All Comments on 'What We Do For Our Children'

For the read.

Quite effective. What the cheaters destroyed the spouses and family fixed. Doesn't sound like a real scenario but it worked here. A follow up would be interesting.

I like that these characters are not just sociopathic, that there is risk involved. Most stories lack any risk or consequences.

Thanks for the offering.

The real story is how the betrayed husband and wife deal with having to live with and co-parent two pieces of shit? For a person to be selfish enough to cheat on a spouse is one thing, but to cheat on their own children is the highest level of selfishness. Normal people would sacrifice all their wealth and even their lives for their children. To cheat and destroy your children's home portrays a total lack of love. How can you live with someone like that? In this case, for at least the next 15 years? It is like being married to a monster. I have seen this kind of marriage, by the time the kids are adults they will have figured out just how selfish their cheating parent is and because of the lack of love from that parent, they too will have little love for the cheater. The only good lesson they may learn is how much the other parent loves them to have kept the family together and sacrificed their emotional life for their kids childhood.

nothing but crap

(I kept falling asleep. Yawn.)

The good; The idea underlining the story was interesting (if unrealistic). Just getting a story written and put out there is an achievement.

The bad; So much. Basic rules of writing and grammar need to be learned. Keep you tense (past and present) the same, leaping from past tense to present tense throws your readers out of the story. I'm not a grammar Nazi but your story could use a good editor.

Show don't tell. Argh!!! The endless, mind numbing exposition had me skimming what was already a short story. Show through actions and dialogue what you want to communicate.

Example: 'He was angry' is weak.

'He fists clinched as his eyes narrowed' is a bit better.

'The table lurched to the side as his hand slapped it away. Looming over her, he whispered "I don't like that".

This last choice is probably much better, showing through action (his striking the table and looming over her) and dialogue ("I don't like that") that he is angry without ever having to say 'he was angry'. It also communicates a lot more; He is big, intimidating, has a certain level of power, could be dangerous and has been pushed to the point of indirect violence (slapping the table out of the way). All communicated with two sentences. Those are the things that make is a better choice then 'he was angry'.

Show don't tell. Rarely write exposition if you can communicate the story through action and dialogue.

Lastly, the story is left incomplete. Unless this is part one of a series, nothing is resolved and no questions are answered leaving the reader dissatisfied.

So, an interesting idea (I especially like the trickery involved in getting the post nuptial agreement), but some work needed on the basics.

and I was going to cut you some slack, but I checked and saw you have a ton of stories posted and they all have comments about your poor writing. From story to story you get the same advise and here is yet another story with the same stupid mistakes you made on your first story.

Since you seem to have no desire to learn from your mistakes, I have to assume you don't care about your stories or your readers, so why should we care about your stories.

1* for being so lazy as to not learn from you mistakes.

And that is being generous. This story does not flow. There are too many missing words, misspelled word, incorrect grammar and jumping from one POV to another. This author has watched too many "Family" movies. The speech is very stilted and poorly stated. (even the "Tags" are misspelled....recolciliaton (?))

Interesting new twist on a cheating situation.

was born to Eastern European immigrants. He grew up in a home where English was not spoken often, or well. He's always had difficulty with spelling, tenses, and pronunciation. This writer reminds me of him. He deserves much credit for telling his stories, and some slack for his problems with the written word. An editor would help make his stories flow much better, but that is a decision he needs to make. He's making a serious effort to entertain us and I thank him.

A good idea lost by awkward dialogue and an implausible plot. How did Carla get meet Rich? They all seemed too calm.

But the execution is terrible. The dialogue was stilted, unsatisfying ending, poor grammar, far too much exposition, and honestly kind of hard to read.

In the future do try to find an editor and please do make some note of whether it is a stand alone or part one or something.

Yes, the language is a little stilted, but it's fine. I can't believe the carping from the whiners about the language. There were relatively few mistakes but the formal diction might have overtaxed of the reading abilities of some here and led them to think there were more errors than there actually are.

Interesting story with a nice, unusual slant. Keep it up. Maybe turn the comments off.

Story line is a good beginning to a longer, more evolving tale. As is the character build up and story are a little trite.

If you want to produce a readable story, redo it and expand the relationships and the outcomes. I can't believe that the protagonist are completely spooked by a few unusual situations.

Good luck and thanks for trying.

You're right. Turn the comments off so that asses like you can't comment. The real whiners on this site are the ones that seem to think others can't voice an opinion. Why do people like you seem to think that only your opinion counts?

No comment on the story, didn't read it. Score was a deterrent. (ML)

This looks as if it could use some editing and rewriting but the basic story was very interesting... I did not feel that the adulterous wife only had one lover...

The fundamental problem was in too much exposition. Rather then spelling things out for the reader in a paragraph of exposition, let your characters explain it through their dialogue. For example, instead of simply telling your reader how the divorce outcomes are changed, let daddy explains to his darling daughter how the new system works. Instead of telling us a cousin and a couple of friends were declared 'persona non grata', relate the conversation where the wife's mother explains to them exactly why they have been declared outcasts.

have helped me, and set a better tone, to have mentioned early on that Tony was Sue's lover. As I had to flip back and forth only to find no reference point other than "Rich's bedroom" but wasn't it also Sue's? The frustration I experienced did not leave me as open to tolerate the other problems in your story.

I had a very difficult time keeping everyone straight. Frankly, I gave up on it because it was too much work even for 1 page.

I had no difficulty with the use of language, except that there was too much of it. Way too much exposition. More dialog would fix that. Let the characters show us what's happening.

I think you got a lot of very constructive criticism in the previous comments. You wouldn't go wrong on your next story if you would take it to heart.

I thought the general idea of the plot was good, however the way you went about telling it was stilted & lacked understanding of how to really bring it to life. For example, rather than writing 5 - 6 consecutive sentences each of about 8 words, combine them into 2 - 4 of 20 - 30 words. Also your lack of dialogue made it read like my hated Algebra text book, very uninspiring.

You kept making reference to everyone being children of immigrants as though it was somehow important, I couldn't understand how that could be. Are you perhaps a newly arrived immigrant & that's why it matters? Could have been great if written by 1 of the better authors, unfortunately you did the story & yourself no favours. 3***

Hi, I'm back again with more comments about your writing. The above story is the first of yours that I've read & my comments are published below, however I thought I would read some of your earlier works to see what they were like. I'm sorry to say I didn't finish either of them, they were just so hard to read.

The purpose of a fictional author is surely to try to get the reader to if possible relate to the characters & plot through good word skills, grammar & story telling. Why do young children like fairy tales? Because they believe the tale being woven by the storyteller. In your stories the reader first has to be able to read & understand before trying to enjoy them. I struggled so much that it became hard work, reading shouldn't be like that. I read fiction to enjoy myself & your works aren't doing that, sorry.

I see you started writing in March this year & my comments look like being quite common for your stories . YOU SERIOUSLY NEED TO GET A GOOD EDITOR

otherwise I can't see your writing improving a great deal. That's a pity because you show some skills in finding good plots but then waste them with poor writing execution. Good luck.

1* fr the piss poor writing, could have been so much better.

It would have been SO easy. The start-up was good. But mention Sue's lover's NAME (I would recommend a more distinct name, like Jose -or even Antonio instead of Tony. It would make the Bull stand out when brought back in later in the tale!)

Then, after the disclosure that Hubby invented his indiscretion, have him explain to FiL what made him suspicious enough to put video-recording in his own house.

Make it clear that the post-marital contract was bi-lateral. Same restrictions and consequences to BOTH parties. As written, it seems like it is Hubby's guilt-ridden and unilateral give-away!

Finally, the re-assessment of Sweetie AND her Bull does NOT seem to have had much motivation behind it! They were getting away with THEIR tryst (or at least THOUGHT they were!) Maybe Sweetie's BFF could have mentioned (lied) that some of their friends were asking if Sweetie was fooling around.

3*

An original plot. Some very familiar characters ( like everyone with a large family has,lol).But just as it reaches a climax , you end the story. What the hell happened??

Did you run out of desire to continue this plot? Did Carla scare you off ??

Another issue is the difficulty you have with english. It broke the rhythm of the story more than once.

Lickeedesplitlip has a dumb comment about a name,what a maroon(as bugs used to say). But UNFORTUNATELY I have to agree with him on the rating 3*s.

So sad, W this story had a 5*s potential.

I look forward to the next story as

AMerryMan

Godd idea that needed to be thought through a little more as it was slightly confusing.

However still a good idea that can be expanded with a aftermath or prequel story.

What the fuck was this?

the penultimate equalizer, TK U MLJ LV NV

It was hard to keep people straight in this story.

and why should we care?

from one paragraph to the next you need a playbill to know who is talking and how they are connected.

I checked the tags and found this word

recolciliation

any idea what it means?

I gave this a "2"

But..... I've been around the Lit world as an Anonymous observer a long time...due to local political pressures.

After my situation changed then could become more "actively involved" again.

With that said this is the most confusing contribution I can recall since the late '90s.

Good luck,

SliperyRox

where is this going?

You have a problem!

Couldn't find 0 so you get a 1

You're a great writer! You write about real life and about real people! FIVE STARS!!!

The whole story feels like you are rushing. You want us to understand what you characters are feeling and doing, but instead of taking the time to develop that through dialogue and action, you just report what was said, what was done, and what the affect was. The fun of reading is using our imagination to get into the action, the feelings, the emotions. Your writing style is to report what is happening to the reader. That's boring. Don't tell us "they had a fight." Describe the fight. If the description is well done, we'll be able to tell that they had a fight.

These two were not only unfaithful to their spouses and children, they are lousy people to boot. I feel sorry for the spouses who seemed to have decided to stay married to them for their children's sake. They are married to jerks. After all the drama, they are still married to jerks. At some point in life, don't decent people get a chance to have decent lives? Don't they ever get the chance to wake up in a house without lies, deception, and disrespect? Even if they are alone in that house? Is it really better for the children to stay in a house with a shithead for a mother or a father? It is a tough call. I get sacrifice for the kids, but is it really the best thing for the kids? Given that divorce is financially devastating for everyone in a marriage, doesn't that add to the level of abuse by a cheater? They know that they are threatening pain for all if they don't get to eat their cake and have it too. This situation drives so many people to extremes. It would really be best for all if cheaters simply died from their own evil, poisonous, spirits.

Author must of been on drugs when he wrote this trash. Can't score lower than "1," so "1" it is.

A cheater is still a whore/cheater.

I used to be a chain smoker, but gave them up. I also had a problem with alcohol, but haven't drank a drop since the day of my wedding. I used to take to bed any woman who allowed me to do so...until I married. Even though my wife and I are no longer together, and she believes to this day that I am guilty of infidelity, I am totally innocent. The only one to break our wedding vows is my wife, who continues to have her revenge on me for her understanding of my grievous sins upon her, our son, and our marriage. I do not seek a divorce for my son's sake; and she will not seek one, because her 'revenge' would have to end. Am I a cuckold? Yes. But I truly love my son. This story gives me hope.

it was hard to follow. hope 2nd chapter is better.

As far as I know original too.

Thanks

5-stars

That was an interesting twist. Maybe she grew up a little. Fun read.

Short and a little confusing, but all the same. I enjoyed it.

first, he knows she's a slut. Second, the husband and her parents watched her fucking. that alone is almost impossible to get by. Third, why lie about having an affair? So everything is build on a foundation of lies.

Why hasn't the slut been served divorce papers yet?

Reading again. It made more sense to me this time. Tony and Sue scared straight. This time.

Good story, but it ended too soon.

Good story

What made this tale so unsatisfying is not have Sue told that HER husband never had an affair…that it was made up to get her to THINK about what SHE was doing. That took a ⭐️ Away.

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3 ***

Mmmmm Ithink that maybe English might not be your first language by the choice of words and how you put it down on paper, but I just feel that you have made it that bit too complicated, nice idea but, to me it misses being a good one.