All Comments on 'When We Were Married Ch. 03B'

Your progressing nicely along while I am stuck ... I can't help think he's going to come to some kind of grief somehow.

Your recap is just the way to lengthen the chapter. Plus repeating same thing Debbie told Bill jr. Do you wait for no of to cross some limit before you submit next chapter? Anyway nice chapter.

Keep writing the story and I will keep reading. Well done again for this story.

Doctors, Lawyers, President, Scientists or any responsible Officer do not qualify for good husband. Their wives are entitled to cheat. I told you. Husband who can to got Club and Parties with their wives and Don not let their wives Kiss younger guys in public, are not qualified to have hot wife.

You are trying to complete the picture on Debbie, and it just does not seem to make her any better. Even in her more lucid moments, she still does not seem to quite make it up to the level of human... (okay, I'll be charitable and say normal) I am waiting, and wondering whose voice Debbie is going to hear it from, the Dream Aunts voice or her mothers. But, one of them has to spell it out to her that Debbie is and has acted exactly as her Uncle Frank, no matter what justifications she tries to rationalize it with. I'm sure Frank had reasons for dumping Claire for a hotter younger woman... I wonder if the dream aunt will truly haunt Debbie.

Well, we can just wait and see...

Thanks DQS1

Gus

I Got A Bad Feeling About This! The story didn't end at a logical place, this means, as with most "whorror" stories, we still have a few demons lurking about. First demon is; It's all the husbands fault that his wife decided to become a slut! Most of these ball busting women writers like to make it the husbands fault, after all - he's a male! AND he had the unmitigated gall to marry the divine slut princess wife. Secondly; (in order to completely castrate the hapless hubby, and insult every guy with a functioning set of nads), he must be allowed to reconcile at all cost, then crawl back to the slut princess wife, who has graciously decided to give him another chance. Especially since she has grown bored with the current hunk du jour. She will even promise to let only him touch the "Golden Pussy" even though it has been hopelessly tainted, and stretched out of shape by her far superior (and much larger) lover. Hopefully our poor protagonist will have balls enough to get laid on the cruise ship and not wimp out because he is a needy sniveling, pathetic excuse of a man. You know the kind I mean, the ones most often found in ball busting, male bashing stories, eating cream pie after being repeatedly humiliated for nine or ten chapters, but just can't live without his slut bride no matter how cruelly she has treated him. Worst case scenario; the slut wife manages to stow away (sneak) on board the cruise ship and screw up his last chance to get lucky with a decent women, he is then forced into reconciliation for the same reasons mentioned previously. Any way you look at it, this story appears to be slowly (very slowly) heading down hill, and judging from this author's past history there will be no joy in mudville.

seemed to be a lot or fill in this chapter, so it was even shorter than it read. No matter how you slice her, Debbie always comes across as a shallow narcisist and focuses way too much energy on her own pleasure centres. Her conversation with BJ (and even those in previous chapters) are bizarrely concentrated on personal details that are far more intimate than the discussion requires. If this is insite into her personality (rather than writing style), then Bill is far better off without her. Style is great in the short term, but substance will stand through time. She's like a teernager trapped in a woman's body.

And zed...check out the profile...DQS1 is a male.

This story is really fantastic. We are getting more pieces of the the puzzle and the dosage is just perfect to keep the going fascinating. The good man doing the right thing vs a woman who can´t continue to support him. Both are conditioned by their past in different ways and it starts to look like a greek tragedy with a foreseeable, unavoidable and terrible conclusion. I suspect (and hope) that this will finally play out in the court room with all the main actors present. What will trigger that?

the gaps between posting exasperate but give time to think things over.

Thank you for this huge effort and the pleasure of a well written story!

Erik

When I began reading this 'chapter' it seemed to be an interlude, something necessary in longer works to reach for a change in direction without seeming stark. As I read more it became clear to me that the twice repeated story of Debbie and Bill's genesis and the shrink session followed by Debbbie's shrink session with her mother make up an important philosophical statement.

Love and hate are starkly opposed as is good - evil. Those elements exist in most worthwhile human relationships. What is far more difficult to portray with words, even understand as human, are the slightly off axis drifts away from sungular purpose and joined committment that is supposed to idealize marriage.

Marriage, we are taught to believe, is two people as one joined at hip and soul. At times that is true, the best of time, but not all times. I'll bet there were nights that Harriet Nelson turned Ozzie down because she damned sure didn't want to take a chance on having another one like the two boys she was raising. I win that bet because I'll make a parlay and say there were other nights she whispered something on the order of "wanna try for a girl this time".

Life is like that, good times, some not so good, some great, some awful, and most just days. Your story, DQS, reaches for some of these thoughts and considerations and that is what makes you a really good writer.

though not exactly an action sequence.

What the author is doing might be termed onion peeling. He just keeps reworking the story to add on more and more information and alternative interpretations. Great writing in IMOH but I am sure boring for those who want Superman to kick Doug's ass both on the field of battle and in the bed.

It is interesting that Doug is still hanging in there. His type should be consoling himself with some grad student. Thanks for spending your time on us, DQS1

liked this chapter Did it improve my opinion of Debbie ? NO She was a slut in collage and she still is she has very low self esteem and needs professional help she does not see it her mother tried to tell her but she just does not see it I do have some sympathy for her for being raped no woman should have that happen to them slut or not may be that is the root of her problems she just blames Bill yes he is partly to blame due to his insecurities but who could blame him ! she acted like woman on the make and he new it.

A couple of things that were unrealistic Why don't you guys just get a room?""We've got one. It's upstairs. In MY house." What mother would say that to her 14 year old son ? only a lunatic definitely not a good Mother. next But we're going to have to talk someday. We're going to be good divorced parents. she is dreaming there is no reason for them to talk she lost that right when she bad mouthed him with a guy she only new for less than a year. look the kids are 14 & 17 they have cell phones they communicate just fine with their father if the they were under 12 that would be a different story. where do I see the story going Bill is going to get laid on the Cruise will it change is life ? no but he will see is still a young man yes 42 is young not middle aged and hopefully he will find someone is worthy of is Love. and Debbie could find out Bill was the best thing that ever happened to her while she gets involved with One piece of trash after another like Doug ! One last thought after we know about Debbi's aunt Would her father support her ? I think not !

"

now he is into some kind of a reflective MENTAL jam. <p>

Doc, what did I do wrong to deserve this, he cried to the psychiatrist. <p>

Nothing, man, you just have to understand you have pushed your wife away into the arms of her colleague, that's all. We all make mistakes like that. <p>

You know, Doc, I wish she had just fallen out of love with me, first, before inviting someone to come and fuck her in our marriage bed, with my kids downstairs... <p>

Don't worry, Bill, she will get tire of her young colleague, and you will get her back, if you are determined enough... that is, if you don't go through with the divorce first. Don't do it, dude. Stick it out; she will get tired of her lover, this one, or the next, and will come calling... You just have to answer her calls, okay? <p>

I hope you're right, doc. I keep hoping against hope, that after all my neglect of her, of my kids, that they'd all forgive me and welcome me back, but I doubt my own hope, you know? I am so sad, angry, and torn over what I have done to my family, doc, y'know? <p>

I mean WTF is happening to this idiotic story, author?

Debbie is coming around slowly but surely, but that is the way it should be. An overnight transformation would not be believable. <P>

I was wondering how Bill was going to realize that a wife and family are more important than his job. Nice movement in that direction. <P>

I noticed the use of the pronoun "they" when referring to the assistant who would be checking Bill's luggage. Is the lovely Ms. Martinez going on that cruise also? I can only hope. That would be great, even if it all stays platonic.

Shouldn't have been married to a mild mannered guy like William Maitland and in fact shouldn't have been married at all to anyone. You could spend a night with a nymphomaniac but you'd be insane if you thought of spending the rest of the life married to one.

It is so obvious that these two still love each other, although Debbie is fivally showing cracks in her hard shell agaunst Bill. wouldent it be nice if Edwards throws in a surprise into the cruise trip by sending Myra,(his big busted secretary) along to comfort Bill. It would be funny for Deb to fund out and learn what it is like to have the shoe on the other foot. It also sounds like the kids are turning against asshole Doug. But I really want to know when Bill finally gets to beat the living shit out of Doug and win Debbie bak. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK;

I applaud the effort and talent that went into making this. I hope it doesn't go all pear shaped by the end, like some other stories by this same author. I hope the author is consulting with editors and friends to make sure the story comes out right.

I still see the wife as lacking. Right now, I don't see a lot of reason for the husband to want to get back with her. We're told that he still loves her, but why? Because she's beautiful and has big breasts, and they were married a lot of years and had children together? That's not enough, not enough to overcome the mean things she's said and done to him. We need to see more of what's good in her, how much she loves him, and why she deserves to be loved by him. Right now she seems selfish, shallow, and too focused on sex. No matter how much he was to blame, a reconciliation will suck if she's not worth going back to. Please give her more appeal, and I mean inner appeal, not just looks. I assume the story is heading towards a reconciliation, but I think that'll make the story more interesting, no matter what the end is.

Damn, Dallas must really hate Bill to put him an a French cruise ship.

I hope the cruise ship gives Bill a chance to get laid but the way this author is going with this story and his others this will probably end up just being a plot device so Bill can get a tan for when he gets home so Debbie can see how he's changed even more physically and appeal to her shallowness.

Do you think Edwards should send Myra on the cruise with him?

Loved the dialog with the shrink. Debbie is obviously starting to get a look at her long standing issues with men and her relationships with them. Bill is looking inward and we see how his childhood shaped him. Bill loves his wife, but I think deep down Debbie loves Debbie, or at least what the world sees and she desparately fears getting old.

I mean, com'on. Bill, [John Wayne], still marries the "biggest slut on campus"....knowing first hand that she was a gang banger and whore.

Twenty years later, an affair with "smug Doug" is really nothing...absolutely nothing compared to what Bill had to accept with her past. I picture Bill jr thinking...."shit, what mom told me about her life before dad....makes her a bigger whore than she is today...maybe there is hope for them to get together...I mean, if dad accepted the whoring mom did with hundreds of dicks...what's one more today'...better tell sis...she has a free card on whoring....lol.

So there you have it....what Debbie is doing now is no big thing....the real big thing is she told him..."I don't love you"....but she cares and wishes him well and when he hurts, she hurts.

My Take on the Storyline.................

Guys want Bill to have flings to get even. Debbie wants to talk to him. What better setting than the cruise.

Unbeknownst to Bill, Ms Martinez is also on board. And lo and behold...so is Debbie and Doug. Bill, still smarting...but now emotionally sober...he womanizes and beds Martinez and with every other woman on board and he gets lucky...very, very lucky....Debbie and Doug get into a bored routine. Doug wants to compete with Bill and attempts to seduce Martinez...and wants Debbie to understand....Whoa!!...Doug becomes Frank in Debbie's eyes.

But Bill doesn't give two shits as to what's going on...he is simply enjoying himself...socializing with splendid repartees, doing dry humping dances and, strangely, being the life of the party...esp with his knowledge and history of ships. He doesn't go to bed alone most nights or days.

Debbie side glances at Bill during the cruise and actually compares him to the shadow life she had built while she was married...and realizes how immoral and two-faced she was in her marraige. It dawns on her, her mom's advice that if she spoke to Bill while married, she and Bill could have lived her shadow life together outside her shadow and not have it one sided. What a glorious thought?

Now, Debbie is confused. Did she purposely create her shadow life because she was envious of Bill's success? Did she destroy her marriage because deep down...Bill was not a "Doug"or "Brad" and all the other men she thought she "could" control.

On the last evening, Doug, who was unlucky with Martinez, took his revenge on Bill by treating Debbie as a slut in front of everyone especially Bill. When Debbie complained about the treatment, Doug slapped her and called her a "cunt" available to anyone and everyone. Of course Bill comes to the rescue. He not only "slaps happy" Doug in front of everyone but yells at Debbie..."that he can't believe that this is the piece of shit she loved "while we were married?" He left a prouder, self esteemed man, ready to re-tackle the world. Debbie went to bed, sad, bruised and thankful with the thankful realization that she was at least married to Bill, a man above her station, for the 20 years together.

End of story?

.....5 years later, Bill and Debbie reunite at the funeral of Kelly.....their daughter....who did not have a "Bill" to save her from a gang rape gone wrong. She apparently used her "free card" to often. The killer was the boy who raped her in her teens. A rape that Debbie at the time thought was harmless and inconsequential compared to her own life. This boy set Kelly up for a gang bang to repay a debt to the boys. He was sent away for 12 years. He was butchered and castrated in the first month in jail. Killer unkown. Sources say that a DA called in a favour.

Life goes on.

So....we see a human and frail side to Bill, and anger in Debbie, but really not a lot more in character development. Debbie still seems to be a shallow selfish woman focused on her own needs and appearance. Perhaps I am missing something, but......Bill is still a flawed "hero" in my book, and Debbie is still a cheating self centered slut. For the most part I have liked the story....I really really like to hate Doug. You have a "hero", a slut, and a true villain....so what now So....can a flawed "hero" and a self centered slut find a common ground to at least talk to each other?

I don't know how you're going to play all of this out, however, I really have identified with the character of Bill and feel it would be great if he went on this cruise and hooked up with some rich French woman so that he could regain his self-worth. Let's face it, Debbie looks for the hunky bad boys and she will find one for herself without too much problem. If she had any real decency, she would beg Bill to forgive her and plead with him to come home. Bill has grown in this saga and ultimately, this has been good for him. Let him continue to grow and have someone come into his life.

"You are a too honest woman to lie, that is why I love you so much"

--Yeah but you can treat me like a shit in front of your lover and family and have guts to call me bastard after that.

"You are too honorable woman to leave me"

---But you can fuck your boyfriend for four years and risk your family for bigger cock.

"You love me, but you are not in love with me"

--Yes "LOVE " why not say HATE me so much that you have to humiliate me.

in DQS's Stories Standards are quite different,

Holly was smart woman, she realised she did not love her husband so if she fuck other man, it wont be cheating.

Caroline was also fine woman because she understand love more than her husband, and show him by cheating on him.

Mona was also smart woman, who shows her husband by fucking his best friend. She was not sorry for that. Because she was hurt.

So now Debbie is not Sorry for writing her feelings on a email, and typing Doug's email address in "To" field and by mistake pressing 'Send' and Repeating this mistake again and again. Kissing a guy in public and Choosing her lover over her husband. She is only sorry for not coming forward before doing so. She was not sorry for shaving for lover, but for lying to hubby.

These are honorable woman in DQS's Story. I think DQS in his life, only dealt with First class Slut as women. His definition of Best Mother is also different.

So I dont expect here Debbie to be proved wrong, Finallly it will all be Bill's Fault, Because he did not go to Party with him, He got punch from her lover in public, when he punched him, she kissed her lover, She went to Function telling her hubby he was not invited. This is all HIS fault. Well Done but wind it up.

I enjoy thinking about the characters and where they might go, however I want DQS to take it where he wants it to go.

To much analysis ruins the story for me, but I am reading the comments and some are right on, others left field.

W

Debbie is going to realize that she is "Frank" in her marriage and its her father that is going to point that out to her and then the ghost Aunt will hammer it home in her dreams.

Doug is going to end up becoming Debbie's rapists from her gangbang in her mind either by going after Debbie's daughter in some way (date rape drug?) or by trying to set up a farewell gangbang for Debbie without her knowledge with his friends before he leaves or gets pushed out of the picture.

I still don't see reconciliation. I think they will end up as friends with Bill becoming everything that Debbie wanted but just not with her.

No matter what I don't think I'm going to like how this all ends but I will keep reading till I find out.

Hugely disappointing. A few paragraphs worth of character development spread out in two chapters spanning almost 20 days. This is not good writing IMO. Sorry.

You're really stretching things with this whole 'angel of death' sequence. You didn't need to dedicate so much time on something which was just to build emotional turmoil in Bill. These last two chapters should have been one chapter at the most. I gave you a 4 on this anyways because technically your writing is pretty good even if the plot is floundering all over the place.

Joesephus used a cruise to work a reconciliation using the concept of grace. I do wonder if it this story building to reconciliation... if it is the time frame is way too short, and the problems way to big.

I don't mean the cheating, if it is really cheating... in her mind the marriage had been over for some time. No, the problem is that these people don't know or understand themselves. I think it natural for someone leaving a marriage to wonder if they're doing the right thing, but that doesn't make their decision wrong. They are both saying the marriage was based on the looks of the other. Any marriage based on something so shallow wouldn't have lasted much longer anyway.

I'm also having problems with the way the character Debbie keeps changing from bimbo back to thoughtful college professor. The anger over being married to "a fat slob" is a nice touch, the references to a close family member's suicide. We're seeing an attempt to make her a more complex character than in that one terrible chapter.

Then there's her refusal to acknowledge her role in letting her husband go soft. The fact that he's losing weight and working out shows that she had the power to make him "buff up." Perhaps that's part of why she was so struck when she saw him. Perhaps a friend could point that out to her. Nah, I still think her character was ruined by the scene with his lawyer... and it was made clear that it wasn't an isolated incident, it was part of her behavior pattern.

Still, what struck me in this chapter is the theological. I volunteer at a maximum-security prison and I'll never forget what one of the inmates told me. He was a professional killer, I have no idea how many people he'd killed but it was more than one. He said, "It wasn't God's will that those people get killed, it was mine. I wasn't God's tool, they were killed because of my free will." I guess it's the difference between Calvinism and Armianism, I'm the latter.

Anyway, at this point I think that the only way I could see a reconciliation is if Debbie gets a huge wake-up call. Perhaps he will meet a real babe on the cruise, someone who is her peer or better and who appreciates him for more than his looks... or his single "white knight" night.

Hmmmmm, let me think as I type... she married him for gratitude and never saw that he was worth marrying for himself. Gratitude has an expiration date, and she'd reached it? Now that she's made a choice based on appearances she's beginning to see that their relationship had more?

Nah, she's too shallow I mean there's the it's MY HOUSE when the son objects to having her lover... what a shallow unfit mother... and waiting until now telling her son that his father is someone to admire? Nope, her character isn't worthy of him. Regardless of whatever demons her past created the ONLY way she would be worthy is if DQ1 does something like what Joesephus did in several of his stories. She has to have an epiphany and make some basic changes to her values and character... and while a person can have "the scales fall from their eyes" in an instant, change isn't that fast. Even the guy who literally did have scales fall from his eyes needed at least three years to get his act together.

Hmmm rambles on a Sunday morning before I leave for church and still mourning yesterday's loss... I really thought we had a chance to make it to the semi-finals. Sigh, maybe next time.

and the development of the main characters involved in this story is very, very good and appealing....

Please continue with this story according to your rules, and not for the various input some readers suggest....

Lots of comments already! Nice to stir the pot. I think this is fairly well-written but DQS did not proof this as well as the other chapters. My favorite is, "He looked himself in his office . . . " (I assume it was meant to read, "He locked himself in his office . . . "). I don't know if there was an editor but if not, there should be; it might help even a good writer to write better.

Maybe I'm nit-picking because I was a bit disappointed in this sub-chapter (4/5). I don't see much action or advancement of the plot. OK, Bill has self-doubts about his job, his fucked-up marriage, himself. He's not the "Iceman" he thought he was. He's getting depressed over all that's going on in his life.

Dr. Teller put it correctly; his problems cannot be solved in 30 minutes of counseling. Bill clearly needs some professional help. But his boss is going about it in a bad way. Kicking Bill out of the office and making him take a cruise could actually precipitate suicide! Bill will see all the happy people around him which could actually drive him deeper into depression rather than help him.

I thought that Bill was trying to get his life back, going to the gym, getting into better shape, getting a better deal on the divorce settlement, even becoming more sensitive to those around him. Now his life gets fucked up even more. And for Debbie, well, it's all about her. DQS is making Bill less sympathetic (except I'm still sympathetic to him, LOL!), and, it seems, trying to make Deb more sympathetic. Probably this is to set up a reconciliation.

I don't believe that a character like Bill, who likes to be in control of his legal environment, would take shit from his boss as depicted in this chapter. Were I Bill, I would talk to the defense attorney who offered me a partnership and set up an escape (to a new job with big money!) so I could tell my boss to take his job and shove it, as they say. But Bill, who looked like he was hanging tough, a man who was unafraid to tackle the frat house when he risked his life for Debbie, is now going to lick his boss's ass to go on a cruise? Hard to swallow, that's for sure.

I hate to say this, because I've enjoyed the story until now. But it gets old when the same thing is repeated by both main characters -- it seems like filler to me, and I guess, to other readers. I'm hoping we see a wrap up of the story soon -- it's beginning to become stale as it stalls in a glassy sea of becalmed ships, French Windjammer Cruise Ships, that is. Seriously, please get the story moving again -- most of us are action-oriented and this chapter was really action-challenged. Thanks for writing.

I really can't tell. The fact that there are several new plot elements being introduced makes me think the former, but that means this is going to be quite long.

Anyway, quit recapping at the start of every chapter. These aren't stand alone works. If someone can't be assed to read up to now, then screw them.

I read all the inane comments here and realize you can't help but be influenced by it all. Some are great but some dissect out crap from out their own ass because I can't see where else their conclusion came from.

This is like watching a discussion over creation or the Bible. The FACT is, we won't know enough to make conclusions till you're finished. Imagine God, whoever's, making the Bible, Koran...creation/evolution...etc...an ongoing project, subject to criticism. On the face of it I'm sure plenty of these would want that power to influence, but without the facts only the originator has any idea of how screwed up things COULD be.

I'm enjoying this journey though I am impatient for more; more often.

I know, could you just quit your job, life and home life so you can make the time to write? I'd be happy to pay my share...

Keep it up! I really enjoy it, all of it.

i got carried away. i noticed that i was at the end when the 'next' button didnt do anything. LOL.

Plot? right now, dont really care. you are writing something that got my attention. and i'm really enjoying reading this series. great job.

of the readership here is not immutable, as some of the impatient and undiscerning remarks here expose. You are doing a fine job of making sense of "deb", and at the same time allowing the many dimensions to a seemingly one-dimensional man come to light. Despite what some rant, it should be blatantly obvious to even the most handicapped of readers that the stage for Bill's transcendence and Deb's harsh fall from grace is now prepared, if that is to be written indeed. You've done a fine job of not writing yourself into a corner with that as well. I too wish for more words posted with greater alacrity but other than to implore you what can a non-writing reader say. That was a nice slice of realism to have Deb be the impetus for the revelation of Bill's true qualities to the kids. Next might be the revelation of Deb's true qualities? Maybe daughter shows as the budding slut-shallow self -loather that mom is? I'd love to see you write about her talking to dad re: Frank, and get the comeuppance of her life when he say's she'd be the one he'd come gunning for if the roles were reversed.

Life is not good for Bill Maitland at this stage. The Charles Bingham Case and the media backlash to it PLUS the soon to be official divorce (which I get the impression neither one of them really wants now). I'd like to see Debbie and Bill attempt a continuation of the marriage [sans divorce] though this seems unlikely to happen).

Perhaps Edwards has arranged to have Debbie on board the cruise ship that Bill will be on (wishful thinking on my part). I feel that at the very least Debbie needs to help Bill now that he needs her much as Bill helped Debbie back those many years at the frat house at the University of Florida when she needed him.

Edwards and Bill have worked well together for 5 years. Austin Edwards has indicated that he plans to run for governor soon and have Bill take his place in the attorney generals office (Chapter 2B). I would assume that that would make Bill Maitland the State Attorney General. Bill made the correct decision in the Charles Bingham Case, it is what Edwards expects of him, and what Lew Walters said to Debbie (Chapter 2D): viz., that Bill always make the right decision in cases and that's why he's the second in commend at the courthouse.

go on a trip get laid a lot....come back n take a job in another state...oh yes n sue your wifes lover n the school they both work at...then like her find all the lovers you can...shoot dont even move that way youll have more lovers to choose from...with that an constant exercise he will be in shape again....better shape than his wife n her lover...maybe he can even beat him up before he puts his sorry ass in jail for attemted bodily harm...no matter that it was his body beat up....and oh yes send the ex wife pics of all your lovers....oh n dont he need to cfatch up with all the lovers shes had....maybe one day after hes fucked a cpl hundred other women they can then be equal...but no not after this can he ever take the bitch back....maybe toss her a pity fuck occasionally....id say yes debbie should fuck ex at least a few times a year...after all will anyone ever want to marry a whore like her...or as usual just fuck her which is the kind of sex she should get till the day she dies

Gee, I forgot to comment on the story...

To paraphrase Teller.....this story [cigar] is just a story [cigar].

To Debbie re: Doug ...this cock [cigar] is just a cock [cigar].

To Bill re: Debbie....this cunt[cigar] is just a cunt [cigar].

To DQS1....this author [cigar] is not an author [cigar] but a waste of a good smoke.

Image is a noun. You still need someone to go through your story before you post it to check for spelling mistakes. Spell checker won't help, because these are all valid spellings, just not the right words within the context.

The end of this chapter with our hero resisting a vacation is overly long by about 5 paragraphs. Opposing a week's vacation even as an order from the boss does not ring true. Specially after he has had all these thoughts and doubts, after visiting the resident shrink. It would have rung more true for him to thing he needed a break to try to make sense of his life. You have characterized our hero as an intelligent person, the last few paragraphs make him out to be a person refusing to accept reality and refusing to accept a direct command.

I won't criticize anything else, this is your story. You are slowly pointing the way out for Deb the wife to find out why she is what she is, what she has wanted and why her husband has never been the perfect husband for her in her mind. You've implied that with both her and Bill's thoughts (about the other shoe dropping). You might perhaps find her accepting that life is not so bad after all, that Bill is the best husband that she could have had. But Bill won't take her back as she is not the best and never will be the best kind of wife for him. After devoting himself to the good of others, he will realize he needs some of that caring for himself. Who knows were this will end?

You should consider getting this continuing piece published in book form. Too good for just Literotica

Just read the second part of Warts & ALL by itmgr2010 on SOL.

Puts DQS1 to shame....that an author can condense a powerful story in two chapters... and say it all...no pyschobabble, dream sequences and ...gosh...completed on time.

There is a story about Charles Dickens...that he was paid by the word and so he serialized ad infinitum [forever]....what is DQS1's excuse....he doesn't get paid...I think.

He's not going to go off and forget his life in a sea of pussy - that's kind of the point. His wife is having her mid-life crisis, throwing away all that she had for an illusion of her youth - and is already realizing that it wasn't worth the cost. He'll go off on his forced cruise and try not to think, while she will continue to realize the incredible mess she's made of her formerly stable-but-unexciting life. Bill is still lashing out at the rest of the world - specifically the parts of it that he feels deserve it, but without the restraint or empathy he used to have. Now he truly is an angel of death, and his "salvation" will only come when he forgives her and lets go of her, or takes her back. I'm betting on him letting go, but it's obvious how deep his feelings run,

“Detective XYZ, you solved the case of Doug Becker from the gutter.”

“Yes, I’m very proud of myself, and my dog, my wife, my two kids, my asshole neighbor.”

“What they have to do with this case?”

“They inspired me…long story short, I’m very proud.”

“Ok, will you please explain the viewers what exactly happened, and did Doug Becker give his statement?”

“Yes, he did, I’ll let you know what happened, but before that, I’ll like to say something.”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Mattie, daddy’s on TV, tell you classmate, your daddy’s a hero, and tell mommy daddy will be late.”

“Ok Detective XYZ, the Doug Becker from the gutter case…”

“Yeah, yeah I’m coming to it, this is what happened ----

There was a party I hope at UNF one night and this Doug Becker came with a guy – he was on the football team and I heard that Doug was crazy about him. He invited him and there was a lot of alcohol and pot and some cocaine. Anyway, Doug was stoned and out of it and they started making out. Doug didn't know too much about what was going on except that he liked it.

Somebody pulled Brad, his boyfriend, off of him and Doug wanted to yell at them for disturbing them but he couldn't make much noise by then he couldn't talk....because...his mouth was full...."

"Someone pulled...the guy...on Doug away...and he heard thuds and people yelling and then there wasn't' anybody near him and he opened his eyes. It was dark in the room but he was on a cot...naked. He didn't know what was going on except....they'd been having him...everywhere...he was sore and starting to hurt. There was a light coming from outside. He was in some small room.

Doug was gangbanged repeatedly till the guys didn’t have any cum in their furnace. They fucked Err….Raped him for two consecutive days, and when his anus started to stink, they picked him up and threw in the gutter.

“One of the guys said that Doug loved sucking dicks…I wish I could check that one. That’s it. Doug, I think may not survive.”

“Ok, thanks Detective XYZ for talking to us.”

“Anytime, I’ve few more cases coming up, I’ll give you a call when DQS submits his next chapter.”

“Sure.”

I find myself following this story and looking forward to the next chapter. I'm not sure if the tease is deliberate or just how the author feels the story unfolds. The problem with a tease is that eventually you have to deliver or the whole thing gets flushed in disgust. I still think it is being developed too slowly. Points are being repeated, to what purpose I am not sure. I liked the psychologist scene. He wasn't the common moron we see in so many stories. He mostly listened and honestly admitted he didn't have any answers. Bill has to answer his own questions. Further, Bill explained a potent truth. Sometimes people have to step up and do hard things because it's the right thing to do. The people who step up aren't always recognized as doing good deeds. Sometimes they are killed, like his father, or vilified, like him. The short lesson is Life isn't Always Fair. You chose what to do because of the person you are and what you believe in, NOT because of the rewards of doing it. And sometimes you get shit for it. I'm not sure where Deb is going as a character. She has a bunch of flaws but one I don't blame her for is being unhappy in her marriage. She majorly screwed up what she chose to do about it but Bill was an absent husband and she had every right to want more. If he couldn't deliver they should have gotten divorced and moved on. Life isn't always fair and people often grow apart. Bill recognizes correctly that Deb may have had an appreciation fro him as her rescuer in their college days. That may have been an insufficient foundation to build their life on. Deb seems to waffle between being a self centered slut to a thoughtful almost ex-wife. I'm getting whiplash. Who is she really? Her reversals do not make sense. The author seems to want to develop both sides of the character to what purpose I'm not sure. But the two sides of Deb are too incompatible to coexist. They don't fit into one person so they don't feel right. She feels like an artificial person built to fit the story rather than the story evolving from a realistic character. I'm not sure where you are going with the cruise. First it's too cliché. Next, it's running away from a political firestorm; NOT a good career move. It also makes it look like he made a mistake and is hiding from the fallout. Next, I agree with Bill, you want me to go to a place where i have nothing to do but stew in the mess that my life is in right now. Thanks a lot. I guess I'll wait to see how it works out but I'm not optimistic. I'm really looking forward to a big finish to the series (Like when we were waiting for the 6th Star Wars episode) so I hope I'm not disappointed.

It appears that Debbie's image of herself, her sense of her own worth is, and has always been, determined by the physical appearance of the stud who is sticking his prick into her. In college only jocks, frat boys, BMOC and the like got to screw her. <P>

As Bill became less and less physically desirable, even though he is at the apex of his career, she became more turned off by him even to the point where she could barely tolerate him touching her. Not exactly the formula for a successful marriage.<P>

Still nice to see. that when reminded of his heroic act, she can still be embarrassed or moved enough to cancel her fuck date with her lover, in Bill's bed.<P>

By the way, THANK YOU MOM! Nice to have someone who will tell Debbie the truth. What is she thinking? Doug is not, and was never meant to be, long term. So what is her end game? Find someone else who can give her great sex? That's it? For how long? Sorry I just don't get it.<P>

One last thing, do not, I repeat do not under any circumstances allow Debbie to go on the cruise!!!<P>

Thanks for sharing.

At first I thought this was going to be a cheating wife/revenge story, then a character study; I thought they would get back together, then no, I thought both character were sympathetic, then no, then I thought Bill was an ass, then this wife, then Doug. Now, you know what? I don't care. I just want this soap opera to be over.

The writing is good as a rule, the action sluggish, and the characters so multi-dimensional that there is effectively NO character. There is no real character shown other than Bill's dogged pursuit of the law, and not justice-the law and justice often have little to do with one another,

So how is this going to get resolved? Other posters have said that the characters obviously love one another but I no longer see any evidence of this. What is the purpose?

I like the authors stories in general and the fact that he has his own story "universe" is topped only by Patricia51's. But there it ends.

Keep writing but place a light at the end of this tunnel, dude!

Regards,

Chagrined

and over done. Bill needs his time alone.

Debbie telling Bill Jr about his Dad saving her from a gangbang…"That's the kind of man your father is. He might not have been the world's best father, he damn sure wasn't the best husband, but he was and is a good man."

An interesting reply from the son Bill Jr. would have been “..Wow Mom you mean Dad risked his life to save you, Dad was put in a coma saving you, and you repaid Dad by having an affair, humiliating Dad privately and professionally, and then bringing your lover into Dads house and his bedroom and bed? I guess no good deed does go unpunished. If you loved Dad and did that to him –I am worried because you say you love Kelly and I-then what is in store for her and I with your idea of LOVE? Gee Mom what next are you going do- pull some wings off flies, head out to the backyard to burn ants with a magnifying glass? We could head down to the animal shelter-I am sure there are some kittens and puppies you could gas-or would you prefer to torture them first?

If DQS1 is trying to get some sympathy for Debbie with the rape past-it actually makes her look worse as far as the betrayal goes in her children’s eyes. At least if her kids have any souls. Hearing boring old Dad had taken a stand when it counted vs. Mom and her actions when it counted speak volumes.

Thanks again for the read!

Did we need to hear from Debbie about how Bill saved her during the gang rape, and then hear it again from Bill talking to the Doc? We learned more about Debbie, and that was good, but overall the story seems to be going sideways. Still excellent writing, though.

I am NOT against Reconciliation per se but based on what I have read in this chapter ??? ....NO fucking way. What is STRIKING in this chapter are TWO things:

FIRST Bill is Now arguing within himself and with the shrink... the very same questions ALL of us have been arguing and debating about for weeks........ how much has Bill's actions contributed to the break up of his marriage?

SECOND debbie is NOT growing at all and is a fucking nut case.

THE SCENE WITH THE 14 EAR OLD SON .... way too many of you are missing the BIGGER issue. Sure having Doug over and screwing upstairs in what was formerly the marriage bed is BAD and disruptive and possible damaging for the kids.

BUT there is a BIGGER issue. Debbie TOTALLY missed what her son was telling her . The son is NOT saying Mom stop fucking Doug. He is asking if they get a Motel room . He is telling his Mom that he is bothered by all the screwing in what was formerly Dad and Mom's bedroom.

this is very reasonable concern from a young Teens Point of veiw.

**** Yet Debbie thinks that going to the Motel... is UNREASONABLE.****

WOW... I mean fucking wow.

CONVERSATION WITH HER MOM... arent I entitled to happiness? arent I ENRITLED to having great sex ?

who the fuck actually says that? Debbie knows and actually recognizes the rage in her voice about BILL . She admits that:

Bill is Nothing like Frank

Bill has done nothing to deserve it

She doesnt know where the rage and anger is coming from.

She doesnt know WHY she is hearing Clarise's voice in her dreams

but Noooooo debbie doesnt need professional help.

Bill on the other hand has changed his physical appearance dramatically.

Even before this chapter he spent time mulling over what he did wrong. and now that his case of ended Bill is in deep thought and retrospection.

*** On the other hand Debbie has not one time EVER admitted what she did was OR that maybe How she handle things was a Mistake ***

not ONE time.

I hope Bill and debbie do NOT meet on a cruise. but either way the issue is that Bill has handle this in manner very differently than Debbie. Bill is changing and growing.

as long as debbie keeps fucking Doug she CANNOT change and will not. That is NOT moving on. Thtat is NOT growing.

** ** Debbie seems to be thinking that if marrying the guy who saved me 17 years ago was a mistake I cant "fix it"... whatever that means ... by fucking Doug. ***

“If I can't believe in my job, and I have been a miserable failure as a husband and father, obviously, what do I have left?”

“Regardless, it's damaged you, thrown you off. I'm not sure you're going to be able to get back. You won't seek professional help. I know you were only with Teller for a few minutes and that's not long enough to do anything. So I'm just trying to get you away from all the crap in your life for a little while. Give yourself a little space.”

So, not only Bill thinks he may be cracking up, or due for a change, but also his boss has seen the potential writing on the wall. Despite the story cast’s likely futures as of the previous chapter, this throws a whole new curved ball into the mess. Bill may be lucky to survive – no matter what happens on the cruise he’s definitely damaged goods in the State Attorney’s eyes and may not now become the new State Attorney after the old one’s elevation. What Bill did is a definite no-no in any position of real responsibility. I’m not concerned here with morality or reasoning – merely politics and image. Aspiring to high office means NEVER making bad judgment calls. Keeping your cool is all.

SO, this becomes more interesting, not less. A powerful emotional chapter.

I'll keep my comments in reserved — still recovering from yesterday's loss.

~Kelly~

...that sometimes a dangling carrot is just a dangling carrot.

I found two issues that are not as much discussed as others and seem to me to be relevant to the story generally. 1) Stemming from Bill meeting with Dr. Teller. After he had described his life present and past, including how he met Debbie to Dr. Teller, Dr. Teller summed up Bill Maitland's marriage and his lack of attention to his wife and kids in the following sentence: "I know you don't want to hear this now, but there have been many men and many women who sacrificed their chances to have love in their lives, women and children to cherish, because they answered a call to duty. Everyone doesn't do that, most people can't, but the ones who can and do are special. I think you're one of those people, Mr. Maitland (from Chapter 03B).

2) Bill Maitland and Austin Edwards are very good friends and worked well together for 5 years. Edwards has a great appreciation of and a great deal of admiration for Bill because he (Bill) always seems to do the right things and comes to the correct conclusions. That's probably why he is getting the royal treatment of a 7 day luxury cruise on a French ship. Here's what Bill says in Chapter 02B about the deal that the he and Edwards had made: "The deal we had made a long time before was that I'd get him enough favorable publicity to fuel his run for Governor when the time was right, and in return I could basically do anything I wanted in terms of how I ran the office. It worked for me."

The comments are better than the story, and many are very good, but I am surprised that no one, not a single one has suggested what I think the ending should be. Think about it: Bill can’t change much without a big push of some kind – he’s sad, betrayed, concerned about doing his job properly, and worrying about his family with what little of himself he has left. Debbie can’t change without some big push – she needs Doug’s dick, hurts her children (what else would you call fucking her lover in their father’s bed), can’t get it together. So both need a BIG PUSH – a push that will allow Bill to give Doug what he deserves – a push that will destroy any confidence that Debbie has that she has done what she had to do in her life - bring her to her knees. The author has already laid the groundwork: Doug has hit on Kelly and Kelly has enjoyed teasing him. The right place, a little alcohol, and you have STATUTORY RAPE. Bill is at sea and Debbie is alone to face this really big problem without Bill - the man she needs most at this time. Bill can’t prosecute Doug but his Irish buddy can and Bill goes away for hard time. Debbie is finally beaten over the head with the enormity of what she has done. After that blow the author can let her change.

The characters are so cliche that reading this is painful rather than rewarding. I know some people are saying that they have grown and become more interesting, but I disagree. Even the huge conflict that Bill had regarding the case that has the media calling him the "Angel of Death" was cliche and telegraphed. I was positive that we'd discover that the surviving husband was haivng an affair long before it was revealed in the courtroom scene.

And WTF is up with the media? I mean they are anal-retentive shits at times, but how can anyone believe they'd call Bill the "Angel of Death"? First, he's a man and the media pretty much reserves the term Angel for women, and second it was one death. I could see them ripping into him for punishing an old man's act of mercy, but the nickname is bogus beyond belief.

But then again most of this story is over-written and forced. This story has disappointed me for a while because of that. I don't know the ending, and at this point I don't want to try to guess, but its clear that DQS has a planned ending and its going to shoehorn his characters and plot into the ending, even if he has to twist them into emotional and spiritual pretzels in the process. At this point the technical quality of the writing means little. DQS needs to give up on his planned ending and let the characters led him to the ending that makes sense, even if that destroys his cherished plan because the path he is on is giong to result in a bad ending for the story.

To all my fans and non fans: Boy did I have it wrong on the mother being the ghost. Right up until the author stated that the ghost was Debbie's aunt Clarisse, I still thought I was right. This just goes to show THAT WE, NONE OF US, WHO CRITIQUE THIS STORY KNOWS WHAT IS COMING NEXT.

To those who equate Debbie to Frank in this story, I must agree that is a very decrypt and valid analogy. Frank leaves Clarisse for a younger woman, Debbie leaves Bill for a younger "Dougie" with a bigger cock.

Now to jasonnh:

What the fuck story are you reading? Bill was not a absentee father. He was home most nights working and/or watching TV while waiting on Debbie, who was out whoring and slutting around, so he could have some time with her, which "SHE DID NOT WANT", AND AS FOR THE KIDS, THEY WERE AVOIDING bILL BY STAYONG IN THEIR ROOMS OR STAYING OUT AT THE NEIGHBOR KIDS HOUSE UNTIL LATE OR OVERNIGHT.

So I say unto you. GET IFF BILLS BACK AND READ THE STORY>

As for Bill running away from a political storm while on the cruise, BILL DID NOT WANT TO GO. He is not running anywhere. He was ordered to go by his boss in exchange for his job as a prosecutor.

Hopefully he will take the week and ruminate about his life and his future and return to take a private partnership and boot Debbie's ass and her kids, who think Bill is lower than low, and Dougie is their mother's great new lover, to the curb and while doing this leave the state of Florida never to return and leave Debbie "ET ALL" to their own devices and to sleep in the beds they have forged out of his love and hard work trying to build a better life for them.

As for those who are people of action and want the story to end quickly, try running a few laps around the neighborhood or go climb a mountain or go dig a latrine in a foreign country and leave the author DQS1 alone and let him continue his story in good time. It is not easy to write a story as I have learned as I am in the process of writing my first and will hopefully post sometime in the distant future if everything goes as it is now. IT AINT EASY> So I say to you again. LEAVE HIM ALONE AND LET HIM WRITE>

Thanks DQS1.

Tom

Debbie explaining her gangbang:

"I didn't know too much about what was going on EXCEPT I LIKED IT.

.....Somebody pulled Brad, my boyfriend, off of me and I would have yelled at them for disturbing us but I couldn't make much noise by then I couldn't talk....because...my mouth was full...."

Zebras do not change there stripes-once a slut always a slut.

I like the story, but it is so slow in coming out, that I am loseing interest. This is a story site, not a book site! You are a good writer, so write, lets get moving here!

An extremely well written and absorbing/informative and captivating story. I could see a few dozen chapters but I think we all would like to see an end...at least - in sight?

I still think he leaves the State for a partnership elsewhere. I don't think he is anywhere near wanting a relationship and certainly not with Debbie who, he really cares for but will not reconsider her, principles prevailing.

I think the kids go off to college and figure Mom & Dad out another day. I think Debbie begins to realize she married too quickly for wrong reasons but begins to realize she had a real man...too late and her life (as she faces growing older (alone) becomes very lonely...she should have forced Bill to listen to her, get help, get in shape and she should have realized he was a rare catch. End.

I think that this work of yours, and it is Your Work, is the best I have read, here. Those who have made critique are expressing that they might have taken the story in a different direction. However they are also expressing their admiration for Your Work. Just keep it up.

If you put that cheating whore on the cruise ship to facilitate a reconcilliation I will stop reading and when I see a new chapter will open to vote "0".

Thanks to the guy/gal that recommended itmgr2010 to read. Short quick reads but written well enough for their size and content. I still wish I could find some better Torch the bitch/revenge stories but I've read most of them and there doesn't seem to be alot of them out there or new ones being written and posted.

Reading some of the so very informed and opinionated readers comments has really been a highlight along with this much better than normal piece be given to us all for free here by this writer. I can"t believe how simple minded and shallow some are with their thoughts on wrong or right,..... who's to blame,........ don't go back or let her come back.

Doesn't seem like some of us out here think life can happen to them. This story seems to be based on a group of people that could be and probabaly has been some of our friends and/or family. I wish I didn't know people like this but I do. The only flaw to these sites is we as the reader have a hard time with the things that lead up to, and bring about over much time, the tragedy of losing ones family to something like this. The moms phone call and the shrinks half hour give us some insight into the fact that these 2 people have seriously lost there way, and as to how they are going about figuring that out for themselves.

They are not happier this way. The author has hinted often that these two souls need each other, that they have an unspecific connection to each other as some of us are lucky enough to have with our spouses. Debbie married down physically to put it bluntly. SO what? She knew it back when she did it. She loves this man. All the more reason for Bill to get off his ass sometimes (often) in the last 15+ yrs to keep that sparkle in her eyes directed at him.

Infidelity....... awful shit. Nothing much worse in a relationship in my view anyway. Bill didn't deserve (no one does) what he got. That is the weakness of these sites. The readers lack of ability to really know the characters earlier, before the shit hits the fan, and then the long wait between chapters by some authors. (Great writing though DQS.)

Didn't want them to make it back together. Now I do. I read that they do love each other. Maybe I'm reading wrong. Maybe they are both successful enough finally that they can realize as you are starting to bring into the story line the importance of the family that they temselves started, and the need to make that important for their kids and future grandkids. They've behaved horribly. Show us how people learn, catch on, and live to love again.

The Irish buddy is a defense attorney not a prosecutor.

You are as confused and “fuck-up” as Bill; and debbie. Oh my!!they are you!!

I agree with the commentator who said that Debbie married Bill our of graditude; but once her kids needed her less and less, her wanna be MS SLUt lifestyle resurfaced. Now why in the hell would Bill lower his moral standards to be a swinger to remaind married to her.

Please don’t have Bill go on a cruse paid for by the State. Are you nuts!! If he goes on a cruse he should pay for it. I mean, why destroy his reputation by having him use state funds for personal reasons. ft he intends to run for state attorny general he already will face an up hill battle because of the "Angel of Death" label.. Actually, I’d forgive you if you have him going into private.

Why in God’s name do you insist on Debbie giving her kids lessions on how to behave as a stud or a slut. There is a huge disconnect between what MONNY SAYS AS THE REASONS FOR DIVORVING DAD, AND HER ACTUAL BEHAVIOR. Are you going to keep the kids so brainwashed that they can't see what is before, particularly if the interact with dad and gained insights as to his behavior and future goals.

The story is great. I liked the back story. Bill deserves better than Debbie. I am liking Debbie less and less, but I would like to see her evolve from a self absorbed prima donna, into something worth caring about. In some way, I would like Debbie to temporarily lose her beauty, and force herself to examine her value to others without it, even it it is temporary. My suggestion would be breast cancer cured by a Lumpectomy with Neoadjuvant Chemotherapy (pre-removal therapy). Let her hair fall out, and become weak and feeble, and unable to keep food down, without Bill to be her steadfast support. My guess is that Doug drops out of the picture once Debbie takes a temporary turn for the worse.

On Bill, keep his mind working, I am enjoying the thought that he knows that he is partly responsible. I also want him to realize that he ended up worse by marring such a woman to begin with. I would like for him to get to the point that he feels that Debbie chose to put herself into the position she was in at the frat house. I want Bill to realise that he married a slut, a beautiful one, but a slut who was not deserving of the honor of marring him.

As some people have already said this is your story. I am also not a writer however I'm an avid reader and I love long reading (the longer - the better).

On the other hand I see you're loosing momentum. What I mean? Even though I like detailed character and situations development it works only when you have the whole writing in your hands (on your screen). When you do installment after installment you have to have thrill, suspense, unexpected turnovers. i.e. more action to keep readers "on their toes". You do this piece by piece posting chapters with just a few of even with none of the above 'ingredients' and the story becomes dragging and boring because we can't keep reading until we reach a point of satisfaction. I think this is the reason why some people are ready to quit reading.

Thanks for writing.

DQS,

Please, Don't Stop. Write Your story.

x

Never happen because you have built the hill too high.<P>

Our / your hero will fall from our reasonable grace [our respect for the story & you ] if he entertains reconciliation after her words and actions which still echo with disdain for him.

If you try to square peg this royally offended guy into a round ho wife or ex-wife you will lose credibility and our respect.

This bloody story gets worse. So yr gonna wrap it up with the dude going back to his wife cos shes fucked around as a result of getting raped 'before' they got together like years before??

What an insult to the readers on here that we would believe that shit.

If he was a hero by rescuing her when she was being raped and she dumps him cos he is out there working too hard for them and comes on to his friend Lew and fucks her colleague and now she remembers what a man he was?? FFS

and lynn gks you are close behind with your prognostications regarding the possible ending. If either of you were actually capable of reading someone else's story you might realize that divining the ending, or in idiot lazy loners case ASSERTING the ending to a story the author has fucking stated is not yet decided (and has blatantly written THAT WAY) plays very poorly even to this fairly linear crowd. Lynn obviously suffered some sort of male aggressive trauma at some point in life but lazy loner appears to be actively seeking "whip" status as the point (person?) for the annoying faction of lit readers that can't tolerate stories which don't constrict themselves to two or three simple pages of black and white retribution summation. Andy hardly is giving you a run for your money (Android?-have you actually read any Dickens or have you actually ever thought about what a writer in the 19th century had to do to FUCKING AFFORD FOOD, you stupid pinhead) but There is no valid argument for this story being cliche at all. I HATE cliche but this author is doing a decent job of avoiding that by way of all the plot inventions which most of you bozos seem to think are distracting and have no purpose. Did you dickheads even attend high school????

It appears that many writers of these comments see the world as black or white - All/none. A HUGE part of the writing is that the characters are complex - Just like REAL people. Debbie certainly has her flaws and more than an once of narcissism. Bill has NOT been emotionally available to his family most of the time.

The comments indicate a number of people apparently don't like the richness of the story telling. LIFE IS MESSY!!!

I'm enjoying the ride immensely. THANK YOU. drmike

The use of the psychiatrist/mother to get his and her inner thoughts was clever. While there is some repition in hearing the rape story twice from both perspectives, it helps to understand both characters. I like the development of both Bill and Debbie. I hope they arent on the cruise together but this is shaping up to reconciliation which I did not see before this chapter. I just hope Bill does not come out a loser like all of the other DQS husbands. This was the best section yet. Thank you for your effort!

To all of those who are now griping that the story is losing momentum, I'd just like to point out that you won't know that until it is actually over. This, the chapter that many complain adds little, may actually be giving us the information we need to understand the ultimate conclusion. It may be a set up for a different direction. It may be any number of things. The point is, though, that we don't yet know, and we won't really know how to judge this chapter until the whole story is over.

Thus, all of you being impatient and whining about how this story is too long, I strongly recommend you settle down and patiently await how the whole thing plays out. If you want five paragraph quickies, there are plenty of them on this site. DQS1 is writing a novel length story, and he warned all of this about that from the first moment. Because he is writing the novel in serial form--and thus hasn't finished the whole thing yet--it is obviously going to be a little looser and longer than if he'd written the entire story and pared it down at the end. Given the quality of his writing, though, and the fact that he's still garnering 70+ comments per posting, I'd say he's got us all hooked on where this whole thing is going.

Now I'm anxiously awaiting the next chapter just to see if Bill finally gets his bean snapped on the cruise ship. Frankly, I'm getting blue balls by proxy just reading this!!!

First let me say your character development is really good. You are taking everyone on a roller coaster ride of emotions that really is starting to engage everyone. When folks start off with "Well if it was me" or "I know what I'd do" then you know you've really reached them.

But having said that....

I had already seen what some of the others are just now seeing if you remember back by part 2B.

It still looks like you are still laying the ground work for an eventual reconciliation, but in the end I'm just guessing really about that too (^_^). That's not a bad thing, like I said before if that's your plans, but the readers are starting to dislike it more and more because of a few things:

- You made Bill more human.

That was a good thing. Before he didn't really seem like a nice guy. He was a jerk who put his job before his wife. But in this story you humanized him more. He let himself go not only because of his job, but he saw all the things his wife was doing at parties. He saw her letting other men take liberties with her, things that she should have never let them do, and in the end he quit fighting for her because she was reinforcing his fears that one day she would leave him for something better.

She might not have left him if he kept "fighting for her daily", but she was always feeding his base fears by feeding her ego that all men would do anything to get her her, and she wanted to enjoy all that attention before it was too late too.

- Turned Debbie from being the wronged spouse into the someone who always thought she was too good for Bill.

Even though Bill, by both their accounts almost died to save her, she never would have given him the time of day any other time. He just really wasn't her type. But she really always thought he was beneath her.

She always thought letting men feel her up, kiss her, maneuver her into situations where she could feed her ego by letting them press their dicks into her body to show how much they wanted her was no big thing. She never stopped doing any of these things for her husbands sake. Debbie enjoyed them so much why should she stop.

She expected her husband to continue to prove his love daily for her while she continued all kinds of things like this as something always due to her as something befitting her looks. Like if she were rich paying other to demean themselves for her amusement.

- But the worse was the eventual public humiliation of taking a lover, making out with him publicly, starting an emotional affair with him, moving him into her house before her divorce, and having wild sex with him on a regular basis in front of her kids. She knew what type of job her husband had and her needs far outweighed her decency to not humiliate someone who was so in the public eye so she could get what she wanted. That was a supreme act of selfishness in her character's development.

She wanted a man who fit her expectations and she got him and didn't really care how it made her current husband look or feel while she did this. That's something most readers aren't going to miss.

As it stands, Bill is a crushed individual that anyone can see. He always watched his wife play up to and flirt around on him all the time which small piece by piece tore him down, but he tried to disguise her doing that bu saying that his love for her let him pretend he didn't see it, but in the end he really did see it and it eventually stopped him from even trying to compete with all the other men she was giving liberties too, that she defended as always stopping just short of sex with them.

And she's publicly "still" trying to convince everyone he is the one who short changed "her" in the marriage primarily by letting himself go, which is a shallow reason at best.

If Bill and Debbie get back together, without Bill earning back the same amount of public dignity Debbie destroyed in him, not saying Debbie has to crawl back to him, but something that reaffirms that he's not a waste of human skin who publicly lost his extremely hot wife to a far better looking and younger man, then I really believe that most readers will dislike any other type of ending.

Because you will have him running back to get a larger helping of the same abuse from her. She'll still be getting just what she wanted and she will have used another man and duty free sex with that same other man to get her husband to do what she really wanted.

So far it's a good story with lots of emotions, but the ending is still up in the air (^_^)

-Risq

I love this story,even though every chapter brings tears. Thank you.

I agree with a previous commentator. At this point, I don't get the feeling that Debbie has grown or changed at all. She has some new feelings, but regret and apologies are not among them. She does not feel that Bill is sexy; she sees him as comfortable. Certainly he can't attract any competition for her!

Bill has grown considerably, but still sees himself basically as a eunuch. Now he is going on cruise. I do NOT want Debbie on that boat. I want Bill to come back with a younger, drop-dead gorgeous babe on his arm that will send Debbie into a slide--resulting in change and growth on her part.

To me, the only way a reconciliation will be possible only when both Bill and Debbie see Bill as a sexy, desirable man!

It will be fun to see want the author decides to do!

The cobbler

I am really getting involved in this story and love that fact that you are finally giving us some background on the characters.

I love your writing.

-What was it built on in the first place?:

I agree with the previous posters who have said they feel the story is leaning towards reconciliation. The way Debbie in particular is "growing" and considering how much has transpired up to the divorce makes it feel forced, though. That aside I don't get why they should be reconciled. Nevermind the split-up (after which I personally find no couple would be able to reconcile), why were they together in the first place? All we know is Debbie is extremely attractive and Bill is in essence a good man. Can you seriously build 18 years of marriage on that - lust and appreciation for one good deed? I think not. If this is going to be a reconciliation, we need to know why they were together in the first place. What is it they love so much about each other they simply can't live apart? Debbie needs to devour mountains of humblepie and accept her part in the failure of their marriage - she never fought for what she wanted from Bil, she never gave him an ultimatum. She needs to do this whether she decides to fully revert to her college days or seek reconciliation with Bill.

I like how you have showed Bill to be a human being. He is learning what mistakes he's made, how and why he made those mistakes and now he needs to make a decision on what he needs to do to right his wrongs and live the rest of his life as a happy man really. I would like to see him make more of an effort to strengthen his relationship with his kids. We don't really see him do anything in that regard.

Honestly the kids would be my biggest concern right now. Considering Bill's lack of parenting and Debbie's horrible parenting they are bound to grow up losers and fuck-ups unless someone shows them the right path in life. And soon.

Just some jumbled thoughts...

-Jake

You are a crock. You saw "Warts and All" on SOL and for you it was an example of something so much better than this story. Chapter 1 for Warts and All left us with a big problem and we were expecting the author to bring us to an unexpected place of a new ending. Instead we get a second chapter filled with Viet Nam experieces as though it were a Nam story... but no, the author uses all the battle stuff to finally tell his wife that he lost his best friend who died in battle so many years ago and again he has lost his best friend, his wife, who died in betrayal. That's it for the ending. And Andy1Hardy holds this crock of an ending as an example of a great ending.... something DQS look up to. I think Andy has been drinking to many bottle of bad whiskey left over from Nam.

The story is losing momentum from repetition. The new character development was good but not the repetition. Why did we need Bill tell the shrink about Debbie's gang rape and have Debbie tell her son the same exact story? Repetition drains stories of vitality.

I agree, there was no need to re-tell the gang rape story. You pointing it out though, left me to think about how I would have told the story, as neither telling seems particularly plausible. If it's Bill telling the shrink, why didn't he just say he got the shit beat out of him while saving her from a gang rape. Why all the detail when it wasn't really germane to the situation? If it's Debbie, I can understand her telling the son about how Bill saved her and was nearly killed in the process, but I sure as hell cannot envision having such a sexually graphic and brutal description with a teenage boy who is also my son.

Thus, not only was the re-telling unnecessary, I don't think the complete telling EITHER TIME was scene appropriate. It would've been better, I believe, if he had each character hint around the edges or give some basic info--"Your father was nearly killed saving me from twelve guys who were attacking me" or "She was being brutalized and I stepped in and was beaten half to death for my efforts, but I at least saved her"--and maybe fill in the blanks with the character's respective thoughts or, better as a teaser, in the next chapter.

Either way, this does go back to my basic point: If DQS wasn't being so rushed by half the readership, and if this was already completed and pruned appropriately before submitted, then I'd like to think the re-telling would've been chopped out.

P.S. I agree with your note to Andy. I enjoyed Warts & All, but thought the second chapter added very little. Maybe a re-structuring--linear time line comes to mind rather than flashback--of the way the story played would've been more effective. Either way, all of the action and the death of the marriage appeared in the first chapter.

Don't worry about the detractors. Your efforts are greatly appreciated by the majority.

My Take:

Little hints from as far back as the fight scene, many people have looked on Bill and had the appraisal that he is someone who is truely unique and interesting. There is something about him that demands respect. The fact that Debbie sees herself as the truely unique one in the relationship is increasingly falling on deaf ears.

Bill has always mistakenly looked upon himself as someone that is rather ordinary, when others have always appraised him differently. The more they came to know of Bill's true character, the more they held him in extremely high regard. This answers how he views himself in such a self-depricating way.

Debbie has always viewed herself as entitled because of her beauty. She saw Bill as plain except for his one truely heroic act. Did it really capture her heart? No, but it did instill a sense of gratitude. How does she normally react to this gratutude: with sex, of course!!! Sex is the most profound gift that Debbie has in her arsenal.

Bill's heroic act was of such significance that it even warranted marriage, in her eyes. As she grew older, she came to regret the gift she bestowed on such an ordinary person as Bill. She was able to keep her pride boosted by allowing others to fondle and manipulate her, as she tried to manipulate Bill into giving her that ultimate adrenaline rush and ego boost of fighting for her. She needed to know that her treasures were indeed treasured. What she was oblivious too was that in Bill's mindset of unworthiness, she was only ensuring that Bill would not dein to confront her, thus allowing her to contemplate beginning a new life without him. As Debbie is approaching what she considers mid-life, so much of her self-esteem is tied up in her appearance that she feels she has little time left to see if she is still the young, hot, coed that has the ultimate power of controlling a man's balls. This is Debbie's dilemna and what has her so pissed off is the fact that Bill does not see how necessary it is to stroke her ego. She also regrets that Bill has a life that she does not want to be apart of, because he is the center of attention in that life, and not her. Enter, Doug, who looks at Debbie and realizes that she needs a good stroking, and that if he plays his cards right, he can keep stroking her for as long as he wishes. What an ego boost for him, to be able to let everyone in the University know that he has the power to control and seduce the hottest professor in school. Doug and Debbie are made for each other, and the train wreck was inevitable. Debbie wants desperately to punish Bill for his lack of stoking her ego, as required, and relishes every opportunity for HER to punish him. However, it is not alright for someone else, such as Doug, to punish Bill. After all. it is solely her right as the wronged party, and woe to those who can take glee from the same. Truely her Aunt Clarisse had instilled these morals in Debbie's nubile and pliable psyche, that all men are dogs and should be controlled through the art of lovemaking. A very receptive Debbie learned from her mentor with rapt gusto. Now Debbie is wondering why these lessons, so diligently learned and perfected, work on all of her unintended targets but her husband is impervious to the control that she so richly deserves over him. Why are her collegues turning against her and her new conquest? Why are Bill's collegues not cooperating? Why are her children turning against her? Why are her parents not as supportive as they should be? Why are their friends not supportive of her? Why does her career have to suffer for this minor indiscretion and what does morals have to do with it anyway? Bill wronged ME, and I'll be damned if he is going to end up with someone hotter than me. I am the one who deserves the ultimate revenge of the young stud to flaunt. I am the one who deserves the respect and admiration of all.

Bill, has the support of any number of people, but his devestation was such that he needed to rebuild his self esteem. His true friends, known or unknown, realize what his worth really is and have been supportive and proactive in helping him re-establish and increase his self worth. I would predict that, by the end of this cruise, Bill will have transformed himself into someone that Debbie would not recognize. His true power and magnetism will be exuded from every pore and he will have several willing prospects very publicly and unabashedly waiting in the wings for his divorce to finalize. Bill now presents himself as a confident, self assured professional that looks and acts like he is now better suited to South Beach than Jacksonville. This realization completely destroys Debbies view of herself and leaves her as a total cumdump for Doug to use. Debbie's children decide that self preservation is in their best interest and move in with their father. Debbie's reaction sounds the death knell for her career and that of her lover. They are dismissed in public disgrace and Doug disappears, having lost respect for Debbie and seeing her as a detrement. Bill re-enters Debbie's life and gets her the treatment she so desparately needs and is able to put herself back together. She repairs her relationship with her children and pursues a new career in private industry. She is greatful to Bill, but too much has occurred. There can never be anything left of their relationship, except an uneasy tolerance on his part as the mother of his children, while Debbie longs for what she recognizes as the prize that all the new women in Bill's life crave to claim but none can conquer. Bill will not speak with her except in generalities, so Debbie is forced to finally put her regrets in a letter to Bill entitled, When We Were Married.

Just my thoughts on how it could go. Your story is great and provokes much thought and emotion. That is why I wait for each episode, no matter how long it takes for it to appear. LOVE IT!

Your story development is paced and rounded. From the comment it is drawing this diverse audience in and waiting for the next episode. Something for all of us to hope for each week. I for one am really getting a kick out of this tale. Keep up the great work!

(I remember those Saturday serial episodes in the movie theater when I was a kid. We discussed them all week in the school yard and couldn't wait for the next.)

Bravo

Now I see the madness or should we say the depth to your character development and their histories.

Well it looks like Bill and Debbie are headed on a cruise. It will be very interested to see how this all plays out.

Now it seems Bill jr. has a problem with his mom and Doug's relationship.

Where has he been that he hasn't been saying something all along?

Is she even listening or interested? Well it's all in the characters lets see what you do with them in the next chapter.

I am enjoying this quite a bit.

Thanks for writing!

...and I'm happy to wait for further chapters in this novel-length story of Bill and Debbie. That is, after all, how DQS1 presented it to us. It's THEIR story, in full. 'In full' means, guess what? That's why it's taking a while and that's why it's worth the read and worth the wait for the next chapters.

Any supposition is just that, yet meanwhile we have one of the best, most thought out and really superlative stories ever on this site. Please contain your collective impatience (I agree with you Pete) and try to restrain your natural enthusiasm for a quick resolution.

Please carry on DQS1 and present it as you wish. After all, it IS your story, unbelievable though that may sound!

"Debbie explaining her gangbang:

"I didn't know too much about what was going on EXCEPT I LIKED IT.

.....Somebody pulled Brad, my boyfriend, off of me and I would have yelled at them for disturbing us but I couldn't make much noise by then I couldn't talk....because...my mouth was full...."

Zebras do not change there stripes-once a slut always a slut."

Did you intentionallly omit telling that she was drunk out of her mind? So drunk that she thought she was just with her boyfriend. That her anus and vagina were both torn and if this gangbang/rape and gone on much longer, we wouldn't have had a story, we would have had a woman who was so fucked up physically she couldn't have had children.

Debbie likes rough sex. She likes the full feeling a big dick gives her. She likes good fucking. She enjoys multiple climaxes. Is it unusual for a woman to like those things? Does that make her a whore? Does that make her a slut? In stead of ridiculing her, I suggest that for someone who enjoys multiple partners to go 19 years with just one partner and is even now only screwing one man, she deserves to be acknowledged for her achievement -- being faithful to Bill and his regular sized cock -- not labeled a slut.

cpete, are you one of those men who think women are for fucking and if you have to get them drunk to gangbang, so what? BTW She wouldn't be the first woman who was raped/gangbanged and found she liked the physical part of sex with multiple partners. Hell, I like sex with multiple partners myself. I guess I'm just a male slut.

But you are right, a Zebra doesn't change his spots --- and yours, cpete, are showing through very clearly.

I extend an apology to DQS1 for accusing him of being as “fucked-up” as his main characters. The statement was clearl;y out of bounds, and I should have waited until I was in better control of my emotions before running my mouth.

It is probably true that the cruise will do Bill some good. He needs time to do more reflections on what happen in his marriage ( and family) that lead to his current status and his role in bringing it about; and more importantly, what course should his life take, and what goals should he set to guide his actions. While it would do his ego some good if he were to get laid, and numerious times at that, that is not likely to happen as long as he clings to the hope that he and

Debbie might still have a chance. Recall that he was unable

to get an erection during the first month of his separation, and the author has provided no indication that this situation has changed. Thus, I would be surprised if he returns from the cruise a changed man, with a new woman on his arm and having been sated sexually.

If Bill and Debbie reconcile, it will be because they are two different persons from who or what they were “when they were married.” Currently they are both damaged psychologically. While Bill has begun the process of transforming his personality and life style, he still has a long way to go. I hope the author is considering a career change for him, and get him out of Jacksonville. Debbie shows little signs of having begun the process, and I think she is in desparate need of professional help.

Although the exchanged between BJ and his mother suggest he is tiring of Debbie’s relationship with Doug, a point I previously missed, the author has not provided us with a clear picture of the kid’ perspectives on their parents marital breakup. I Would guest that they were probably very supportive of their mother’s actions up to and during the initial separation period. However, I would be surprise if there attitudes and perceptions of each of their parents role in the divorce have not changed.

The thing that will hold a couple together is "LOVE", which Debbie has forgotten.

From personal experience, I met my wife two months before we were married and have been married for 46 years, so it does work.

Maybe thats why they were together, Maybe.

, you stupid jackass.

Maybe you should try reading then "THINKING" then writing instead of babbling along in a fucking fog, because you don't make any séance the way you are going, and you seem to get off on this "THE KIDS" kick all the time even though they dint want anything to do with Bill and go out of their way to avoid him. Cant build a relationship that way now can you??????????????

Any chance Bill is being set up by his boss to take the fall because of political expediency??? He goes on a cruise, the press gets wind of it, and that coupled with the "Angle of Death" theme moves him out of his position.

Convenient.

Just a thought

I gave up trying to predict where DQS1 would take this story. I still think this story is really amazing for Literotica, but the last chapters are slowing down the pace. It's good to develop the characters. Too much analysis, and especially over a longer period of time, is taking away the thrill and part of the longing to see where the author will take this story. Somebody said, this and the previous chapter should have been one. I tend to agree. For my feeling, DQS1 should move this story forward and not overdo wiht the sidelines.

OMG, size 14 dude you are getting as fucked up as the sluts & fags you seek to shelter. You really need to consider getting some professional help as you appear to be quite delusional and demented. Seriously, you are proving your low IQ level to be obviously no higher than 14. D & W

that a story drags on for many long chapters is not necessarily a problem; that it has had so many long and sometimes tedius chapters and MOST readers --- even the ones who profess to like the story a lot --- can't really find much good in any of the main characters (not the kids, not Bill, and certainly not Debbie and Dough)... and the story just keeps regurgitating the same nonsense over and over, about how selfish and how much of slut Debbie is (even her teenage and retarded son has to complain, directly to her, in their living room: "Why don't you and Dick Face Doug get a room in a motel, mom? Why do you have to fuck upstairs, in Dickless Dad's bed?") ... <p>

"But be reasonable, and don't be mean and vulgar, Tommy.... you know how hard Doug works.... he has a heavy teaching load... and he only comes a few times a week, so I could sooth his aching back, upstairs..." <p>

I know, this IS Lit land and another Twilight Zone place... but still, a teenage kid who doesn't give a shit about his dad, even,,, has to beg the mother to get a room at a motel to fuck her boyfriend? LOL <p>

anyway.... contrast/compare this long story with something like, say, BACK TO BRISTOL, a story of infidelity, of mistakes people make and sometimes truly not knowing why.... and of pain as a consequence of those mistakes we all make.... but it is also a story about moving on and redeemption... despite those pains.... there are good guys and bad guys and each plays their roles believably and logically... the kids play a large, crucial part in the story (even without being given excessive dialogues, as they are small boys, who are, of course, crushed that their dad had to leave because the mom fucked up... and the mom knows it and is willing to suffer a life time, quietly if she had to, to make up for, TO PAY (as a price for her having literally fucked up her family) and to atone for, what she has done to her family... <p>

here, you are talking about a teenage son having to BEG and plead with her PROFESSOR MOTHER and her professor (I guess both are "assistant professors"?) to get a motel to FUCK and not do it in dear old limp-dicked dad's bed which he vacated some previous month in a hurry after having ALSO unsuccessfully confront the SAME WOMAN about her having fucked Dick Face Dough in public, on the dance floor at their college's "community" fundraising dance... <p>

I mean, what possible meaning could come out of such a shallow, non-redeeming story of a cast of characters that even the most faithful reading followers of the authors don't think much highly of? <p>

okay, maybe the mother in law, who appears for about 2 minutes in this 10,000-hour story... maybe she's okay.... but given her length of appearance, she's not that big, that important, of a character, is it?

I suspect you wrote Chapter 1 and reworked it several times until you were proud of it, so proud that you could not wait to share it with your readers. And... we were appreciative, so appreciative that we heaped praise upon you to the tune of over 100 comments the first day it appeared.

Next you gave us Chapter 2, which did not appear to have been as well done as your previous submission. It had a few grammar and punctuation mistakes. Hey, it's still better than 90% of the other stories on this site, but not as good a job as we know you can do. If I may, let me recap:

When We Were Married:

01 - 05/17/10 - 7 pg - 131 comments

02A - 05/25/10 - 3 pg - 90 comments

02B - 05/27/10 - 2 pg - 129 comments

02C - 06/01/10 - 3 pg - 219 comments

02D - 06/11/10 - 5 pg - 191 comments

03A - 06/17/10 - 4 pg - 161 comments

03B - 06/27/10 - 3 pg - 93 comments

Your story is so well told, we are intrigued. The characters are so complex we are never sure, from one part of a chapter to the next, what you will reveal to us. The action within the separate parts of your story has us so captivated that we plead for you to write faster, submit sooner, and tell us more. You have done this, and allowed your usual quality to suffer.

I suspect you have a great deal more of this story to tell. In that vein, I would be content to wait until you can write what you want, take the time you need to do a good job, adding details you may not currently be including, and submit when you are satisfied, rather than yield to those who urge you to 'gimme more, now'.

If you chose, leave a note at the end of your next chapter part that there will be some delay in the next portion of the story. I'm sure the number of emails you receive would be in the hundreds, but that is a problem for the reader. Although some will threaten to never read another submission from you, believe me, they will read and they will comment, doing so as another anonymous reader, just as they are now doing. Because, what we want is an interesting story, well told, as you have proven you can do.

nice this chapter compared to previous chapter good keep writing waiting for next one

Perhaps you should go see a shrink, you obviously haven't gotten over whatever trauma you suffered over there you arrogant old prick.

It's fine to disagree with my post and if you find it unreadable, well, skip it and leave it at that. Instead you had to go spill you bile in the comment section... why people can't be civilised to eachother is beyond me. Considering your more than 60 years I would have thought you would have learned basic courtesy.

I would like everyone to come out as better people at the end of this story, which is why I hope someone will help the kids. I don't expect a self-centered ass like you understand that, so maybe you should just consider my posts not for your eyes.

-Jake

A slut wife,

A dumb husband,

A shrink,

A past,

A cigar,

A cruise ship, and

A dangling carrot.

before me to DQS1. Favored author, DXS1 please read these comments by CeeeEsss.

So at 2PM Debbie calls Cheryl to see how Bill is taking the public's and media's objections to his court decision. Bill secretary tells Debbie that he's taking it badly and has locked himself in his office, very unlike Bill. End of Conservation. Then at 3PM, the Attorney General, Austin Edwards knoxs on Bill's office AND the story switches to Edwards having (just) booked Bill up for a 7 day cruise. So between 2 and 3PM did Debbie talk to Edwards and convince him to have Bill and she take a nice a week long cruise, this principally for their much anticipated long talk?

Remember that Bill Maitland and Austin Edwards are friends and have worked together effectively for 5 years. So Edwards will probably go out of his way to get Bill back on track. Anyway, that's my 2 cents worth. At any rate, Bill most probably will come from the cruise happier then he went to it.

to the very long list of readers who appreciate the time, effort, imagination and talent you put into the stories you share with us!