All Comments on 'Watermelon Fight'

Hot story

Perfect keep.going. write more please

But imho a sequel would ruin it. Leave it as is. *****

Absolutely loved it and I agree with the previous writer, leave it there it is perfect.

Great story! I loved the level of detail in your descriptions of the scenes. For those of us who visualize a story those added details elevates our pleasure and enjoyment of a story to another level! Thank you! As for a sequel...I will leave that to your capable hands!

WELL DONE! KEEP ON WITH THIS STORY, YOU CANT JUST LEAVE US HANGING WITH THIS TYPE OF ENDING. WE WANT TO READ MORE. GOOD LUCK

Sequel Please

Really great visuals! This was great, I agree with the last few comments no need to follow up , but I would read it and I'm sure eLove it also! Don't stop writing I look forward to more stories from you!

Oh Yes, Mom liked the accident and I am sure wants more. Of course you have to keep Mom happy and they both hopefully, in 2 weeks will Not Only do more but enjoy it slowly and then very hard and much of it too. Maybe, they will start sleeping together all they can ?? Some details about their builds in more detail and more hugging, kissing and making out. Her son needs to show her how many times he can get aroused and screw her hard and long. Thank you.

What sets this story apart, I believe, is the tenderness. Even though we are hearing about incest you aren't showing you know every hard sex word in the world. This is , as a few recent authors have stated, is about making love not just plain fucking. Brings back memories of William Sexspeare another author from around 2000 whose work I always admired.

This must be the way a son feels when he's got his young penis up the same vagina he came out of, up to his balls. "Never in my life was my penis so hard, or did it felt so good - the soft warmness, the firmness engulfing my penis, the moistness and above all the feeling of love, of being part of each other, a wholeness I have not experienced before." He felt "elation, an achievement, but also a deep love for this special woman, my mom." It's something I never achieved, dammit, fucking my own mother. I so wish it had happened to me, my loving mommy spreading her thighs and welcoming her baby boy's penis up where I started out so many years before. Up my own mother's warm wet ever-loving cunt! That would've been the greatest experience of my life, we'd smile at each other and gently kiss, my whole body'd be glowing, as I felt my penis safe and protected and cherished, surrounded by loving mommy-cunt. I know I could give my mother the best and hottest fuck of her life, one orgasm after another, and top it all by blowing my balls and shooting a great big load of semen, the biggest mom ever had inside her, so big she'd be bug-eyed. I'd grin and say, "yes, mom, that's your baby boy's semen, from my balls, mommy, to your sweet sweet cunt." And she'd have the greatest smile of her life on her pretty face.

Not to be nitpicking, but it should be "...mom and I..."

"It was during my college years that I suddenly started to realize the presence of girls and as most boys are, were fascinated with their breasts, legs, soft skin and all the things that make girls so attractive to boys."

He started becoming attracted to girls at 19-22 years old?

Most guys I know started thinking about girls at... 10 or so.

Your character may have some serious biological problems.

could see myself in his place - great story

Good story. Perhaps she's pregnant.

I agree with the comment about your hero's sudden interest in girls at the relatively advanced age of 19. Most guys' hormones start raging at about 12.

This reminds me of many pretty mothers of girls that I dated. IF ONLY I could have done this with one!!!

The only thing I can say is, MORE

Story was spoilt for me by the use of to many repetative words and phrases

I liked it but the constant use of the word penis irritated me. If you can call her vagina a pussy, you can use a different word for his penis just to break it up.

I totally agree I found it very odd to start noticing girls at college age. I started really noticing girls at 13 at least. Overall pretty good

Generally, loved the story and particularly the premise. One of the better first posts I've read.

As for feedback, who is 'us'? You say mom splashed us. You never reference any other character, who is the other person? Your verbiage during the sex scenes is pretty repetitive.

I agree with the last comment as well. You keep saying us and I was wondering who u were referring too. I thought maybe someone else at maybe a community pool?

I really liked this story, it was sweet and fun to read. A few sentences were oddly structured, but nothing that drew me away from the story. Good job! 5 stars and a fav from me.

I liked you version of "your story." Glad you wrote it your way. Keep on writing.

A great story and well written, hope there is more xx

chapter 2

Thank U for the awesome story. I love the writing style and tempo. Not rushed. Look forward to reading more of your work.

How beautiful a loving family could be

Your writing is very poor. In trying to copy a story that someone else wrote, you completely ruined it.

I enjoyed the story keep up the good work it reminded me of this other story where a mother was really innocent and a tickle fight in her bed caused an accidental penetration instance but to any asshole claiming this story to be a copy of anything else grow up there is only so many ways a story can thought up this happens to have a lot of different details than the one you are thinking of which itself is an almost exact copy of another story that was first posted on a site that is long gone in 2005 now the one that is on this site is only similar to this story in how the sex is initiated and even then it is not all the same to this story

I loved the story.... GREAT WRITING

Not good... Would have been better if you didn't use the same words "penis" and "pussy" a thousand times over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

Pussy, cunt, vulva, quim, twat, flower, core, sheath, neither lips, womanhood, the place I came from.... Here are few suggestions on how not to constantly repeat words while writing. Also for the male, cock, pole, turgid tool, baby maker, erection, dick, pecker, spear, pussy pleaser, heat seeking moisture missile.... This reads like a bad writing assignment more than erotica. You have the seeds of a good story, but got stuck in the mechanics of writing.

There is an example:

"She sat there frozen, as the tip of my cock pierced her outer lips only. I felt the moistness from that place I came from. I looked down, wondering how I was going to get out of this predicament. I was amazed when I felt her flower open to my stem. Now my cock head was circled by the inner ring of her womanhood. My pole throbbed as her inner muscles contracted. She sat up and closed her eyes, where I couldn't stop watching and wondering how deep she was going to let me invade her core."

I think that give you a good idea of variance in descriptive word usage. Good luck and keep writing.

Myhands316

For your next story I would like to suggest making use of one of the volunteer editors here on the Lit site. As others have mentioned, you tend to use the same words over and over again. As an example, you used the word “Mom” countless times when you could have also used mother, she, or her. Having said that, I look forward to reading your next attempt.