What We Do For Our Children Ch. 02

The counselor spoke up, "Carla would you share what you are thinking with us?" She nodded yes, but it took a few minutes for her to start. "Tony, you are right, we have a lot more to work out. I hope to hell that this is true and real for you, we'll have to see. We've a lot of work to do."

She paused and looked at him, with a very severe glance. "Is there anything else I need to know? Sexual, familial, financial, anything that will have a bearing on either one or both of us or our family? I need to know this now."

"Financially, we are still tight. The kids and you are healthy. I'm a nervous wreck. I have a speeding ticket. Other than that, nothing more. There is nothing more." He paused, "One more thing, I've noticed that your relationship with my parents has been getting better. I don't want to live with secrets anymore. I want to tell them about this."

"Tony, I have two conditions. First, we tell your parents together. Second. I don't want you to sleep in the basement. We may not have make love or have sex for a while, but I won't have you apart from me. As long as we continue coming here and working things out, we can stay together. If you fall off the wagon, you're dead meat. You have to rebuild my trust." She paused and continued in a quieter pleading voice, "You have to Tony."

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Across town, other things were happening.

With the individual and martial sessions, Sue was changing. Sometimes it was because of herself. Sometimes it was in-spite of herself. Her life with her husband at home remained in limbo. As a family, life was getting better and better. She was becoming a better parent, and in a big way, a better wife. Their interactions improved. As contradictory as it may seem, the marriage was improving.

She became part of the team now, no longer a demanding queen with subjects to do her bidding. This was the big difference in their lives. She was pulling her own weight. As a team, she was able to get Rich to join them for walks around the park in the evenings and go to the zoo on weekends if he did not have to work. He was with his children and her more and more. She no longer felt she was the nanny. He also spent less and less time babysitting her attitude and sense of entitlement. She contributed in a positive way to others. She stopped being a drain.

She was being supported in quiet ways by her parents. They were reinforcing her good behaviors. They did not allow her to regress at all.

It became normal at the end of the day for Rich to retreat to the other bedroom. She didn't have hope that that was going to change soon. She decided to live with the life that was given to her for the moment. She did not give up; she just kept working at herself, knowing what she had to do, and dreading every bit of it.

The physical distance was dragging on her. She honestly explored it in her individual sessions. She still could not think about being honest with Rich and tell him she was unfaithful. It scared her to her bones. Finally, she realized that she could no longer put it off if she wanted her marriage to continue. It still took a week or two to really explore all what might happen and what she should or could do. It was the scariest thing in her life. She was going to have to put herself on the line. It could end their marriage.

The next week, she was talking about the other women who were exposed. She talked about how she was always living on edge, that she would be found out that she went outside of her marriage. Her therapist asked one question, did she think that she had already been exposed?

The insight hit her immediately. Her cheating, her sex on the side was already exposed, exposed months ago. She put everything together in an instant, her husband's one-night-stand the day after her last bedding her lover. He was not that kind of guy, no, never, not sober, and not drunk. The contract, mandatory counseling for the individually and martial counseling together, the changes in her parents, her unfaithful friends going down the tubes one by one. She was set up.

She was not the last one; she was one of the first ones. Her husband didn't throw her out, her parents did not disown her. She signed the contract and that would have caused her to lose everything she wanted if she remained unfaithful. Then the counseling started. It worked. What they had tried had worked. Those three wanted to give her a chance, if not for her, at least for her children. There was no doubt about that.

All the issues she had in not wanting to tell Rich evaporated. In a way she was more free than she had been since the contact. In another way, she was looking at the end. She worked hard, and Rich worked hard too, all to improve their marriage and family. He was devoted to his children. He was not so devoted to her. She knew it. She knew it deep down in her bones. She did not want a loveless marriage, she didn't want to be friends, to be the kind of parents that stayed together just for the children.

She called their marriage counselor and asked for a double session, back to back. She wanted all the time in the world to talk, to work things out what ever could happen tomorrow. Tomorrow was the day to come clean. Since it was an 8PM session, her therapist's last session of the day, she gave the option to Sue if they both felt that they wanted it.

Rich tended to work late on the days of their marriage sessions. He generally showed up directly from work. She called her mother and asked if she could bring the kids over early and if she could have dinner with her and her father. This was not unusual and her mother agreed.

Sue showed up with a friend of hers to look after the children. She wanted time with her parents alone. They were a bit confused at first, but finding out that the children ate already, the three of them were off to the park while Sue and her parents sat in the living room.

She looked at them. She saw their concern, their caring, and now, their puzzlement. She felt her shame, her embarrassment, and her uncleanness. She needed to take the dread away from her life, even if it meant that her marriage would be over. She started saying "You both really love me," she paused, "in spite of what I have done to you, my husband and my children. You really love me. You gave me a second chance and got me into individual and martial therapy. You supported the good things I needed to be. After all the hell I gave you, all the destruction I caused, all my unfaithfulness, you gave me another chance."

"I'm so sorry for what I have done to you and everybody. I really don't deserve what you have done for me." and with that, she cried like she had not in years. They rushed to hold her. For the first time in nearly a year, they connected fully as parents and child. They had seen her change, but knew that honesty was needed too. They were hearing it now. She was home again, no longer hiding, realizing that she was still loved, even if she had done terrible things.

After 10 minutes, they composed themselves and began to talk about what happened. The details of how it was discovered were never mentioned. She was not going to ask and they were not going to tell her. Mostly, she was talking about her journey. Having connected the dots, she talked about what she saw and felt along the way. She shared what she saw from them, the things that they did and how it changed her. She talked about her children and her changes with them.

Finally, she started to talk about her husband. She spoke about what she feared tonight. She asked to be able to stay over if she should not stay at home. They held her hand and said to wait and see. Trust has to go both ways, that is a decision both have to make together. They were still talking when her friend came back with her children said her good byes.

It was getting close to the time Sue needed to leave to go to the marriage session. She was so worried that she was trembling. Her father asked if she wanted someone to be there with her. At that point, she gave her parents a weak smile. She said that her husband was going to be there, he would be with her. She received a reassuring hug and drove slowly.

She began the session looking at her husband, "You lied to me. You outright lied to me. You told me you had a one-night stand. You got my father to lie too, and my mother. You were never unfaithful. That was an act. You all knew I was unfaithful. I was devious, dishonest, whoring. You got me to sign that contract to not cheat on you. You got me to go to individual therapy and martial therapy with you. You got me to be a better mother, better wife, and a better person. You did all this for your children to have mother to be proud of. You may have even did this for us, but that I never deserved. I didn't deserve anything that you did for me. Why Rich? Why do this for an unfaithful sack-of-shit of a wife and barely adequate mother? Why did you do it and stick with me all these months? Why?" The tears were streaming down her cheeks, her soul was on her face for all to see.

Rich sat there in shock at first. She stated by calling him a liar. Then she spoke about what he and her parents did to and for her. She had it down pat mostly. She recognized their part in her journey. She was not angry about it, she was amazed, grateful and awed by it. She was humbled by their generosity toward her, someone who should have been shown the door. It was such a breath of clean air. He heard from her who she was, what she did. He waited for this day for a long time, years actually. The biggest part was that it came out of the blue, kind of. It was unexpected on his side anyway. Things were getting better, but it was slow. Slow and stable and true. The true part was most important.

But he knew her, he knew that she really did want an answer. Why? It was going to be hard for them both. They were both overcome with emotion and the tissue box was being passed back and forth.

Finally he began speaking. "We have children, young children. Their lives are precious and fragile. They were more important than you were, but you will always be important to them. I owed it to them."

He took a couple of seconds to collect his thoughts. He had been rehearsing these words in so many different ways for so long. He knew part of what he needed to say, but not all of it. "My parents had passed away, and I always got along with yours. I knew how important our children were to them. Changing diapers, baby spit up, spilled milk all never mattered to them. I enlisted their help. I knew that I could never stop you from being unfaithful for me. But you would think twice if you were going to lose your children and home. That nearly stopped you cold."

"We both got into counseling individually and together. We both worked out issues. With that, you started making your own choices. I was not going to push or prod you. Keeping a person in a marriage by threatening them would only breed resentment. I didn't want to live that way, or have my children grow up that way. You were either going to grow and become the woman I thought I married and be a loving mother to our children, or not. It was all up to you. Our children gave you that chance. Your parents and I supported you to be whoever you were going to be."

Sue sat there, dazed at it all. "You are one strong and wonderful man and father Rich. Your wife lost her way, and you waited," she paused with a frightened look on her face, "waited so far, so far for her to come back. I owe you an explanation tonight, for every shitty thing I did." Looking at the therapist then Rich she said, "We have until 10 o'clock tonight if we need to. The kids will spend the night with my parents. I have to come clean to you, I have to be honest. Then you can decide what you want to do with me." He nodded and she started.

Having been in individual therapy for these past months made this go quicker than expected. She spoke about her attitude in life, her friends that were all egging each other on. She talked about her rationalizations, her lying to herself and others.

She thanked him for getting her parents in on this. She talked about how she treated others badly and her rationalizations for everything she did. She took full ownership for what she did, and who she abused and hurt.

That contract was a baseball bat to her knees. She spoke about making an appointment to meet her lover one more time, and an hour later realizing it was a mistake. She said that she was lucky, he may have pushed it, but he also later realized that he made a mistake. She spoke about testing positive for an STD, and later he contacted her to tell her that he was positive. She realized that she could have come down with aids, and passed it to her kids. Young children and exchanging bodily fluids is a normal thing for parents. Disease and death she could have never forgiven herself.

She spoke about her journey in therapy, what she learned, what she fought, what she resolved, what she still had to work on. She asked if her behavior changes were really noticed, and rattled off a couple of minor ones, as well as some big changes. He nodded at yes at most of them, and was only puzzled at one, until she explained it further. Then he smiled. That was the first time he smiled since she started.

She wrapped up talking about her desire to speak with him, to be completely honest and open about what she did. She talked about how it took time to get it together when her therapist asked her that one question.

She looked at him with fear in her eyes, "Would you like to ask me anything? I will be brutally honest and open with you. You deserve any question you want answered."

Rich thought. Sue had explained what she did, how and why. She took full responsibility, even some more that she should have. It was much to take in, and the additional time was needed now. The therapist broke in and suggested a 10 minute break. That was for both therapeutic and practical purposes. There was only one bathroom available. It also gave Rich time to think.

Sue went out in the hall and shook like a leaf. She was terrified at what she had done, at what Rich might do. This was a day that was long time coming. She did not know what he was feeling. It was his turn to talk. She did not know how this was going to turn out. She had packed a bag that was in the car in case she needed to stay away tonight.

They came back after the bathroom break a little bit more calm. Some of the emotions were allowed to settle, things were not as raw as could be. Rich cleared his throat and began. "I've been living with all these questions for so long. And tonight out of nowhere, you start and you tell me just about everything I wanted to know. And a couple of things I didn't. I prepared for this all this time, and tonight, I wasn't prepared for it. I don't think I could ever really be prepared for it. You were unfaithful and now you admit it was not out of love or even lust, it was peer pressure, being full of yourself, it had nothing to do with me. I was a nobody, a nothing, a sperm donor, but you have done that with anybody. I was your paycheck and you became more and more abusive to me as our marriage went on."

Sue was nodding yes, and tears were forming in her eyes. Rich handed her the tissues and continued. " Then you were caught, but nobody told you you were caught. You started use the therapy sessions to work on yourself. Work in fits and starts. It was the same way with me too."

"Sue, for these past months", and he paused, searching for the right word, "were really difficult for me. You were unfaithful, you put us in danger from disease, you violated the core of this family. I spent much of my time in my sessions looking at that and more. I could have left you any time I wanted to. But our children always have come first, they always come first. That is what kept me going. You were also making better choices. I felt that there was movement in you, and I waited you out. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain by staying."

"There was no way that we would ever be intimate again until everything was put on the table. I told you that once. At the time, I could see that you were not ready for that. So I waited some more."

"Your girlfriends kept dropping like flies. Yes, I will tell you now. I got an envelope on my windshield. I was not tracking you, I was not paying attention. The way you treated me made it easy to not pay attention to you. But I no longer could do that. The mother of my children was fucking on the side. My kids deserved more than that. Your parents were appalled at what you were doing. But your children deserved a chance to have a mother they could be proud of. You have to thank your mother for demanding individual and martial sessions." He looked into her crying, fearful eyes while he reached for her hand, "I think that it may have saved our family and our marriage."

Sue was hanging her head in her hands now, the question she needed to ask. "Can you forgive me? Forgive all the wrong I have done, all the hurt I've caused, the shame to our bed?" At that point he kissed her and held her in his arms. "Sue we still have much work to do, but for the sake of all 4 of us, we have to try. We don't know how this will turn out, but we should continue to work at it for our kids and us."

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Weeks later, Carla and Tony's life kind of went back to normal. They were still seeing the family counselor, but cut it back to every other week. Tony was still serious, and Carla knew it. He came home from work one day, very worried. He asked that they talk after the kids were put to bed. The two older kids looked forward to getting a bath from their father. It now always included a story.

After the kids were asleep, Carla poured a glass of wine for both of them and sat down next to her husband. "Carla, something happened to me today. This is my time for you to be honest with me, completely honest. Whatever answer you give me, I will accept. I just have to know." She nodded and he went on, "Joey came up to me today, he wanted to talk with me." They both knew who Joey was, he was connected. He was nobody you ever want to get involved with. Carla now knew that this was serious. These were people that you never wanted to be in business with. You never wanted to be forced to testify against them either. She was now clearly worried. Were they starting to take over the trucking business? This could be a disaster.

Tony look into her eyes, "He told me that if I ever cheated on you again, it would be my last time." In a split second, she started laughing, then tried to compose herself, then busted out again. Tony was worried, and angry and worried and ended up as a complete emotional mess. She reached over and hugged him. "Tony, I do not know who, how, why or anything at all about Joey paying you a visit. But honestly, should I be worried?"

He leaned over and hugged her with all his being. He knew who did this to him, and no, it was never going to happen again.