Wanting Erica

She was trying to be introspective. She realized she was drawn to the other lady because of her coldness. Erica didn't seem to care about anything at all. A part of her mind wanted to draw Erica out of her shell. She knew she wanted something more than friendship but not till the point of being lovers. She liked the idea, "more than friends; less than lovers". Maybe after she got Erica to be more outgoing, she would move on to the next recluse.

Her place to Erica's was an estimated thirty minutes drive. She got into her car waved at Ian. She told him not to expect her till the evening. He had kissed her at the door and told her he loved her. She smiled at him. She was scared to repeat the same to him. She doubted she did nowadays. She was wearing something casual a flared jean trouser, a tank top with a jacket. She wore a flat suede sandal. She had heard she looked good most of the time. She was 5'10", she wasn't skinny. A friend of hers in college once told her she could pass off as Charlize Theron. Only that she was a brunette with baby blue eyes.

She drove into Erica's drive way. Then she got down. There was no sign of Erica. The door was closed. The curtains were drawn. She walked to the front door. She pressed the door bell. No sound. She walked to the back door. That was when she saw her. Erica was at the lake. She exhaled. For one moment, she thought something bad had happened to her friend. Yvonne walked to her friend. She looked beautiful standing there. Her hair was down. She was wearing black slacks and a tee-shirt. "I knew you'd find me here." She smiled as she leant across and kissed Yvonne. "Welcome. Good morning. Hope you are hungry." She gently brushed the locks that fell over Yvonne's left eye. "You like the view?" the other woman nodded.

"This is my happy place. I think here. The breeze cools my mind. It gives me a sense of serenity. I would love you to watch the sunset here. You would be so amazed." She looked at the Erica. She just didn't know what to say. There were many things racing through her head but she just couldn't find the way to articulate them. If she was guessing, she now confirmed and knew that she was in love with Erica. She didn't know how it happened or when it happened. Another thing she knew was that she wasn't going to get carried away. She also knew that she was going to avoid Erica. She just couldn't dare to love Erica. She was straight.

"Cat got your tongue? You haven't said a word." She took Yvonne's hand. "Come, let's go in." The touch of her hand sent jolts down her spine. She kept asking herself how it happened. She had never felt this way before, she kept reminding herself.

Inside the house was warm and cosy. She loved the colour blend. This house felt familiar in a way. She just couldn't place why. There was a fire place. She walked to it. She looked at the other end of the room, there was a piano. "You play?" she asked Erica.

"Just a little."

"Please play me something."

"What would you give me if I do?"

Yvonne laughed. "Anything. I know you play very well."

Erica smiled at her. "That is for you to judge". She walked to the piano and sat. Yvonne stood in front of her. Erica shrugged and she played "Think of me" from the "Phantom of The Opera". Yvonne was breathless. Erica held her gaze all through the time she was playing the piece. She just couldn't look away. The effect of the music and those gray eyes piercing her soul was more than she could bear. She just didn't want the music to end. When she found her voice, all she could say was, "Is there anything you can't do?"

Erica smiled at her, "was using you as my muse. I never told you I paint as well. And I sell my works too." Erica ushered her into a dark room. She drew the blinds. The room had a canvas on an easel. She saw a striking resemblance of herself. She was dazed. "You are making a portrait of me?" Erica nodded. Yvonne just didn't know what to think. She knew she had to avoid Erica like a plague. She just couldn't feel this way about her. Then, she began to ask herself how she had fallen for her.

Erica showed her other works. One was of their boss. Another was of the woman at the reception. One was of the security man. Another was of a young man who Erica said was her elder brother. The paintings were beautiful. It seemed they wanted to come out of the canvases. Indeed, Erica was a genius. Erica kept the canvases back to where she brought them from. She walked to the door. Yvonne walked up to her. They were so close. Yvonne had the strange urge to lean in to her friend. She was aware of her scent, something like jasmine. Her gray eyes seemed to look into her soul again. Maybe it was the eyes that made her fall.

Erica sighed, "are we gonna stand here all day? I have other activities lined up for you." Yvonne smiled. Erica showed her into the kitchen. Erica told her she could choose what she wanted to eat. Yvonne decided that they ate sandwiches. They talked about the party which was coming up in less than week. They made jokes. Erica knew how to make her laugh. They made plans of what to wear. Yvonne was indecisive. Erica asked her to accompany her to her bedroom. She wanted to pick the right dress for the occasion since Yvonne was with her.

The bedroom was cosier. Burgundy sheets, burgundy rug, white walls... this was beautiful. On the lamp stand was a book, a novel Erica was reading. "Finger smith?" Yvonne asked. Erica turned away from the closet and looked at her. "I bet you haven't read it before" Yvonne shook her head. "I didn't think so" Erica jested. Erica went on to show her the black dress she wanted to wear. Yvonne looked at it. This dress cost a fortune. Erica excused herself. Then Yvonne feasted her eyes on the room. There was a painting of Venus on the wall. Venus in this painting was reclining on a chaise with her back facing the viewer. There was Cupid holding a mirror for her.

"That is the 'Toilet of Venus'. It was done by Diego Valesques.You like it?"

"it is beautiful." She turned to look at her friend.

She was stunned. Now she could see the curves that hid beneath. She had seen them before in her formal suits. This was mesmerizing. She snapped out of her thoughts when Erica said, "please help me with the zip."

With her back turned to her, and being a few inches away from her, she was able to inhale her scent. "You have a nice back", she whispered.

"thanks," Erica whispered back. Yvonne didn't want to stop doing what she was doing. She was bewildered. How could she feel something this strong another for woman. Erica turned and faced her. Now they were only about 2 inches apart. They locked gazes again. Erica looked into her soul again. She didn't know if she could take it any longer. Then Erica walked to the mirror. "I might wear this". Erica looked at her through the mirror and said, "Don't you think it is nice?" Yvonne nodded. Erica smiled. She walked towards her. "I guess I am gonna wear this. Now i am gonna change." She took a step away from her and then she turned abruptly on the balls of her feet and said, "Yvonne, if you look at me that way again, I swear, I would so kiss you"

Before Yvonne could say anything, Erica had gone into the other room. Erica came into the room again and kept the dress in the closet. "so, what way shouldn't I look at you?"

Erica gave her a puzzled look. "Really? You don't know?" Yvonne shook her head. "Now, I will tell you. That day at the workshop, umm... at the restaurant, while I played the piano, the other day at the committee meeting and now."

It dawned on Yvonne that Erica knew she loved her. The next thing Erica said knocked the breath out of her. "Well, I prefer women. And you prefer men. I don't want to change that. So you know, I developed feelings for you from the first day our eyes locked that day. I won't act on them any way. The last thing I need right now is some straight chic getting involved with me and running off to her boyfriend when she has satisfied her curiosity. I have been down that lane before and I am not walking there again. When you look at me that way, you make it seem you want to have something intimate with me. I would love it but I just can't. You and I won't happen. I have gotten my mind off that notion a long time ago." She stated nonchalantly.

Yvonne was stupefied. Erica went to her dresser and picked an earring. She turned and smiled at the dazed Yvonne. "I want to wear this earring. It goes well when I have my hair done into a chignon." Yvonne walked towards her. She felt the intense desire to kiss this woman. She didn't understand herself anymore. She wasn't herself. Her true self had gone on a vacation to God-Knows-Where and this new person did want what she shouldn't be wanting. It was really strange. She knew that she had to leave this room else, she might do something she might regret. The house had an effect on her. It was so comfortable that she didn't want to leave its coziness. She just knew she had gotten to a point where she could just walk away or stay.

Erica looked at her. This was not the Erica she used to know. She looked quite vulnerable, like a child who was lost in the middle of nowhere. Erica held her hand. "I am falling for you. I don't want to act out what I feel. I don't want to jeopardize our friendship. I want you in my life. I don't mind if we are just friends. I would like if we had something more...something more intense than being friends. I wouldn't make you do what you don't wanna."

That was Yvonne needed to hear. She leant in closer and exhaled gently. Her eyes were half closed. She leaned in closer to her friend. She knew that her next action would change things in her life. "You don't have to if you don't want." Erica whispered gently to her.

The moment her lips met Erica's, she gasped. She couldn't believe the electric jolt that went through her system. Her lips held Erica's. This was perfect. She knew this was where she wanted to be. She knew this was what she wanted to do. Every other fear in her mind seemed to vanish for that one moment in time. It was Erica who broke the kiss. "Yvonne, I think we should stop here."

"You want me to stop, why?"

"Maybe you should just leave."

"Why?" asked a confused Yvonne. She couldn't understand what had gone wrong. She was having the best kiss of her life and all Erica could do was breaking it? How could she? She felt unwanted and rejected. Anger rose in her. She walked away from Erica. The hot tears were stinging her eyes. She just wanted to be anywhere but here. Erica just stood on the spot. She knew she had just ended another friendship. She did what she did whenever she was angry; she played her piano.

Yvonne drove to some quite place close to her house and sobbed. Never had she felt something so intense in her life. Chemistry never had this intensity. Never had she wanted someone so much. That kiss was magical. That kiss had altered her life. She knew she wanted Erica in her life. She knew she was done with Ian. All she wanted to do now was hold Erica.

The reality struck Yvonne when the reason for Yvonne's withdrawal was because she had been hurt many times. It seemed like she was always falling for people who broke her heart. Erica was soft and vulnerable too. Why didn't she figure it out all these while? She looked at the time; it was 2:18pm. She reversed the car and drove back to Erica's house. She knew Erica wanted her. Obviously, she had fears. That was what explained the cold and aloof facade Erica put up for everyone.

She met Erica in a pool of tears. The sight made her break down again. She quickened her pace to meet Erica. She sat on the floor and held her. She kissed her head. "I am sorry" was all that she could say. This time, Erica kissed her. It was soft yet it was forceful. Erica held her fingers through her hair. She didn't know where all this passion was coming from. She always thought Erica was cold and unfeeling. Now, Erica was kissing her like though her life depended on it.

Her tongue brushed Erica's. She couldn't hold back the shudder that went through her system. This was one hell of a salacious kiss. The lyrics of Kelly Clarkson's A Moment like This played in her head. She wished time could freeze and she tried to savour every passing second of this kiss. She never felt this with any of the guy she kissed.

Erica was demanding. She traced a line on her upper palates and she couldn't hold back the moan that followed. Erica seemed to understand her mouth. She kissed her back. Matching her passion for passion. It baffled her that Erica who had a high level of composure could be so passionate. She knew she was lost and she didn't want to be found. She held nothing back from that kiss.

It was Erica who broke the kiss. She was shy to look at Yvonne. Then she smiled. Yvonne smiled back at her. "You kiss by a book", Yvonne removed the lock of hair from Erica's face. This made the other woman laugh. They held each other's gaze. Yvonne didn't want to ever be away from her friend again.

"That was a line from Romeo and Juliet, right?"

"yeah it is," Yvonne replied and smiled.

"It's a wanting thing", Erica cocked her eyebrow.

"I haven't read across that."

"That is a line from the novel you saw in my room."

"Fingersmith?"

"Yeah... you might like it."

"Tell me about it."

"Sorry, you would have to read it"

"Erica, you figured out I am in love with you right?"

"When did you fall in love with me?"

"I don't know when it happened or how it happened. It's like that Billy Ocean song, "you wake up and suddenly you're in love"

"Hmm... I fell for you since the day we locked gazes in that workshop. I just couldn't get my mind of you. I knew i wanted you in my life. But, i didn't want to give it a try. I get hurt when i let myself fall in love with some people. But I just knew I wanted you in my life. And when we became close buddies, it became unbearable. I just had to act normal... like nothing was wrong. And when you kept looking at me with these blue eyes of yours, I knew that I was lost. For once in my life, I feel something so intense. When I look into your eyes I seem to lose my intelligence... I am in love with you Yvonne. And there is Ian your fiancé. He is..."

Yvonne hushed her with a kiss on her lips. This was soft and gentle. Erica wasn't as vicious as before. "I want you too. I want to build my castles in the air, even though they'd disappear. I want to throw away what I fear. You know; this chance to love someone deeply and they loving you back doesn't come every time. I am in love with you and that is all that matters."

Erica held her palm and planted a kiss in it. "What happens to Ian?"

"I will end it with him" she shrugged. "we haven't been as good as we used to be. We are like old couples."

"You are leaving him for me?"

"No. I would have left anyway. He pushed me to you. If i was so in love with him, i wouldn't have felt anything for you. I was with him because I was scared of being alone... all by myself."

"Hmm... I see"

"He wouldn't even miss me. Jeez, i have stayed in relationships because i lied to myself I loved those guys. Am i now gay?" she smiled caressing Erica's palm.

Erica feigned a solemn air, "most straight girls are gay until they meet the right girl to make them gay. Some gay girls are gay until they meet the right guys that make them straight." Yvonne laughed at this.

"yeah right, that is true." She leaned in to kiss Erica. This kiss held a promise; A promise of love and happiness. Although bad times would come, things may not be always the way they are planned but one thing was for sure, what they felt would see them through. Yvonne knew this was where she wanted to be. She knew this was what she was looking for. She knew Erica was the missing part of the puzzle that was her life. This time she broke the kiss and trailed them to Erica's ear and whispered, "It's that wanting thing."

Erica giggled and she joined her.