All Comments on 'When We Were Married Ch. 01'

The emotion is vivid and real. The plot is solid and believable -- very believable. I couldn't stop reading this once I started; can't say that about many of the others here. Please post more.

This is already too long and boring.

I love the fact you have complicated characters and that you start the story as their marriage ends. The emotion is well portrayed and the husband and wife are characters you both hate and can identify with.

Well done. I'm definitely looking forward to part two.

The husband had it straight from the first minute. She slipped and let the cat out of the bag. The kids bother as always but here there is the fact that perhaps he was always too busy and somehow lost their respect.

The wildest part is that she is a complete hypocrite and keeps claiming that he is inventing things when they are completely true. On the other hand we have the fact that he does not have a life either with or without his wife.

On with the story

Very nice story. Keep up the good work :)

A good story which keeps the interest going is never too long.

What a great start, can't wait for the rest. Thanks.

Absolutely outstanding. Without a doubt, the best you've written to date, and you've posted some incredible stories. The once commenter noted this is already too long. Complete bullshit! You intricately weave in depth, compelling characters in a maelstrom of conflict, and you keep the tension throughout. Anyone who doesn't realize how difficult this is should try doing it in such a captivating, compelling manner.

And as for laying all blame at your feet because your editor was busy? I only saw one typo--"Btu" insteat of "But"--and the rest flowed seamlessly.

Now get your ass in gear and get the remainder of this posted so we don't have to wait too long!

...does he continue to let her talk down to him? Yes, he didn't take the time to realize his marriage was fading but, knowing her thoughts, her conduct and attitude and knowing they were probably not going to make it - why do you not let him tell her what he has known and have her shut up and go on with the affair she has been aganizing and foreplaying about. She's hot, knows it and she didn't take the time to talk with him and let him know they were slipping so, I blame her, she liked her looks, getting hit on and was sexually anticipating the eventual emcounters she would be having. Are you going to bring this out, she simply decided she was hot and wanted to play but had realized that her status as a Professor and Socially would not be acceptable, so what to do. Hubby solved that by his accisation and the quick road to adultery was on the way. I immensely dislike this woman, would probably be aroused by her, even converse with her but - she is a sneak, a cheat, a lier, dishonest and a slut, not a good role model for her daughter. Wonder how she'll feel in ten years, if she moves in with Lance, when she sags more, looks older and he begins to stay out late and secretly sees other woman...payback is a bitch...but - more importantly I despise her for wrecking a good home and not trying to openly come up with ideas to keep the marriage together. I don't think she got that far in her thinking, sex with other men was more appealing!

Hurry with next chapter!!!!!!!

hurry up please

There were many. I kept expecting the husband to stop eating all the shitty food and get into shape, or at least try. We all know couples where one is in great shape and the other is not and it always makes us wonder why they are together. Marriages end just this way. Not by coming home and finding the local college football team banging the wife...usually. It is a slow and almost invisible process. I did like that the husband wasn't just beaten to a pulp as age and determination need to be worth something! The guy has no respect from his kids or wife, so he is a total failure in that regard. He is a good lawyer and needs to stick with what he knows, unless in the next chapter, he becomes a Navy Seal, which we all love. It was a bit wordy at times, as is this post, but an excellent effort and I thank Q for the spellbinding story!

This is a very good, can't put it down, story. I am one of those who actually prefers longer stories so I can get to know the characters and their situation. I think you have handled the business side of the story quite well, and from what I know of the academic side you have it down too.

The family relationship, aside from the sexual politics of husband and wife, is interesting. I should have a bit of problem dealing with the relationship between son and father, but the son's insolence may well be part of a generation shift that I am one G past.

I do wish authors would come up with some good and simple phrase beyond alienation of affection. I am not sure why it bugs the hell out of me, but it does. A hot supervising lawyer would simply look the university pres in the eye and say something snappy about fostering an openly hostile work environment and both would understand the full implication. The final scene in the rest room was well done, very well done.

The question for the story is where from here? Several possibilities, but I and the rest of us will have to just wait and see.

Are the kids dumb, don't they ask questions. He according to the author was never mean to them i know in real life the kids would never turn against their father outside of that i find it a very good read.

I like your story, very intelligent no doubt it should be long to justify characters fully. I know in your stories people cheat only if they are out of love or they have solid reason. I like that. But you consider only one expect of marriage, Love. You ignore everything. If a spouse is cheating, even she is loves her hubby or not, but choosing lover publicly lover over hubby. How stupid you think a wife should be to do this. Even you dont love your your spouse, you atleast care enough, not to humiliate in public as she did. She is professor, not some stupid dumb woman. Kissing Lover at function on stage and then have guts to say nothing is going on. HOw much stupid she is. Hubby's actions are very reasonable, As he is not seemed to be angry because she does not love him anymore, he is angry because she was not admitting it and making him bad guy in their separation. Even humiliating him in public by kissing her lover. When she is confronted in front of everyone she think he is being an asshole. let just say, he tried to confront her in person, she denied, he tried to confronted in family she again denied, now she was the one who has taken everything in public. Why not choose highway, he tried to choose but she accused him of being BAD guy. She is a real BITCH. Falling Out of love is one thing, but she stooped to a level, where she deserve a very big punishment. And its not about only love she also very selfish, You abandon your spouse when he aged and is not good looking anymore., while you are still good looking, What kind of person is she, selfish, isn't it. I would really like to see Consequence of actions, otherwise it is just telling about what happened to two married people, instead of story to read. Please dont do this time you did in your other stories, Like He moved on, She moved on, Both are happy in separate lives. And then they meet again later telling each other they never really loved each other, and now they are happy finding their true love. Like he find some lady which is not beautiful( as he would mention it comparing to his ex-wife), and just settled. Because this type of arrangement shows two people should remain together til they both are equally attractive and then when one lacks in looks he/she should step aside to find his/her own match. What type of coupling is that Because if they really loved each other once, it will come again, it can be forgotten for period but cannot be lost forever. Up until now it very good and interesting story, only her character is unreasonable. length is not a problem , even it is advantage to fully understand why they react this way. So try not ruin, in next chapter. be careful. You will receive much more comments and means a large no of readers will be looking for next chapter. So far you have done very well. Keep it up.

a real story and characters. so many stories seem as written to express POV. This one feels real. Only bad thing it sounds like we will have to wait for part 2. Oh well, it is worth waiting for.

A very good read. Move right along to the next chapter.

Fat, workaholic, uncaring and apparently unwilling to change husband finds out wife is NOT cheating on him and he gets offended that she is seeking emotional support elsewhere. Rather than trying to change he either gives up or "sets her free" so she can find love with someone else. So what about the kids. So what about the wife that refused to cheat on him, just dump it all. Why should I care about this guy enough to read parts 2 or 3? Like your writing and your style. Don't like the main character.

I'm in line with the others for Chapter 02!

H-

those two slope head morons couldnt find their own spine if their lives depended on it

massive plot holes... character inconsistencies... and unexplained bizzare actions.

and I dont blame the wife one bit.

This guy is a DA? in what state? CANDYLAND??? and he is STILL not using the emails?

WHY didnt Bill tell the interferring Father in law that he knows what his wife REALLY thinks about him??

SECOND Lance in the emails/ chat to the whore wife (after the Bathroom sex dildo scene ) says much Nicer things about the Husband than she does. Yet even then he does Nothing.

THIRD... The idiot weak Husband NOT pressing charges after the confrontation is 100% irrelvant. That fight occurred in front of Hundreds of witness VIDEO and TV Cameras and will be on HARD COPY and YOUR TUBE in 5 minutes.

a DA getting into a Fight with soon to be exwife and her lover? Knelling down and cradling the injured Lover and NOT her husband?

come Monday she is NOT working anywhere ... neither is the Lover or Bill.

THIRD.. at the very end of this badly developed story SHE the wife.. is calling BILL up and asking for a Divorce.

and he says essentially says ... Yes dear ... what ever you says .. let me check with Mattu Moreau or JPB... third..

NOW that this is headed for Divorce WHY are the emails STLL being hidden? The marriage is Over. ....

Excellent, Keep it up.

Like the Anon commentor below me, I'm not fond of the main character either.

While I can reverse identify with him (I'm the one who goes to the gym daily and my wife doesn't) he seems too out of touch for someone who's supposed to be so smart. But of course while nothing is fixed in one day either he never really made any attempt at fixing it.

Meanwhile the wife for one I royally can't stand. But as setup she, and her daughter, are ones of the beautiful people who can get away with murder and they never really have to pay for it. Regardless of what you see in movies that is a fact in the world. I just wish it didn't seem this story was lining her up to continue in that vein.

The other thing I can't understand is this theme throughout the whole story of "Everyone in the world has nothing but contempt for this guy."

His wife has nothing but it for him, his kids do as well (you have it written as they are "embarrassed" by him, but not enough to stop from taking money or free things from him), not to mention the kids have no respect for him either, and even his wife's parents have contempt for him.

And to top it off you keep having everyone who has seen the two of them telling him (including "HER" parents) "He's never been "GOOD ENOUGH" to be married to such a hot woman.

Huh?

I want to like you main character. I mean the fight was pretty believable and maybe, just maybe he'll lose some weight (but you didn't once have him even considering that in this story) but even though he knows "why" his wife isn't interested any more he just sits back and goes "oh well".

You made him a short, pudgy, balding, middle age, pasty, white guy who was married to a hot big busty blond who couldn't wait to not only publicly embarrass him, but tell everyone he was a mental case once he caught her dating on him. And everyone believes her over him even though they see her cheating. What's to like about him?

If Part 2 kind of "fixes" him then I say go for it. But if its going to stay on the same theme of "it's the world that's broken not me" when it comes to him then, uhhmm, well..... would it make sense to keep this story going???

Also don't worry about long stories. If people don't like them they can read until the need a break and come back. Some of us like to read it all in one setting (^_^)

-Risq

i dont care what other readers think. im hooked. chapter 2 please! 5 stars.

For all it's length the story didn't go very far. Debbie started out out of love with him (it happens) and she really doesn't do anything except deal with that through the whole story. She is being dishonest with herself. It's sad because she feels trapped in a loveless marriage. But her dishonesty is unfair to Bill and to herself. It would have hurt him if she was honest about how she felt but at least they could move forward. She is never honest about her feelings. Even at the end she is trying to pin the divorce on his "crazy" feelings. She didn't cheat. Crap. She dropped out of the relationship with her husband and built one with her stud associate. That's cheating. The sex would have happened given time but it's not the sex that is the problem usually. It's the process of getting to the sex. She's supposed to be a professor. She's kind of stupid isn't she? Now Bill has his failings and is emotionally disconnected. I'd have no problems if she just had turned to him and said "It's over". That should have happened a long time ago. Now she tries to fly above the responsibility. Sorry, if she fell out of love there's only minor blame for that (she could have tried harder to keep her marriage healthy) but the rest of her actions ARE her fault. I'm not sure why there need to be more parts. I don't see these two coming together again. Neither one of them would be an interesting character to follow going forward. The dynamics of their dying marriage was barely able to hold my interest though this story.

I really enjoy this story and look forward to the next chapter.

Excellent tale thus far. Would hope chapter 2 gives vindication and encouragement for the husband.

I enjoy the longer stories. It gives us a more in depth view of the characters. You want a stroke story, there are thousands to read else where.

Here the wife built another life in the world of education, how? Because her husband supported her. Gave her all he could. Beautiful home, the good life. I am sure it is decorated the way she wanted it. All the trappings of a good life. The car, the clothes, the home, two kids etc. Just what every good husband is to do. Plus the support. He worked his life away to give here the life he probably thought she wanted.

What gets me is She didn't even get mad enough to confront him when she should of. As soon as she realized she needed him, more then he was giving or sharing. She just let it roll. She did not even want to fight for her marriage. I do not feel sorry for her. I don't care if she is a MILF, or a plain jane in that sense. She is as guilty as he is.

Everyone seems to think he is an asshole. Well to a degree he is, but he is a man overloaded and depressed. Being a overworked DA handling everyone elses misfortunes to get some justice in the world. Review the case load he was working and all the murder trials, drugs etc. during this time period.

That would make anyone lose it. If he doesn't work for justice then soon all the public is demanding he do something for them. He is trying to help everyone else but himself. Hell his wife probably judged him on some of the cases he handled as being a jerk going for the convictions. But they just shy away from him, including his kids. They judged him without all the facts. They gave up on including him in there lives. She did for sure, but part of that was his fault too. He should of went to all the dances and meetings. Learned to dance etc.

He is the DA, the man who puts people away. I am sure this isolated him also in her life and surroundings, especially if it was a liberal college. So that was another strike against him, he never recoginized.

This isolated the kids a long time ago from there piers. Just like cops kids, or those in the military etc. There parents take an oath to protect and defend and these people along with their families just end up isolated and on the fringe of society looking in. The only support they have is from their own social group/class. No one on the outside even knows of what they see or go through to protect others.

Now he can't even help himself when it comes to his family. He has been hardened, abused by those he loves by them by seperating themselves from him and ignoring him. Hell the system abused him with the overlaod at work, the horrific tragedies he dealt with daily. No joy in mudville for him.

But he let it happen in a way. He didn't see it happening, and no one told him. His wife didn't. The kids, well who knows. The in-laws who knows. They made their choice. Now all he has is work. Hell of a reward for all the hard work and career of working for justice and protecting society. That got him to where he is at. He is going to lose them. For what you might ask, well lets see in chapters 2 and 3.

He seems to have an excellent reputation with his peers in his profession. For his age, he has fast-tracked his career, but at the expense of his marriage. Putting in as many hours as he has to maintain his family with the material niceties was admirable, but left him lacking in his familial relations. His son seems to have the disdain for elders that alot of young teenagers have. His daughter's attitude is something else. She apparently has been tutored well by her mother. The wife has a common attitude of the academics that the world should understand them without their having to work at such mundane skills as communication, understanding and comprehension unless it is for their own self-agrandizement. The "friend" was slick, but like most guys his age that are single, the chase is the real treat for him. I doubt seriously if he wants to become step-daddy to a son and daughter that have no respect for their real father, let alone him. I also doubt that he really wants to settle down with his Mentor, too many responsibilities. I doubt that her social standing would be enhanced by such behavior, as well as her lack of maturity and decision making abilities. She knew what she was doing and did nothing to confront the situation, but alot to divert attention by anyone and everyone. At least he tried to start to do something about it, albeit, too late. She did not even put up much of an attempt. Looking forward to how HE moves forward. He views things and situations through analysis and action. He will correct what he does not like about himself and benefit because of his efforts. I think that she will not make many good decisions in the future, and those around her will see she is a very shallow and selfish package. She just cannot accept that her decisions were wrong.

The main characters in "Law and Order" may have many human faults and make mistakes, but they are all people we can enjoy and identify with. OK, so the wife is a bitch, but what about your DA. Even a pasty white, balding, pudgy, out of shape middle age guy can be someone we identify with, but this DA reacts to situations like a bouncing billiard ball and then sits in the pocket, not taking action in a more direct and methodical way like a good DA...

Most amazing. The point about fiction is that is is just that - FICTION! I am not sure if a real life drama would unfold this way but then, I am loving the way this drama is unfolding. For all my word is worth... Write a second, third and a fourth chapter to this!

I won't repeat what has been said thus far. I truly enjoyed reading this. I am not a fan of the husband, nor of the wife. She wrote how she had tried a 1000 times to reach her husband,.. that was a crock. Secret lunches with a sexy guy, give me a break. All she had to do is come out and say it. My wife does!

I note that you bring up his bad eating habits a lot. You could expand on this as to why he considers himself "old" rather than simply out of shape.

Thanks again, I am looking forward to more on this!

-Ttom

I kept hoping that he would realize that she didn't give up...he did and when he kept blaming her or her friend or her work...well, it made it painful to watch. For that, I thoughouly hated it and loved it. thanks for writing a great story. 5 stars out of 5

Why do you have to like the characters to enjoy? Brilliantly absorbing and entertaining fiction. I can't believe someone went to so much effort to give me an evening ,feet up beer in hand, of FREE and thoughtful and provocative reading. Many thanks and on with the next chapter. Just not too soon Daniel, I've things to get done and can't afford to be hooked that often...Mancelt

Very interesting story, I'm really looking forward for next chapters. About that "fight scene", the wife not "tending" the husband, but her lover — It was a good way to show how much Bill and Debbie have drifted apart, and it was like hitting the final nails in the coffin.

Well, now that you have set the stage — don't let us wait.

He is spot on as usual. <P>

In his most recent story the author painted a very dark picture of the wife then forced a reconciliation. I doubt if the dumb fuck has learned anything since.

Your literate style makes what you write thoroughly enjoyable. A story concerning two badly mismatched partners that is as well definrd as this is a pleasure to read.

The subject of a failed relationship is dark and the unhappiness of the protagonists is lagely of their own failures, you have laid it with great touch.

Thanks for your sharing your talent and your understanding.

DQS1, keep it up I enjoy your stories. This is an interesting one because it is a mirror image of what happens when a husband losses interest in the wife b/c she no longer arouses him. In this case it is attention/affection and sex.

Bill loves what he does, sees no need to change, he has no relationship with his wife or kids other than as a provider. She wants more excitement and is waiting for him to change- but won't tell him her frustration or what he needs to do. Most women (married or single) won't share their intimate thoughts with single man (unless he is gay) but with another woman- so it makes you think that his wife has really fallen in love with Doug.

Feel bad for Mike because he is good at what he does and seems to enjoy it, await future chapter. Thanks for the great effort.

You have created very real people with very real emotions and an excellent basis for a great story. Ignore HIV - he's not worthy of attention.

What a thought provoking, emotional wallop! I have to say that I am one of those 'torch the bitch' kind of reader. However in this case, I have to place a lot blame on Bill. I would say sixty five percent his and thirty five hers. This man does not care for his family even though he says he does. Both of his kids do every thing possible not to be around him, especially on the weekends. Bill jr, at fourteen is openly contemptous of him, Kelly disappears into her room just so she does come in contact with him. I would even bet that Bill does not even know what they do in school, what kind of hobbies or who their friends are or even know the parents of their friends.

The bullshit about working so much, it is impossible for me to believe that there are no interns, paralegals, secretaries who can do much of the work he profess he has to do. I just don't believe Bill cannot work a fifty hour week and still get his work done.

Since this all started just about every one has told him about his appearance. Has he done anything to rectify the situation? No! Bill STILL will not change what he eats, how he looks, or change his work habits. If he keeps that up he will have a heart attack before he is fifty! Bill gives one-hundred and ten percent to his work? Why not one-hundred and fifty percent to his family? Well, it's probably too late now.

Debbie's role in this? The question would be if she could pass the 'husband test'. You know if Bill was sitting at the same table at the awards dinner would she feed Doug bits of food, hang all over him in front of Bill? If she wouldn't then it's cheating. Why all of the lies? Why deny that she was kissed in the driveway by Doug? Why lie to her parents? Why? Why? Why?

I am looking forward to the rest of the chapters. I'm curious if he will ever see his kids again and/or the inevitable grandchildren.

its about consistency.

WHY would a DA risk his career and life for a fight in Public over a wife who HATES him More than Lance .. the boyfriend does?

if the husband had NO idea that would be one thing. But has has Known for weeks now.

WHY talk about and show the emails in the story then have the info never used... and have everyone shit ONLY on him?

ONCE A WIMP ALWAYS A WIMP. I DON'T CARE WHO THE GUY IS TO LET IT GO THAT LONG WAS A JOKE. ALL YOU NEED TO DO NOW IS PUT THEM BACK TOGETHER.

One of the best I have read in some time. The only false note was the fist fight; were you ever to revise it, consider leaving that out. Look forward to parts two AND hopefully three.

but not seven pages at the time. make it 3 or for 4 at the max and then post them on 4 different days.

as for the story. there are always two in a marriage and I just don't know why in hell the husband always has to be a fat dummy and the wife a hot uncaring not yet slut.

waiting for the next chapterS :-)

A good multi-chapter story does three things. It keeps your attention, draws you into it making you establish a bond with one or more of the characters and finally at the end of each chapter you are pissed that its ended and can't wait until the next one is posted. This story does all three.

You can feel anger, disgust, sadness and a slew of other emotions as you read it and even though you might not agree with the stories flow you read on.

This author is telling a good story with sex in it, not like a lot of others in which sex is the story. Not every story will touch a reader but when it does, let the author know what you liked or didn't like about it so maybe the next time he'll write one that you'll be able to relate to.

Keep writing Daniel you're doing a great job.

Steve

Couldn't put my finger on it.... but I stuck to it and read it to the very end... and then looked at the author's profile... and realized that he/she also wrote THE LAST GOODBYE, which I also read. <p>

At the point, it became clear to me why I was so uneasy about the story, why it was bothering me. It's not a bad or badly written story. As others have noted, it's quite good. I just never like the "hero" or main characters THE AUTHOR writes about. <p>

The author seems to specialized in creator unliked and unlikeable man and wife characters. The story, indeed, the author, didn't seem to blame anyone. As the wife, Debbie, said: "I just don't love you any more, not when you behaved the way you did." <p>

This, mind you, is a woman who has wanted both ways, both worlds. But the husband is even LESS likeable. The bitch is right; this guy is, in real life, a dangerous man who would/couple possible put a bullet in HIS or HER or their children's head, no seemingly no other reason than in HIS fantasy world, it needed to be done. The man is a coward yet he feels the need to prove to the other man he is not and would fight, physically, to publicly TRY to demonstrate he is no coward. <p>

But he is, judging by the way he treats the bitch (and that's what she is, as portrayed by the author) and the two teenage kids, who, by the way, have ABSOLUTELY no respect for him. Nor do they seem to care much about their mother, either. <p>

Again, that's what made me uneased about the story... the AUTHOR specializes in creating unliked and unlikeable characters. Normally people want clearly polar opposite characters in stories. Or if nothing else, characters who, though with short comings, have convictions we can identify with, good or bad those convictions are... Not these characters, not this author.

Excellent character development and a really interesting plot makes a great story. Bring on Ch. 2. I hope the emails play a part in future pages. The chatter between Debbie and Doug/Lance as they emailed back and forth did more than anything else to advance the story, create tension and show the reader the character of the two future lovers.

The story is excellent as it is. The development of the characters and their attitudes to each other for years do not require more chapters as there is no concatenated future anymore......

I think your two main characters are very well drawn. Doug's e-mail handle is a rather nice reference. His seduction is blatantly obvious to all of us, of course, but he does remain rather one dimensional. Hardly surprising given the focus of the story, but he could be developed in future chapters. Particularly since his height and youth advantage did not benefit him. I look forward to your next chapter(s).

I reckon you know what I would do by now.

please keep on developing this story - I am really engrossed in the actions of the characters, and what will happen next. Really rooting for the husband.

woodbine68

My two comments above under "Title of your comment" pretty much sum my views of the story's chapter 1. The author has to this point written an outstanding story. His development of the 3 main characters is superb. I feel for the husband; I completely dislike the brain dead wife. I feel as if I've been on a roller coaster ride and everything makes sense. I wonder just how the 'rest of the attorney's life' is going to change him. Will she (the wife) remain/or reappear as a factor in his life. And what of the young assistant professor. Danielsteele1, you've got me hooked on your stories. I still remember that you haven't yet finished the one about a young history professor living in his wife's home town in southern U.S.A. Please get Chapter 2 finished and posted (published) soon. RAG

I respectfully disagree with those who are negative about this story. I connected with it on a personal level, and also as a writer here at Lit. I'd say there was good writing here, and good storytelling not like most of the shit that is posted here. There may be some problems that can be corrected or disputed but basically, it's good writing.

I didn't see the main character as a A-hole, but I saw him as a guy who was hard working who thought that he was providing for his family doing what it took to keep them happy, but they all turned on him for it.

I did get turned off with all the various "she's too attractive for him" comments that everyone kept throwing his way all the time. It wasn't just implied it was actually "said" to him at every turn. Not to mention that when she hooked up with another attractive man while she was married to him, everyone just accepted it because it was the way it was supposed to be.

But you need to let the poor guy have some dignity.

I mean when even his own secretary tells him basically the only way he's getting her into bed is if she's really drunk, doesn't know what she's doing, and even then it would be a one time thing, you need do something for him. Even I don't like him at this point.

You pretty much made him so unappealing that no one wants him currently.

Doug and the wife both needed their A**es kicked. If there is a problem in the marriage, it should be addressed before it gets to the point that this one got to. I don't have any empathy for a person, male or female, that attempts to bed either a husband or a wife. There are so many single people out there and more becomming legal every day, that you have to be a lowlife, arrogant, butt to seduce a spouse.

I'm not too high on sex outside of marriage either, but that is preferable to adultery.

I like what I have read so far and do not mind long stories as long as there is not a long delay in delivering. I have not read all 52 comments, so I may be repeating things. Clearly lack of communication expecially on HER part. Instead of telling her husband way sooner what particularly was wrong, she was telling a 28 year old boy who clearly had the hots for her all her problems instead of her husband. Yes he has not been an attentive husband, but why has she not earlier tried to help him look better, feel better, and be a better husband. Had she been a good wife, she would have done that. Not good in bed? then tell him and find ways to make it better. She is in fact at the moment being an unthinking bitch and he is responding to that instead of talking. But then, he may be right, she had almost made up her mind in the emails without ever, ever talking to him. While you are not totally original in plot, what I am enjoying is the characters and the conflict and the sympathy for the husband. He has not handled this well, but then her actions are in may ways worse than his. I am surprised that she has not figured out that he has read her emails, as he let slip some remarks about her relationship that would at least hint at his knowledge. And she is not ashamed of her actions. That is her denial. She does not see herself in the wrong -- it is all his fault.

He needs to get himself off his fat ass and exercise; he needs to either get another job with less demands, maybe even less money so he does not have to pay allimony - let her do it. He needs to reapair his relationship with his kids, though I suspect she has poisoned that wells already and he has not helped it by his refusal to call them. He is pouting and needs a freind in his corner as she clearly has many sympathetic allies who will assmume he is a bastard because they will only hear her side.

Please, please do not take days and days for the next chapter(s). I hate waiting on a good story. I like good stories with interesting characters.

A very good, well written story. Almost makes one sympathize with and think of lawyers as people, almost.

I like the story well enough, on its own.

I like the writing. It's far, far better than most of the drivel on this site. The characters are vivid, the situations well-defined.

The problems I have with the story are as follows:

1) Too many words to describe the relatively little action. Dialog goes on far too long.

2) The wife is just too nasty for my taste. She might be accurately drawn, but yuck...

3) (and this is the most important to me) Having read your other stories, they all seem to be rehashes of the same few themes. This was like reading Moment of Clarity again. I know that's not a fair way to judge this tale, but the similarities were too numerous.

This story could have been pruned, IMHO, by about forty percent without losing any of its effectiveness. Mmmm, maybe less, say, thirty. Twenty-five, final offer. But I take it you get my point.

I look forward to your next installment, and future stories.

After I finished sending the last comment, I realized one last thought: she did cheat. Not with sexual intimacy, but with something maybe worse: emotional intimacy. She claimed he was inatentive, yet what had she been doing for a year. Again, she had made no move to try to repair this situation and communicate clearly with him. In many ways, what she has been doing is far worse than what he did. The more I think about it, the more blame rest on her than on him. His actions are not admirable, but they are understandable in the heat of the moment. But hers were calculated and conscious intimaciess that he deserved, not Doug. Doug had done nothing to earn them. Bill had more than earned the right to her honesty and if they then divorced, fine. By golly, more and more, this seems to be her fault and less and less his. I hope you get him a great divorce shark and find him a friend or two to help him, because he needs this more than she ever will in all her denial and subterfuge.

I love all your stories. This one is a heart shocker. I could not wait for chapter 2. Please do not make us wait.

I would suggest you tie in the connection of Lance vs Bill that left me confused.

A second and third installation as well written would be a good read. Your story while not happy kept me entertained. Trim the menu references in the futre

This story is about a selfish, disgusting, whore with no morals, no love for her husband or kids, and all of her dicisions are based solely upon her own desires. She is simply scum. Seriously daniel is that a good description of you? Are you a walking ego like most of the women in your stories? Everytime I read one of your postings, the people are so pathetic, we're suppose to beleive that they've been married to 2 decades, but can't talk, can't even argue, can't speak their mind... Danielle, seriously, if you write this way because it is a reflection of your life, then STOP POSTING HERE, and spend your time fixing your life. If you're writing this way because you think something in this story is erotic ... you're just wrong. So tell, me please, what is the purpose of this story??

think i'm going to add you to my favorites list. law, sex, revenge, flawed characters...love it!

i don't care about typos, sentence structure, or any other bull that others may harp on, just entertain me. and you are doing just fine.

write on brother!

I personally like a long rad except in a stroke story, of which i read many!

Haven't read many comments yet but she was definitely cheating by giving and receiving emotional comfort from another than her husband without letting him (Bill) know she was needing attention.

"Lance" is a perfect scumbag for going after a married woman and intentionally inserting himself into the situation.

I am disappointed Bill didn't sue the university.

There is nothing lower than a lawyer unless it is a left wing liberal (progressive) college professor who thinks they are gods in their own eyes, and are entitled to anything they desire just for being there.

REMEMBER: THOSE WHO CAB DO. THOSE WHO CANT TEACH!

I am hoping that Bill gets copies of video tapes taken by several different third parties at the Gala showing the evidence of what Doug and Debbie were like. I think Debbie needs to see from a series of different angles, over and over again, how "faithful" she was being to her husband. Most people are not able to have the ability to look at their own actions. Bill got to see that in the first chapter, when he read the e-mails. I agreee with several other comments that Bill seems to be only reacting to Debbie's actions, but I think this is a great setup for a multiple chapter story.

...of a well written story which as Sir Harold has pointed out fails to explain rationally or with ANY set-up some of the plot devices used. THIS is my problem with long stories on lit. It takes enormous forethought and predetermination to develop characters. But it has to be done if in a long story and it was not done here.The author writes well, has good ideas and is a BLESSING to this sight, make no mistake about that. That doesn't sanction the effusive outpouring of accolades from some quarters. HDK concentrates on the positive. Good. The negative seems to be overlooked by almost everyone, though in addition to HIV Jason H hits some cogent points. My problem is why??? Very little dissemination of her transitioning feeling, or any anecdotal evidence.I guess fodder for chapt. 2 but why wait? The Kids? Very few D.A.'s have children who have no respect for them.Bald or not. All this stuff adds up to me not knowing who's (if any) side to "take". Which matters in a story where the narrative is first person. If this was third person than I could hate all comers and enjoy the machinations, but by virtue of the style we are forced to engage.

From a female prespective i have every right to expect my feelings with my better half but in the case that the better half is too busy watching TV and eating unhealthy foods inspite of my advice then I should have the right to share my feelings with a friend

Wasnt the man cheating on his wife maybe not with another women but he was cheating with his wife by hif preference to his jon and his tv and please dont give me the excuse that she could have helped him get over it

God this story is fucking depressing. Good writting and I could connect with the characters. But damn I'm tired of the angst husband/cuckold story. I'd actually like to see a happy ending for the husband at some point. Other than that you have great characterization skills and good development. Lighten the story up a bit, give the main character some happiness and it'll be a better story.

I couldn't put it down! Even though the story is strong enough to stand on its' own, please give us some more of it.

Though the husband has serious faults, I really feel much of what is happening to him is unjust. I would like to see the kid's characters developed some as their execrable behavior towards their father seems to have gone unexplained so far.

In any case thanks for a great read, and please continue to write for us.

Bill should produce the emails. These letters so from the start how Debbie and Doug's affair began and progressed. Debbie difinitely took her mentoring position well beyond its purpose and violated policy at any college/university or high school for that matter. In the next chapter, Bill needs to use his bulldog reputation to win back some respect from the family and let the kids and Debbie's parents see first hand what Debbie was doing all along. As for Doug, he will not last long at that private institution and Debbie was right in saying her chances for advancement were stopped that evening. Now she needs to see that by not talking to her husband about her feelings concerning their marriage back at the beginning will cost her now at the ending of the marriage.

Throughly depressing, but really well written.

You could be writing best selling novels if you wanted.

This is the most intense story since Wader wrote about John Conner and the FLCSB wife. I'd like to see this poor sob get his flabby middle aged ass in shape, take some self defense lessons, and get on with his life.

him about their problems, not Doug. Can't stand that narcissistic bitch. I hope Bill gets himself together and has her eating her emotionally cheating heart out.

Doug isn't a nice guy but an opportunist. I hope Debbie gets dumped on her ass by the creep.

Hurry up with chapter two. I want to see what steps Bill takes next in getting his life in order. He's a very interesting character.

It definitely is well written. It has to be because my emotions are going every which way. First I thought Bill is nuts not to stay in shape, especially with the brick shithouse he is married to. Too involved with his work and I could see how his wife reacted. The thing that turned the tide with me is her lying and her deception. Her not trying to sit down and have a long talk about how she really feels, just going out to bars and dressing up to dance and so on. Than those emails. She is smitten with a guy a decade younger and looks like a stud. I laugh as she still has no clue about the emails. There children needed a reality check but that time has come and gone long ago. Anyhow, nicely crafted story and looking forward to the next chapter.

Great beginning, although, as in your other stories, dark and slightly depressing! But your other stories ended at this point without further resolution, whereas in this one you are looking beyond just the disastrous breakup to what happens to the characters next.<br><P>

There seem to me to be a couple of points worth pondering here (Harry, this I posit for you): a lawyer's natural instincts are to hold onto information until the revelation of the materials will be most damaging to the opposing parties. And I liked Bill's fight, even though he was not winning, he showed the strength of his feelings about his wife and her emotional estrangement.<br><P>

With the additional chapters, Daniel also has the chance to follow up on the lives of the main characters. His wife may find that even for good looking ladies, there is a shortage of good men available - especially for women with children still in their care. Will Doug, with all of that young co-ed stuff out there want to be anchored to a woman more than 10 years older than he?<br><P>

And I'm reminded of a friend whose first two wives had left him as 'too dull, too steady, not exciting' (ala Bill's wife). His third wife knew both of them, and confided in me, that they had, after discovering the reality of the world, told her that leaving him had been the biggest mistake of their lives. They are both living solitary lives, while he and wife #3 (who likes a steady, nice, loving guy) were together, enjoying their retirement, comforts and companions to each other<br><p>

So — DQ — Carry on! You are getting everyone thinking, and we wait for your next chapter!

It was pretty obvious to me that Bill wasn't happy in his marriage. When mine started to unravel I at least tried for a few months before I realised that there really wasn't anything there worth saving. He came to that realisation very quickly. Debbie was probably more dishonest with herself than she was with Bill. It seemed apparent even in her early emails with Doug that she knew exactly where things would end up...but she was in denial, clinging to some faint moral belief that she was still a 'good wife'. Although you could argue proportions, both had made substantial contributions to the demise of their marriage.

Doug was just an opportunistic pussy hound. Like an animal, he could sense the weakness and played 'the nice guy' to perfection. Debbie probably saw it and knew it but talked herself out of believing it. It was nice to see Bill hit some moral high ground at the end while sorting out things with the Dean. He just wanted honesty, and once he finally got some out of his wife, that gave him his closure.

There were a lot of things in here that resonated with me. I found the same irony as Bill in that once he found his freedom, he realised he didn't have a friend to enjoy it with. Good lesson there, people!

Looking forward to chapter two. One suggestion I'd like to make...after doing the honourable thing and playing house with Debbie, perhaps Doug finds Debbie's daughter Kelly too delicious to ignore. Those hard young bodies are hard to ignore...and karma really is a bitch!

When you got down to describing the husband, I felt a catch in my throat because it might as well have been me you were describing. I was never married and have no children, but I steadily felt less attractive to my girlfriend, consequently less attracted to her, and sadder and sadder in bed with her. The poor body, the poorly sized organ, the lack of stamina, all of those described me. The big thing is that I never DID feel the wife was cheating. She was asking for help from a friend and telling him about her fantasies, but as far as I could tell neither of them did anything except talk. The husband cut his own heart out with a spoon and he will have a very rocky road ahead of him. It will be interesting to see if anyone does decide to like him and romance him. I could not see that happening to me unless it was someone looking to exploit me. I hope something better happens to him, and something MUCH better happens to his wife, who seems to be catching all of his pent-up anger and rage at a variety of sources in one big ole wallop.

You hit a home run on this one judging from all of the comments thus far. I kind of agree that the Husband gave up on things a bit easily, but probably did not really have a choice given his Wife's feelings. I suspect the next chapters (when they arrive) will show a divorced Wife who has aged and is no longer so hot. Maybe a Wife that regrets her actions even though she had not slept with the young potential lover. Lots of opportunity for the kids to have problems, because the hints are there that both parents have been ignoring the two teenagers because of their careers.

I don't really feel sorry for the husband, but he is an interesting character and frankly I like how he handled things so far. He realized he could not win the fight for his Wife, so he neatly embarassed both of them and torpedoed the young professors career in the process.

You think the wife did NOT really cheat?

tell ya what.... YOU take that same conversation from the emails and show it to any 10,000 married folks in the USA and see if even 5 of them agree with you...

YES the husband has been Ignoring the Marriage.

Yes he has been ignoring a hot wife who clearly likes to flirt.

Yes he has let himself go through too Much WORK.

Yes It is perfectly OK for the Wife to fall OIUT OF LOVE with the husband.

BUT... working too Much in a job that supports HER life and the Kids

is NOT the same thing as CHEATING.

It maybe neglect and Maybe the Husband is too stupid to see it... But he is NOT cheating on the Marriage.

ONLY the wife is.

and the thing is this..... there is NO way to get around that

The writing was good but I have issues with certain inconsistencies and implausibilities in the plot. For example, our "hero" Bill, at the end of the story, is ready to deliver the closing arguments that might put a sailor on death row for shaking his child to death. But Bill was just beaten up by Doug, including lots of blood, a broken nose, and all the rest. His face would be swollen, full of stitches, and certainly not one to capture the respect and attention of the jury. Any jury member who might look at his face would be too distracted to pay attention to the summation.

This particular reader might be more sympathetic if Bill at least tried to sincerely talk to his wife Debbie (rather than being sarcastic). He had not read the emails at the start of all this; if he had, one could understand his feelings that it was too late to try. But he did not know this at first. He just sensed his wife was not telling the truth. Instead of talking to her, he leveled accusations without proof, something a careful prosecutor would never do.

Debbie has obviously been emotionally cheating for a long time. Why didn't she talk with him when things started getting bad between them? Simply asking him to go to the gym with her is not a substitute for having a frank discussion or three. Instead, she did it the sneaky, clandestine way -- she confided in, and became emotionally close to, a male friend at work. She obviously has no gratitude for Bill's hard work and financial support of his family.

Bill was pretty dumb to commit assault and battery in public -- he knows better. With careful, skillful words, he could have enticed young, hot-headed Doug to assault him first. Just some insults and curses towards his soon-to-be-ex wife might have done the trick. And prosecutors know to be prepared. Don't get into a fistfight with someone if you lack an edge -- pretty foolish, if you ask me.

Last but not least, our "hero" should have sought counseling for himself; after all, he has suffered quite a loss both physically and emotionally. It's as if he is fighting all his battles by himself, and doing badly. And why has he waited so long to consult a divorce attorney? He knew it was over, yet he did nothing.

If our hero Bill is going to remain a main character, then it's time he began changing into someone else, someone he can like and respect (it's clear he has lost his self-esteem as a man based on his behavior). Hopefully the next chapter will show he possesses such qualities as-to truly make him a man.

Well thought out and presented. Looking forward to more. Similar type of emotional transfer happened in my marriage. She was willing to tell someone else and draw close but not tell me to help save us. As a result it became all my fault by default.Too bad because others were hurt with us.

Can't wait for chapter 2. You are a really excellent writer.

Good story. ... Please continue, revenge of a good life for our hero would be great, misery and shit happens for the whore wife, but after her huge remorse we could have our hero take her back. Lover boy can end up in a wood chipper or a sharks belly too!

Very well written and a lot of interesting characters in this story.

Thanks for the good read, and I hope to see the next chapter soon.

Thanks for the story, I love the way it twists and turns.

Can't wait for chapter 2.

C

I'd love to see Dougie's life and career go down the drain for messing with a married woman. He's just another opportunist.

Great start, hope next chapters come out soon. Thanks for sharing.

your male characters - in all your stories - somehow leave me unsatisfied, as a male heterosexual READER, that is.

Reading between your lines I get the feeling that what women really want is a caveman, who pulls them by their hair into their abode to ravish them.

Your men seem to recognize their own shortcomings but fail to react on them. And yet, somehow again (bad style, I know) I feel this is not what you want to portrait. Call it male intuition.

I really enjoyed this and look forward to the next chapter. Thanks.

Well written, full of interesting characters and now the story can go in a dozen different directions. I just hope this does not drag on for months.

Chapter 1 is great. got me wanting to read chapter 2, NOW! LOL. anyway, for a fairly new author in this site, you certainly have quite a following. very impressive.

It has occurred to me that at the end of the fight scene at the college, their eyes met and "a look of surprise and another emotion I did not recognize were there". I'm sure that this emotion will be explained in the future chapters, but I would surmise that it was regret. She had already made her decision but never expected that Bill cared enough that he would fight for her. Doug was fighting to claim her, but Bill was fighting to keep her. She never gave Bill a chance because she did not want to believe that he would actually be so chivalrous as to fight what she considered a superior foe for her. I can't quite see where the academics in attendance could view Bill as a laughing stock, unless they are uncomfortable with their own cowardice or lack of moral fiber. I am certain that Bill's children will continue with their attitude towards him if the happenings at the event are kept from them. They will eventually find out about it, and it will be most interesting to see how they view their father after that revelation. I also find it quite amusing that Doug uses the email address Lancelot, one of the most famous bretrayers in history.

to me seems unjustified to the point of her hiding behind it. Bill is guilty of unintended oblivious ignorance of what's happening with his marriage. Debbie is a hot, talented, self-centered wife who should have at least talked to her husband about her feelings and relationship problems instead of confiding with a suitor. This intimate betrayal in turn leads eventualy to the physical, sexual betrayal. I know this pattern well, having learned it from 2 of my 3 marriages. I wish I had done what Bill did to confront Debbie, to literally fight for his wife. Debbie leaves me cold. Maybe Chapter 2 will give better understanding of her view other than email (... or not). Looking forward to it! Thank you for a great read!

and even more impressed with the story. I didn't like it, but it's great writing. I do feel sympathy for the husband. You gave us a real insight into his character with the scene where the son showed him no respect. He came from a coal mining family and from a culture where the man's job was to support his family, even at the cost of his health and in constant danger.

Yes, he's smart, but he's also loyal... and I don't think his gut can understand disloyalty. I can admire him in a Willy Loman sort of way, but I hated absolutely hated that play too.

We as a society are re-defining the roles of men and women. I'm not sure we're getting it right. We have 5,000 years of wisdom that says we're not, but reproductive freedom does create some basic social changes. I'm not sure it changes the nature of males and females.

This story is a classic case of the woman not putting real value in the character of her husband, and hasn't for many years. I grew up in a Navy family, and my father was gone a great deal of the time. It would have been easy to think he didn't care for us or resent the fact that clearly his job came first. I never thought that for an instant because my mother made sure that we were proud of my father and how important his job was for everyone.

Society has changed, but the poet still has it right:

"To Lucasta, Going to the Wars"

TELL me not, sweet, I am unkind

That from nunnery

Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind,

To war and arms I fly.

True, a mew mistress now I chase,

The first foe in the field;

And with a stronger faith embrace

A sword, a horse, a shield.

Yet this inconstancy is such

As you too shall adore;

I could not love thee, dear, so much,

Loved I not honor more.

Richard Lovelace

That she didn't support her husband in his "wars" was the ultimate slander to her children. He wasn't just "a good lawyer" he was a linchpin in the war to keep the good people safe from the human animals. He was doing a job that should have earned him the respect from his family, and not just his peers... who did respect him.

Then there's the whole "he's letting himself go to seed." I've been married for 41 years, and neither of us look like we did at 30. Still, I look a lot better than I would have if my wife hadn't made it her business to care for me. We don't see any of that care being give to this poor husband.

What we have is a man doing his best, but it's not good enough for his wife. Well that happens and it happens all too often, and society suffers as much as the the family does. I have no more sympathy for her than I'd have if he'd accepted her disregard of her looks (which is probably a more common complaint... we men seem to put more value on looks and trophy wives are far more common that boy toys)

Now having gone on far to long I have to say I do hope that the second chapter isn't more of the same. The woman, is a villain and the husband deserves better... but he loves her! It really doesn't matter if he finds a great second wife... the undeserved failure of his first marriage will always remain a dark place in his soul. It doesn't matter if wifey hooks up with a nice boy toy she will come to understand her role in a tragedy and it will be a blight that she can never cover with subsequent make-up.

I do look forward to reading the next chapter, but I hope it carries a better message than this first one. The writer shows real talent, publishable talent, but people don't like to read downers... and this one is a like that guide who took one too many steps back at the cliffs of Moher a few years ago.

Daniel has proven to be one of the top couple of story tellers in our humble genre. I find it interesting that, even though we root for Bill as we always do in these stories, Debbie really has very little to feel guilty about if we really look at it objectively. Don't get me wrong...she definitely SHOULD feel guilty, but it's not cut and dried as with so many of these stories. Obviously we may learn more. We'll see.......

I'm exhasted from the experience of just reading.

I'll look forward to enjoying more of your great imagingation at work.

Great effort, well recieved by this reader! Thanks for sharing your hard work.

xtremedd

this story is a great success. Would a writer prefer to win some award or sell millions of copies? The number of comments speaks to the success of this effort. Q has done his job and I thank him for it. He has piqued the readers' interest and drawn us into the story and the characters. They are flawed, but don't most of us live and work with flawed people? That is the humanity in the story, as in life. I do not mean to imply that the score is not good, but rather that it matters less than the number of comments and the interest you have created. Excellent work.

Thanks DQS1 for a good story.

Well done how you had the wife character Debbie with the typical gulity complex-

1) Admit Nothing (It was a college meeting and the guy who dropped me off was a Friend)

2) Deny Everything (I never touched him, never kissed him. It was all taking place in that sick mind of yours)

3) Make Counteraccusations (..my husband suffers from mental problems. Namely an obsession that I have been unfaithful to him. It's all in his head.)

Look forward to part 2

Vietvet-you left out one part in your comment:

REMEMBER: THOSE WHO CAN DO.

THOSE WHO CANT TEACH!

..Those that can't teach-teach Phy Ed !

Where is chapter 2? Please hurry. Thanks.

An intriguing story reflecting the absence of key values in the characters. In each we see a growing awareness, but with dramatically different outcomes. Will be interesting to see how Bill deals with the apparent absence of youthful appreciation for a parent's plight - each of his kids seem lacking. Would he but continue to accept this as a feature of today's "modern" views of marriage and family? What of the absence of loyalty in Debbie? While his coal mining background obviously imbued one set of values, what drove her to such a vile mindset? And, yes, what this did to the kids - off the deep end beyond salvage, or yet to be redeemed?

Bill still seems abit impulsive and deliberately wreckless, and certainly doesn't mind stirring the pot.

Look forward to the next chapter(s). Good work!

Great to see the interest, including many from people who, of course, don't want to tell the author how he should have plotted it, designed the characters, made certain comments, "used the emails", then proceeded to do exactly what they said they didn't want to do. Then there are the usual few non-authors who insulted the author anyway for his... (insert reason) whilst ignoring the fact that they couldn't write to save their sanity and they have no business bitching about a fine story that has been crafted for the author's enjoyment in being able to present it to us, but also so we have a free read of something really worth reading.

Any established author on this site has inalienable rights to give constructive criticism to a fellow author's work, in the hope that they themselves will get the benefit of similar courtesy. People like me, registered only because some authors (rightly) do not like anonymous comments, should beware what their views reveal about themselves and their own rudeness or lack of ambition. I have no intention of being an author and I have no intention of writing demeaning, over-critical comments about someone else' story. If you can't say anything good, don't say too much.

Daniel, it IS just a story, but what a story. You never disappoint me with the quality of your imagination, nor your presentation. As HDK said, with this much feedback, who cares what kind it is. Like LOCATION in housing, FEEDBACK in writing, at least on this site, is all. It doesn’t take away the nastiness in some comments however.

I don't care about the characters in your stories, whether they are likable or not. What I do care about is the way your stories grab me and my emotions. I don't care about the fucking emails and when the existence will (if ever) be revealed, or about what would have been a better way to do this, that or the other. It's YOUR story, excellently and comprehensively presented as usual. Your negative critics (not authors - careful distinction here) couldn't hold a candle to your talents, otherwise they'd be writing away as I speak, trying to prove themselves better talents than you.

The news for them is, not many will be your equal, never mind better than you. You certainly have 'it' when it comes to drawing people in. This is a very worthy and believable story. I think people who concentrate on supposed flaws and plot holes ought to just read, digest and thoroughly enjoy this gem.

Thank you for this - can't wait for chapter 2.