Walking in the Rain

This is a romance, but hopefully it is not too sentimental. There some more adventurous things through the story, but is also quite a slow burn.

I love comments, but I ask that you log in. I got sick of anonymous sniping comments that were mostly just nasty so I disabled that option.

Please enjoy.

*****

The neighbourhood I grew up in was one of those cookie cutter suburbs. All straight streets, a lack of trees, houses that all look the same. A plain of houses only broken up by a mall, a few civic buildings and schools.

I did well at school, but I was a loner. My parents were always busy so I found ways to amuse myself, on my own. I really had very few friends, and none that lived close to me. My interests are wide and varied but do not include sport. I am the very definition of awkward and uncoordinated. I am not comfortable with bats and balls, but I do well with a paintbrush, a novel, a meccano set. It was a life on the sidelines. At school I was a fringe player, never in with anyone. I knew people but I didn't confide in them, or them in me.

Girls were part of this. Like almost every other guy at school I lusted after Lyn McCready. She was, to put it lightly, the very model of teenage lust inducement. Imagine an old school Playboy bunny. She was tall, her breasts were large and round, her legs shapely and tanned. She had a ponytail, perfect teeth, and a mouth you would kiss all day while you worked out how to please her in other ways. She lived close to me, and one day, as I walked past her house I caught a glimpse of her emerging from her swimming pool. Water cascaded from her shapely, nubile body, running off her. Her large, erect nipples were evident in her mostly there crocheted bikini. I also imagined a faint shadow of pubic hair, but I reflect now that I was probably imagining it. I couldn't quite believe my luck, and that image was useful for more than a few wanks. I would lie in my room in the afternoon after school, or late at night in the dark, and imagine how I would make love to Lyn. I was beyond sex, rather imagining that I loved her. I know better now, but as a teenager I remember it being easy to mistake carnal lust. I can't imagine now that she would even know who I was, let alone respond to my spotty face and gangly frame. She went out with a series of sportsmen, none of whom seemed to last too long. I often wondered it they got what they wanted and moved on, or if Lyn made them wait beyond the time they imagined they should have to wait to get her knickers off.

As is the wont with teenage boys I also enjoyed lusting after many other girls. I wasn't too choosy, enjoying fantasies of blonde, brunette and redhead, short and tall, thin and rangy through to curvy and stacked.

I asked one girl out, and it didn't go well. Sue accepted my invitation, and we went to a movie. It seemed to be going quite well. The movie was light and funny, very mainstream. I walked her home, and asked her if she wanted to do it again. She prevaricated, and I let it go for the moment. The next day she came up to me at lunch, accompanied by some of her friends. She told me that she wouldn't see me again. I could live with that I guess, but then her friend Josie, somewhat unnecessarily, added that Sue had only gone out with me for a dare. I turned and walked away, my cheeks radiating embarrassment while the laughter echoed behind me. Later, in the library, Sue found me and apologised. She admitted what Josie had said. I knew there was no point asking again, but I did feel a bit better. However the story ripped through the school and any chance of going out with another girl was non existent.

I retreated into myself. Movies are one of the things I enjoyed most at this time. The local cinema, a multiplex, had an arthouse screen. It showed a real mix, including independent local films and a range of foreign movies. The view of the world was so different to the one I inhabited each day. I revelled in the different languages and locales, and the multitude of other ways of seeing the world. I went by myself every single time. I had a routine that included a drink and some snacks. I found this helped me survive the last difficult year of school.

I couldn't get away fast enough. I went away to university, and completed my degree in fine arts. It was a good degree, and augured well for a bright future, though the pay wasn't going to be high. I only returned to town when my father died. My mother needed help. It was awkward at home. While I needed to be there we both needed space. In the months of waiting I found my way back to the mall and the movie theatre. I was still a loner, having worried about my grades. I wasn't a virgin, but the one relationship I had at university had ended when I came home and she went to London to study more. I wanted to go with her but I couldn't. It was a shame because I really liked Olivia. She was slightly taller than I am, quite thin, with long auburn tresses and sparkling green eyes. She was out going and gregarious, and was willing to overlook the more socially awkward parts of my character. I had never really recovered from the humiliation dished out by Sue's friends so Olivia was a blessing to me. She led me into the world; she helped me talk to people, to feel for her. The sex we had was good, though probably unadventurous. She let me explore her body like the novelty it was, and later, with experience I found my away across her peaks and valleys with more subtlety. In turn she took her pleasure by riding me until she was close. She often finished off by frigging herself in the final moments. I didn't mind: I was too busy being in awe of the thing I was doing and whom I was doing it with.

The split, forced by circumstances beyond my realm, allied with my father's passing, left me low. I went backwards, retreating from what should have been the start of a promising career to a life of suburban routine. I found a job that gave me pay but did not fulfill me. I knew it wasn't forever, but it was the right thing at the time. I found solace in that same movie theatre, and I discovered the joys of the food court at the mall. It had changed, and now had more than the usual fast food brands. I could now choose other styles of food when I went, including Indian, Turkish, Greek. I tried them all, and my new favourite was Japanese.

The Japanese place had a range of dishes. I knew about sushi so that was all I had the first time I ate there. I looked up some of the other dishes, so when I went back I knew what ramen, chicken kaarage and tempura were. I've always liked fried chicken so I had the chicken kaarage on my second visit. I went back again and again, eschewing all the other food options in the mall to work my way through the menu a couple of times. This was quite a small cafe and was family run. I call it a cafe, but I suppose it was really a small restaurant, a few tables and quite healthy take away trade. I was usually greeted and served by an older couple, Mr and Mrs Yamaguchi. Occasionally their school aged son was there, particularly if I was eating after the movie.

One afternoon, after I had been patronising the cafe for about three weeks, a young women served me. We didn't speak except for the necessary conversations like being greeted and when I ordered and paid. I don't think she took much notice of me, but I certainly noticed her. I had a vague notion of having seen her before but I couldn't place her. She wore a loose orange tunic, a sort of kitchen uniform, and a scarf covered her head, her ponytailed shiny black hair escaped out the back. I caught glimpses of her liquid dark eyes as she fleetingly looked up. Mostly she was head down and all business.

On my next visit, a few days later, she was not there. In fact it was about three weeks later that she reappeared, and then every time I went in there she was. She was all business, efficiently and gracefully doing what she was needed to do, though she did start to talk to me about more as she greeted me or took my order. She would even ask me about the movies I was seeing.

After four or five visits, wanting to get a bit closer, more intimate, I said to her " Hi, I'm James."

"I'm Saki" she replied.

Whenever I went in we chatted as much as was possible without affecting Saki's work.

One Tuesday afternoon I was in a bit earlier than normal. It was quiet, and Saki was on her own. She told me her parents were away for the day, attending the funeral of a family friend. She was on her own for a while, and then her brother would join her. I ordered sushi, and while she prepared it we talked properly for the first time.

"Are you still at university?" I asked her.

"I've just finished."

"What did you study?"

"Pure mathematics."

"Wow. That's pretty cool" I responded. "I'm the holder of a fine arts degree, and I need to pursue work in the city. There's nothing happening here. At the moment though I live at home. My father died not long ago and I'm needed here. It isn't forever, at least I hope not."

"That's tough. I'm sorry to hear about your father." She paused. "My situation is a bit simpler than yours. I needed to save some money while I think about my options. I plan to leave at some point. It is nice being home for a while and spending time with my parents, even if I have to work."

"Well, I am happy about you working. I really like this cafe, but it is even better when you are here." I wondered if I had been too bold, but I think I was okay.

Saki looked at me earnestly before replying. "Thank you" she stated simply. She paused, before asking me if I wanted something else.

"The sushi was great, and I'm almost full. But I could go a bowl of miso soup please."

Saki started to ladle the soup into the bowl. As she did, with her head bowed, she added "I thought what Sue did to you was wrong. I found it hard to forgive her, and I didn't know how to raise it with you."

"Were you a friend of Sue's?"

"Not really. We shared a few classes. I knew who you were after that."

"Sue apologised to me, and we ended up okay. It was Josie who really caused the trouble."

I sat for a minute while Saki took an order from a woman who had walked in for takeaway. While Saki fixed her sushi I added "I'm sorry, I didn't even know you were at my school."

"We mixed in different circles, had different classes. I had a few good friends, and a circle of acquaintances. I saw you around a bit but you always seemed to have a distant look in your eyes, like you were searching for something."

The woman paid for her sushi and left.

I felt it safe to continue. "I was. I wanted sex" I laughed. And Saki laughed with me. "Among many others I lusted after Lyn McCready. When I went to uni I realised what a small pool I was swimming in here. But I only had one real relationship, and it finished sooner that it should have."

"That's a shame. While we are in confessional I will add that I have never had a serious relationship. I went on a few dates but I had to study hard. None of the boys were good enough to make me want to veer from my goal. I have had sex though, once or twice, and it didn't really do it for me." It felt like a challenge I would like to accept, but I really needed to think about it. Was it real or loneliness talking? And it was something real how would I do it?

"Really, I find that hard to believe. Is it that you want to be in a relationship, or that the guys you were with had no idea?"

"Probably both. The boys just wanted to get off, they didn't care about me. On one date he was so bad at pleasing me I had to dial up porn when I got home and masturbate to get off. The porn was way more interesting than he was. I basically didn't bother with partners from then on. When I needed to get off I logged on."

"Well, I guess it worked for you sort of, but for those of us who actually care, I'm sorry those guys didn't look after you. I would've made sure you were happy."

The conversation moved onto more mundane things. Saki also had to work as more customers arrived. I finished with a green tea and wished Saki a good afternoon.

I spent some time at home thinking about the conversation we had shared. I was a bit gun shy after Sue and Olivia. I couldn't risk the emotional investment in something that might be short lived. But I could also see the opportunity to get to know a lovely girl more than I did now. I could do that at a low risk if I kept my feelings in check, and if Saki was willing to get to know me a bit better. I decided to see if she would see a movie with me. I was aware there was a risk because she might see me as opportunistic or believe I was only interested in sex.

It took a week to organise. I asked her the next time I saw her, but there was no immediate answer. Saki told me that she needed to think about it because of her experience. I told her I understood, and that when she was ready she could give me her answer.

The next time I saw Saki she told me that she had thought a lot about going out with me. She then said "I will go out with you. But please don't mess me about."

"l won't. How about this: let's go on one date and see how we feel. If it doesn't feel right we stop, and there are no questions."

It was hard to find a time that worked for us both. We eventually managed it. Saki chose the movie, a gentle romantic comedy. It wasn't what I would necessarily have chosen but it was a good date movie. There was time for a coffee after the movie. We found a quiet place where we could talk. It seemed we both had things to say.

"Can I go first?" Saki enquired.

"Sure" I replied, with more bravado than I felt. I was worried that she was going to shut me down. While I was concerned that I could take things too far in my mind I wanted that risk.

"I've been thinking about you quite a lot. Although I didn't say much those first few weeks I was watching you. I decided that I wanted to get to know you better. I know it took a while, but here we are."

"Yes. I thought you were going to stop whatever this is. I know there are lots of unknowns but I look forward to seeing what can happen if we spend some good time together. I don't want to get ahead of things, so I hope you will tell me if I overstep."

"Don't worry, I will. I need to keep it pretty simple myself. My parents will take some finessing, and there is the future to plan for."

"I have some ambitions, but right now seeing my mum through this period is the most important thing. I want to live in the inner city and try my luck, but it will need to wait a bit."

"I want a job in the city as well. We need to keep this light until some things become clear. I have some job and university applications in, and luck with any of them will mean moving quite soon."

"We've got a bit serious a bit quickly I think, but if it's right then that's good. Lets enjoy the rest of the night, and see when we can get together again. I take it you would like to go on another date?"

After concurring about seeing each other again we drank more coffee and talked about mundane things like life in a boring suburb. I walked her to her door and a said goodbye with a quick peck on the cheek.

I reflected later on the date with Saki. We had both put a lot on the table. I wondered if we had already gone too far; surely we needed just to date, start at the simple beginning where all of these things evolve rather than having them land with a thump between us. But we also needed to recognise that the ground could shift under us at almost anytime. So we actually needed to find a way to navigate all these mixed metaphors and enjoy what we had. Planning for the future would have to come when it needed to, and otherwise we needed to enjoy the potential of each other.

We decided on a picnic, a fine idea that did not go as planned. It rained. And rained, ironically too much for us. We retreated to my place, and I introduced Saki to my mother. This was sooner than I had anticipated, and it also did not go as I expected. It was way better. We sat around the dining table and talked. I saw something in my mother that I hadn't seen for a long time. She was interested in someone else, something from outside the narrow field she had recently lived in. Her reaction to Saki surprised me and it also allowed me to believe there was something to hope for.

After we finished eating we moved into my room to listen to music. There was some common ground and some widely divergent opinions. I put on one of my absolute favourites. The reaction wasn't favourable so, to stem the critical flow Saki was building up, I leant over and kissed her. Lips only, but it was a start. She kissed me back, and as we broke I asked her "what happens when I choose something you like?"

"Guess you'll have to pick up your game and chance on something that appeals to me. Then you might find out."

Saki eschewed much of the popular music l had played, and I seemed to have run out of anything I thought she might like. I so wanted to kiss her, so I chose something older, something I thought maybe not well known. I'd always found the Walker Brothers intriguing since my father had introduced me to them. I put on 'Walking in the Rain.' After the opening crack of thunder it was elegant but still grounded, music to transport you to another place. As it swelled I looked at Saki, half expecting a gob full of abuse for subjecting her to more dross. However her eyes softened, she smiled, and she moved to embrace me. Our lips met in a long slow, grinding, kiss. We both emerged smiling, and kept the cuddle for a bit longer. The music now had another association for me.

Things seemed to be moving very quickly, although I did have to consider that I had been talking to Saki for longer than I realised. We seemed to have connected on some deeper level that I didn't really understand and that I didn't want to fight. Why would I? To me Saki was beautiful though some might find her a bit plain. And she was incredibly bright and funny. Why wouldn't I want her? I could only hope that she saw the same potential in me.

I talked to my Mother about where my life was going. She told me she was grateful for my coming home, for helping her keep it together in the weeks and months after my Father died. She asked me what I was planning, and I replied that I wanted to see what happened with Saki. I could work something out almost anywhere, though I did want some big city life, while Saki would be more restrained by opportunities that existed for her. I told her I loved her but that this place had no future for me for work or love. I was assuming that there was a common future for Saki and me, though this was by no means certain. Clearly there were a number of conversations to be had.

First I spoke to Saki. We were sitting quietly by the lake in the one park near my place. "I wanted to talk to you about something" I started.

"Sounds ominous" she replied.

"Well, it is a bit. It feels a bit a early for this, but I am falling for you badly. I want to be with you, to see what happens. It's time for me to move forward, and I'm hoping we can do that together. I know it's a big ask . . ." I faltered.

"It is big, and a bit scary. I don't know what or when things will change. I'm not sure what I will want then, but just at the moment I am pretty happy with how things are. The only thing that has really surprised me is that you haven't pushed me to sleep with you. I have wondered about that. I know you care for me, but this seems a little strange to me."

"I'm a bit nervous about physical contact. Sue and Josie messed me up a bit. Olivia started to fix that side of me but we hadn't really sorted it out. I felt unworthy sometimes when I was with her, and when I was feeling low, I wondered if it was a trick. I know Olivia was not like that, and I know you aren't either. But I need to be confident that our relationship, however long it might last, is founded on trust."