All Comments on 'When Love Comes Back To Haunt You'

Keep it up, great read. xoxo Bev

If the last part had not been in the story I would have given 1*, but I gave 5*****.

a great story

This was definitely a shocker. Great writing as usual, Charlie. A damned convoluted plot, too. The sex was hot and well done, even though in the US of A, it's ASS, not ARSE when referring to the derriere. But whatever. All in all, a good read.

Honestly, if my wife and I were to take a trip to Aussie Land, she'd probably get quite a few compliments on her arse. :D

4 Stars.

5 Stars. Apologies for the typo in my previous comment.

super 5*

I agree, much more like a Democrat pig than a republican!! Get your politics honest and you might write a really good story.

@Anon

Democrats are pigs and Republicans are dirty scumbags. There are no good US politicians.

I found a lot of the ideas in the story interesting and fairly novel. There were a few moments that definitely stretched credulity to the point of hot, dank and damp ...taffy. It seemed the author did a fairly good job of having it both ways. A failed romanitic gets sadistic pleasure out of baiting husbands. Then an ungainly narrator swap and karma slaps down the rich and randy old bull. My ohh my.

What to make of story ? I'm not sure. Everyone was fairly reprehensible. My favorite concept was that of cut-rate ' Indecent Proposal ' stratagem. Is Gary Busey a good choice to play the Redford role in movie adaption. God knows I'd be intrigued. The original movie was too touchy-feely for my taste. This take on 'lease-a-louse's spouse' added some much needed grit. Kudos on that account.

I was entertained. The story didn't flow too well, there was A LOT of 'Tell versus Show'. Five star ideas were in play, but it seemed the author was in a rush to disvest himself of this tawdry tale. But Charlie84 is taking chances and definely in the game as an wild card quality author in a very demanding Loving Wives genre.

****

And everyone knows it the Republicans that are fucking everyone!

Good writing. But what is the point?

No likable character. After death of wife and child no empathy for protagonist.

Title misleading not love but greed & narcissism !

Keep trying , new spin on old idea,lol

AMerryMan

Did not see that coming. Interesting albiet strange story.

Loved the consequences. Five stars.

Thanks for sharing.

It was hard reading the start of the story because there is nothing to like about the protagonist, nothing to keep me interested in reading. I checked the score of the story and found that it's above 4 so I figured there must be something good. Nope. The story went from bad to worse. The ending has nothing to do with the beginning or the title. The story just wandered from one place to another without a point to make. I don't see how this story rates a score above 4.

Poorly done. Really despicable characters. Simply nothing to like about it anywhere. This was a miss. Maybe next time. No stars for this absolute drivel.

how can this crap have a score so high?

I have to leave this comment to even out assaults from the retard trolls. Your writing is lucid and engaging, the tempo is just right and enough twists and turns to satisfy a twisty turny thing (see Blackadder).

Keep on writing mate!

The rich guy was a creep, and deserved to be punished, just not murder. The fireman, well it doesn't work that way. Volunteer fireman myself; arson is always considered, and especially if there's a 'critter' or two, and with bullet wounds? Be real. Last, any man who sells his wife gets exactly what he deserves.

Still gave it a five; maybe it was because the predator was a Republican. (LOL a little.)

In my opinion, if your marriage is so fucking weak to be bought with money, not much of a marriage you got there.

Second, the rich guy should have been tortured, not killed. Deprive him of what he enjoys most. Cut away the limb he treasures most and feed it to a pack of dogs or a herd of pigs.

Not much of a story here to be had, so I won't be bothering with rating.

For story idea for your next effort check out Facebook profile of dearbornmt@yahoo.com.

True story about female serial cheater who once admitted that she would continue to have affair after affair because THAT IS WHO I AM AND I WILL ALWAYS BE THAT WAY

She was a college instructor in Helena Montana until administration found out she was using position to ''convince'' male student who she was attracted to just because of muscular arms to have sex with her. At time she was involved with at least two other men

Have been given info which leads me to believe she screwed more than one of her students

She wrote email saying how she got shivers sitting in her cum filled panties for 60 mile commute home. Husband worked out of town all week returned home Friday wanting weekly bj. She wrote he had come in bathroom to watch her bathe with the gooey wet spot of panties pressed to face sniffing them

For the next year almost without exception that scene was re-enacted every Friday

She rented apartment as love nest. She told student she wanted him to just grab her and throw her on bed one day and tear close off of her. The next time she ordered him to the apt he grabbed her as she came in door raised her skirt and ripped panties off her then ate her to orgasm

He the drug her to the bed, flipped skirt up, shove sweater up and ripped cups off her bra before fucking her. He then stripped her off and had her cowgirl up for number of orgams while she moaned it was so easy with him

They continued for next five hours before she had to get to class.

Hertight sweater could not hide her 36C breasts were unfettered

She wrote email to him gushing how she got chills standing in front of class and feeling his two full loads oozing out and slowly trailing down her thighs then past the hem of her skirt

With no podium to hide behind she knew a few students gazes were drawn to the white line of her lover's seed. She told her student in their nightly IMhow hard her nipples became with that knowledge and that a number of male students had lingered after class to ask her questions about assigment while eyes never left her chest

As affair continued she would beg him to slap her ass and call her a whore. She was not only multi-orgasmic but also a squirter and after being satiated with at least six orgasms she would lick and suck his cock and balls clean of all her juices before laying back and having him pound her until he filled her with his seed

She had to shower immediately after sex or get a UTI but after that and fixing her make-up he would pound her again

Their sex sessions lasted a minimum of four hours and she would delight in telling her bff also aserial adulteress that her ignorant construction trades student was THE KING OF CONTROL

GOT TO BE A STORY FOR YOU IN THOSE FACTS

I believe you will get your wish. He alluded to the fact that he covered up the first killings with a fire. She already bite his dick, that's a good start. The big finish is him burning to death while paralyzed from the injection. I think that will be some decent punishment.

The first narrator had a pretty good thing going on until he added humiliation for the hapless husbands as part of his carnal and vocational repertoire. In the long run, Dan should have proffered up a gift certificate to quality steakhouse to the couple , maybe shared some post-coital herb and feigned commiseration. But no , he HAD to make it personal.

Pigs get fed, hogs get slaughtered.

This could SO lead off a new generation!

You had backstory. Character development. Build up. His son's life and death was rushed, but he wasn't the focus. Your definition of bi-polar disorder is that of a layperson's, but it suits Literotica.

Was Laura his wife or an accomplice?

Laura stated earlier that it was their 18th anniversary yet Peter said he shot his six months ago.

Not too sure about this story the plot is a bit sloppy at the end. Where were the driver and his brother and possibly other staff.

@IronDragon: What got up you're ARSE? Literotica is an International site and this is the English speaking section. There was nothing in this story identifying it to the US and as CharlieB4 is an Aussie 'arse' is the valid spelling - making an ass of you. You know - has four legs and long ears :-}

What a piece of shit this character was. Good thing he was spreading his “good will” in Chicago. Where I live people still carry guns to deal with snakes. And that bastard was surely a snake of the most poisonous kind.

There are no Republicans in Chicago, that great Dumocrat cesspool. That mistake not withstanding, this was a great story overall. Sad about the wife, but happy for the neighbors. Obama, excuse me, the rich guy got his too.

Nice twist, unexpected. The original narrator led the story pretty good into a suspense, I really did not know what to expect. The ending was a bit hard to believe (escaping triple murder is not an easy thing to pull out and the explanation given is not exactly clear) but the twist is worth it.

Not bad at all.

Of course there are Republicans in Chicago. I spent two years there in February of 1983. As for ‘Dan’? Well, it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. In fact, I can’t think of a better way for this story to end.

On great ending to a BTB story. Seems there was an actual burn.

& point of the story is?????????????????????????????

Enjoyed it immensely! 5*

Gotta respect a good double cross! Interesting twist and reasoning , but what about the driver and his brother ? Was the plan to set fire to the mans home with him inside ? Did it take into account the residual extra people , and how will he handle them ? Really good story just left some open ends ! Four stars for that reason

Good yarn, kept me guessing. Only caveat is I didn't think it needed the perspective switch, especially not with a segue as abrupt as 'Peter is now the narrator/speaker.' Useful for a movie script maybe, but feels tacky in a story. Peter's perspective didn't give us anything we couldn't have learned from Dan's viewpoint, so can't see any reason for it.

I figured it was going to end up like this. Guy's just too cocky and arrogant so someone was going get one over on him. Good story.

Quite the double cross. The MC had to be out down. Just curious what is Laura's relationship to Peter. I assume since it was a lethal setup, she is doing it for the money or was it for payback for the loss of someone else?

The ending was projected, but the reading was still worth it