Was It All Worth It

He laughed and continued, "You just don't expect your adult children to break bones. I thought those days were behind me."

I agreed with his sentiment and nodded.

"Looks like I'll be cooking for myself for a few weeks. My wife is going to have to take care of Missy and Mia and leave me on my own."

My head snapped up. "What did you say?"

Before he could answer, a little girl shrieked, "Grandpa!" from across the room and dashed through the crowded bar.

A little flop of red curls jumped onto his lap and lavished the man with hugs and kisses.

A moment later, I heard, "Bill!"

I turned and saw Missy and who I presumed to be her mother standing next to me. Her mother was her spitting image. Except for a few lines around the eyes, they looked exactly alike.

"Hi, Missy. How's your arm?"

"It's okay. I'm on some strong pain meds so I'm not feeling much. It hurt like hell when they set it though."

Missy introduced her parents Jack and Mary to me and then her adorable little girl Mia.

"Where's your wife, Bill?" She asked.

"Don't know. She took my girls to the beach this morning and I haven't heard from them all day."

"Seriously? On Father's Day?"

"Worse than that—it's also my birthday today."

"Oh my God! Did she blow you off on the best day of the year for you? What's her problem?"

I didn't want to get into it and said more than I probably should've already, so I shrugged my shoulders.

"Well, forget her. You must join us," Mary said emphatically. I could see what Jack meant with his red fury comment.

"I don't..."

"Forget it, Bill. You don't want them ganging up on you, it isn't pretty," Jack said with a snicker that showed his years of experience with being ganged up on by them.

"But it's your day, Jack. I don't want to intrude."

"Bullshit," he said. "It's our day."

"Grandpa, you said..."

"I know, pumpkin. I said a bad word. Grandma will punish me later."

"Dad!"

He winked at me as the buzzer for their table went off.

"Settle up your tab, Bill, and meet us at our table. No bailing on us!" He said with the tone of a drill instructor. He threw a twenty on the bar and walked off.

"Sorry, Bill. My parents can be—bull-headed."

"No worries, Missy. I suppose it's better than eating alone."

***

The dinner conversation was light. Bill and I told stories of our daughters growing up and Mia asked a lot of questions. She giggled constantly at the embarrassing tales of her mom as a child.

After dinner, my phone rang. I saw it was my wife and ignored the call and set the phone on the table.

"Your wife?" Mary asked.

"Yes."

"It's more than you're letting on isn't it?" Missy asked.

"I think so, but I have no proof."

"Bill, everyone makes mistakes," Mary said looking directly at Jack. "Maybe you can find a way to forgive her."

Missy's head snapped over and she glared at Mary.

I called the waiter over and handed him my credit card. "Well, I've destroyed enough of your meeting. Thank you for inviting me to share your meal."

"Bill, let me..."

"No, Jack. It was my honor to eat with you and especially one of my favorite employees. It's on me. Happy Father's Day."

I shook their hands and walked over to the waiter's station to sign the check. I didn't even have solid proof she was cheating on me but I was two for two with people telling me I should forgive her. What was wrong with people?

My phone rang, again and again, I ignored it. I pulled into my garage and was greeted by two whirling dervishes bestowing kisses and hugs apologizing profusely for abandoning me on Father's Day.

"Girls, don't worry about it. I don't expect you to remember when my birthday is, I..."

"It's your birthday?" Screamed Jill. Then she ran into the house screaming at my wife.

"Daddy, we didn't know. I'm so sorry," she sobbed into my chest. "You must hate us."

"No, baby. I love you more than life itself."

"When she asked us last night to go to the beach today, we just jumped at the chance. We didn't think..."

"Baby, it's okay. Don't worry about it. I'm not mad at you."

I didn't tell her I was mad at her mother, but that was my problem, not my daughter's.

"Let's get inside."

I walked through the kitchen, ignored my crying wife getting scolded by my daughters, and went up to change clothes. After putting on shorts and a tank top I walked back through the war zone to find my wife sobbing alone.

"I'm so sorry," she mumbled.

I shook my head and walked out to my deck with a beer and a cigar. It was a beautiful night and I was enjoying the tranquility, thinking about work instead of my wife for a change, when the sliding door opened.

"Bill, I..."

"What's his name?" I asked cutting her off.

I didn't look at her and she didn't walk any farther out onto the deck.

"Bill..."

"What is his name? The man you fucked on Friday."

My anger was rising. I heard the door close but she didn't come out. She didn't bother denying it. I knew then I'd be visiting a divorce lawyer soon. Almost twenty years of marriage down the drain. What a stupid woman I married.

That's when my mind started thinking the worst. How long had she been cheating? Was he her first? Did I know him? Were the girls even mine?

It's amazing what negative thoughts go through your mind when you're treated so poorly. I decided to demand paternity tests on the girls as part of the divorce. It wouldn't be just for my peace of mind, but would also cause Katy embarrassment.

I spent the rest of the night searching divorce laws on the internet, before sleeping on the sofa. What a way to spend my birthday.

***

I woke first at a gloomy five in the morning. In my bedroom I found Katy sleeping soundly, curled up around my pillow.

It was funny how peaceful she looked as opposed to how poorly I slept. Her body was uncovered and her panty-clad ass was showing. She was so beautiful, it was too bad she wasn't mine any longer. I would miss her body.

I grabbed what I needed to wear and showered as quickly as I could. I managed to escape without waking her, but Jill was waiting for me in the hallway.

"How bad is it, Daddy?"

I sighed. "It's as bad as it gets."

"Can you forgive her? I mean, it's just forgetting a day."

"Honey, she didn't just forget my birthday or Father's Day. She cheated on me."

She gasped. "No, Dad. She wouldn't."

"She must've and I won't accept it. Think about it. She's been acting oddly for the last few weeks. Friday night, she went out dressed like a slut after getting a tan and her hair done. That certainly wasn't for me."

She shook her head.

"Baby, she avoided me all day Saturday and Sunday. She was obviously feeling either guilt or hatred for me and didn't want to be around me at all. When has she ever taken you to the beach without me? That's always a family excursion."

"What if it's not an affair? What if it was only once? Can't you forgive her for just one time?"

"I doubt it was, honey, but look at all of her actions. At any point this weekend did she act as she loved me?"

"Daddy, you didn't see the look on her face when grandma called her to ask why she didn't call grandpa and wish him a Happy Father's Day. She dropped the phone and shrieked, 'No!' so loudly we thought grandpa had a heart attack or something."

"He's..."

"He's fine, Dad. Mom sobbed on her knees until we picked her up and sat her on the couch. She just kept saying she loved you over and over again. Honestly, Jenny wanted to call an ambulance for her. She thought she was having a breakdown. We calmed her and were able to get her to call you."

"Jill, I don't know what you expect me to say. She doesn't love me. One can't cheat on their spouse and love them. That's not an action of love, it's selfishness. Love is supposed to be selfless. When she became intimate with another man, she cast me aside."

She hugged me and cried.

"I'm going to assume it wasn't some random guy she picked up in a bar. She had to have been flirting or accepting him flirting with her. There would be intimate touches, maybe some kissing and fondling, all leading up to the first time she had sex with him. All of those actions before the sex are betraying your spouse. You can't be in love with someone and show someone else intimate affection."

"Please, don't divorce her."

"I have to go to work now. We'll talk later."

She walked into Jenny's room. I'm sure to fill her in on what we talked about. There wouldn't be any more secrets in our family. I wondered how much longer we would be a family.

***

I knew Katy would be too busy at work to try to call me or text me, so I had some peace for most of the day. The only thing that made it not a normal day was completing the forms for corporate related to Missy's accident.

She would get workman's comp for her time off and I hoped she wouldn't struggle too much. I didn't know anything about her personal life other than knowing she wasn't married.

She came in to sign the forms and complete her accident report. I wrote it out for her, as she was not doing well with her left hand, and she signed it.

"How are things at home?" She asked.

"Not good. She didn't deny it when I confronted her about her affair."

"Damn, Bill. I'm sorry. I'm sure you don't want to know my life's story, but I do know how you feel. My ex-husband cheated on me while I was pregnant. I kicked him out before my daughter was even born. My mom was furious with me. She basically called me a quitter."

"Jesus. I thought it was odd when your mom mentioned forgiving my wife last night. She was looking right at your father when she said it."

"Yeah, I noticed that as well. I'm not sure which one it was, but it makes me think one of them cheated."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. They seem to be happy, so they're free to live how they choose. I choose to never trust a cheater."

"Me too," I said firmly.

***

Katy wasn't home when I got home from work. She was probably fucking her stud and I got pissed off. I got back into my car and drove the two miles to her grocery store.

I saw her car in the parking lot and to my surprise, she was sitting in it with a young man.

When I stopped in front of her car she noticed me and I could see her scream, "No!"

She opened the door but I drove off. If she was going to cheat on me, he could have her. I was done.

I drove home and ran upstairs to pack a bag. I planned on staying in a hotel until I found an apartment.

Before I knew it, Jenny and Jill were crying and begging me to stay.

"I'm sorry girls, but your mother was just on her way to cheat on me when I caught her. She was in the car with some guy when I pulled up to her."

"Daddy, there has to be a mistake."

"Girls, I know what I saw. She had a man in her car. Why would she stay after work and have a man in her car if she wasn't going to take him somewhere? She can't say they were just eating lunch. There is no innocent explanation for sitting in the back of the parking lot after work with a man in her car."

"Dad, please don't break up our family," Jenny sobbed.

"Honey, your mother broke up our family. This is not my fault."

I pulled them into a group hug and kissed their cheeks.

"I love you girls. I'll be in touch every day."

I left them crying in the bedroom as I walked to the garage. As I pulled out I almost got hit by Katy pulling in like a bat out of hell. I shook my head and drove on.

***

The next week was nothing less than pure hell.

I refused to take calls from my wife and for the first three days, she called me every hour on the hour. She must've taken the week off because she couldn't make phone calls from the shop floor and had to be on the floor all day. She left countless messages all begging me to call her. I deleted every one of them.

After those three days, my mother, mother-in-law, both daughters, and Katy's sister, all begged me to talk to her. They all said it wasn't as bad as I thought, but every time I asked them if she cheated on me, they didn't answer. They all knew she had. They just wouldn't admit it.

I stopped answering any calls from everyone. I told my daughters I'd speak to them but their mother was not to be brought up. I had to hang up on them twice before they believed I was serious.

At the end of the week, I visited with an attorney. A simple split down the middle was all I wanted. She could have the house until the girls moved out. We would sell it then. My attorney said I could get more than half of the house proceeds based on my contribution to the down payment and monthly payment being larger than Katy's contribution, but I told him just to split it evenly.

I thought alimony or maintenance was a foregone conclusion, but it turns out that since my wife makes plenty of money to support herself, I wouldn't have to pay her anything.

That was the best news I'd had in a while. I wouldn't have to pay her to screw her lover.

The only fly in the ointment was that I didn't have proof of her adultery. The judge might not allow it and could downgrade it to irreconcilable differences and I would have to prove we tried to make it work. I would take my chances.

With my attorney preparing to file the divorce, life went on. There would be no forced mediation or counseling. There would be no lawsuits for alienation of affection. There would be no long-drawn-out battle. The split was fair and any judge could see that with a blindfold on.

Nothing is that easy though. What she could do was fight. When she was served the papers, she unleashed the entire barrage of the family against me again.

It turns out that she only screwed the kid one time on that Friday before my birthday, or that's what she convinced everyone was what happened. I was branded as the bad guy because I wouldn't let her explain. As if any explanation would be acceptable.

My mother basically called me a wimp because I wouldn't fight for my marriage. My mother-in-law told me we were even because I was breaking my vows too by not staying with her in the worse times. My daughters told me I needed to stay with the family because they would be scarred for life by our divorce.

It was surreal. I did nothing wrong yet I was being blamed for the divorce. The shit hit the fan when I had my daughters give me saliva for the DNA test. They refused until I lied to them and told them it was an order of the court.

Katy wrote me a letter that was mailed to my store. I read it and it said that she got caught up in the kid's attention to her. I say kid because the bastard was only twenty-one.

They only had sex one time in the backseat of his car and he was worth a shit sexually. I guess good-looking younger men don't all have huge dicks, fuck for hours, or recharge immediately.

Like him being a dud was supposed to make it all okay? She also said that when I caught her in her car with the guy, it was to tell him privately to never speak to her again. It didn't matter, she cheated on me once, and once was enough.

The nice thing was that since she gave me the letter, I didn't have to prove adultery for the divorce. She did it on her own. It meant that I wouldn't have to file for irreconcilable differences and prove we tried to make it work. Karma was finally on my side.

She tried to fight the divorce but when the judge saw my offered terms and her letter confirming the adultery, he approved it. I would be divorced in 60 days.

***

So there I was, a man alone on an island of desolation. Because I refused to talk to her I was branded as immature and an asshole. It got so bad, my mother and my daughters stopped talking to me. It hurt but I was on the side of righteousness and if they didn't like it, too bad.

I called my daughters every other day religiously. They never answered, but I left voicemails telling them what was going on with me and asking what was going on in their lives. I wouldn't let them blame me for not being on speaking terms. I continued to make every effort and reached out to them no matter if they wanted me to or not.

One thing that changed was I began to have coffee with Missy on Sundays. It started innocently enough when we bumped into each other at a local coffee shop.

She and Mia lived in the neighborhood and were out for a walk. I invited them to join me and filled her in on my misery while Mia watched cartoons on my iPad.

"I'm sure your daughters will come around, Bill," she said. "They are young and impressionable and are living with your wife. There's no telling what nonsense she's put into their heads."

"I hope you're right. I just hope they aren't too far gone. I miss them like hell."

The following week, I went to the same shop at the same time and was reading when I heard, "Hey, stranger!"

I smiled and invited them to join me again.

"Is this normal for you, or are you stalking me?" She asked with a smile.

"No, I live nearby and I like to have a cup of coffee and read on Sunday mornings. It's kinda lonely at home, so I come here."

She sipped her cup and we chatted about the neighborhood until we parted.

It wasn't a conscious decision to meet every Sunday, but we did. I enjoyed her company and little Mia was a delight.

***

On the day the divorce became final, I knocked on my old home's front door. My wife answered it and it was clear she'd been crying. She didn't say a word, she just motioned me inside.

"Are the girls home?" I asked.

"They are watching a musical at the school. I know why you're here—I expected you to come over today."

"Is that so?" I asked with a smirk.

"You waited until it was too late to stop it, didn't you?"

"Yes," I said, "I knew that you'd beg and plead and tug on my heartstrings trying to reconcile and I couldn't let that happen. You broke my heart and there is no way I will forgive you."

"Damn it, Bill! It was one time. One bad mistake. Why couldn't you forgive me? Why couldn't you find a way to stay with me? Didn't you love me as much as I loved you all these years?"

I laughed. "Were you loving me when you were flirting with your dud? Were you loving me when you had him in your mouth? Were you loving me when you gave him your pussy? Were you loving me when you avoided me all weekend and left me alone on my birthday? If that's your idea of love, you're beyond help."

"I never wanted this to happen," she sobbed.

"I never wanted a cheating whore for a wife either, but here we are."

She gasped and started to speak before I cut her off.

"Katy, not only did you break my heart, but you turned my mother and my daughters against me. I will never forgive you for that either."

"That's your fault for being unreasonable."

I got pissed and said, "If you don't get my mother and my daughters to apologize to me and make it right, I will tell every man you date that you're a cheating whore. I will make it a point to ruin every relationship you ever try to have in the future because you ruined mine."

"I don't want anyone else."

"Wrong answer. I guess I'll just have to find other ways to hurt and embarrass you."

I stood to leave and she grabbed my arm.

"It's not my fault! You can't blame me."

"Oh no? Did I cheat on you? Didn't think so. You know what really sucks? You're letting your daughters grow up to believe it's acceptable to cheat on their husbands.

"Because of your behavior, they are going into adulthood believing you're the saint and I'm the sinner and it's okay because it was one time. Well, fuck that! I'm not going down because some asshole kid made you feel sexy."

I pulled her arm off mine and said, "Rot in hell for throwing our marriage away. Just fucking rot, slut."

I left her crying in my wake and didn't feel sad about it.

***

A few weeks later, Missy knocked on my office door.