When We Were Young

"Just...nothing," Erin said, giving her assistant a smile while wiping a tear away.

"Weddings, huh?"

"Yeah, some are better than others. This one was sweet. Let's go, we have a bit of a drive."

She turned away and didn't look back, but sent Charlie a mental message, It was good to see you, Charlie. Good luck and best wishes...

~0~

Erin hardly spoke for the first half of the one-and-a-half hour drive down the highway back to Brisbane, prompting Rhiannon to again ask, "Are you sure everything's okay?"

"I'm fine, really. Just tired, sorry."

"I can take over driving, if you want?"

"No, no, I'll be fine."

"Okay, sure." Rhiannon was silent for a moment, then spoke again. "Oh, one of the guests asked for your card, so I gave it to him. Perhaps you'll get some business out of it?"

"Was this him tallish, short curly brown hair and wearing a blue suit by chance?"

"That's him, the amazing dancer. Handsome guy too, probably around your age. His eyes were amazingly blue like his suit, like, topaz. How'd you know?"

"Saphires..." Erin said, almost in a whisper, ignoring Rhiannon's question.

"Yeah, I could've stared into his eyes all night," Rhiannon said with a giggle.

"And you gave him my card?"

"Yeah, he asked for it. Perhaps he's marrying the tall bride's maid who hung about with him. The drop dead gorgeous one. But I didn't get the vibe they're together and it was more like she was after him, I think."

Erin cringed inside, her feelings mixed, pushing the thought from her mind, of Charlie and Zoe making their way back to his room for a post wedding reception fuck, but at the same time thinking the two might be a good match.

As long as he's changed.

Gosh, has it really been fifteen years?

Then she laughed, making a joke of the situation, knowing the truth. "Or maybe he want's my number for other...personal reasons?"

"Or maybe it's me he wants? He didn't ask you for the card, did he? I give you permission to pass my number on to him if he asks."

Both women laughed, then Erin asked, "Would you even go for such a guy? Fifteen years older than you?"

"Shit yeah. In my experience, guys my age are fucking clueless immature A-holes. What about you, didn't you ever date older guys back when you were my age?"

"I was still with my High School sweetheart when I was your age, so no."

"That's actually pretty sweet. What was he like?"

Erin sighed. "Sweet, wonderful, gorgeous, and a fucking clueless immature A-hole at the same time. I wonder if he ever grew up."

"Oh, you out-grew him or he broke your heart?"

"Both of those things."

"Boys," Rhiannon said, as if it explained everything. "His loss then. Maybe the wedding guy will contact you and you two will live happily ever after?"

"Ha!" Erin said, almost laughing for real. "The guy's an arsehole...probably."

"Yeah, probably," Rhiannon said, but gave Erin a confused look suggesting she wondered why the older woman reacted so vehemently towards a man she presumably didn't know and who'd appeared to be a genuine guy from their very limited interaction.

They kept their conversation light for the rest of the drive, saying their goodbyes when Erin dropped the younger woman home.

~0~

"Hi, Mum," Erin said, carrying some of her camera kit through the open door, held open by her mother, Lisa. "Thanks."

Her mother nodded. "Long day."

"It'll be worth it, when I get paid."

"Nice wedding?"

"I'll tell you about it when I've changed and said good night to Coops and I've backed up all the images."

Erin quickly showered and changed into pyjamas in what was once her childhood bedroom, then snuck into the mostly dark spare room across the hall, once upon a time her brother's, a night light in the electrical socket near the base of the bed-head dimly illuminating the space. Steady breathing came from the sleeping form laying in the bed, and Erin bent over and kissed her son's hair, and whispered, "Good night, my little man. Sorry I couldn't spend the day with you, but I promise I'll make it up to you tomorrow."

She left the room and uploaded all the photos from three cameras onto her laptop, then backed those files up on two separate external hard-drives. Additionally she'd copy them to her PC the moment she arrived home at her unit the following afternoon, taking no chances with her customer's special memories. Eventually she was finished, flopping down next to her mother on the sofa in the lounge room, exhausted.

"Coops was good?"

"Of course he was good," Lisa said, as if it were a given.

"He's always perfect for Grandma," Erin chuckled.

"Always."

"Thanks for helping out again, Mum."

"I'm an essential part of the business," Lisa said with a smile.

"Actually, you are. I couldn't do this without you."

Photographing weddings every weekend, quite often on both Saturday and Sunday, and occasionally through the week, took her away from her son, and as a single mother she often relied on her own Mum to look after four year old Cooper. It was the family tradition, she'd often thought, her own Grandmother raising her and her brother after their father left when she was eight, while her Mother worked two jobs to keep this very roof over their head and food on the table.

"Sooo, the wedding?" Lisa asked, hoping to hear stories and gossip; speeches revealing salacious secrets about the bride or groom, fights between family members, drunken guests hooking up in the toilets or dark recesses of the reception areas. Over the twelve years of her daughter's career as a wedding photographer, she'd heard all the stories.

"It was lovely, but you're not going to believe who was there?"

"Was it...Dianne Kinross?"

"Ha, no, why would you think of Mrs Kinross?"

"I ran into her the other day and she said she was going to her nephew's wedding this weekend."

"It wasn't this wedding. No, you're not going to believe who it was."

"You've already said, so who the bloody hell was it?"

Erin shifted on the sofa, facing her mother, and said, "Charlie Moss."

"No!" Lisa's threw her hands up and covered her mouth, her eyes wide open.

"Yes."

"He saw you?"

"He did. We spoke. Briefly."

"And..."

"And we kinda said Hi, kept it cordial, and I kind of tried to avoid him most of the night. He's probably in his hotel room with one of the bride's maids right now."

"Poor girl."

"Actually, he was quite nice to me. I was a bit standoffish, I think."

"So you should be. He was a complete bastard to you and broke your heart."

"Apparently I broke his, remember," she said, sarcastically. "Anyway, I think he's been married and divorced, but I didn't ask."

"What makes you think he was married?"

"At the bridal party they were talking about this Charles guy who was mates with the groom, encouraging one of the bride's maids to go after him. She mentioned the guy was married and but they told her he was divorced. He was the guy she was going for all night, so they were definitely speaking about Charlie."

"If he's divorced, it's probably because he's a bastard."

"Mum," she said, frowning. "Anyway, I doubt it was anything too harrowing on his part, because they were encouraging this woman to go for him. I wouldn't encourage my best friend to go for someone I thought was possibly a douche."

Lisa shot Erin a look. "Sure, Charlie was a good guy when he was younger, and then he changed into a bad guy."

"He was mostly a good guy," Erin said with a sigh. "He was never actually a bad guy until..."

"Until he was an irresponsible and selfish and angry shit. Don't ever make excuses for him, Erin."

"Yeah, well, it was all pretty messed up. I loved him, even when I left him."

"Of course you did. You two were each other's first loves, and it was intense and raw. Even I thought you'd marry one day, but unfortunately life doesn't often work out like a movie or fairy tale. Whatever possessed Charlie, he changed for the worse. All the drinking and drugs. He took you for granted, and going by the way he treated you, walking away from him was the best decision you ever made."

"Thanks for the lecture, Mum," Erin said, deeply sarcastic.

"You're welcome," Lisa said, giving her daughter's foot a nudge with her own, then stood. "Anyway, go to sleep and don't dwell on him."

"Sure. I'll see you in the morning.

Of course she dwelt on Charlie, tossing and turning, unable to free her mind of him. The mostly good times, but some of them not-so good, came in flashes. And there was always that night.

Her being taken to the club's back room by security and the couple who'd helped her, then the frantic ambulance journey to the emergency department, the siren, lights flashing, the fever-heat and thirst and nausea and pain and confusion and fear, the paramedics and doctors and nurses, her trying to answer questions but always asking for Charlie and Mum, over and over again.

Her mother arriving with Connor; her Mum crying and big brother visibly angry, asking, demanding, "How could you be so stupid?" Connor the giant, once a sweet-but-cheeky ratbag who at age eleven literally stood up and became the man of the house in an attempt to protect their mother from their drunkenly violent father. She idolised her big brother, and if she ever had a hero it was Connor, even more so when he became a real-life warrior, at the time on leave from his Sydney-based Army unit, and she remembered the deep remorse and shame she felt for letting him down. She knew she'd disappointed everyone.

"I'm sorry, Connor, I know I shouldn't have..."

Her mother was telling Connor to go easy, her teary red face matching the colour of her fiery hair, her sadness twisting into seething anger, saying through gritted teeth, "You and your friends are responsible for each other and they never should have let this happen to you. They should have looked out for you. This could have turned out so much worse. How could you all be so damn stupid?"

"I know, Mum, I'm so sorry."

Her mother then sobbing, over and over, "Erin, my sweetheart...I could've lost you forever..."

Erin remembered they'd stopped the lectures, her Mum taking her hand and Connor sitting at her side in silence for several hours until a nurse came by, telling her the doctors had decided she'd recovered enough for discharge. The drive home was silent, where she'd sat in the back-seat with her Mum, still holding her hand, Connor driving. Her mobile phone in her other hand displayed Charlie's many missed-calls and messages.

Where r u?

R U OK?

Pls answer.

Wots going on Rin?

I need to know where u r!

OMG, I only just found out ur in hospital, hope ur ok, cops r asking questions. I'm worried sick Rin, pls call when u can.

She didn't answer, and Charlie, Libby and Nik turned up at her mother's house late in the afternoon, looking rat-shit, eyes puffy, hair and clothing ragged, her mother tearing them new arseholes on the front porch when she answered the door, telling them Connor was asking mates of his in the police force to launch an investigation, and they're lucky he's not around right now because they'd regret the day they were born.

Lisa mainly directed her tongue lashing at Charlie, and he pleaded to see her, and Lisa told them to come back later, like when they'd all grown up, but Erin remembered walking shakily out to confront Charlie, Libby and Nik, having only a few memories from the night before and feeling like shit, angrily demanding why did they all get in the dodgy van with the dodgy driver and why did they take the dodgy pills, and why did they abandon her?

And why did Charlie kiss that Dani chick?

All she heard were excuses and denials, Charlie with tears in his eyes, telling her he couldn't remember much, but the girl kissed him unexpectedly, and there's no way he'd have kissed another girl back. Not in a million years, even if he was peaking at the time.

"Think about what you were doing when I needed you most," she'd said, then turned away and closed the door behind her.

~0~

"Mummy!" Cooper yelled it, thudding onto the bed.

"Hey, buddy," Erin said, groggily but with a smile, rubbing her eyes. "Grandma told me you were extra good for her yesterday."

Cooper threw his arms around her. "We ate ice cream!"

Erin chuckled. "Grandma always has ice cream for you."

"Yeah, but she made me practice the piano to get it."

"Well, Grandma made me practice the piano too when I was a little girl."

"Did you get ice cream when you were little?"

"Not as much as you, chubby cheeks," she said, smiling and affectionately squeezing his cheek.

He giggled and asked, "Why don't you let me have ice cream when you make me practice my keyboard?"

She ruffled his strawberry-blond hair. "You get plenty of treats, little man."

Cooper giggled again, then changed the topic. "Can we go to the pool, Mummy?"

She yawned, rolled over and picked up her phone to check the time, noting she'd received an email during the night. "It's almost eight o'clock now, and we'll see how warm it gets, so maybe in two hours' time."

"I can't wait, I wish it was time now."

"Don't wish your life away, buddy." She yawned again. "Hey, I hear Grandma in the kitchen. How about you go and help her out while I get up for the day?"

"But I want to play with you!" Cooper began jumping on the bed.

"And I want to play with you, too, but I'm half asleep still and not much fun right now. But if you give me a couple of minutes to wake, I'll play with you soon."

Cooper stopped jumping and gave her a dubious look. "You'll go back to sleep."

"No, I promise. I'll be with you soon if you give me a moment to let me wake, please."

Cooper looked disappointed, but said, "Okay. I love you, Mummy."

"I love you too, Coops. I promise, I'll be out in a moment." Erin smiled, her heart brimming with so much love for her son.

After Cooper left she wondered about the email, but resisted, suspecting it might be Charlie and not wanting to deal with it until she was wide awake. She'd slept terribly, wondering about Charlie and his life over years since she'd broken up with him, wondering what he was up to these days, wishing she'd had more chances to speak to him last evening, but also wishing they'd not run into one another all.

Shit...

After coffee and breakfast and generally mucking about, Erin took Cooper to the local public swimming pool, where they splashed around for two hours in the growing heat of the day, even this early in Spring, and afterwards they picked up a cooked barbecue chook and coleslaw for lunch on the way back to her mother's house.

She tried to push Charlie from her mind but couldn't, sitting at her mother's dining table after lunch and finally taking a peak at the email on her phone while Cooper was playing in the lounge room.

>Charles Moss

Erin! I told your assistant I was looking for a wedding photographer and asked for your card, so please don't be mad at her. Yep, I lied to get your email address, sorry. In all fairness I also took a cheeky look at your website which was printed on your camera bags, and could have found your contact details there, but I hope you don't mind.

Wow, such a wonderful surprise to see you today. I wish the circumstances allowed us to catch up properly. You totally worked the room and I'm sure Grant and Genevieve's photos will look amazing. Your photography on your website is incredible, which doesn't surprise me in the least. I hope it's not weird I'm saying this! lol

I'm so happy you followed your dreams and made a success of your photography. I'd love to hear about it sometime. Well, only if you'd like to tell me. Would you meet me for a coffee? If you don't want to, I understand completely, but if you do, let me know. Take all the time you need.

It was great seeing you,

All the best,

Charlie

The email time stamp was 11:48, fourteen hours previously. Erin closed her phone and her eyes, then took a deep breath, exhaling with a loud sigh.

"Mum," she called out, "Could you keep an eye on Cooper for a moment? I'm heading out the back for a few minutes."

"Sure, sweetheart."

Leaving the cool house, she was struck by the warmth in the air, and when she tilted her mother's garage door open, the air greeting her felt like an oven by comparison. Against the back wall were several cardboard storage boxes, some of them hers, containing belonging's she'd packed up and left, not wanting to take all her possessions to all the places she'd lived over the years, but not wanting or finding the time to part with them either.

There were old clothes from her teens and twenties, and some might even fit again, but she'd not bothered to find out, because she felt she'd unlikely reach her pre-pregnancy fitness. I should make time to go through all this and give it away...

There were many cassette and video tapes for which she no longer possessed the technology to listen to or watch, and several books of mostly young-adult fiction, plus stacks of study notes and photography magazines. She rediscovered several items of old photography equipment she'd not sold or thrown away when she'd replaced them years previously. And of course there were a handful of gifts from past boyfriends, trinkets mostly, things she no longer cared for, with no sentimental value but for some reason she'd never thrown away, probably because she never visited these boxes.

And there were photo albums. Erin selected one from the top, with a soft red cover and label in her neat loopy handwriting, New Zealand Ski Trip. She opened it to a random page and straight up there was a photo of nineteen year old Charlie standing by the side of a road with a blue lake off to the left and a rugged snowy mountain range behind him. He was smiling, his eyes bluer than the water, pretending he was trying to hitch a lift in the middle of nowhere with his thumb outstretched. He was scruffy, wearing a thick grey jacket and black woollen beanie with errant curls of brown escaping around the hem, thin tufts of teenaged facial hair on his chin and cheeks, plus a few pimples here and there.

She recalled teasing him, the memory coming back to her in an instant, like it was yesterday. "You look like such a hobo, I wouldn't even stop to pick you up!"

"See, you say that, but I know for a fact the hottest girl in the whole damn world is going to be sharing her bed with this hobo tonight."

"In your dreams maybe."

She remembered his cheeky smile when he'd said, "Ah, ye of little faith. My dream girl will come."

She'd known he'd also meant cum and she'd grinned back.

The next photo was of her driving the tiny hatchback they'd rented, the afternoon sunlight reflecting off her face, fine freckles covering her pale skin, sunglasses fixed on the road, and her hair glowing like molten lava erupting and pouring in thick tousles and a few loose corkscrews from her head, down way past her shoulders, much longer than the shoulder-length she wore it now days. She couldn't remember Charlie taking the photo, but he often picked up her camera to take her picture at random moments, regularly wasting film on her.

"I told you the hottest girl in the world would share her bed with me," he'd said as they cuddled in their ski-resort room.

"I felt sorry for you and couldn't leave you by the side of the road."

"Rin, you're the kindest, sweetest and most beautiful girl who ever graced this Earth."

"You're delusional," she'd answered.