Westrons Pt. 30

Part 30

LANGORET

She'd saved my ass at Tonol, no matter how much, or how often, she pretended that I'd been the one who won that battle. As far as I was concerned, I'd just picked up where Colonel Storana had left off. Langoret and Tudino had bailed me out.

From that moment on, Langoret had been my partner (in every sense but the personal or intimate). She'd helped to champion my tactical ideas, and committed her regiment to train and learn beside mine - Aneli's, that is.

Langoret had fought beside me at Limset, Kesmansha, and Feirlan. There was no one better suited to be my second in command.

But now she was done.

- "I intend to ask for leave." she told me.

- "If anyone deserves it, you do." I said. "How long?"

- "Four years."

I didn't spit my wine across the room, but it was a near-run thing.

- "Four -?"

- "Perhaps five. Tomos and I would like children. Two or three, at least."

- "An heir." Langoret was a Countess in her own right. She had responsibilities.

- "Yes." she said.

- "I'm going to miss you."

- "No more than I will miss you." she said.

"But Tomos and I will come to Cercen every winter. You have certainly made me more aware of my political responsibilities. I cannot afford to be ... away, for too long."

- "You'll have to come over to the Belere - as often as possible."

Langoret laughed. "Oh, Cook." she said. "What else would we do, in the capital? Tomos would have it no other way. And you know that I am inordinately fond of Esyle and Isa."

"Of course we will see you as often as possible."

Integrity. Brains. Courage. A big heart. She had it all.

Tomos was a lucky man. And I was fortunate to have her as one of my best friends.

***

KANITZ

There was, surprisingly, no awkwardness between Kanitz and me. I continued to admire her, to respect her skills and her talents.

I continued to desire her, too, but that was natural enough, working in such close proximity to the second-most beautiful female in the entire realm.

- "I want Tallia." she said.

- "I beg your pardon?"

- "The war is over. I know you needed her, to administer the army. But it's all done. I want her to work with me."

- "Shouldn't you be asking Tallia herself?"

- "I will. I'm letting you know, first."

By her own lights, Kanitz was doing me a favour.

"Think like a Westron, Cook." she said. "What do you want in return?"

Kanitz wanted Tallia - and she usually got what she wanted. I knew, too, that Tallia had enjoyed planning the royal weddings (despite how close they'd come to disaster). It was going to be a done deal, very soon. What could I ask for?

- "A commission for Isa. A rank in the Westron army."

- "That's all?" Kanitz grinned. "I swear, Cook, you'll never learn to think like one of us. Maybe that's why I still like you so much."

- "I wasn't finished. I want Esyle and Tallia, and their children, to be my heirs. They inherit the lands the Queen gave me - and the Belere Palace."

- "Easily done. That's all?"

- "A commission for Senau. Some type of appointment that will keep him wherever Tallia is."

Kanitz took a good, long look at me. "Agreed." she said.

"But in return, I want you to write down - anonymously - the true story of where you're from. What is Pylos? Where is it? Who and what are you, Cook?"

"I promise never to reveal what you disclose - even to the Queen, unless she is directly threatened by whatever information you share with us."

"But I reserve the right to tell Howe, when he comes of age."

- "That's ... that's fair." Kanitz hadn't betrayed me yet.

- "I also want you to take charge of training. Every regiment we have needs to learn your tactics."

- "I can try." I said. "The central and southern regiments that were at Feirlan would be good to start with. I know that Lupona will help."

"After that, though ..."

- "I know. You're thinking of the old conservatives. But if they won't listen to you, we can have Langoret or Tudino teach them."

- "That may have to wait. Langoret wants a few years' leave - to start a family."

- "Then she'll have it. No one deserves it more."

Kanitz and I never had sex again.

It wasn't that I was angry with her; I don't think that she was ticked off at me, either. But we both seemed to be past the need for purely recreational sex.

We'd been attracted to each other. Mutual respect and curiosity played their parts. The sex was very, very good. But we didn't have long-term potential.

Kanitz was devoted to the Queen. There would never be room for me to be first in her affections. She knew very well that I had other lovers - and other loves. She could hardly expect to be first in my heart if I was going to be second in hers. And the reverse was equally true.

Kanitz and I could be friends, with an excellent working relationship. We just wouldn't be part-time lovers anymore.

Of course, I would occasionally have a mild pang of regret when she wore that black sheath dress, or when I thought of the balcony and the bedroom upstairs.

Kanitz knew me very well. I suspect that she could tell when my thoughts ran in that direction, if her little grin was any indication.

***

TALLIA

I was more of a celebrity at home, at the Belere. Talley junior and Tisucha junior were very impressed with my ability to make fart noises with my fist and my armpit.

- "You're so talented." said Tallia.

- "You try it, then."

- "No, thank you."

- "Your Dad is pretty good at this, too." I said.

- "It must be a male thing. Like urinating in alleys and writing your name in the snow."

Conquering hero, victorious General ... now I was reduced to the level of family counselor, psychologist, and entertainer-in-chief to the under 3 crowd.

That last part was something that Tallia wasn't even remotely interested in. She'd wanted the monogamous relationship her parents had, but she didn't want to be tied down with children.

I couldn't exactly fault her for that; I'd been away for years, myself, while my children were being raised.

Tallia and I were well-matched, in so many ways. We made an excellent team, as Commander and Chief of Staff. We both loved the work, and poured our hearts and souls into it. We understood each other, quickly and without confusion.

She also had a libido that was darn near a match for my own.

But now there was a barrier between us. The Penchens.

She might never get over 'losing me' to Isa. I had to admit that I wasn't very keen on Senau, either. If I'd liked him, would I have been more jealous, or less?

The Change works both ways.

Unfortunately, Tallia still had trouble dealing with it.

- "What do you think I should do about Kanitz' offer?" she asked me.

- "You should take it. Are you serious?" I said. "Isn't that something you'd love to do?"

She nodded. "I would. But ..."

- "But nothing! You can come back here whenever you want."

Tallia wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight.

- "Thank you." she said. "For understanding."

I did understand.

Tallia went to the Palace, and she took Senau with her.

And the Belere was almost immediately at peace again.

Tisucha no longer had her eldest daughter to fight with. Talley stopped frowning and growling. There were no more awkward scenes, where Tisucha tried to get Tallia to take a more active role with the children.

- "Have you noticed?" Esyle asked me.

- "It's quieter." I said.

At first, Tallia came back every second night. Then it was twice a week.

And then once a week.

No one criticized her. We were all happy, I think, to be spared Senau's gloomy presence. And if Tallia wasn't going to pitch in with maternal chores, then we didn't need to have her staying as a houseguest quite so often.

She managed weekly visits for a while. Then she missed a few. By the end of the year, Tallia was only coming home to the Belere once a month.

***

ISA

The Penchen regiments went home.

I rented a hall, and treated General Leydz, the Colonels, and all of their company commanders to a dinner - and drinks. It cost me a pretty penny, but they deserved it.

They were especially happy to hear my reaction to their advance at Feirlan.

- "It was ... a thing of beauty." I told them. "You're the best infantry I've ever seen."

I thought that they would cheer that statement. They didn't.

Instead, General Leydz slowly raised his glass, until it was over his head. And then ... every single officer in the room followed suit.

- "To fallen comrades." whispered Isa - in Penchen.

I raised my own glass.

- "To fallen comrades." I said - in their language.

It was a very successful evening. Senau didn't say anything, but I know that Isa was deeply moved. The Penchens were going home; she was staying with me.

Isa and I should have had more time together. I should have taken her on a tour of the Kingdom. We could have gone to see Tonol, or to her home in the Penchen lands ... I don't know. I should've ... so many things.

No one begrudged us the hours we spent together. Esyle, especially, knew very well that time was one commodity that was running out for Isa and me.

She'd been female for over two and a half years. That was ... so unprecedented, so beyond anything that had ever been ...

I did take her to the seaside, for a week. Just travelling together was a pleasure.

Ishana had returned to working for Kanitz, exclusively. Nasta had resigned, to begin raising a family of her own. Madze and Koroba remained as my bodyguards, taking it in turns to watch over me.

They were very kind to Isa - and to me. Madze was no great shakes as a conversationalist, but Koroba was pleasant company. They also gave us all the privacy we could have asked for.

We took two light tents, and plenty of food, so that we didn't have to stop at inns. The accommodations were fine, but Westron inns weren't built for having sex: the rooms were communal, and privacy was completely non-existent.

Sex was something that happened at isolated hemmer cottages - not in public houses and inns. Isa didn't mind at all; we both enjoyed the night-time sky before retiring to our little tent.

- "Smile, Cook." Isa reminded me. "Every day is a gift."

- "I know." I said. "I'm trying."

She touched my cheek. "We're so blessed. We came through battles unscathed. And we've had more days ... so many more than we had any right to expect."

Isa had common sense; she also had good sense. Not enough people do. She knew how to live, and how to be happy: enjoy what the day brings, do the best you can, and be kind to others - especially those you love.

She could tell that I needed comfort that night, rather than lusty coupling. She enfolded me, gently, just as Esyle would have done.

In the morning, though, I was mildly confused when I woke up. Isa was facing away, with her back to me.

I was accustomed to finding her watching me. Sometimes I woke before her, and took advantage of the opportunity to watch her as she slept.

She wasn't asleep. I could tell from the stiffness of her posture, the tautness of her limbs - and the straight line of her back.

- "Isa?" I reached out to touch her shoulder.

- "It's started, Cook."

I heard those simple words, and I knew what they meant. The day we'd been dreading for so long had come. I could only imagine how she felt.

Two years, nine months, and eleven days. That's how long it had been since she'd changed for me. Most Penchens didn't get a whole year. But the end of her Change - or the beginning of her new Change - wasn't any easier to take because of how long we'd had. If anything, it was worse.

So I put my arm around her, and pulled her close. Isa turned, and buried her face against my chest. She didn't cry, or sob, but I could feel her body trembling.

She tilted her head back.

I couldn't see any difference. I told her so.

- "You won't see much for a day or two." she said. "Then the Change will happen fast. But I can tell that it's beginning. I can feel it."

- "I want to be there for you. How can I help?"

She shook her head, slowly. "You can't."

- "You're going to be in pain."

- "Yes."

- "What can I do?"

- "Nothing, my love. It's something I have to bear alone." she said. "I know that you want to support me, but it will be easier for me if ... you're not watching."

- "I don't want to leave you alone."

- "Please, Cook."

- "Are you sure? Because I can -"

- "I know. You want to share my pain. To help. Believe me, though: it will be easier for me if you're nearby - but not with me."

- "What do you need?"

She smiled, bravely. Then she touched my cheek. "I do so love you." she said.

"Privacy. That's all I need. Ask Koroba to bring me food and water, in the morning. I promise that I will tell her immediately if I need you."

- "I can bring you -"

- "I know you can. But I would prefer if Koroba did it. Please ..."

Fortunately, we were camped in open country, on our way back from the seaside. Isa could have all the privacy she needed.

In the days that followed, I began to understand a little better. Isa had enough to deal with, without having to worry about how I was taking it. She wouldn't have to answer my stupid questions, or force herself to be polite and considerate. And she wouldn't have to feel embarrassed.

I tried to remember what she looked like, when I'd first met her. I'd thought, for a time, that she was more masculine than Senau. Of course, I was the only one who thought that: Tallia, Langoret, Tudino, and even Koroba had all thought that Isa was the more feminine of the two liaison officers.

"She says she's fine." said Koroba, every morning after she'd talked to Isa.

- "Tomorrow, when you see her - tell her that I love her."

- "She knows." said Koroba, who promptly burst into tears.

Madze didn't cry, but she did put a strong hand on my shoulder.

On the sixth day, Isa left the tent.

She had the courage to come out, with her face bare, and to face the three of us. To face me.

Isa was no longer female. She wasn't even remotely male. She was simply Penchen again. Genderless. Neutral.

She didn't need to hear me say anything. Actions speak louder than words. I went to her, and took her into my arms.

That was when Isa cried. Huge, shuddering sobs racked her body, and she clung to me like a limpet.

- "Sshh ..." I cradled her, and held her tight. "We're still together ... we'll always be together."

Poor Tallia. Now I knew what she'd felt, when Senau changed back. Poor Isa.

"You're my best friend." I told her. "I love you, no matter what."

- "I thought ... I was beginning to think ... that we'd last forever." she said, through the tears.

- "We will."

***

KOROBA

I already considered Koroba a friend, as well as my bodyguard and former lover. But we became even closer after Isa's Change. The two of them grew incredibly close, as well.

Koroba was popular with Tallia and Esyle, too. Tisucha doted on her, and treated Koroba like a distant relative, or a member of the extended family.

- "The simple-minded 2nd cousin." I said. "Every village needs an idiot."

- "Fuck you, Cook." said Koroba.

She was a pleasure to have around. She could even coax a smile from Talley, who was growing older and crankier every month.

We invited Koroba to virtually every social function at the Belere, even if she didn't have bodyguard duty. That was how we met her boyfriend, Rance.

The lucky bugger had attended her last two hemmers. Koroba was mildly concerned about how he and I would get along. She needn't have worried: I went out of my way to make Rance feel at home.

I didn't particularly care for him, though. For one thing, he was just a shade too good-looking. For another, he was also just a little bit too cocky. I tried hard to forgive him for replacing me at Koroba's hemmers. I really had no right to be jealous.

Or maybe I was acting protective. Was he good enough for Koroba?

But it wasn't my opinion that counted, in the end.

Tallia and Esyle cornered me, the morning after one of our gatherings. It had been a special occasion, and Langoret and Tomos had been there.

- "Rance propositioned Langoret." said Tallia.

- "Pardon? Wait - what?"

- "Koroba's boyfriend." said Esyle.

- "He what?"

- "He told Langoret that he was available, if she wanted him at her next hemmer."

- "WHAT?" I was absolutely incensed. That was completely beyond the pale. He had to know that Tomos and Langoret were ready to start a family. I was ready to go and beat the stuffing out of the little fucker myself.

- "He hit on me, too." said Tallia.

- "And me." said Esyle.

Koroba's boyfriend wasn't just a cocky little bastard. He was an ignorant son of a bitch, too. Too stupid to know that Tallia and Esyle didn't even have hemmers.

- "We can't invite him back."

- "She has to be told." said Tallia.

- "I'll ..." Shit. Koroba might not appreciate it, coming from me.

- "I'll tell her." said Isa.

I have no idea what Isa said to Koroba. She wouldn't tell me.

But Koroba asked to speak with me, about a week later. We met in my study. I poured her a sizeable glass of wine.

- "Might need the whole bottle." she said.

- "Can do."

- "Umm ..."

- "You don't have to say anything." I said.

- "Yeah - I do. I'm sorry, Cook.

- "There's nothing to be sorry about."

- "That's not how I felt. I dumped him right away. Well, first I beat the shit out of him; then I dumped him. But I wanted you to know ... I'm truly sorry. I didn't know ..."

- "How could you have known?"

- "It's just - you've all been so good to me. And I ... I brought that asshole into your house."

- "Esyle says that no harm was done. In fact, it's better this way. You found out what he was like, early enough to get out of it."

"You'll find someone better. Someone who deserves you."

- "I wanted someone like you." she said. "Younger, of course. Better-looking." Even at a time like this, she couldn't resist a little dig.

"But I wanted someone of my own, too. I just ... I wanted to matter, to somebody."

- "You do. Koroba - you're like family, to us."

Koroba eventually came to believe me - especially after Esyle, Tisucha, and Isa all told her the same thing.

***

TUDINO

She'd been avoiding me. After the victory parade, Tudino hosted a dinner for her company commanders. That meant that she wasn't shy about being seen in public.

But she didn't come to the party we held for Langoret and Tomos. When I invited Tudino to come over by herself, I received a reply from her aide, saying that the Colonel-General had already left for her estate.

Possible, but unlikely. Tudino would have come in person to say goodbye beforehand. Leaving quietly like this ... didn't feel right.

- "I didn't say or do anything stupid, did I? To offend Tudino?"

- "Not that I know of." said Esyle.

- "No." said Isa.

- "Believe me - if you'd done something especially stupid, I would've told you." said Koroba, with a sweet smile.

Tudino was dodging me. I couldn't figure out any other possibility.

So I sent her a message, to let her know that I would be coming to visit. We probably could've got there before the messenger did, but it seemed only fair to give Tudino a little bit of warning.

Isa, Koroba and I went on a journey. Tudino's home was two weeks away from the capital. Part of the way, at least, we could travel by boat. For the rest, my companions insisted that we walk - not march.

Tudino's estate was ... rustic. Okay, maybe rundown is a better word. She hadn't been home very often over the past decade.

To my surprise, when we knocked on the door, it was Tudino herself who opened it.

She let me kiss her on the cheek, and awkwardly embraced me with just her right arm - the left she kept behind her back. Then she hugged Isa with one arm as well.