All Comments on 'Were in the City Ch. 04'

Helen needs a higher profile

Gun man good for 2 longer chapters

Jessie needs nursing

Hang in there, more chapters done and coming soon. Two more shorter ones (sorry) and then a much longer one finally with lots more details. There's quite a ways to go yet :)

I'm finding this mystery/romance story extremely interesting.

One quibble: Helen's introduction was pretty abrupt and not well-explained. Every Bond needs a Miss Moneypenny so that's totally cool with me... it was something I grokked immediately, but it was still kind of abrupt.

You're doing great work, I love this story and I think you have tremendous potential as a writer here.

Thanks for your feedback. I'm learning as I write this story. Its a very tricky balance - how much to reveal and when vs. confusing or frustrating the reader - and I freely admit I don't always get it right. As soon as I submit a chapter I want to change it, it seems there are always ways to improve. Even my Mom complained about how short this chapter is :)

Heh, your mom reads this. I love her for that. I tried to share one of my stories with my mom once. It involved magical transformations. I got a lecture on "that's not what God wants."

Agree with the others about Helen's background needing more fleshing out. That being said, I like how freetowrite2020 fleshed out Jacob and Liam's backstory via dialogue, instead of the omniscient narrator explaining their history. But yes, if Jessie is part werewolf/were-coyote, then it explains why Liam and Jacob are so interested in her. But both brothers? Not sure Jessie would be happy with a threesome. Or is Jessie a "family" relation - cousin?

luv2read2