Weird Ethan 01

Weird Ethan 01

I'm going to tell you right now that most things about me are weird. We can just get past that right now. We can all say it out loud together. Ready, set, go, that Ethan guy is weird, isn't he? Yup, I'm guilty as charged. But go easy on me at my sentencing because this is what happens when your list of good friends fits on a sugar packet and the only other exposure you have to the outside world is your roomies friends.

Hi, I'm Ethan and I'm a committed cross dresser, but I do it my way. At 21, I rely on my boyish looks to attract some attention, I use certain Denim jeans to attract other attention, I have my hair to draw your attention and at all times, I use my personality to keep your attention. And by the way, if you're going to call me out for having a few attention seeking gimmicks in my backpack, well, we were probably already on a malt date, so what's the point? I mean, asking me stupid questions isn't what's going to relieve you from being horny, so take me to the Smoothie Shop next time and try a different approach.

Anyways, those are the weird come back lines that I hope to throw out at my questionable date, you know, if someone ever takes me out on a date. But until someone asks me out, well, I'm stuck being weird at home, LOL, with the roomie, Frank and a few of his friends and my faggot friend Josh.

And I would like to remind you to notice that I wear the clothes and carry the attitude without a chosen fem name, which might be the weirdest part about me, but that's my path.

Anyways, excuse me for a moment while I give Frank's friend Henry the business about trying to kill my roomie, who I need around. I mean, it was like 400 degrees outside and those two idiots engaged in a vigorous basketball game of one on one, which isn't so bad, but they did it just before the roomie had to leave for his Saturday afternoon shift at the factory. The already hot enough factory!

"Hey Ethan, did you see me whip Frank's ass in basketball? I mean, I was all swoosh, swoosh, backboard bank and swoosh."

"Oh, I was watching alright, you idiot and all I saw were two guys getting over heated and then one of those sweaty guys had to leave to sweat it even more in the factory for another 6 hours on a Saturday! I need him around, you know Henry!"

"Ah, come on Ethan, he's young, so he can take it. I mean, LOL, his co-workers are probably wondering what smells so bad, but he'll be fine. Anyways, I should take off and shower up."

"Hah, yeah, you should shower up and be quick about it Mr. Sweaty, but you don't need to leave to do that."

"Ah, what are you saying or suggesting, Ethan? And don't make this weird."

"Hah! Me make this weird???? You grope me like all the time! Anyways, you need a shower and I have a shower just inside and it's just the two of us, so?"

"Hey, talking about groping is making this super weird, Ethan."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, if you don't grope me, then I bump into you to make you sure that you grope me, so what? I'm human and we both like it, so?"

"Well, you shouldn't dress certain ways around me if you don't want me to get weird with you, that's all. I mean, look at you right now, right? I mean, isn't it weird that you don't go by a female name?"

"Well, you look at me all the time and I thought you liked looking at me anyways, so?"

"So, I take a shower on that side of the house and you paint your nails or something on the other side of the house? I mean, unless you're planning on wearing a full coverage rain suit, it would be extremely weird and I mean very weird for you to join me in the shower. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but I get the feeling that you're suggesting a weird buddy system shower, right Ethan?"

"Hmmm, I'll wear a rain suit as long as a rain suit is the same as Brazilian cut bikini undies. And yes Henry, I am suggesting, LOL, a buddy system shower as long as a buddy system shower is the same as you wondering about some stuff anyways."

"Damn it, Ethan, this is becoming to feel like a new level of weird."

"Hmmm, the feeling of a back scrub, am I right Henry? I mean, hmmm."

"Damn it, Ethan, stop already."

"I mean, our summer heat, right? I mean, even in these shorts I'm starting to overheat, so I guess I'll just head inside where it's much nicer and poke around on Chang for a while, so see you later Henry."

I mean, that wasn't too weird of a conversation, was it? LOL, I must be slipping if it wasn't!

Anyways, I did retreat to the house and then I retreated to my bedroom and then I posted on Chang and asked about the dangers of using the buddy system shower system, LOL, a buddy system shower date and then I kicked back and listened for the back door to creak open and then I listened for the sound of the shower running. LOL, and all of that took less than two minutes.

"Knock, knock, Henry, I'm coming in, OK?"

"Grumble, mumble, this is weird, grumble, mumble."

"Ready or not, OK Henry?"

"Grumble, what the hell am I doing, mumble, damn it, grumble, mumble."

Ahh, glass shower doors, right? No secrets and they slide open quietly, not to mention that suddenly appearing right behind him was easy because of all the mumbling and grumbling he was doing.

"Hi."

"Grumble, stupid buddy system showering, mumble, grumble, this is weird, mumble."

"I'm wearing undies to protect your eyes as promised, Henry."

"Grumble, girl undies, mumble, this is still weird, grumble, leave now, mumble."

"Hmmm, turn around so I can scrub your back and just let me carefully reach around you like this to grab the sponge and excuse the way I'm touching you as I reach around you and there, one sponge."

"Ooh, oh, grumble, mumble, that was a weird reach around, grumble, ah, wow, grumble."

"And then let me just slip my arm underneath your arm so I can reach the body wash bottle, you know, like this and excuse me again if it seems like I'm way up in your business, but we need the slickness of the body wash and all."

"Mumble, fuck, grumble, damn it, mumble, he is so soft, mumble, grumble."

"There, I think I have everything I need now, so hold still while I scrub your amazingly squared off back because you know that most home accidents occur in the shower."

"Grumble, I'm going to release an accident, mumble, can't hold still, grumble."

"Now, don't get startled or jump Henry, but I'm going to run the wash cloth, you know, right down in here, between these buns that are firmer than some guy's pecks. Oops, LOL, I missed a little, sorry."

"Grumble, damn, it's coming, grumble, that was hot, mumble, reach around again, grumble, mumble."

"LOL, I think you're getting your grumblings and mumblings all out of order Henry. Oops. missed again, but it's important to be clean everywhere, right? Oops, it's like my hand has a mind of its own."

"Mumble, baseball, grumble, street hockey, mumble, strike two, grumble, don't look down, mumble, why did I just look down, grumble, ah, shoot, grumble."

"There, all done with your back, but oh my, your back is full of suds and gooey body wash fluid and fingernail scratches, so turn around and put your back to the shower head and rinse all of this off. Oops, LOL and you better be quick about it, Henry because my hand keeps slipping down in there."

"Grumble, wrinkly old ladies in bikinis, mumble, SOB, grumble, wrinkly old men in speedo's, mumble, reach around again Ethan, mumble, what the hell are we doing, grumble."

"Hmmm, you're still nervous about all this Henry even though we haven't really done anything yet, but to help you out I will just turn around so you don't have to eye me up from the front. I mean, even in these skimpy undies, I'm pretty proud of my shape back there and I think you like the view anyways. And by the way, you can look and no one will ever know."

"Grumble, hold back, grumble, hold the balls, hold the balls, mumble, old lady shuffling across the street, grumble, please not now, grumble."

"Oh snap, well, well, well, how did I miss this? I mean, LOL, I bet you wish that I was washing that, am I right, Henry? LOL, I mean, maybe someday, but for today, it seems to be doing just fine on its own. I mean, with just a few simple moans and groans, I could say that my belly button had sex before I did, LOL. Also, wow, it vibrates and I only mention that because mine doesn't vibrate. I mean, mine doesn't do that, not at all does mine do that. Anyways, I'll just turn my backside to you now to help you out."

"Grumble, snap, mumble, are you kidding me, grumble, grumble, mumble, SOB, mumble, so weird, mumble, OMG, so good, grumble, damn it, Ethan, mumble."

"LOL, your mumblings are totally out of whack, so whack off at me Henry. You know you want to."

"Grumble, don't stroke it, mumble, I said don't stroke it, mumble, so weird, grumble, throbbing like hell, mumble, please don't faint, grumble, I can't hold back, mumble."

"Whoa, wow, Henry, um, mumble, oh snap, grumble, oops, mumble."

"Mumble, on your ass Ethan, grumble, I'm blasting your ass, mumble, grumble, push your undies down, mumble."

"Hmmm, there is a girly boy on Chang who let's his bull push his undies down a little and then the bull explodes into the girly boy's crack. They make it look hot and no one will ever know, Henry."

"Mumble, boiling balls, grumble, cute crack, mumble, this is so gay, grumble, I hate you, help me push them down, mumble, touch me damn it, grumble."

"Ooh, well, LOL, this is so gay, isn't it, Henry? And by the way, it's probably going to feel even more gay in a couple of hours, but I can feel where you are and we're here alone, so?"

"Grumble, OMG, so gay, OMG, that looks just like Julia's butt, OMG, I'm inside of his undies waistband, mumble, snap, I'm moving my hips, SOB, so weird and gay, snap, he's pushing back, SOB, mumble."

"Oops, I dropped the bar of soap."

"OMFG, grumble, don't bend over, mumble, why am I thrusting, mumble, ooh, that's home, SOB, OMG, that's home plate, grumble, push Ethan, push, mumble, I should go, OMG, I need to blow, grumble, where did the wrinkly old lady in a bikini go, mumble."

"If I was ever going to let someone have me, well, it would be my buddy system shower buddy, so?"

"Grumble, I'm blowing in this crack, oops, am I inside, mumble, can't hold it, mumble, grumble, don't tell people about this, mumble, SOB, I'm in, grumble."

"Alright Henry, you called me out! I've never done this before, so I'm out of shower talk, so take over or something. OMG, is that what I think it is? Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!"

"Ahh, oh snap Ethan, ooh, oh snap."

"It's fine Henry, it's why we were her and remember, no one will ever know. But still, damn, LOL, I think I need another shower now."

"OMG, you gave it to me, Ethan, so no fair getting mad now."

"LOL, you mean you gave it to me and it's all good. I mean, I know it's weird, but I like you well enough, so it's cool. I mean, wow, it's warm as hell, but it's cool and no one will ever know."

"I can't believe we just did that!"

"I can't believe we didn't break our necks. But did you break your dick trying to get all up in there from that angle?"

"Ah, was I actually all up in there, Ethan?"

"Hmmm, I don't think so judging by how sticky my thighs feel, LOL, even under the running water. But it wasn't for the lack of your efforts. We should kiss, Henry."

"I should go, Ethan."

"No, we have the house alone for a while longer and you just spent a lot of energy, so you should dry off while I, ah, clean all this up and then let me feed you lunch."

"Ah, um, Ethan, ah..."

"Maybe Henry, just not in the shower, ever again. Can you imagine what the roomie would have found if we slipped and knocked ourselves out? I mean, naked piles of flesh and bones, right?"

"Ah, um, Ethan, ah..."

"Hmmm, maybe Henry, just eat first. Go dry off. And I promise that if and when I get weird enough to kneel down for a guy, it will probably be you and OMFG, that's impossible!"

"Ah, um, Ethan, ah..."

"SOB! The Kraken is released this quickly? Fine, I'll dry you off in a special way, but then you're eating. I mean, damn Henry!"

Wow, I guess I never research guy recovery time on Chang, right? I mean, the Kraken came right back to the surface quick. Or maybe I just need to get out more, but that was it for the buddy system shower routine. I mean, we're lucky to be alive.

End Weird Ethan 01