All Comments on 'Walking into Trouble Pt. 02'

A bit of proofing and editing would go a long way here, as the spelling and word substitution errors are really distracting. This is certainly an ambitious story, with a lot of threads hanging out there right now. At times there is a suddenness to things that is problematic -- such as Amy having a "fit" as opposed to simply fainting, and no one worrying about getting any kind of medical evaluation or follow-up, and Ethan and Stacey shrieking at Ethan over the safe room, without there being any context for that kind of reaction. Some of that seems like trying to create more drama and tension, which really isn't needed with as much as is already going on, and these things come rather out of the blue, which makes them stick out. There are also things that aren't really made apparent, that show up rather obtusely, such as the fact that the warehouse Ethan worked in was for dental supplies, so only now, at the end of the second chapter, can we infer that he was assembling dental chairs. That's something that could/should have simply been clearly stated early on, as it would give some insight into his character, as opposed to him simply assembling office chairs. Still, an interesting set-up, and I look forward to seeing how it develops.

theres a bit of a resemblance to a great story written 12 years ago by JammyJimmy.

***Thanks for the read.

This is painful to read. The spelling, grammar and sentence structure is barely literate. Get an editor to help make a story out of this mess.

Interesting chapter!

5

Still very interested in the story, I do see how why some were have trouble following along with it.

Awaiting the 3rd chapter for quite sometime now. When are you going to post it?

Well, I skimmed this chapter like I said I would. Even with just skimming, the grammar was so bad as to be disruptive. For instance, take this sentence:

"I try and get in contact with him thought, though I can't say how well it will go due to the time difference."

First, it should either be "I will try" (future tense) or "I tried" (past tense). Then there is the fact that you misused thought instead of though immediately before using though correctly.

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I think this story has potential, but it's simply too painful to read for what little value it currently has. I appreciate the effort and hope that you continue to improve your writing.

This is just simply unreadable. I do not recall ever trying to get through a worse morass of a grammatical slaughter house! Parts of it read like directions for a stage play, interspersed with redundancies, spelling errors, and overall juvenile sentence structure. I’m sorry, I like to offer positive criticism and encouragement but this is a literary train wreck. I’m sure you had a good idea for a plot, but it is not working. If you want to continue I suggest you find someone who is at least literate to guide you and then get an editor to clean this up.

This is very similar to threads BE ORIGINAL!

I don’t care if you got inspiration from threads he just quit like a tosser please keep this going ignore the haters they’ve nowt better to do than moan and wank.

more of this story please and take the negative comments with a grain of salt.