We Called Him Stubby

"Your husband did this? Who's the man you were sleeping with?"

"He's my boss and my boyfriend."

"You mean you were cheating on your husband right under his nose? No wonder he pissed on your clothes!" she said, and turned her back on me. "Slut is right."

"Hey, Sweetheart, right now I don't need your opinion. Right now I need to know if this hotel has a laundry."

She told me where to find a small coin laundry. I took my wallet with my cards to the desk to get us bailed out. Nothing worked. All declined.

As I walked past the concierge desk he reminded me that we had to be out of our room in half an hour. I made it to the elevator without any further encounters, but five other people got on with me and stared at me in that robe and hat. I just stared straight ahead until I got to my floor.

Finally Jerry reached out to one of his friends at the convention and begged him to use his card to cover our bill. How embarrassing! But we finally were able to get our luggage and get started on cleanup. Of course we needed a second hat so both our foreheads could be covered. It felt dumb to be walking around indoors with hats on, but Jack's dirty work left us no choice. Between us we had about $100 in cash, so we could cover incidentals without need of a credit card. I felt around in my suitcase and found the baggie full of piss and my rings, and the beautiful necklace with a diamond pendant Jerry had given me on the plane as we flew to the convention. I had never even had a chance to wear it - I was saving it for the fancy dinner dance that closes the convention each year. I saw that Jack's ring was in there too. Marriage over, I realized.

We dug around to find the driest clothes to wear, got dressed and left the room to go find the laundry. Just before we went down I called Jack's phone one more time. I yelled at his VM "You miserable son of a fucking bitch! How could you?"

We spent the next couple of hours feeding coins into washers and dryers. When I was finally able to get onto my cellphone I discovered angry and disgusted messages from everyone I love: My mother, my sister, my friends. That asshole sent photos and video to everyone I know. How did he expect me to be able to explain this to everyone?

We washed just enough stuff to get by and combined the nasty stuff in his bag and the laundered stuff in mine. At least we had clothes to wear that didn't stink. Photos and video had also gone to Jerry's contacts, including people here at the convention who know his wife. There was no way we could continue as if nothing happened. This mess caused Jerry to miss his speaking gig, and that was embarrassing. Plus, we didn't have a room any more. So we chucked it all and headed for the airport.

Imagine our surprise when we went to change our return flight reservations and learned they'd been canceled. The ticket price had been refunded to credit cards we couldn't use. So we had to buy new tickets at a much higher price than what we'd had. I had to call my father and beg him to pay our airfare to get home. He was so angry after seeing what Jack had sent that he very nearly told me to eat shit and die, but he finally relented and we got our tickets.

The flight home was awful. We were angry and embarrassed and scared of what we'd face after we landed. We shared a cab home, arriving after dark. Jerry dropped me at my house and rode off in the taxi as I dragged my suitcase up to the door. We had barely spoken after we left the hotel. There were no lights on in the house, and then I noticed the "Sold" sign in the yard. I fished my keys out of my piss-stained purse, and the door key didn't work. I went to the garage and the keypad code didn't work. Then I saw the notice taped to the garage door that my car had been towed.

I sat down on my suitcase and the full weight of what Jack had done to me settled over my shoulders like a lead-lined cloak. I was tired, hungry, and apparently homeless. I tried Jack's phone one last time. A recording said the number was no longer in service.

Finally I called my friend Donna to ask for help. She knew about my affair with Jerry and had been keeping my secret. She came and picked me up and took me to her house, saying I could crash there for a couple of days until I could get things figured out. When I told her all that had happened, she gave me a big hug. She showed me to her guest room. Her husband did not speak to me. He was Jack's friend. When I took off my cap Donna gasped.

"Oh my God, won't that wash off?" she asked.

"Nope. I tried everything I could find at the hotel. I guess I'll be wearing heavy makeup until it fades away."

Just then it dawned on me. I had all the clothes we'd washed in the hotel laundry in my suitcase, mine and Jerry's, and he had all the pissy stuff, mine and his. So most of my clothes were with him, and I had his only clean stuff. I called him. He said he was headed to a cheap motel - his wife wouldn't let him in his house. At least he still had a car.

Next morning he picked me up and drove me to the bank, where I was able to draw out some cash and get my bank card reissued. We drove to the auto impound lot and I bailed out my car, then we went to laundromat and washed the rest of our clothes. We'd have to buy new luggage because we'd never get the piss stink out of those bags. There was little conversation. I think each of us blamed the other for getting ourselves into this mess. And of course we were angry enough with Jack to want to kill him. Except he seemed to have disappeared.

I went back to Donna's and collapsed into bed. I hadn't slept properly for two days and I still felt groggy - Jack must have put something in that champagne he served us.

Next morning I got up, showered, put on some cover-up makeup Donna gave me, and dressed to go into the office. Donna loaned me a purse, since Jack had pissed over mine. When I was cleaning mine out to switch over what was salvageable that I discovered a lipstick tube I didn't recognize. I showed it to Donna and we figured out it must have been some sort of a bugging device. So, that's how Jack seemed to know things I had never told him - like that silly nickname.

There wasn't anything I could do about it now, the damage was done. But Donna put it down on the floor and I stomped on it in case it was still working.

I didn't know what would face me at the office, but I had a bad feeling. As soon as I walked in the door the greeter/security guard at the front desk told me I was to go straight to HR. As I walked past the row of executive offices I heard yelling from behind the GM's closed door. One of the voices sounded like Jerry. As I passed their work stations my co-workers looked away uncomfortably. Nobody greeted me.

I got to HR and my friend Holly took me into her office and explained that the mess we had created in New Orleans was the talk of the industry, and I would need to give her my keys and my ID. My desk had been cleaned out for me, and all my personal items were in a bag by her door.

As I walked through the office, past all those people I had known and worked with for years, the shame and embarrassment welled up inside me. By the time I reached the front lobby, I could go no further. I collapsed into a chair an buried my head in my hands and cried. A minute later Jerry walked through carrying a box with his things. He didn't even look at me.

When I finally walked out to go to my car a guy walked up to me and asked if I was Julie Jones. I said I was, and he served me with divorce papers. My legs went out from under me and I collapsed in a heap on the sidewalk. The greeter saw me through the lobby window and brought me a bottle of water, but she didn't offer to let me come back in. I finally made it to my car and I just sat there for a while, before finally getting it together enough to drive to Donna's.

Over the next few days I put some pieces of my life back together. Jack had left half our bank account, including half the proceeds of the house sale, for me. So I was homeless and unemployed and suddenly practically friendless, but at least I had some money. Donna helped me find a furnished apartment - evidently Jack had sold all our household goods with the house - another bitter pill since I had just lost my employee discount on that kind of stuff.

I got signed up for unemployment - the company had promised not to fight it, and I set about looking for a job. I'm still looking

Jack has never called me or contacted me in any way. Not even a "Fuck you" post card. He changed his e-mail, dropped off of social media - he's just gone. I tried going past his office, but they wouldn't let me past the front desk. Jerry hasn't ghosted me the same way, but he has made it clear he wants nothing to do with me. He's still hoping somehow he can get his family back.

So, if you ask me if my "secret life" with Jerry was worth it, clearly the answer is no, not even close. Oh, by the way - I just found out I'm pregnant. Jack had a vasectomy, so there's no mystery about who's the dad. The only mystery is what I'm supposed to do now.