about Rebecca."

Joe wasn't surprised as Rene was one of the most connected people in town and had many contacts at the hospital. "I checked on her this morning. Doc Watson is looking into her condition."

"I asked how you were." Rene pushed.

"Oh." Joe hesitated. Before his parents told him about his origin, he had confided in Rene continuously. She had been an incredible help, and he owed her so much. But now that his situation had gotten complicated, he knew he couldn't confide in her anymore. It just wasn't safe for her to know. That said, he wasn't about to lie to her.

"I've been better. I broke up with Rebecca because a physical relationship without some kind of emotional bond felt wrong. I knew it wasn't what I wanted, but I went along because Rebecca was so bloody aggressive, and it was fun from time to time. But it was so empty. I felt worse after each date. Seeing Pam last night at the club reminded me of Elizabeth and what I felt when I was with her. It wasn't long, but there was something between us besides the physical attraction. Or at least I thought there was. It seems that might have been more one-sided than I thought." Joe said softly.

"Pam is a troubled girl," Rene noted. "She has a lot of emotional pain, but I don't know where it came from. I'm not sure if she'd be capable of a balanced relationship if you were considering that."

Joe recalled Pam's confession and wasn't sure if he should share that with Rene. He opted for discretion. He could always suggest to Pam that Rene was a great listener.

"Yeah, there's also the fact that I was attracted to her sister, who looks a lot like her. That's a lot of baggage to bring into a relationship. I'd like to be her friend, though. I get the feeling she could use one," he said.

"Just be clear on her expectations," Rene suggested, and Joe nodded.

"Thanks for the boots," he said as he pulled her in for a big hug.

"Don't be silly. That was a cheap payment for the work you did. It still amazes me how strong you are," she said as she grinned up at him. Joe shrugged and smiled back. What could he say?

Craig came back into the loading bay. "Did you manage to work up an appetite?" Joe teased the man and received a mock scowl. "We can call Taylor and see if she's available to join us." That got a smile on the Sergeant's face.

"Do you want to join us?" Joe asked Rene.

"Unfortunately, I can't. Enjoy yourselves, though. It was great seeing you again, and it was nice meeting you, Craig."

"Aside from feeling like I was somehow bamboozled, it was a delight to meet you as well," Craig said to Rene with a smile.

"Wait! Craig, take a picture of me and Rene with my fancy new phone!" He handed the phone to the man and swooped in next to Rene.

"You know, people take their own pictures these days. They're called selfies for a reason," Craig said with a grin as he took a picture of the smiling friends. Before they left, Joe gave Rene a quick kiss on the cheek, and Craig got a shot of that as well.

They reached the restaurant after Joe made a couple of calls. Taylor was waiting for them when they arrived, and as they had prearranged, she and Craig went ahead to have lunch together. Joe took a booth against the wall and waited for his guest to arrive. Fifteen minutes later, Pam walked in the door and looked around. Joe held up his hand and caught her attention. She slid into the booth across from him with an odd look in her eye.

"I wasn't expecting to hear back from you so soon. Or at all, actually," she said hesitantly.

"Sorry, it's just that I'm expecting to leave for California in the next day or so, and I don't know when I'll be getting back. I got a new phone, and I wanted to give you the number so, you know, we could keep in touch," Joe babbled nervously.

"Wow, I thought I was the basket case. What's up with you?" Pam asked.

Joe took a deep breath and tried to relax. "Sorry, I feel like I'm back in high school. You weren't the only one who was shy back then. It's only been in recent years that I've been able to talk with a pretty girl without either freezing up or babbling incoherently. Looks like I still have a ways to go."

Pam's face went blank. "Okay. You have to cut the pretty girl shit."

"What?" Joe blinked.

"I'm not a pretty girl, so keep that crap for someone who wants to hear it," Pam said, prickling at the compliment.

Joe was completely thrown and was unsure where to go from here. He didn't want to spook her into leaving. "I'm sorry. I meant no offense. Can we start over?"

Pam sat frozen, on the edge of leaving. "Huh, start over. You don't know how many times I've wished the same thing. But it can't happen."

"You're right. What's done is behind us. There is only forward. But a new beginning can simply be lunch. Then, we see where it takes us. Tiny steps." Joe said gently. He saw Pam relax a little. "I'm famished. I may get two meals. Lunch is my treat, so feel free to indulge."

Pam picked up the menu, and Joe allowed himself to relax a little. The waitress arrived, and Joe ordered the burger and the chili. Pam looked at Joe and asked for the same. Joe's eyebrows went up, but he didn't question her. Joe kept the talk light and struggled to keep from babbling. He didn't know why he had so much trouble talking with Pam.

"So, you're going to California. LA?" Pam finally asked a question.

"Yes, my sister is there auditioning for a role in a movie, and I'm going there to train to be a bodyguard," he answered.

"A bodyguard for her?" she asked.

"Yes. Initially a least," he said.

"You don't think that's a little repetitive? Isn't that what you've been doing all your life? Don't you think it might be time to get on with your own life?" Pam said with more than a little venom.

Joe reigned in his gut reaction to go on the offensive. Instead, he leaned back against the booth seat and cautiously examined the woman across from him.

"You did mention last night that you're angry all the time. Is this an example?" Joe asked softly.

Brilliant blue eyes looked back at him from below her bangs, and he saw anger, pain, and need in them. She nodded almost imperceptibly.

"I'll answer your question if you tell me what you want most in the world right now," he said.

"I want to cut you so you'll stop looking so fucking perfect. And I want you to punish me for cutting you," Pam blurted between her clenched teeth. Her eyes had never left his.

The violence in her answer hit Joe by surprise, and his eyes flicked to black until he got control and blinked them back to normal.

Pam was frozen. She was looking right at his eyes when they suddenly transformed into dark pits of cold rage that sucked her anger away like a wisp of smoke in a tornado and left in its place fear. She trembled as she looked into Joe's warm brown eyes. Suddenly, she recalled how Joe had grabbed Rebecca in the booth at the club. She watched him lift her like she weighed nothing and then rub her against his hard body. Pam almost came when he grabbed Rebecca's hair and kissed her roughly. God, she wanted that!

"Crap! Pam saw my eyes!" Joe thought. He kept watching her to see what she would do next. Her hands slipped into her lap, her blue eyes became glassy, and her breathing shallow. "Crap!" he thought.

"Stop!" he growled when he realized what she was doing in the restaurant. Pam froze again, only this time, the need in her eyes was primal. He couldn't leave her like this. He fought back his embarrassment and put a stern look on his face.

"Go finish in one of the bathroom stalls, wash your hands, and return quickly," he growled.

Pam slipped out of the booth and scurried off to the washroom.

Joe put his head in his hands. He royally fucked up this time. Pam already had emotional issues, and now she'd been exposed to something she couldn't possibly understand. She was acting like Rebecca.

He heard approaching footsteps and looked up to see the waitress bringing over a full tray. She placed the plates on the table and slipped away with a smile back at him.

Moments later, Pam returned to the table and sat across from him. Her eyes were large and troubled.

"Pam, tell me what you saw," Joe said. If he could hear how she interpreted what she'd seen, maybe he could explain it away.

"Your eyes. When I said those things, your eyes went so cold and black I could feel your rage radiating. My anger felt like nothing compared to that. You're not the same person who I went to school with."

Joe twitched at her words but maintained his control. "We all changed. You went from shy to angry. Where did that anger come from?" Joe asked.

"Parents. For treating me like I didn't matter for most of my life. Myself, for letting that happen. Where did your rage come from?" Pam asked quietly.

Joe thought about it. He didn't recall feeling that emotion when his eyes changed. But it wasn't the first time someone told him this. He certainly felt more aggressive when it happened, but rage? He really had to look at himself in the mirror and see what others saw.

"I don't know," was what he came up with. "Pam, are you going to be all right?"

"I don't know, are you?" she whispered, staring into his eyes.

Joe wasn't sure what to say to that. He looked down and saw their meals waiting. "Let's eat."

They both ate in silence, occasionally looking at each other, trying to find an answer to that question.

When Joe was finished, he noticed that Pam had only eaten half of her burger and hadn't touched the rest of her food. "I'll take it to go," she said when she noticed him looking. Joe signaled the waitress and asked for the check and some to-go containers.

"It's important to me to know that you'll be okay. You're important to me." Joe finally said into the silence. Pam trembled a little when he said that, and she frowned.

"I'm not importa—" she began.

"Stop!" Joe growled quietly, allowing his eyes to flick to black. "Listen carefully. You are important. Say it." Joe pinned the girl to the seat with his glare.

Pam was frozen in place. His eyes filled her vision, and her mouth went dry. "I'm important."

Joe slid over on his bench. "Come here."

Pam immediately slid out of her side and in beside Joe. He blinked his eyes back to normal and hugged her, crushing her gently against his chest. He felt her trembling, resisting, but he kept up the pressure until he felt her relax and start returning the hug. The waitress chose that moment to arrive with the bill and boxes, and Joe felt Pam begin to resist again, to pull away. Joe snuggled her more tightly against his chest and rested his chin on her head. He nodded to the waitress, and she left.

"I tell myself this little mantra, and you will too. I am important. I am valued. I deserve love. I need you to know that I consider you important and valued. I want you in my life. We start with this lunch as our new beginning. The past is full of missed opportunities, but none of that matters. What matters is now and the future. What we do with our lives from this point forward. You've already proven that you'll survive. Now, you need to thrive. That begins by accepting you are who you are."

Pam's voice came from his chest as her face was pressed against him. "That's easy when you are perfect."

"Perfect?!?!" Joe looked around, took her shoulders in his hands, and held her back so she could see his face. He allowed his eyes to snap to black and saw her flinch. "Does this look perfect? How about the fact that I'll never have kids? Yeah, I'm basically incompatible with everyone. Is that perfect?" he growled quietly.

Pam was trembling in his hands, trapped by his gaze. Joe's frustration dissipated, and he blinked his eyes back to brown. He moved his big hands to the sides of her head and gently kissed her forehead. He felt her gasp, and she clung to his chest. He slid his hands back through her luxurious black hair, enjoying the feel of the silky strands running through his fingers.