All Comments on 'Warrior Queen'

It's not finished!!! Oh no!! Still 5* though. Great story. Thank you!

I think you have created a rod for your own back. Too many unresolved dangles. We await the conclusion with bated breath.

I read into psge 3, and found the narrative style of this to be simply too wrong to my mind's ear.

I would have thought a decent editor might have pointed you into a more first-person, "dialog-ier" style for this. Perhaps it gets better later, but for now, i'm setting this aside. No score from me as yet...out of courtesy.

Was unresolved, I guess that will be in the other work?

Although I called this a good story, there are a lot of holes in it.

The writing style works quite well for this type of story. Most of the characters were good but more development could have been done on Robert and the daughter and her husband could have been developed and brought into the story providing more depth.

Do some research on guns and gangs before including them in stories. MS13 is not a black gang. They are from El Salvador but was started in Los Angeles. A MAC10 is not a big gun and would be a great gun to use in a close quarters gun fight. It shoots a 9mm or 45acp pistol round

I ignore the nae sayers they are all the same, if they wrote their own maybe they would understand.

I enjoyed the story line and to me although the weapon description is not totally accurate it does what it needs to do and that is carry the story, as for the gang name it makes no odds where the scum come from it is a blight on society that they do.

Keep on writing about this Warrior Queen she is OK.

Will be watching for the Coterie. This character makes a wonderful mythic sense. Thank you.

It has been a long time since I've been entertained this level, I just couldn't put it down ! I'm really looking forward to your next piece of work. Yet again thank you very much for Sharing this with us.

Just love your work. Betsy and her family really seemed like someone you'd like to know. It's good to have a hero, even if reluctant

I can only hope that you write professionally, as I would hate to see Such talent not rewarded. This story falls into the category, one of the few I've found here on literotica.

Awesome and then some. Like everyone else, I hope there is a follow up in the future, maybe at least along the same lines.

Thanks for your time and talent. Guess we're all jealous we can't let our imagination flow. Possibly life has us so busy we can't seem to get away from it all.

Thanks Again

Very well written and told. Look forward to reading more of your stories. Thanks.

Perhaps you should pay your procrastinators club dues from three years ago and start writing again. Seriously, well done. Might be a movie in this somewhere.

I'm guessing the Yakuza are the ones behind trying to get her swords, how about another tale of her f****** up the Yakuza? Please!!!

More of Betsy, Love the warrior Queen.

Excellent story.

Great story. Sure could use a chapt 2 though

5/5

J

Good story, although it’s more than a bit self indulgent while describing the way she and her Father came to be the way they are regarding martial arts etc, personally I’m fairly sure a good editor would reduce this by 25% and make it flow faster to keep the reader hooked in, as it is I found myself skip reading parts that didn’t add much to the plot, characters or action which is always indicative of needing the aforementioned editor.

The length and wordiness aside it’s a good read, although at some point we know that by the weight of sheer crushing numbers the gang will eventually get to her and or her family, but I guess that’s a story for another day.

Good story, even if too long, 5⭐️ cheers, Ppfzz.

It was a good story even if was a little long. I question what they did to protect the kids. M.S isn’t going to give up and at some they will go after the kids and the rest of the family. It needs a follow up story.