Wheels In Motion Ch. 03

I sat in my chair in the lounge, impatiently drumming my fingers on my leg for almost thirty minutes. After the first five, Jimmy had gotten uncomfortable and left to go find busy work elsewhere.

The second she walked through the door, I said, "Spill it Megan. What the fuck is going on?" I said without preamble.

"Okay, first of all, you need to chill out. Whatever's happening isn't my fault and getting pissed at me is only going to get me to walk out of here because I'm not going to put up with you aiming that shit at me."

I took a deep breath. "Sorry."

She sat down in the arm chair across from me, and met my gaze coolly. "Okay. So, no, Addison didn't quit. She took a week of personal time and when she came back, she asked MJ to transfer her to another hospital."

"Did she say why?"

"No, and MJ spent a long time trying unsuccessfully to get that out of her. She insisted it had nothing to do with being mistreated or unwelcome here, but she 'just needed a change'. MJ said it might take a few weeks to set up, and Addison said it wasn't negotiable, that either she wasn't going to come back here or she was going to resign."

"Fuck," I breathed out. "That's kind of dramatic."

"Yeah, Liz, it is and MJ was really pissed, and if you can explain what's going on to me I'd appreciate it."

"So, what happened after that?" I said, avoiding her question.

"Well, she's turning into a great attorney and has been really committed to LWLS and our mission. MJ didn't want to lose her, regardless of how pissed she was at her for pulling this peremptory bullshit, so she switched her over to Howard University Hospital. Our lawyer there is moving to Cleveland to be nearer to his wife's parents this month, so we needed someone there anyway. Myself and a couple other lawyers are covering the on-call here until we can figure out a permanent replacement."

I sat lost in thought, staring at the floor.

"Liz..." She touched me on the arm to get my attention. "What happened?"

"I don't know. We were having a day out, and she suddenly got upset and left and now she won't talk to me. That's all I know."

She stared at my face for a long time. "That's... all you know? Really?"

I huffed out an aggravated breath. "That's all I know that I'm willing to talk about until I have a conversation with Addison, okay?"

She leaned back in her chair. "Sure, that's fine. But you sound really mad about something, and I think you know exactly what's going on. If she won't talk to you, you should talk to someone about it. Me, or Kat, or one of your other friends... Someone." She waved a hand at me to indicate the entire mess I had going on. "You're clearly, massively, pissed off, and you clearly know what happened, and it clearly was a big deal to Addison. This seems like the sort of thing you shouldn't keep bottled up."

"I don't need to talk to anyone," I said.

She sighed, stood, and picked up her briefcase. "Just be aware that I've known you for a year and a half and I've never, ever seen you lose your shit. You're the most equanimous person I've ever met. I have never seen anything get to you like this. You're really close to losing your shit right now."

"I'm fine, Megan. Thanks for talking to me."

She hesitated a moment longer, then said, "You should come have dinner with us soon. Cait loves seeing you."

"I'd like that too."

She gave me a final, flat stare before turning to go. After Megan was gone, I sat alone in the lounge, my brain going in circles. She fucking threatened to quit to avoid seeing me again? I still couldn't wrap my brain around how fast things had gone from perfectly fine to this shit-show. She was in love with me, she'd said. In love with me. It just didn't track... did it? We'd been up front about this since the first night we'd hung out. How? When?

It's not like... I mean I did feel a connection to her that was deeper than most of my friends, except maybe Jo but I'd gone to war with her. Jo was like a big sister to me. With Addison, our connection had developed so fast it had been a little frightening. But... love? And was she physically attracted to me too? To me? That was an obvious answer. The way she'd kissed me left little doubt. After my two fairly unsuccessful relationships since I'd been relegated to a wheelchair, I'd started to wonder if anyone would ever really be attracted to me again. But... you don't kiss someone like she'd kissed me unless you really want them. That kiss...

I'd thought about that kiss constantly since then. The electric feeling, when her lips had touched mine. The smell of her hair around my face. Her soft hands on my cheeks. I had never been attracted sexually to another woman, but... was I attracted to her? I didn't think I was. Was I? The shock of her lips on mine... That hadn't felt like a sisterly kiss. Not to me, anyway.

I closed my eyes and pictured Addison. Her beautiful blonde dreadlocks, her pale green eyes. If I imagined myself in bed with her, naked with her, would I be filled with revulsion or...? I called up the memory of that last day together, when she'd arranged massages for us, and tried to recall the image of her creamy white shoulders above her towel as she'd helped me up onto the table and...

Jimmy stuck his head in the door, interrupting my reverie. "Yo, Liz, two MVAs on the way in. One ten minutes out on Life-Flight and one that's pulling into the ambulance bay right now!"

I sighed in frustration as I started wheeling towards the door. "God dammit, Jimmy. I told you this was going to happen. You can't tempt fate like that."

~~ Logan Circle, Washington DC, May ~~

ADDISON

I managed to get a table right away at Number Nine, a rare feat for a Saturday night, and ordered a Logan Beauty, one of my favorite gin concoctions on their menu. I always tended to arrive early to everything, and I'd beaten Viv to the bar tonight. The DJ had started a set and his thumping tunes filled the bar as couples here and there danced together.

I had just taken my first sip and set my glass down on the table when I felt an arm snake around my neck from behind. I recognized Viv's scent as she kissed the top of my ear, making me jump.

"Hey babe," she said, then plopped down in the seat next to me.

"Hi. How was work?" I asked.

"Oh, you know, drive the train to Greenbelt. Turn around and drive the train back to Branch Avenue. Repeat for six hours. Nothing exciting, how was your Saturday?"

"It was fine, nothing exciting either. Puttered around the condo. Donated some clothes that didn't bring me any joy."

The waiter came by to see if Viv needed a drink. She looked at me.

"What?" I asked.

"You aren't going to order a fancy drink for me? I'm hurt. The magic is over."

I blushed a little. "Oh, right, sorry. Bring her a Sweet Heat, please," I said to the waiter.

"Sweet Heat, huh? Is that the name of the drink, or what we're gonna do later?"

"Shhh!" I said, looking around.

She smiled a tolerant smile. "Babe, we're two women sitting together in a gay bar, and I've got this haircut," she said, pointing at her head. "Pretty sure anyone who looks at us for two seconds is going to assume we're going to go home tonight and get naked and horizontal. Or... naked and vertical. I don't know what you might be in the mood for."

"Viv!"

"What?"

I looked around some more. "The fact I let you jump me on our second date notwithstanding, I'm really not that open you know. You really knocked me back on my heels when you kissed me at The League right there in front of god and the whole bar when we met."

She looked around conspiratorially then said in a low voice, "So you're saying that despite the fact that after we have a fun night out tonight, and after I take you back to your apartment and make you scream like I did the last time, you still want to me to keep it less than obvious to the casual observer?" She wiggled her eyebrows at me in an exaggerated fashion and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Something like that," I said. The waitress delivered her drink and we toasted each other. "I do have a question about our... relationship," I said, setting my glass down. She raised her eyebrows but said nothing so I continued. "You said if I want a lesbian friend to do date-y things you'd fill in."

"That sounds like what I said, sure."

"Does that mean, well... are you expecting that anytime we get together it's for sex? Or not just for sex, but that's we'll have sex every time? Because I like to do a lot of things that don't necessarily involve getting naked and horizontal. Or naked and vertical."

"No, I don't expect sex every time. But I mean, I kinda thought one of the reasons you hooked up with me was because you weren't up for any emotional attachments while you get over the straight girl. Sorry! Get over Liz" She added, as she saw my face cloud up. "If you want to go do some date-y thing and then say goodnight with a peck on the lips, or hell even a handshake, I'm fine with that too. We don't have to go to your apartment every time."

I laughed. "Why always my apartment? Why are we never going to go to your apartment?"

"Because, I live in Springfield at the end of the Blue line, and it would take an hour to get there from here. And I have two roommates and thin walls. WMATA doesn't pay that great you know. I mean if you want to go to my place to get down, we can, but you'd have to be okay with an audience."

"Uh, no, I think I've made myself clear on how comfortable I am with public displays of affection. Putting on a sex show for your roommates might be a tad over that line for me."

"Right," she said and raised her glass to me. "Here's to private sex then."

I clinked my glass to hers.

"So. Does all this mean we are or aren't going to your place tonight?"

"Let's not decide that upfront. Why don't we have a date-y night and see where it goes."

"Sounds good to me." The DJ segued into some slower tunes, and the bouncing couples either headed to the bar or bathrooms to take a break or moved into each other's arms to slow dance. Viv stood up and offered me her hand. "Shall we?"

"Shall we what?"

"You said you liked doing date-y things," she said, taking my hand and pulling me to my feet. "Slow dancing is pretty date-y."

"Yes, it is," I said. She wrapped her arms around me and leaned in, her cheek on mine as we started swaying back and forth. I sighed and leaned into her. Truth be told, I love to slow dance, and I hadn't in a really long time. Well, no, I'd slow danced with Liz, hadn't I? My heart stabbed at me again, as I remembered the feeling of sitting in Liz's lap while she rocked her chair back and forth, leaning my head on her hair, her arms around me. I shook myself. "Quit that shit, Addie!" I thought.

Viv pulled back and looked in my eyes. "Everything okay?" she said.

"Yeah, all good," I said, pulling her back to me. She slid her hands into the back pockets of my jeans and I found I didn't mind. I nuzzled my cheek into the short hair on the side of her head. She smelled totally different from Liz. I hoped she'd help me get over that stupid mistake. But then... that's not what she and I were doing either, was it? This wasn't a relationship, this was just...

Goddamn it, Addie, I thought. Are you trading in one stupid mistake for another?

~~ George Washington Hospital, Washington DC, May ~~

LIZ

My shift was supposed to have ended an hour earlier, but I was wrist-deep in a seventeen-year old's abdomen.

"Mmm, si, very nice," Dr. Salvatore said, peering into the cavity as I removed the swollen appendix I'd just clamped off and cut out.

"Thank you, Doctor," I said. I cauterized the area, handed the cautery tool back to my nurse-assistant who had then handed me forceps holding a pre-threaded needle and I began closing, suturing the underlying muscle layer I'd cut through while exposing the site.

"You know, Elizabeth, you really should consider applying for the surgery residency position opening in my department this fall. You are quite the natural."

"Thanks Dr. Salvatore, but I'm not sure leaning forward in this chair like this for an eight-hour surgery would be a pleasant day at work. An appendectomy is one thing, doing an aortic dissection might cripple me more than I already am."

"You've started the closing, Elizabeth, I think you can call me Ernesto now."

I laughed without looking up. "Ernesto, then. I wish this kid's parents had taken him to his doctor two days ago. They would have caught this earlier so we would have had time to do this laparoscopically instead of having to open him up in the E.R."

"Never underestimate the ability of a teenager to ignore pain when going to the doctor would be inconvenient for their social life, Elizabeth. So, if you are going to break my heart and eschew the surgery track, what do you have in mind?"

"I'll be staying in the E.R."

"Ah, you've grown addicted to the long hours and stretches of boredom relieved by moments of panic and sheer terror."

"Pretty much. Plus, I like training the baby docs."

"Well those are hard spots to come by. I'm glad GW was smart enough to snap you up. I would hate for us to miss out on your talents."

I snipped off the thread and looked up, surprised. "Thank you. That means a lot coming from you."

"Well-earned, Elizabeth," he said, waving a hand at me, "Anytime I'm 'supervising' you, I know I'm merely here to watch someone perform a job well. Now, I know you were to leave before this chamaco arrived, so go. Leave now." He made shooing motions at me with both hands as he left the O.R.

The nurses helped me back my chair down the ramp off the short platform I used for surgery and I made sure to thank all the O.R. personnel for their work then wearily made my way out into the hallway.

As I came out the door, a man almost crashed into me.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't see you down there," he said.

I managed not to roll my eyes at him, not that he would have noticed with his phone about six inches from his face. "No worries," I replied, and tried to roll around him to the locker room.

"I'm trying to find, uh, Exam Six?" He was young, in his late twenties, wearing a dark suit and carrying a briefcase.

"I'm sorry, who are you? How did you get back here anyway?"

"Oh, sorry," he said with an apologetic smile. Then, finally, he put his phone away. "I'm Alan Reiger. I'm an attorney with Lampedo Women's Legal Services?" He held up a hospital ID with his photo on the front. "I've just been assigned to GW and I have my first client meeting tonight. It says my client is in Exam Six."

So, this was Addison's replacement. I cringed inwardly, barely suppressing the urge to snap at him.

"Welcome aboard. I'm Dr. Charles. Go down that hallway, take the first left, then the second left. Six will be on your right."

"Thank you so much! I'm sure I'll see you around since you work here."

"Yeah, you'll probably see me a lot."

"Thanks for your help," he said and walked away down the hall.

I watched him turn the corner and sighed. Three weeks ago, that would have been an opportunity to see Addison, and maybe go get something to eat with her after she'd finished with her client. I shook my head and rolled across the hall and into the locker room.

I checked the weather app on my watch and, seeing that it was almost sunset and had started to get cool outside, I grabbed my favorite GW fleece pullover out of my locker before closing the door and refastening the padlock. I was pulling it over my head when Kat came in and started collecting her stuff from her locker.

"Weren't you supposed to get off an hour ago?" she asked.

"Yeah. Emergency appendectomy right as my shift ended."

"Ouch. C'mon, I'll walk to the Metro with you," she said.

As we came out of the hospital, we both paused to admire the sunset and take deep breaths of the sweet spring air, oblivious to the crowds of students and commuters pushing past us.

"I wish the E.R. had windows," Kat said, "I hate working all day in a cave."

"Me too," I said.

She walked a dozen steps toward the elevator down to the Metro station before she realized I wasn't following her. She turned around and came back to where I still was staring at the sunset. "Liz? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine," I said, but I heard the hoarseness in my voice that belied my words.

"What's wrong?"

I felt the beginnings of a tear in one eye and rubbed it away with a finger.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Wow, okay."

I sniffed, and then laughed. "'Wow'? Really?"

"Sorry. You've never been the 'I need to talk' kind of person."

"Well... I'm dealing with some shit and I think you might be the only person I know who can give me good advice."

"Okay, hang on a sec." She pulled out her phone and made a call. "Hey babe. Yeah, I just got off. ... Yeah, it was a good day, but listen, would you mind handling dinner and homework tonight? No, everything's fine. ... Liz wants to grab a drink with me and I'd like to hang with her for a bit. ... Um, okay, I'll let you know. If I stay out too late I'll take an Über. Okay. ... Tell Cait I love her, and give her a kiss for me. No video games until her homework's done. ... Sorry, I know you know. ... Okay, love you too, Megs." She hung up, hitched her bag up on her shoulder and said "Hall pass obtained. Where do you want to go?"

An hour later we were sitting at Circa across the street from the hospital. We'd claimed a quiet table in a corner and were picking at the remains of a plate of their tuna poke nachos, my Guinness half-gone. Kat had opted for iced tea.

"...and then she leaned down and kissed me and--"

"Whoa, she kissed you?" Kat exclaimed.

"Yeah, grabbed my face and laid one right on me."

"Wow."

"Right? Then she sprinted down the Metro escalator and I haven't seen or talked to her since."

"Wow."

"You know, you've hardly said anything but 'wow' the whole time I've been talking," I said.

"Well, that's a pretty 'wow' story. So... that's when she stopped coming to the hospital for work?"

"Yeah." I drained the last of my beer. "She told her boss to reassign her immediately or she'd quit.

"Holy crap!"

"Yeah."

"And you haven't talked to her at all?"

"No. She blocked my number that night, so I can't call or text her. I've sent her some emails but haven't gotten any answer to those either."

"That really sucks Liz, I'm sorry."

"So, what do I do?"

"What do you mean 'what do you do'? That sounds like a crappy way for a friendship to end but you can't make her not fall for you. She's going to need time to get over it. She may never want to be friends again."

"But..." I trailed off, unsure how to say what I wanted to say next.

"But what?"

"Okay, this is going to be pretty personal and if you don't want to answer please tell me to shut the fuck up."

"C'mon. The stuff you and I go through together on a daily basis? I mean you actually served in a war so forgive the expression, but I feel like you and I have been in a foxhole together for the last eighteen months. You can talk to me about anything, okay?"

I felt dubious, but took a deep breath then said, "Okay. I know this embarrasses you anytime Megan says it, but she's mentioned a few times that when you two met you thought you were straight, and--"

"Wait! Are you interested in her?!" she exclaimed.

I felt my cheeks heat up. "I don't know! I've never thought about women like that before! Not having her around anymore feels like she's left a hole in my life and I don't know how to fill it and..."

"...and?"

"And that kiss was something. I'm not saying 'hey, I'm gay now!' But when she kissed me, I felt something." A brief pause before I added, "I keep thinking about it too. And... and the connection that grew between her and me those few months... I'd never felt that close to anyone in my life. Even Jo, and we went through some shit."