by RubixKube
Awesome story, the sex was hot and the narrative was really well done, excellent job.
after the incident in the kitchen there is no way in hell he would ever talk to her again and he sure wouldn't screw her as soon as she came home he would leave the house in the morning and get back in time for bed just to avoid her keep it out of the twilight zone
no real begining just a rushed middle and no end. what happens next does he ever talk to his sister again? what about casey? does sis get pregnant since he didn't wear a condom? did he catch something from her? do the parents find out? this was like reading a book with the first and thrid chapters missing in other words a total waste of time. do us all a favor and do a rewrite and expand on the story. SHOW SOME PRIDE IN YOUR WORK AND A WHOLE LOT OF RESPECT FOR THE READERS AND ALWAYS USE A GOOD EDITOR AND FINISH WHAT YOU START AND DO IT PROPERLY.
i liked so far, but was left wondering how this works out... write another chapter.... i feel this can turn into something great.... screw the rest of you asses who cant take a story the way it is.... it is the way the writter wanted it....
Look, it was a little rushed. But you can fix that, and besides, if you come here looking for Pulitzer Prize shit, you're a fucking moron.. These assholes gonna tell me that Cruel Intentions made a great lot of sense? You write beautifully detailed sex, and your ideas and descriptions are great. Your other story was great too...try to spend that kinda time on these things and you'll be one of the greats!
either write GOOD stories or nothing. no begining a rushed attempt at unrealistic sex and no end not to mention way to unrealistic. the best thing you can do is delete it then read the how to articles then rewrite it properly and use a good editor before reposting. you need to give us a reason to care about the characters and want to see them together not give us a reason to despise them.
Who tha fuck is this?
Pagin’ me at 5:46 in tha mornin’, crack a dawn an’
now I'm yawnin’, wipe tha cold out my eye
see who's this pagin’ me, and why…
It's ma nigga Pop, from tha barbershop
told me he was in tha gamblin’ spot
and heard tha intricate plot
some niggaz wanna stick you like fly paper, neighbor
Slow down love, please chill, drop tha caper!
This was worthy of 5 stars. Hoping to see more chapters of this!