When Your Crush Becomes a Slut

So this is kind of a confession to something I did twenty-eight years ago. Even though I have been told not to worry about it, it still weighs on me - and yet when I tell the story, the few I've told all just shrug and say they understand. In any case, here is my tale.

I was 19 years old and just starting my sophomore year at a small liberal arts college in Connecticut. My friends and I lived in a small townhouse just off-campus. About a month into the school year, I received a phone call from my high school friend/crush Camilla. Camilla had just started as a freshman at a college in Boston and wanted to come for a visit.

Camilla and I had a fascinating history. She was a tall, thin, beautiful blonde goddess, and from the time I turned 15, I was captivated by her. She was not as interested in me, and we became friends instead of lovers. It saddened me, but I was okay with being friends with this gorgeous creature. The week before I left for my first year in college, we went out for dinner and a movie; when we said goodbye, I mentioned that I would not see her until December and did she want to give me a unique goodbye. I was hoping for a long, lingering hug; instead, she kissed me deeply, and as an 18-year-old virgin, who had never been kissed, it brought back to the forefront all my feelings of lust for her. But I left for college a few days later, ready for all the new experiences in college.

(As a small side note, when we went out for dinner and dessert over winter break, I found out later that she made sure she was eating something when I dropped her off at her house so I wouldn't try to kiss her.)

When I returned home the summer after my freshman year, Camilla had started dating Fred. Fred was a year older than me, had gone to high school with us, and also went to my college. Fred was an asshole and a very stuck-up musician who treated women like shit. At the start of the summer, as she started dating him, I warned her that he was a jerk, but she was utterly smitten with him and ignored me. I did not spend much time with her that summer as I didn't want to hang out with Fred, so we talked a few times, but for the most part, we kept away from each other, and there were other girls who enjoyed being flirty fun (and sometimes more) with me, so I spent my time hanging out with them.

About two weeks before we all went to college, Fred broke up with Camilla -- hard. I don't know the exact details, but basically, he told her that she was just a summer fling for him and he needed to be single back at college so he could take advantage of all the girls who threw themselves at asshole musicians. I never did hear from her about the break-up; she told a friend, and the friend told me. The friend also said she didn't want to talk to me because she knew I would say, "I told you so." Nonetheless, she called me right before college started, and we talked about a bunch of stuff and wound up going out to dinner. We never spoke about her relationship or Fred.

The phone call came about four weeks after classes started, we had talked a couple of times before this call, and I knew she was having a rough time at college.

"Hello," I said into the receiver.

"Hey Don, it's Camilla." She said in a soft voice.

"Hi Camilla," I said excitedly, "How are things going."

"Ummm... okay, I guess." She paused. "What are you doing this weekend?"

"Um... nothing, nothing much," I replied, "I think my housemates and I are going to a party at Beta Chi Friday night, maybe go see a play my friend is doing on Saturday. Why?"

"Would it be okay if I came up Friday afternoon and spent the weekend with you? I need to get out of Boston." She said.

And get closer to Fred was my first thought, but I dropped that because she was asking to stay with me, and maybe she just needed to get away.

"Yeah, sure. I'd be happy to have you." I said.

"Okay, great - thank you so much!" She replied with noticeable relief in her voice. "I'll be in on the 3:30 Peter Pan Bus on Friday. Can you meet me at the bus station?"

"Sure," I said. "Oh, we don't have any extra beds, so you'll need to bring a sleeping bag." As an afterthought and somewhat joking, I said, "Unless you want to sleep with me in my bed, it is a big bed."

"Yeah, if it's okay, I'll just sleep in your bed." She said.

All of a sudden, my blood pressure and heart rate increased, my palm started sweating, and I had this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach as I had visions of Camilla and me fucking on my futon.

"Of course!" I said, somehow sure that I would finally get to be with Camilla.

"I am really looking forward to this, Don. Thank you so much!" Camilla said, sounding relieved.

Friday could not come fast enough. I spent the next two days a sweaty, nervous mess. I cleaned my room four times; I primped, shaved, got a haircut, and bought cologne. I wasn't sure what would happen, but the fact that she said she would sleep in my bed seemed like a good sign.

Time crawled, but Friday eventually rolled around. I drove my car onto campus for my classes and then hung out until it was time for me to pick up Camilla. The bus arrived, and I watched every single person walk off the bus - none of them were Camilla. I was devastated. I drove the ten minutes back to my house, where I found a note from one of my roommates saying that Camilla had called; she missed the 3:30 bus and would be on the 4:30 bus. I went from despair to elation when I saw that message. So, now I had to wait thirty minutes before I could get in my car again to pick her up. If the last two days crawled along - these thirty minutes felt like an eternity.

Finally, I drove back to the bus depot and waited again. The 4:30 from Boston arrived, and while I was terrified that she missed this one and was not coming, she was one of the first people off the bus. I saw her before she saw me. She was wearing a pink sleeveless top and black shorts. Her long legs were tanned and gorgeous, and her long, dirty blond hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She looked around and saw me, and her face lit up with a smile as she jogged over to me and gave me a big hug.

"Oh my god, it's so good to see you." She said excitedly after our hug was over. We walked back to my car, and I offered to give her a driving tour of campus. We spent 10 minutes driving around campus, with me showing her the sights. I knew she would want to know where Fred lived, but I avoided that street altogether. After our tour, we stopped in the student center for a coffee and returned to my house.

Camilla, my housemates, and I ordered pizza, hung out, and chatted. I got super pissed at my housemate Allison, who told Camilla that she would not be coming home tonight and she could sleep in her bed. Camilla thanked her, but I hoped she would not take Allison up on the offer. Then we went out to Beta Chi for the party. They usually have great parties - good music, lots of liquor. But this evening, they were holding a more sedate party. The music was quiet, and there was beer and some pretzels but not much more. At one point, I was asked by some friends to check something out in another room, and I left Camilla with some of my friends and was gone for five minutes. When I came back, my friends were gone, and Camilla was sitting between two guys, and they were chatting her up. I went over and introduced myself - they were a couple of freshmen roommates, and they saw Camilla sitting alone and thought they would chat with her.

As the evening progressed and the party got lamer, my housemates and I decided we wanted to go home, but Camilla wished to stay and chat with the guys she had met. I told the guys where I lived and that I expected them to walk her back to my place, and they agreed, so my housemates and I went out for some coffee and then back to our house.

I have no idea when Camilla came back because she went right up to Allison's room and went to sleep, but I went to sleep at 1AM, so it was sometime after. I woke up around 10AM, and Camilla came into my room at about 10:30. She was wearing a loose-fitting tank pajama top and her underwear and sat on my bed, nursing a mug of coffee.

"So, what did you do last night after we left?" I asked.

"Oh, you know, just talked and hung out. Eventually, they asked me if I wanted to get stoned, so we went back to their dorm room." She said.

I was about to ask what time she got home when she put her hands over her face, bowed her head, and said, "I really wish I did not have such a memorable name."

"Huh," I was confused, "Why?"

I looked over at her, and she still had her head in her hands shaking. "Because they'll remember my name, and after what I did with them, they'll talk, and if I transfer here...."

"Wait," I said, surprised by several things in her comment, "What did you do with them? And you want to transfer here?"

"I slept with them." She said, hands still covering her face, so she didn't have to look at me.

I expected that to hit like a gut punch, I expected to be horrified, but I was not - it was like an out-of-body experience, and I wasn't feeling anything.

"Both of them? At the same time?" I asked, not incredulously but more out of curiosity.

"I shouldn't be telling you this. I shouldn't have done it, but I shouldn't be telling you this; I know how you feel, and I don't want to hurt you," Camilla paused and looked up at me, "But I have to tell someone. Is this okay?

I nodded.

"So they took me back to their dorm room, and we all got really stoned." She was sitting up now and talking more animatedly but still looking down at her hands while she spoke. "We were having a lot of fun and laughing, and then Jim said he thought I was really hot, and I told him thanks, and then he asked if he could fuck me."

"And that worked?" I asked, wondering why I had never tried that with any girl.

"Well, he was cute, and I was stoned, and I thought it would be fun." Camilla turned a shade pink as she said this. "Jim asked if I minded if Chad, his roommate, watched. I said I didn't mind, and then Chad asked if he could fuck me too."

"And you said yes?" I asked.

"Not at first; I said I was only okay with him watching. He asked if he could jerk off while watching, and I said yes." Camilla took a swig of coffee and then continued. "So Jim whipped out his dick, and I started to suck it, and he told me that I was the best he ever had," Camilla paused and finally looked at me, "Is this okay, me telling you this? I feel bad, but I want to tell you about it."

"It's fine," I said. I was perturbed that she'd slept with these guys, but I had no claim to her, and I was getting turned on hearing about it.

"So I kept sucking Jim, and he kept saying I was the best ever, and Jim told me that I would have to suck Chad just a little because I was so good, and before I knew it, Chad was next to me with his cock out. I was going to tell him no, but it was a very pretty cock, and when I saw it, all I wanted to do was lick it, so I did." She paused, took another sip of her coffee, and continued.

"So it started with me taking turns. I would suck off Jim, switch to Chad, then Jim fucked me, and then Chad fucked me, and I was okay with all of that. We were all having fun; they were both good, but then Jim moved me around, put me on my knees, and started fucking me from behind. That's when Chad shoved his dick in my mouth. It surprised the hell out of me, and I almost bit down really hard, but I stopped myself and started to suck Chad's dick.

"Oh, Don, I felt like such a slut fucking these two guys at the same time, but I so loved it." Camilla was staring at her legs. "It got crazy then because the guys were so excited to be fucking me at the same time that they both came fairly quickly."

"Did you use protection?" I asked.

"Yeah, well, Jim came into a condom, but Chad had pulled his off and blew into my mouth. I was okay with that. Of course, as soon as they were done, they wanted to go again because Jim wanted to come in my mouth, so almost right away, we started round 2. Afterward, we just curled up with the boys caressing me. They wanted to go a third time, and I was willing, but Chad told me he wanted to fuck me up the ass, and that's when I knew it was time to go, so I told them they had to walk me back here, which they did and then they left and I really, really hope I never have to see them again." For almost all of the conversation, Camilla did not look at me, but she finally looked up and said, "Is it okay if we just hang out here today?"

"Sure," I said. I liked the idea of just hanging out in my room with Camilla - and yes, to be honest, I thought she would give me pity sex because she had already fucked those two other guys.

Then I started to giggle. Camilla looked at me and said timidly, "What?"

I continued to giggle as I responded, "You think they'll remember you because of your name and not because you let them fuck you at the same time? You do realize they'll remember you and that experience for the rest of their lives, cherish it, actually."

At first, Camilla's response was to bury her hands in her face, but after a few seconds, she giggled and said, "Yeah, not sure why I said that. I mean, no one who fucks me could ever forget it." And she lifted her head and gave me a wink.

I decided to interpret that wink as 'and you'll know soon enough' and not any of the other reasons why she may have winked.

We ordered delivery for lunch and then later dinner, the only time we went out was to use my brother's ID to buy us a bottle of rum, and we hung out in my room, laughing, drinking, and playing card games.

At about 9PM, the rum was gone, and we were working on a bottle of Stoli I kept stashed in the freezer. We'd been drinking steadily over several hours, so we were both heavily on the tipsy side but not fully drunk. We'd been talking about college, and Camilla confessed that she'd been having sex with many guys at college because Fred had so fucked her up and she was getting a reputation as the girl who would fuck anything. I was hoping that reputation would extend to me.

While I was trying to think of a way to seduce Camilla, there was a long lull in the conversation until Camilla finally said, "Okay, so what now?"

"Strip poker," I suggested, grabbing the cards that were still on my bed from our gin game earlier.

"I don't know how to play poker," Camilla said. There was no way I was not seeing her naked, so I said, "How about strip war?"

"How would that work?" Camilla asked.

"Well, we play war as usual, and when we tie, we have a war, right 1,2,3 I declare war, right? The loser of that has to take something off. Okay?"

"Um... yeah, I guess so." Camilla stiffly agreed as I started to shuffle and deal the cards.

I mentally started counting my clothes. I had on socks, shorts, underwear, and a t-shirt. Camilla appeared to have on the same thing, and she was not wearing a bra, so we were perfectly even.

Camilla lost the first war and took off a sock. I lost the three successive wars and sat there in my underwear and t-shirt and started worrying that I would lose and not see Camilla naked. That's when I began to cheat. She was tipsier than I, so she didn't notice that I started stacking the bottom of my deck with kings and aces while creating a discard pile of my lower-won cards. I made sure to win the next three wars. Camilla took off her shirt to reveal her small breasts. I was a little surprised as I expected them to be perkier, but she had pretty pink nipples, and I was thrilled to see her tits.

"Can you turn the light down a little?" Camilla asked. The overhead light was off, but I had a halogen floor lamp that was currently very bright but could be dimmed. I adjusted the light to about half of what it had been, I could still see everything clearly, but it wasn't overly bright.

I had an inkling that Camilla was starting to regret the game, she was quiet and not nearly as talkative as she had been before, but I was pretty sure she wasn't going to stop because she felt guilty.

With complete control of the game, I got us both down to our underwear when war broke out. I had a king on the bottom of my pile and a three on the top (I'd peeked). I debated for a moment and then played the three, Camilla won the hand, and I took off my underwear.

"So that's it, the game is over?" Camilla asked. There was no way I was letting her keep that underwear on, so I said, "Nope, we have to play until the loser owes the winner."

"Huh?" Camilla asked.

"Oh, this is how my friends and I played this summer. Once a person is out of clothes, they can keep playing, but if they lose, they owe the winner a favor." I explained.

"What kind of favor," Camilla asked dubiously.

"Well, usually something fun," I said.

"Well, what have the favors been in your past games?"

"Well, let me think...." I remember every single favor from our Strip Poker games that summer, but I wanted to add some tamer ones, so Camilla wasn't too freaked out.

I started with the tamest one: "Well, I promised to give a girl a ride anywhere she wanted to go in or around Baltimore." I followed up with; "Two girls had to kiss me at the same time."

"I bet you liked that," Camilla said.

"Uh-huh," I agreed.

"I had to give a full body massage once and...." I paused, unsure if this would scare her, "and I won a blow job."

Camilla was quiet for a second and said, "Okay, do we have to declare what we want before we win?"

"That's usually how it's done. The person who could win usually asks for something, and the loser says whether or not they will do it." I replied.

"Yeah, so what are you willing to do if I win?" Camilla asked.

"Anything you want," I said.

She raised an eyebrow at me, "Really?"

I nodded slowly and laid down my next card on the futon, Camilla followed, and four hands went by before we both put down sixes.

I looked up at Camilla, "If you win," I asked, knowing she was not going to win the hand, "What do you think you want."

"I don't know," Camilla said. I started laying down my three face-down cards, "the full body massage sounds good."

"A one-hour full-body massage it is, then!" I said, knowing full well that the time I gave the full body massage, I wound up fucking the girl (and losing my virginity).

She laid down a ten as her final card; I slid the king from the bottom of my deck and played it. Camilla pouted and said, "I was looking forward to that massage!" She quickly took off her underwear. Her pubic hair was thick and near the color of her skin, so at first, it looked like she had a weird mound of flesh, but once I realized what it was, it was very hot, and her pussy was beautiful, as you went towards the labia, there was no hair and just a thin slit, it was sexy.

She saw me staring and said, "Gonna get hard finally?"

"I played strip poker with five girls this summer, and not once did I lose my cool, come on, let's keep playing, one last round," I said.

"We're not done?" Camilla asked.

"Nope," I said as I laid down my next card (a four of hearts), "we have to play to see who wins the favor."

"Oh," Camilla said and then was quiet. She did not lay down a card.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"Sorry," she said as she played a card (an eight of spades), "Just thinking about the favor."

It seemed to take forever, and we played in near silence as card after card was played with no war. Finally, maybe twenty cards in, we both laid down tens.

"Ohhhhh, finally," I said, "So, what are you thinking of a favor?"

"I don't know," Camilla replied, "I've been thinking about it. I'm not sure what I want to do. What would you be okay with?"

God, this was a terrible question. Of course, I suspected she was not okay with fucking me, or else she would have suggested that, and as much as I felt like she really should fuck me, considering what she did last night, I didn't know what I could ask her for without her flipping out.