Whatsamatta You?

We'd see.

++++++

It was a horrible accident.

Melissa was wearing white today.

I'd tried to squirt mustard onto my sandwich while at the deli for lunch. I'd just squeezed the bottle too hard, hit my sandwich from too far away, and hit Melissa too.

All over her shirt.

"Oh no!" Melissa protested as I stopped the condiment assault, a few seconds too late, and I looked horrified, along with the four other people from the office.

"I'm so sorry!" I gushed.

"Look at this!" Melissa said loudly, as she grabbed a handful of paper napkins and started wiping away.

The mustard that had gotten into her more-than-a-little-generous cleavage wasn't touched though.

"I'm so sorry!" I kept apologizing, hoping this would work. "I'll pay for the cleaning!"

Two of our coworkers were concerned for her and trying to help. The other two were trying not to laugh.

"No, it's okay!" Melissa said. dabbing away after dipping her wad of napkins into her water and wiping herself. "I think it may wash out."

I just sat there, looking horrified, and hoping this was enough.

"If it doesn't, I'll pay for it." I repeated.

"Look at this!" Melissa protested. She was indeed a mess. I'd done a good... er... bad job of it. "I can't wear this back to work!"

"Here," I said, standing up and taking off my sports coat. I offered it to her. "Wear this. You can change back at the office."

Melissa stopped, and looked at me. She still had mustard in her cleavage.

"Jimmy, do you want to... help me with this?" Melissa asked, hesitatingly probing. She also inhaled a bit. Her cleavage grew deeper with the inhale.

"I can't, Melissa." I quickly said. This wasn't part of the plan. I wanted to come across as a klutz. I figured a couple of 'accidents' would make me unsuitable in her eyes, and the gossip problem would change.

I was ad-libbing now, but it was also right. "I think you should go to the bathroom and clean yourself. Take this."

"Are you sure?" she asked again, trying to gauge my reaction.

"I'm sure." I confirmed. "I'm really sorry about this, but... I love Gina. I can't help you clean up. But here, take my jacket. Give it back to me tomorrow, okay?"

"I didn't ask you about Gina." Melissa said, her cute eyebrows coming together in a hint of annoyance.

"No, you didn't," I confirmed, smiling in sympathy. "But it just wouldn't be right to go into the bathroom with you Melissa, even though this is my fault. I will never give Gina reason to think I'm doing something. I love her too much to think of hurting her, by deed or thought."

I held out the coat to Melissa again, urging her to take it.

Melissa looked at it as it hung from my hand, then to me.

"Fine." Melissa said, snatching it away, spinning, and stalking off to the bathroom, her heels clacking as she went. The two women coworkers followed her, one looking back at me and smiling slightly.

"You're an idiot," said one of the other two males at our table.

++++++

The gossip grapevine did the rest.

Apparently I was a little clumsy, the condiment bottles at the deli were a little too full, and I really loved my wife Gina.

I don't know if Gina heard anything, but Gina's mom mentioned the mustard explosion in which I'd coated the poor girl and everyone else in the deli with. Apparently, two people had to go to the hospital. One had an allergy to mustard and broke out in hives the size of gumballs. I hadn't any memory of that, but I kept my mouth shut and just smiled as I chewed my dinner.

Dad-in-law just rolled his eyes.

++++++

Two weeks later, I saw Danny when he slowed down, honked, and drove past me on the street.

He just pointed at me, gave a smile that would scare a tree into running, and then drove off.

It was a good day.