All Comments on 'Wedding Day Blues'

I liked it. keep it up.

Does just anything count for a story these days? As long as some bitch is burnt, all the bastards are happy, no matter how awful the story is? I believe this story was written in ten minutes. It could have easily been written in ten minutes by middle schoolers. What a tiny pile of shit.

Not only is the plot here amazingly silly and stupid but it makes little sense. Let's say the wife had planned this whole thing out and thought she could get away with it.

Once she was caught it was obvious that the marriage was not going to work out and her scheme was going to cost her something. Soooooo...What is it she could not understand?

Come on Harry <g>, don't hold back; tell em how you REALLY feel!

What a way to start my day <smile>.

The story wasn't some disgusting humiliation thing, but like the anonymous said, it was preposterous. How did she imagine that this was ever going to work?

She set him up to spend his wedding night with a lesbian in a committed relationship? Didn't really bother to clear it with the lesbian, either. She has this grand plan, but that seems like a pretty big oversight. How did she imagine this was going to work out when he called the woman?

Surprise! This has to be the stupidest woman in the history of the world. She has a college education? In what, idiocy? Just a dreadful story. Beyond dreadful. Try putting a little thought into it, next time. No fun reading about brain dead zombies.

A whole new slant on the wedding night, please keep writing, a little 'over the top' but kept me interested.

just smarten up the plots and build a bit longer suspense to the story. TK #4

Not much to add to other comments. She seriously thought that after saving it for the wedding night he'd be ok with her 'new tradition'? Absurd!

However, grammar & punctuation not bad, and dialog paragraphing is correct. Plus, mercifully short. 2 stars, 'cuz I've read much worse. Kinda like the skating judges used to leave room at the top when scoring early programs. I'm leaving room at the bottom :)

What the fuck is up with some commenters? This was a tale of deception, betrayal and honeymoon infidelity without even consummated the marriage. Our groom didn't hit, didn't murder, didn't lash out at the skanky cunt. He logically removed himself out of the situation. Got a quick annulment. Showed all her friends and family what she was made of. And didn't physically destroy his friend the prick. He just moved on and left her totally alone, her being abandoned by her wise family. In fiction this the logical response to remain sane. Got it?

Five Stars

absurd cuck shit.

No cucks here, when he found out what was going on - he took action and BTB at the stake.

5/5

NOT CUCK SHIT, (don't you get bored writing the same line on every story?) but a man dumping a cheating bitch and lets not forget an anulled marriage. Certainly could have been fluffed up a bit but unusual plot. 3*

JJ

most self centered bitch ever. and such an evil friend.

a few phone calls and facebook posts and its all undone

wonderful

Another B.T.B story to please the men here who hate women.LW must be made up of gay men love to read about how women are destroyed

no LW has been become a cuckold den of cum guzzling fag that like licking leavings like you.

But at least its better than sharedsigne .

Please do go a little bit deeper in future works , but please do post more future works.

Who called this a BTB story? Just for laughs...He just got out of the marriage...telling his and her family what she did and wanted, was burning her? I don't think so. Sending all her clothes to their honeymoon destination, is burning her? I don't think so...The only one burned was his supposed best friend. Pity he didn't got beaten...4*

The same thing happened to me... twice! So many new brides think they can spend the night with other men, and the groom will be fine with it. It's all very common.

i think is so good and to the point story and with right way things handle

Why waste your precious life writing jerkoff revenge fantasies? Find a good therapist, work out your feelings of sexual inadequacy, and move on.

this is good, could do with a few more pages. hope you will add to it.

Good for a laugh, and HDK's comment was priceless!

Quick and decisive, yet not nuclear. Great read, thanks.

I know it's common in this genre, I can't believe that she was that stupid! She makes other Loving Wives look like Einstein!

Some idle thoughts pretending this has any semblance of reality:

“she whispered that there was a change in the plan” – A change in the plan that she doesn’t discuss with him, or even TELL him until the reception?

“if we stay together." – IF you stay together?! You already know that she has hidden her bi-sexuality from you, has been fucking the “best man” while shutting you off, intends to KEEP fucking him after the marriage and maintain lesbian relationships as well, how can you even THINK about staying together?

“She promised to do the right thing." – Yes, the right thing! The right thing is to NOT cheat on her partner and go along with cuckolding the groom! My only question is why didn’t Ann tell him about her plan and her screwing around with Tom?

Although creepy, there’s nothing wrong with her plan if she had planned it with MARK! Doing it all behind his back is proof that she knew it was wrong and that he wouldn’t go along with it.

Let’s just say she pulled this off. How could she be sure that Tom’s future wife would consent to sharing him with Jen?

happened to me by 2nd anniversery.

happened to me while we were engaged.

I needed to give this a 5

This story was almost funny but saved from being absurd because it was quite shallow. Too bad too many took it so seriously, it's more of a prank story so if taken as such, it is a bit funny.

Ha ha!

Tiny Tim

If they'd started a sexual relationship, then went celibate months before the wedding, it'd work better. Otherwise it's just different enough to be entertaining. [[As usual, the really biting comments are from somebody without the balls to post using an ID. Anonymous criticism really sucks. End of rant]]

A very nice flash story. Keep writing author. Your talent is appreciated.

The story was science friction. What odd that this would ever happen in real life. I think you would have a better chance at winning the lottery.

Something different and tongue in cheek. OK, the bitch was a stupid selfish cow who was off her head, but got swift retribution, as did the so-called best friend, so what's not to like?

Pretty well written. I liked his reaction. I just didn't think any woman could be THAT stupid. Who knows. Thanks for the story.

This is actually easier to fix than an annulment, since there's no way the pastor had time to mail in the marriage license and probably still had it on him all he had to do was tear it up there was a ceremony but no marriage no need to get an annulment no need to get a divorce, without the marriage license they were never married.

Thank you. I suppose.

Unbelievable and on the other hand a good try to come with something different.

Very funny how fiction gets taken seriously. I guess it is a complement to your writing that you have made it feel real.

I liked the story, but it was thin and rushed. The characters are one-dimensional and emotionless. There was no delay between reading her letter and complete exposure of the entire plan. The denouement (it certainly was not a climax!) was dry and without any emotion. You checked off the cliches- cheating bride, best friend, naive hero- without a shred of explanation. This needs a lot of work. If you don't fix this one, please consider these points for the next story that you write. JPR

First, the dialogue is a bit strained and unnatural. Part of that is because the characters are fake, thin, and exist merely to serve the BTB plot. Maybe this is intended to be funny, If it is, then you need to work on being funny. The best humor has a core of reality to it. It starts with a real situation, and then has a character do something unexpected in response. Here, you started with a ridiculously unreal situation, and had the character do the obvious in response. There's nothing funny about having the groom get the marriage annulled, because that's the obvious thing to do. Now if you had had him screw Ann, and then annul the marriage and go off on the honeymoon with her, that might be a bit more interesting.

the fucking cuck should be happy she's getting better dick then him. A REAL MAN PUT HIS GODDESS WIFE HAPPINESS ABOVE HIS OWN!

I'll look out for your next stories.

was/is quite THAT stupid. Can't she be colluding with someone else who has persuaded her that her fiance loves that kind of relationship? Or like Tom, has agreed with her plan in order to get into her? Though it's satisfying as a BTB story.

This is one you can't. To make this believable at all, you would have to give more background as to why she thought her husband would go for such a thing. Did his friend think this was okay with him or was it complete betrayal. If so, why?

Something this utterly fantastic needs some build up. I gave it 3 and think that was generous.

you don't need any back ground information for a story like this. you described the problem, her, and you told us his solution. sometimes less is more.

Loved this. No nonsense, nothing. Straight to the point, just like her letter.

You digressed into the same old tired BTB story line. I'm not suggesting that it should have become a same old tired accepting cuckold tale, and therein lay the failure of the effort. With the good start, it could have become a memorable tale with same originality that you showed with the promising beginning. Thanks for the effort, and for that, I did give you three stars.

Hi. As I said OK for a first story. Next time try to be in less of a rush to publish. The basic idea was fine. But each little idea needed expanding - or in some cases dumping.

Less can be more. You introduced ideas and cut them off. An example would be. You could probably have written three thousand words or more of Ann describing what occured at the Batchelorette Party. We needed to know more of his hopes and dreams - during the heavy petting sessions.

And I think the end retribution is overdone.

Keep on writing and consider finding yourself an editor. If you don't want to go the editor route - write leave it a few days then reread through fresh eyes.

Jon

....unnatural, the final was just "too fake for Jake".

I'd suggest a creative writing class at your nearest community college or university.

Try and focus on how people speak. Try reading your dialog aloud to see if it sounds real. Or better yet, have a friend read it out loud and see for yourself if you think it sounds natural. Finally, Temporary hubby would realistically never put up with those shenanigans, would have been suspicious and a friend or family member would have seen something untoward and hubby would have:

1. Beat the life out of his traitor friend.

2. Dumped the whore on a street corner near the local brothels.

3. Liquidated all assets and moved as far away as he could.

4. Filed a civil suit against asshat best friend and loving wifey for the economic impact of their betrayal, claiming personal damages for the distress and suffering he experienced while "waiting celibate" for their wedding.

I personally think that someone that cold and traitorous would never have sat and cried like her world was falling apart. Too self-centered, too narcissistic, too self important to see herself for what she is. Best bet would have been to arrange an accident for both lovers on their way into the hotel the next morning. Then everyone could have a good cry for the poor deceased and move on with their lives.

Finally, I suggest you try out ideas on other people, get a sanity check before committing to a whole story. This simply went wrong on too many levels to be taken seriously.

No thank you.

I've never posted negative feedback here before but that was just nasty. Nothing redeeming here at all beyond the idea that he managed to wrap up his revenge overnight. Oh, wait -- why didn't he get the ring back?

A bible school somewhere. For sixth graders. Who've never been exposed to the internet.

Unrealistic and mostly the reaction by Mark was too mean-spirited. The annulment is fine but no need to pile it on.

You get a 4.xx vote for THAT? What kind of audience is this?

You're winding us up, right?

totally appropriate.

Sad writing...This story is best read as a child's novel for illiterate adults. I couldn't even give you a one on this...Bad writing from the get go

Do you even know what proofreading means?

Fast pace was just perfect for this story, no dwelling on inane side bars. How about trying a reconciliation story, I hear those are the hardest to sell in LW lol. Thanks for sharing`

I get you wanted to burn the bitch, that's fine. But she was such a blatant stupid cruel bitch that Mark had to be the biggest dumb shit on the planet to marry this succubus. So as harsh and extreme as her behavior was, I felt he kind of deserved it. He might as well have married a rabid animal, then wonder why he was being chewed on so unmercifully.

Consider this a first step, and keep trying. I suspect the moderators made you let Tom get away without the beating? You could have reported that Jen attempted to hook up with Tom, but no one was sure how long he would be in rehab, after he gets out of the hospital. Just a thought.

Thanks for the effort.

sex crazed female dom.silly story, i loved it. nothing like a good btb to lighten the mood

Great first story

No, it WASN'T "as an idea it was fine!"

The whole concept reeked from the start. They're going to be celibate until the wedding while she's screwing the best man?

The husband doesn't even get her on the wedding night while she fucks the best man, setting him up with her LESBIAN Maid of Honor, who obviously hadn't agreed to it.

The Maid of Honor NEVER tells the groom about the plans.

She plans on an open, bi-sexual marriage, AGAIN without informing fiance?

Any ONE of these things would be killer, to try to throw them ALL into the pot is insane!

But entertaining fiction. You write well, and I'm willing to suspend a little disbelief. Keep writing.

As Maxwell Smart would say "Missed by that much" Hey Put on a smiley face and keep trying you will make it? As for the story it's not bad but not good it's lacking something it just looks not right like you wanted to B.T.B. but had no idea how to! Sorry! Love you all! GREG. OH 60 % OF READING ENJOYMENT BYE.

but this was pretty dumb. try again. ☆☆

I know you wrote this as an over-the-top piece that was supposed to have us all in stitches, but somehow it just doesn't work. Take a look at the works of Harddaysknight for absurd situations like this that are filled with snarky, funny, nonsequiturs that leave you rolling on the floor. Your work has potential, and if you can find the knack to write zany dialog, you can make your stories memorably funny.

A good start, I'm dropping 5* on this for the writing quality, setup, and resolution. Now go get a barrel of snark and come back soon! ;-)

First of all, there is nothing remotely EROTIC about this. Isn't this supposed to be an erotic story site? There is a category called "Non-Erotic" - I suppose you could put it there. But why bother? What is the point of this story? It wasn't a remotely plausible story line, there was no suspense or intrigue. No build-up. No interesting dialog. Just meh.

If you're going to post a story in "loving wives," and it doesn't have sex, please put a note at the beginning so that you don't have whiney little whack-offs, like the previous commentor, complaining about a lack of sex. Also, if you warn the rest of the readers that a bitch will be burned ( or not burned-as the case may be), you can eliminate a few more negative comments about your story based solely on how THEY (who couldn't write a readable story if their life depended on it) think it should end. And Lord forbid if you don't make it compliant with the divorce laws of the state THEY live in! LOL. Point is, a little warning note eliminates a lot of idiots. Hopefully you can word it so it doesn't give away any of the plot or ending. I enjoyed this, so hopefully you'll keep on writing.

Well since L does not have a BTB Group - posting her is right. Don't sweat the negative commenters. Oh you could have added Jen&Tom sex night but it would have detracted from the BTB BURN that was stories goal.

You did miss Jen's family attitudes, even if her own father will get the annulment. However, Jen did not become this way overnight, wonder what dearest mommy/auntie or sister gave her for morals??? Or are they just as F-up??? I see a sequel here.

Plus Tommy got off too easy - as per what written - remember he was the continuous backstabbing 'Best-Man/buddy' who has some serious morals issues. I hope someone smashes his nuts and a Bobbitt to clean our gene pool.

For the read.

The comment below this one! It made me rethink! Ok here goes? Is it not a tradition at Bachelorette parties to invite Mom, Sisters Aunts female cousins also fiancees female Relies! And you wrote her bestest female friend said it was a LESBIAN AFFAIR

OHWWWWW CAN I WATCH ITS A FANTASY OF MINE! Yeah Man ! Love you all! GREG.

FIVE STARS!

Liked it ! Hope to see more from you soon.

how realistic it is. Women really are like this.

LOL. Good revenge story.

He was very lucky to get rid of a cheating wife on the wedding. I think one of the biggest shame for a cheating bride when her wedding goes awry.

The story is satyre a little. I think the author is tired from the wedding cuckold stories with the cheating-extramarital sex brides in Loving Wives, so he/she wrote a humoros BTB to turn this type stories to a humorouse one. The without homor sense and cuckolding-cheating lifestyle supporters appear among the commenters. For the first group I am sad not to have humor sense but I LOL on the second commenter group...the humor found its aim!

Write another

It does not jibe. Why would Jen marry Mark when she was in love with Tom. If Mark was so smart why could he not know Jen was purely insane? None of it fits within a reasonable story plot. Obviously, the writer has no education in writing... an active imagination, yes; a believable story, no.

For the cuckolding supporters it is very dificult to understand:

1. Cuckold, cuck story is where the husband stays married to an extramarital sex practicer wife in the story.

2. Those stories, where the husband will get rid of his marriage and his extramarital sex practicioner wife or he got rid of his extramarital sex practicioner wife are not cuck stories.

The explanation is simple, the divorced, widow husbands are not cuck, because they got rid of the extramarital sex practioner wife and either lives with other woman or alone.

To lear, to learn, to learn.

BTW The cuck story supporters goes to the top (in their comments), when they think those stories where the ex husbands find better woman than the cheater ex wife are FETISH!

Those stories where the husband (will) gets rid of the extramarital sex practioner wife we can call and those story.

So this story is a "Cuckold liberating story" with satyra elements...

BTW I recomend to read Agena's story "Vows" in this type stories "the escape in wedding time" as other example to understand why this type stories are not cuck-ckuckold stories. So the comment writers could get better score on my "Training course".

Must have brown eyes. I'm sure we all understand why

... in bat shit crazy has been set.

Where the fuck did you get cuckold stories? I have it in my list of revenge on cheating wives stories. But in a sense I guess you could say cuckold stories, because she has to cheat before he can get revenge. But I don't really call it cuckold unless he goes along with it.

Must be reading different stories cause its not what i read, good story, fitting end to her life

I totally get it when someone writes 1 star cuck w/e story. It feels good when you read a stupid cuckold story and write a horrible comment on the story, I totally get that believe me. This however was not one of those stories. This did not involve a willing cuckold. He burned her. Take your 1 star wimp cuck comments to another one of this authors stories.

Your females are either so mentally ill that escaping their institutions would cause a panic or so stupid that they pick up dog turds and eat them like Twinkies.

It seems you can write so please work on far better women and far less pathetic men.

The guy in this story wasn't too bad but your female wasn't even two dimensional

Great little flash BtB story - appropriate justice was meted out, with the exception of the beating that Tom should have suffered.

Glad to see she was outed to both families at the same time.

5/5

Look, if you want to fill an erotica site with morality stories then i should be able to fill your religious site with erotica.

This girl had some sort of mental defect. No woman in her right mind thinks that her groom is going to go along with this kind of stupid crap. You've got to create stories that have some sort of connection to reality and this one just doesn't.

Great burn, public and life-changing.

5/5

...or not.

In what world do people act like this? The whole thing is so ridiculous in so many ways that I can't even begin to list them.

But not to the part of female retardation.

I swear, do you actually KNOW any women? I would believe in a Borg Queen before I believe any woman, raised in America, would be this stupid.

And that makes the story an exercise in male superiority and female perfidy.

Running off with the best man? SURE! Being so hateful and contemptuous that she'd do a gang bang in front of her husband? Why not?

But believe a man whom she has NOT had sex with would ACCEPT this?

I have got to know what you are smoking. This was just bad.

author must be one strange cat.

...just not the marrying type... In my past I have heard of some marriages starting out like this... This is the first time I have read a presentation like this

One of the worst around

a mentally retarded could write such a piece of trash. I hope not you are planning to write a second chapter as you must be thinking that after reading this masterpiece, people would be expecting the second chapter.

Short & Sweet. Loved it!

It wouldn't matter if this imbecilic mess was well written or not.

It's POSSIBLE that some moronic woman somewhere might think this was an exciting

idea, but certainly no one anyone with a brain would actually know!

Whaaat were you thinking?

Short sweet and to the point. Now we needa part 2

She and Tom suffered much too little for what they did. Good story.

Yupper, it is a 5 star story!!

...but the revenge angle was fun. It is very hard to imagine a bride like that. Does the author have any clue why she would do that? I don't, other than a desperate need to humiliate the one she married. That's a form of self-loathing.

Cuck alert

Any man who doesnt know whether his future plans with a woman he discovered was cheating on him for the entierty of the relationship donest have the balls to BTB

I/m guessing the author mixed up two stories and didnt realize