What Were You Thinking? - Therapy

Some people get angry and deny that it's their own fault, trying to deflect or place blame on others. A project manager would declare "It's not MY fault the project fell behind schedule, because those engineers SHOULD have known to do those tasks!" Of course, I'd see through their claim, knowing they never scheduled the engineers to do the work. Or a guy might say his wife cheated on him, and he's going to "get" that other guy, failing to acknowledge that it's his own wife who cheated and the other guy was just her tool.

Some people pretend to be remorseful and sometimes seem to apologize. A friend of mine said his wife apologized for overspending their budget with a personal purchase, telling him "I'm SORRY this hurt you!" I didn't bother pointing out to him that she didn't say she was sorry for spending the money, just sorry that he felt that way about it. It sounds like an apology without apologizing. I learned long ago that some couples get along accepting such obfuscations to keep the peace, so I won't enlighten them.

I didn't marry a deceptive woman. Jan knows better than to say she's sorry to me. She knows I would see it as her failure to THINK about it before acting. And she knows I expect her to be able to THINK. So, whatever she chose to do was something she wanted at that moment and saying "I'm sorry" wouldn't change that. Jan was just accepting all of this as inevitable.

I didn't marry a subservient, trained animal who would drop to her knees on command to suck my cock. I prefer an intelligent woman. I like our routines with my confident and sexy wife. I knew what to expect from her if I asked for sex or a blow job. She'd either say something like "Well, I'm pouring a glass of Courvoisier," which I knew to be her asserting control over the timing, but the blow job would be forthcoming. Or she'd say, "I'm not feeling it, so if you can get it up, I'll bend over for you to fuck me from behind."

But she changed! The bitch I married seemed to leave this average, washcloth of a wife in her place. Now I'm dealing with this insecure woman, and I am having to make more decisions in our daily lives. I need to learn her new changing feelings about herself. I'll need to analyze her new reactions and develop new routines with her. And THAT's what really irritates me about this!

So, when I left for the drive to the mountain house Friday, my wife's spirit seemed broken, merely acknowledging what I was about to do. And she swore she wasn't going out for the weekend and would dutifully stay home alone.

Tensions

Returning from the weekend, as usual, my mind raced through the various scenarios I might find when I arrived home. The two-hour drive from the mountain house gave me ample time to think through the alternatives to whatever awaited me.

When it comes to dealing with people, this is what I hate about them. I'm trying to proactively solve all potential problems, with the unknown and dynamic variables of human reactions. My wife's changing behavior makes it that much worse, since I'm not sure of her anymore.

As I walked into the living room at nine o'clock this Sunday evening, Jan was sitting in her usual swivel chair next to mine. She had some mindless gameshow on the TV as a distraction. But I could tell she wasn't paying any attention to it. Her wine glass was almost empty, and the bottle on the kitchen counter was a little more than half full, making that her second glass of wine.

"How was your weekend?" she asked in a cold, monotone voice.

"Good," I repliedcheerfully, then asked "What did you do this weekend?"

"I TOLD you I was staying at home," she replied.

"That's what you said on Friday. But what did you DO?" I asked, underscoring our communications problem. I poured myself a glass of wine and carried the bottle when I went to the living room to take my seat next to hers. Offering the bottle to her, she held out her glass and I refreshed it.

"I was alone, if that's what you want to know!" she said, with her voice now showing some anger. "Who were YOU with?"

"Brenda," I replied coolly.

"You invited that slut to OUR mountain house?" Now the anger in her voice was building.

"You didn't check with me when you invited Rodger last week."

"I TOLD you I didn't want you with that slut!"

"You told me you didn't want to SEE me with Brenda. ... You've had a negative opinion of every unmarried woman we've met at the lifestyle meetups and house parties. When I find one attractive, you always find fault with them and say we're never getting together with 'HER'! They're either 'squirters' or into BDSM, or they're 'flirting too much' and seem like they're 'on the prowl.'

"Well, they are! I don't want any woman who squirts playing at our house and sitting on the furniture. And I find women who want to be tied up and beaten disgustingly weak!"

"What about Maggie? She likes to tease Dan and get him to spank her. She goes out of her way to torment him to make him spank her harder!"

"That's different. Maggie's doing that to tease and flirt with him."

"Bullshit!" I exclaimed. "Everyone has their reasons for their fetishes. It's in their past. Maggie teasing Dan and daring him to spank her is from something in her past that makes her want it. Maybe her father spanked her, and she defiantly learned to take it. I don't know, but whatever it was, she now enjoys it. And it's your own insecurities coming out, judging some others as deviants."

"Brenda's a slut, and I don't trust her!"

"And I told YOU I wasn't going to ask any married woman to spend a weekend alone with me! So, it wouldn't matter which single woman I picked, you hate all of them."

Jan glared at me for a few seconds, knowing I was right. She was obviously thinking and preparing her next retort.

"You need to go for a VD test tomorrow after being with that slut!" she then insisted.

"Brenda said she was tested two weeks ago, which was sooner than others we've played with."

"I don't care! I'm not touching you until you've been tested," and she set her wine glass down to stand. "I'm going to bed. Good night!" and she stormed off.

By the time I finished my wine and was ready for bed, I found Jan there with her back turned to my side, as if she were already asleep.

*****

The next morning and the following days were equally tense. She wasn't talking to me, and we were silently going through our routines at home beside each other.

When I received the copy of my VD test results showing I was disease free, she didn't even say a word. She just turned away from me, pulled down her leggings and panties and bent over the back of the couch, waiting.

I decided if that's the way she wants to behave, then so be it. As I went to the ottoman to retrieve the lube, I unzipped my pants and pulled out my cock to start stroking. Jan just stayed bent over the couch until I returned to stand behind her. Squirting a few drops of silicone lube onto the head, I rubbed it around and awkwardly slid my semi-stiff member into her. Grasping her hips, I began thrusting in and out, trying to fuck her in this standing position until I was fully hard. It took another few minutes of thrusting until I felt the build-up and finally shot my load into her. I paused, buried deep in my wife's cunt until I felt the last of the cum shot finish, then pulled out and held my hand under the purple head as I walked toward the bathroom to clean off.

I left my wife there, bent over with her leggings down, as the cum dripped from her hole and onto her panties.

Getting Advice

The next days and through that following weekend were a little better, as Jan began to talk a little more. She'd ask me what I wanted to drink or what we should do for dinner. I even took her out to a nice restaurant for dinner that Saturday evening, and I made it obvious I was paying for dinner with my new personal credit card, making it like a "date night".

That evening after dinner out, Jan was a little warmer, suggesting we go back home and watch a movie together. The one she picked, "On Golden Pond" was a story of an aging couple with a melancholy ending. And when we went to bed, she again meekly asked for my shoulder. Things seemed to be smoothing out between us.

But the next morning, Jan seemed bothered again. She appeared to sleep a little later than usual, at least she came out of the bedroom a little later. When she gave me a cold stare and asked, "Have you heard from 'Brenda' since last week?" The tone she used at naming her suggested Jan must have laid in bed thinking and working herself into another bad mood.

"No, I haven't contacted her," I said.

"Did you at least send her flowers?" she asked with a snide tone.

"I don't recall you getting any flowers from Rodger," I calmly pointed out. Then I asked, "Or did he send them to your office?"

Jan just huffed and walked out of the room. So, we were back to not talking again for the next two days.

I knew Rodger wouldn't send her flowers. We're swingers, and the sex is just that: just sex! I talked to him at that house party, and he's not looking for a "relationship" other than occasionally getting laid. He's smart enough to know better than to pursue a married woman for anything more than sex, or he'd be ostracized from the best house parties. And I'd have no issue with Jan "cleaning his pipe" if she were just honest with me ... and still took care of my needs.

The only problems between me and my wife are due to her attempt to deceive me for her own pleasure, so she could continue controlling me. She tried to manipulate me to maintain her control, and she failed! And I'm the one who now has to deal with these changing routines and ... and... HER FUCKING EMOTIONS!

If she'd just get over the Brenda issue, we might be able to get back to some normalcy. So, I'm waiting to see what's next.

*****

Monday was another tense, silent day at dinner without talking to each other. But on Tuesday evening, Jan started quietly talking again.

"I was talking to Sarah at work today," she started, "and I told her you and I were having some issues."

"Did you tell her how you spent a weekend with Rodger?" I asked.

"No. Just that we had problems getting over a difference of opinions," she said shyly. "She suggested we get with a marriage counselor she recommended."

"You know what I think of psychiatrists, psychologists, and counselors," I warned her. "Those are the 'SOFT' sciences, if you can laughably even call it a science. They base their expert opinions on polls of other peoples' flawed confessions with the researcher's leading questions, with most people saying what they think they should say to answer. Then they remove what they personally think of as outliers and run their statistical analysis on the flawed remains. It's like a doctor asking: 'How much do you drink?' Most people answer: 'No more than two drinks per day.' Because they know if they admit to any more than that the doctor will think they're an alcoholic. The reality of average alcohol consumption is probably higher for those who drink."

"But Sarah said that he helped her and her husband," Jan replied, not in a demanding tone, but almost sounding like she was looking for hope. "I set up an appointment for us on Thursday. Would you go with me to try it?"

I took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. While I don't ascribe to those charlatans, Jan seemed sincere in wanting to fix things between us. "Okay," I replied. "Give me the time and address, and I'll take the morning or afternoon off so we can go there."

The warm smile I received from her was well worth an afternoon of enduring a quack's questioning.

Therapy Session

The countdown was nearing 'Go' when the therapist opened his office door and waved us in, within a socially reasonable deviation of the scheduled time.

"Hello, Jan, Ted" he started, as he beckoned us in. After we took our seats in front of his desk, he turned to address me. "Jan and I talked briefly on the phone when she called for this appointment. She said there's a problem between the two of you. Would you like to start, Ted, telling me what you believe the issues are?"

"I don't have any issues with her. She's the one who thinks we might benefit from therapy."

Turning toward Jan, he asked "Why do you think the two of you need counseling?"

"He said he doesn't trust me, and he separated our bank accounts to prepare for a divorce."

"Are you getting ready for a divorce, Ted?"

"I'm just planning ahead, after she mentioned it, in case she wants to follow through and file for divorce."

"Is there a reason he might want a divorce, Jan?"

"He spent a weekend at our mountain house fucking that slut, Brenda!" Jan said angrily.

"Are you having an affair, Ted?"

"No. It's just sex."

"If you love your wife, you can't have sex with another woman and expect to remain married."

"That's a statement unsupported by facts," I pointed out, as if trying to convince the inquisitor of his ignorance. "First, my feelings for my wife haven't changed. Second, I did, and I have previously had sex with other women. And third, Jan and I are still married. So, everything you just said is disproven by reality."

"You admit to having sex with other women?"

"Of course," I said again trying to enlighten the ignorant. "We're both swingers. We've done it many times at house parties, and she's watched and even encouraged me. She's just mad that I did it with Brenda, without her along. And that was only after she spent the previous weekend there with Rodger."

The therapist sat back in his chair, turning his gaze back and forth between us as he thought about it. Then he began "Marriage is about your loving feelings for each other and remaining faithful to each other. When you bring other sex partners into the mix, it complicates things. That's why it's not a good idea to engage in extra-marital sex."

This time it was Jan who seemed surprised. "Just because I had sex with Rodger and others doesn't mean I don't love my husband."

"But Ted might feel betrayed with Rodger spending time being intimate with your body," he said.

"I don't feel betrayed by her having sex with him," I said.

"That feeling of knowing another man has been with your wife is a feeling of betrayal and would make you angry," he said as if he knew everything. "You needed revenge with your weekend with Brenda."

I chuckled a little before saying "I watched Jan the first time she fucked Rodger. I even handed her a box of tissue to clean up afterwards," and I saw the therapist's eyebrows go up in surprise. "I didn't spend a weekend with Brenda for revenge. I did it to ensure Jan understands the new rules between us, which she established."

The therapist lowered his head, then looked back at me. "When you have sex with another woman, your wife would feel betrayed. And she would resent the other woman, as if that woman took something from her by taking your body with sex. When another man takes your wife's body for his sexual use, that feeling you have toward him is as if he's a thief. 'He took her from you.' That's why some men want revenge against their wife's lover. The lover stole her body from the husband."

"But that would imply I own my wife's body," I pointed out. "That would be like slavery, and it's wrong. What intelligent man believes he owns his wife's body?"

"Ted doesn't own me," Jan interjected. "I make my own decisions and choices. He can't tell me who will or won't be allowed to use my body! It's 'MY body, MY choice' I might ask for his opinions, but the decision is mine!"

"And Rodger didn't take Jan's body from me," I pointed out. "She decided she wanted a weekend away, so I didn't have her body then anyway. It's senseless for me to want revenge on Rodger when Jan's the one who made that decision? And we still had sex after she came back, so what does Rodger have to do with it?"

"From what I understand," he began, "Jan meeting her lover for that weekend is the reason for you two having these problems. You then set up your weekend with a woman she doesn't like."

"Well then, you obviously don't understand," I pointed out. "The only issue is that she deceived me, and she continued to try keeping it from me after she returned. My weekend with Brenda was intended to demonstrate to my wife that when we don't check with each other and agree on things, then things WILL be out of her control."

Jan turned to me saying "But I TOLD you I didn't want you with Brenda! And you said you don't have any problems with me and Rodger spending the weekend together."

"Once you changed the rules with deception," I again tried to explain, "you no longer have the right to control who I see or who I have sex with."

The therapist interrupted, saying "This is why fidelity in your marriage is important. When you married, you swore a commitment to each other. And that includes, even if just implied with modified vows, that you would remain faithful to each other. That's why marriage is so important, and most couples want to marry. It's a promise to love each other, and love is the main reason most people get married."

"Fidelity and love aren't the reason most men marry," I replied. "In my experience after talking to hundreds of couples over the years, most men get married only because the woman wanted to do it. Most men I've talked to would have been satisfied 'shacking up' forever, as long as she's willing to have sex with him."

"Then why do you think women want to get married?" he asked.

"They want the financial security and assistance a husband can provide in case of pregnancy," I replied. "And I think most women feel better about themselves with a marriage license when they're spending their money on personal care and clothes, while the guy pays for their dates. The only reason guys pay for dates and other joint expenses is to continue having sex with their girlfriend and wife."

"You're making this sound like you think women are prostitutes," he admonished.

"Not all women," I said dismissively. "But many of the women I've met and some I dated before we were married seem to have a narcissistic streak in spending their money buying clothes, make-up, jewelry, and other personal expenses. Then they expect men to pay for dates with them. That seems like a 'pay to play' scheme to me. That would make them prostitutes, except for the fact after I paid for a date, many often think playing with them wasn't part of the deal."

"Do you think Jan exhibits any of those narcissistic characteristics?"

"No. She's always been willing to share expenses and workload since we first got together," I replied. "That's one of the things about her which appealed to me. She would tell me to take her out on a date for a picnic. But she'd provide the picnic food and do most of the packing for it, while I provided a bottle of wine and drove us there."

Jan smiled at the memory, adding "We had some great times in the park on that picnic blanket. You even made a secluded spot like that for us at our mountain house." Her expression suddenly changed as she thought about it, and she tensely asked, "Did you take Brenda to our picnic spot?"

"Of course not," I tried to assure her. "You said long ago, and I agreed when we were looking around our picnic spot, 'It could never be as good as this with anyone else!' So, why would I upset our routines there?"

"But you took her to our mountain house," she said again in an accusatory tone.

"Yes, and you took Rodger there, too," I reminded her. "We've fucked others at that house in front of each other. It's just sex!"

"And that's the root of your problem with this situation," the therapist again tried to interject. "You can't bring others into your bed for sex without causing tensions."