All Comments on 'Wetter Than the Pool'

There is a reason why almost no writers ever use second person (the 'you' perspective). I didn't do any of these things. It sounds strange and unnatural. Next time use I or give your main character a name.

It's easy to get into the story when you talk directly to the reader.

And it's very erotic, reminds me of a few smaller girls, only none of them behaved so perfectly or could take it all.