Wheels In Motion Ch. 02

She stopped protesting when I showed her the photo.

"Holy crap, Addison, that's... that's the first photo I think anyone's ever taken of me that I love. I look... I look great! Why didn't you tell me you're such a great photographer?"

"I'm not that great. My secret is just to take a hundred photos so I can find one or two that I framed right by accident. This one just happened to turn out perfect."

"Don't be so modest! This is really, really good. Can I have a copy? I'd like to send that to my grandparents."

"Sure, I'll email it to you once I get home."

"I might even have to put that on a dating app profile. Seriously Addison, that's the best photo anyone's ever taken of me!"

I felt a stab of pain in my heart. The thought of her taking a photo of mine and using it to find a boyfriend made my stomach roil, and I knew then I was in trouble. My fears about my feelings for Liz seemed to be growing stronger by the minute.

"Oh yeah, with that photo you'd be guaranteed to find Mr. Right," I said, trying to hide my dismay. This day I'd been looking forward to so much was now turning out unexpectedly painful.

"Mr. Right?" She said, scoffing. "Not likely. Maybe Mr. Right-Now, anyways."

"What, you need a fling, not a boyfriend?" I asked.

"Eh... not sure a boyfriend is something I can handle until I finish my residency. I'm usually not lucky enough to find a good one, and I don't know if I have the bandwidth to find one that's trainable and whip him into shape. I think right now my standards might be too high. It'd be nice to have someone to make out with now and then, though," she laughed.

"I hear you," I said, although I wasn't thinking of just a make-out partner. I looked at the photo on my camera again and, unbidden, the thought of waking up next to that smile everyday filled my imagination. Jesus, I needed to get a hold of myself, I was losing it.

We had a late lunch at the National Portrait Gallery cafe and by early evening we made our way out to Arlington on the Orange Line. Liz checked the WMATA site before we went underground at the Smithsonian and noted that the elevator at the Clarendon station was out of service, so we rode past it to Virginia Square, even though it was a longer walk to the bar where the Rotors were playing that night.

Just like at the Birchmere, the band was hanging out at the bar, greeting people as they came in, although there weren't quite so many fans packed around them this time. Jo spotted us as soon as we came in the door and waved. This time Suzanne and Larry were with the group, and both of them eagerly greeted Liz.

"S'up, Scooter? I'm looking forward to watching some more of those sweet chair moves tonight," Larry said, giving her a fist bump.

"You drop the beats, I'll throw the moves, Chrome-Dome! Suzanne, I'm sorry we didn't get to talk last show. What's new, girl?"

"Same same. Teaching middle schoolers the finer points of music theory. Most of them are so bad, though, that I can't wait to get up on stage and make something that sounds good."

"That sounds kind of like my life when the first-year residents show up wet behind the ears," Liz said with a chuckle. "They're so bad at everything. Sometimes I just want a patient to come in when they're all eating lunch so I can do it right without having to watch them mess up. They all get better, eventually, but it's painful."

"Can't say the same for a lot of my music students, unfortunately. Sometimes I think I should quit teaching music and be Larry's assistant coach at the high school."

"Baby, that's nepotism. Basketball is a profession with high ethical standards. I couldn't hire you in good conscience," Larry said, with a grave face.

"Even after I let you buy LJ a drum set? Man, that's cold," Suzanne said, laughing.

"Wait, how old is Larry Junior now? I thought he was, like, two. You got him drums already?" Liz said, laughing.

"You can never get started too early!" Larry protested.

"It's kind of amazing," Suzanne said, "He just turned three in January but he can already keep three different time signatures. He's going to be way better than his dad."

"That's hurtful, but I know you just said that because you're bitter."

"She's bitter?" I asked, laughing. Larry was cracking me up.

"Junior's into drums, not bass. I told her if she wants another bass player in the family, we'll just have to make a little sister for Larry Junior. In fact, if you want to get started on that, babe, I've got an open time slot after the show and I'm sure I can 'fit you in', if you know what I mean," he said with an eyebrow wiggle.

"Shut up, you perv," Suzanne said, smiling. She lightly punched him on the shoulder, which he promptly started rubbing with an obviously-fake hurt look.

Jo walked up as our laughter died, and barked out "Specialist Charles! Attention to orders!"

Liz sat up straight, somehow giving the impression of being at attention in her chair and said "Chief!"

"Tonight's mission: Rock out and party hard."

"Yes Chief!" Liz barked back, then Jo held out her hand and they did some complicated hand jive. Right hand slap, then left, then right fist-bump, then left, then they both spun around, Liz circling her chair in place, and snapped off salutes at each other while saying "Hooah!"

Larry rolled his eyes. "The military-industrial complex in all its glory," he snorted.

Jo grinned at him. "Want to have another pull-up contest Larry? I'll cut it out when you can finally beat me." Then she turned to me. "Hey, I hear you've been going out on Liz's training runs. How's that going?"

"Pretty good," I said. "I can keep up with her pretty well on my bike. Still working on my distance. When she's in the mood for ten miles I get pretty winded."

"That's awesome. I'm happy she's got a partner. It's always more fun to workout with someone."

Jill joined us from the bar and wrapped her arm around Jo's waist. "Show time, you guys. Everyone ready?"

"Always ready to rock out with you, Blue," Jo said then planted a big kiss on her. "We'll catch you guys at the set break." Then the band made their way backstage.

Jo's voice echoed in my mind as Liz and I made our way to her favorite spot, right in front of Jo's microphone stand. 'Happy she's got a partner.' I knew what Jo meant--a training partner--but that wasn't what had sprung to mind.

The band's first set was just as good as the first time I'd seen them, starting off with Keep Your Hands To Yourself, by the Georgia Satellites. Jo showed off her surprising range as a guitarist, nailing the southern fried rock solos.

Liz and I danced for the first hour straight, then Steve stepped up to the microphone.

"Alright, time to slow it down a bit," he said, "Our slow dance section was a hit last time so we've got a couple new ones for you."

"You guys, this is going to be so good!" Suzanne said into her mic with a huge grin. "This isn't the happiest love song, but it's good for slow dancing and anyway, I've been waiting for this to happen for years!" She seemed beside herself with excitement.

They started off a song everyone immediately recognized, with Jill playing the saxophone intro on her keyboards, but the big surprise came when Larry flipped his microphone around and started singing George Michael's Careless Whisper.

Liz whooped and yelled "Yes, go Larry!" then turned to me. "He almost never sings! I've never heard him sing something like this either!" Larry spent almost the whole song staring at Suzanne after she stepped over in front of his drum kit.

"C'mon slow dance partner, this is our thing," Liz said. She pulled me down onto her lap and wrapped her arms around me just as she had at the Birchmere. I had a much harder time relaxing back against her, though, given everything I'd had going through my mind that day.

After Larry's tour de force, Jill came out from behind the keyboards and sang Lisa Loeb's Stay. Jo switched out her black electric guitar for a beautiful white acoustic one with gold hardware for the song.

Steve took the center mic again, and said they were going to do a few more songs then take a break. The band launched into a Sister Hazel tune. I'd gotten up from Liz's lap to dance again, but as I started listening to the words I slowed, barely rocking back and forth.

I'm not right, and I'm not fine.

I want to be rain that tastes like wine!

I want to be good, I want to be great,

I want to be everything except for your mistake!

As my body slowed to stillness my mind accelerated, thinking about the last months with Liz. Watching her work in the O.R. the day before. The picture I took of her at the tidal basin. My feelings for her bubbled up like a volcano, feelings I could no longer deny.

And I don't want your sympathy just understanding,

We'd be better off if I just took some time to try to understand you.

It was a crushing realization. Despite how much I'd been thinking about it, it still hit me like a train. Amber was right.

I want to be seen, I want to get clean,

I want to just fall out of in-between!

I'm not right, I'm not right

I don't want to be your mistake!

It was a thunderclap of acceptance, of fully coming to grips with what had been going on in my subconscious. I had fallen head over heels in love with a woman I had no future with, and there was no way it could end except in disaster. The longer I let it go on the more it would hurt me, and Liz. And probably Viv too, who certainly didn't deserve to have to settle for being a distraction while I waited around for someone who would never be what I needed. It was inevitable. Unless I stopped it.

"I can't do this anymore," I heard myself say, as the song ended.

"What? Did you say something?" Liz said, over the sound of the applause.

I turned and looked at her. Her reaction was immediate.

"Addison? Are you okay?" Liz asked, looking concerned.

"I... Liz, I'm sorry, I have to go."

"What?"

"I have to... I have to go. I'm sorry." I turned and hurried out of the bar.

Once outside, I found myself hyperventilating in the cool night air. I looked up and down the street, saw the Metro sign for the Clarendon stop two blocks to my left, and started that way.

I'd made it to the Metro entrance when Liz caught up to me.

"Addison, wait! What's wrong, what's happening?" Her chair darted past me before coming to a stop and circling around between me and the escalator. "Are you okay?"

"I can't do this anymore Liz, I'm sorry."

"You're not making sense. Talk to me."

I laughed but it came out as a sob, and I realized that tears were starting to run down my cheeks.

"Liz, remember what you said at the last show? How happy you were that I chose to be your friend?" She nodded at me. "I've been lying to you and to myself."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you're more than a friend to me."

"You mean a lot to me too."

I took a deep shuddering breath and plunged into the truth, knowing it would mean the end.

"Liz... I... I've fallen in love with you."

She didn't say anything, but her eyes widened and her chair rolled a fraction of an inch back away from me. The distance hurt.

"I tried not to, I tried to just be your friend but I've been lying to myself, and I'm so head over heels for you, and it's killing me to tell you because I know this will be the end of getting to see you, but it's not fair to you for me to keep pretending and it's going to destroy me if I keep going down this road." I stopped the rush of words from my mouth and waited.

"Addison, I don't know... I don't know what to say, I mean..."

I saw the look in her eyes and knew that was it. Just as I'd known it would be. I stifled a sob.

"I'm sorry Liz. I'm sorry for not being honest. I'm sorry I'm not... I'm just... I'm sorry."

There didn't seem to be anything else to say, and I had the uncontrollable urge to run. The tell-tale rumbling, and squealing of metal wheels, came up the escalator to announce a train was coming into the station below.

"I have to go. Goodbye, Liz." She started to say something but I was sure I wouldn't be able to bear whatever it was. I had to stop her from saying it. Without conscious thought, I leaned down and cupped her face with my hands. She barely moved as I softly kissed her lips, stealing a brief taste of what I desperately wanted and knew I could never have. We stared into each other's eyes for the barest moment before I let her go, then stepped around her chair and sprinted down the escalator.

When I hit the first landing and ran towards the turnstiles, I heard her start yelling down after me.

"Addison, wait! Addison!"

I swiped my wallet over the sensor and ran down the escalator to the platform. The train had already stopped and stood with its doors open, pale yellow light spilling out onto the red tile floor. My tears began in earnest. I could barely see as I boarded the train and grabbed one of the handrails, ignoring the looks from the other passengers.

I heard Liz's faint voice calling down into the Metro. "Addison, come back! Addison! Addison!"

The doors slid shut, and her voice was gone.

To Be Continued...

For anyone who hasn't read my series, Hard Landing, there is a playlist called 'The Set List', a collection of songs performed by The Rotors, available on Spotify. I have updated the playlist with the songs from this chapter. The link to the playlist can be found in the 'CONTACT' tab of my author page. I always appreciate getting follows on my playlist.