Where Was She Ch. 02

A tale of two people who loved each other but didn't notice when things began to go wrong. It happens all too often.

Edited as always by Angel Love. My thanks to her for her encouragement and comments, always right on target.

During the next few weeks, Paula set up the house to accommodate the new hospital style bed I had delivered and she was able to incorporate most of the equipment Jim would need into the den. With my permission, she had some workers in to knock down the wall between the den and the family room, opening it up into a large bedroom with a sitting area and a place for the new equipment. Those were mainly walkers, guide ropes to pull himself up and down and other exotic equipment meant to help him do everything easier and better. Within two weeks, Paula had the area fully functional and Jim positioned in the middle of a full scale rehabilitation facility.

Jessie had moved back into the house and brought her sewing machines and other stuff so that she could continue her work in design and seamstress training. That way, she could be there to spell Paula when she had to leave for shopping or other things. Between them and the full time nurse we had hired, Jim was never alone. That was the way we wanted it for now at least until he began to exhibit some independence. And Paula and I both hoped that Jim would make more progress than the doctors expected.

My visits were frequent at first, Jessie calling me to let me know when the best times to come would be. I spent my time with Jim trying to plumb the depths of his memory. I was not convinced that his memories were lost, just buried and difficult for him to locate. With some association games and a thing called 'Patterning' I had found on the internet, I began to help him access the memories he had stored inside his brain, behind the walls of damage. I was pleased that we were making progress and after several weeks, his recall was significantly improved. During my last session with him, he was able to recall exactly what happened the night he collapsed. From the time he walked in until the call to Jessie when he lost consciousness. He did ask me then where Paula was, and I just told him we would talk about that later, Now it was time to rest after a good session.

His question opened up a wound that had begun to scab over. His memory of that night reminded me again of the fact that Paula was laying with my brother at the time Jim lay there bleeding. The doctor refused to assess blame to her absence but that absence is what finally caused me to walk away from her. I had disowned my brother and my wife at the time and I was not yet ready to change my mind. I had gone over it in my mind a thousand times and the only question that kept coming up was why did she allow it to happen? That question was what stopped me from trying to get past this and save my marriage. I had to understand first before I could move on.

I had spoken to Paula's father and mother on a couple of occasions. They called in from wherever they were at any given time to ask about Jim. Paula gave them a schedule of when she would be there and I assumed they spoke often. On the two occasions I spoke to them, it was not long before they asked me what was going on between Paula and I. When I asked them what Paula had told them, they just said she told them she had done something terrible and that she had hurt me. She obviously didn't tell them what so neither did I. Just that we were not together now except for our son. From the questions Margie, her mother, asked, I knew that she had guessed. But regardless of how hard she tried, I would give her no information. They always left me with their love and hopes for a reconciliation.

Jessie was still staying at the house but she was getting restless now that Jim was improving. She helped him walk around the house and they had begun to go out more and more. Jim could now walk almost unaided around the house and Jessie made sure he was OK. She wanted to begin to take him out and around the block but Paula was still not sure. I told her it was OK with me, but Jessie preferred that Paula agree. Once she did, Jim's progress increased and he was now walking almost a mile or more every day. His legs were getting stronger and with my work on his memory and Paula's constant care, Jim was almost able to take care of himself. After just five months of our efforts, Jim had come most of the way back, surprising even the doctors.

At his last monthly visit, Jim had impressed the doctor so much that he revised his earlier estimates. He now believed Jim could function independently again and could probably try going back to college. He warned us that he might fail but that it was worth the effort. We agreed and decided to talk to Jim later about it. But I felt there was a more important issue to discuss with Paula now that Jim was on his way to a full, if limited, recovery. Our future together, or rather, our lack of a future together.

I had begun to travel again and I was asked to take on a job for a company in Phoenix that ran a fleet of armored money carriers. They serviced the banks in the Phoenix area and shuttled cash and checks to and from the central bank. They had a state of the art surveillance system and all of the money that came in or out was electronically counted and scanned. Our systems did it all but they were looking to upgrade some of the software. Since it took someone who could read and write the software codes, they had to call for someone like me, an administrator for the system. I agreed after talking with Paula and Jessie. Jim needed less and less supervision so I had the time to take the assignment.

I planned to spend only a week or less in Phoenix but after seeing the extent of the upgrades they planned, revised that to two weeks. I called Jessie to tell her and she seemed fine with it. I asked her what her plans were but she said she was not too busy just now. She then asked me what my plans were for when I got home but I wasn't sure what she was referring to so I was a little vague. She did surprise me by her next statement.

"You know dad, you need to talk to mom and see if you two can get things straightened out. Don't you think it's about time?"

I was taken aback by that. I thought Jessie understood how I felt and what her mother had done to me: how much she had hurt me and the pain I was still feeling. How could she think I would get back together with Paula?

"You aren't serious are you? You know how I feel. I'm surprised that you would ask me that."

"Well, you'd better come home then and talk to Jim. He doesn't understand and he doesn't know why you're not living at home. He thinks it's his fault. He thinks it's because of his problems that you two have split."

Now I was confused. My son thinks I left his mother because of his accident? His problems? How could he think that? But, if I thought about it, I had never discussed it with him and he had never asked. Just the one time when we first talked about the night of his fall. He said something about mom not being home and then asked me why. I never answered him.

In surprise, I asked Jessie, "Why haven't you told him what happened? He'd trust you. Why would you allow him to believe he was at fault? I don't understand."

"Dad, listen to me. It's not my place to tell Jim about what mom did. That's between Jim and mom. All I know is that mom made a mistake. A big mistake I know, but you've let it tear apart our family, drive my uncle away and make my mom a wreck. You won't talk to her and you won't make a decision to either end it or make it work. The one who's really hurting us all is you."

"Jessie! That's not true. Your mother's infidelity is what caused this rift between us. It's her fault, hers and John's. You know that!"

"Sorry Dad, but that won't fly. You have to decide for yourself. You can't just let it lay there and fester. If you can't accept what Mom did, then you owe it to her to say so and start the divorce proceedings. Jim and I are grown up now and we're not going to suffer because you and mom go your separate ways. We'll continue to see both of you and love you anyway. So, it's your choice what to do, but you have to make a decision. Mom is waiting for you."

"Why me? She can start the proceedings as well as I can. She doesn't have to wait for me."

"Of course she does. She doesn't want the divorce. She wants to save the marriage but she doesn't know how. You have to talk to her and tell her what you want to do. She knows what she wants."

"How could you know that? What she did makes that a lie. How could she do that to me and then claim to want to continue in a marriage with me? How can she love me but then make love to my brother?"

"Oh, dad, even I know the difference. Love has nothing to do with what she did with Uncle John. There was no love there. Maybe on Uncle John's part, at least I think so, but not on mom's part. That I know for sure. I think it was pity, or compassion, what ever you want to call it that she felt for Uncle John. But it was nothing more that that."

"Pity? How little you know. She helped him after his divorce, certainly, but how do you know that it didn't grow to be more than that? How do you know?"

"That's something you have to find out for yourself. You have to talk to mom. Please dad, talk to her before you do something you'll regret."

I hung up the phone after talking to my daughter, confused, angry and depressed more than ever, convinced that I had no idea of what I wanted. Did I want to save my marriage? Did I want to forgive her and take her back? Could I even do that? What did I want to do? I decided that I needed time away from everything to think. My trip to Phoenix was just in time.

I cleared my desk and outstanding work and planned to leave for Phoenix that Sunday night. I wanted to get a start first thing Monday so that I could finish as quickly as possible. If I got lucky, I wouldn't need the full two weeks. I packed my bags at the apartment and prepared to leave the first thing in the morning. I went out to see Jessie and Jim without thinking to call first. So, as would be expected, Paula was there when I arrived. Since it was my fault, I quickly assured her that she wasn't expected to leave on my account. She thanked me and went in to the kitchen while I spent some time with Jim. We talked a little but he seemed tired from that day's workout. Jessie said he had walked over two miles and did really great.

I wanted to get this cleared up with Jim before I left so I decided to bring up the topic that he asked about before.

"Jim, there's something you need to know. The problems between your mother and I have nothing to do with you or the care we are giving you. That was something your mother and I agreed on with the doctors. We never had any problems with you. You have to believe that."

Jim looked confused and then asked, "If that's true, why are you living somewhere else while mom and Jessie live here with me?" Why can't you stay here as well?"

"Because your mother and I have some problems that began before your accident. We have to work them out ourselves. They aren't related to you or your problems. We both are very pleased with you and your progress. That we agree on."

We talked some more but it was clear that Jim accepted what I told him and I believe it was good that we did talk. He had been carrying that load around and it was holding him back some, but now it was over.

When Jim fell asleep, I walked into the kitchen to speak to Paula. She seemed surprised as I walked in and took a chair. It was rare for me to do that so she had no idea what to expect. But I felt the need to talk to her now, more than ever. I saw the coffee pot was full so I got up to make myself a cup before sitting down again.

"Paula, I think we need to talk together. I mean really talk. I have a lot of questions and a lot of things I need to think about. I wanted to ask if we could make some time when I get back from Phoenix. I shouldn't be there more than eight or nine days all together. I'd like to make plans when I get back for the two of us to take some time away from Jim and Jessie and just talk. Would you think about that while I'm gone?"

Paula seemed surprised but also hopeful. She smiled as I talked and when I suggested we take some time together, I saw a tear fall from her eye. She nodded her acceptance when I finished and seemed to gather herself together before answering.

"Of course we can talk. I will answer any questions you have and I hope I can help with the things you have to think about. I've been ready to talk to you any time. Where would you like to go to be alone? I can make some arrangements while you're away if you like. Jim doesn't need me now as much and the nurses can take care of any of his needs for a short time. And Jessie is always here."

"Let me think about it. Somewhere we can be alone without interruptions. I thought we could both drive and then we would be free to leave at any time. How about your parents place? They're gone and won't be back any time soon. How about that?"

"That's fine with me. I have the keys so I'll make sure we have something to eat or drink so we don't have to go out or anything. OK?"

"Great. I'm leaving in the morning so I should be finished by the end of the week or the beginning of next week. I'll call to let you know when I'm coming home."

"OK, but you don't have to give me a warning. I'll just make sure the place is ready whenever you are."

The was one last thing to do. "Paula, there is one thing. Jessie told me that Jim feels responsible for our separating. I spoke to him and told him that he was not a source of problems between you and I. I think he accepts that now. But I never told him the truth about that night or why I did move out. He needs to be told. I can do it, but I believe it should come from you. He has to know the truth."

Paula looked away and I watched the tension come over her but it was short lived. Her shoulders relaxed and she took on a calm expression. "I'll do it tonight. It's proper that it come from me. I guess I thought you would have told him. I should have known you wouldn't do that. I'll tell him."

So, that was that. I had committed to a sit down but I had no idea of what I wanted to say or do. I did want her to explain to me how she let it happen. How she could forget her vows so easily. How she could justify fucking my brother within our marriage. How she could. . . . That was the problem. When I began to think about it and ask questions, the anger began to build until I was shaking. I had to be able to control myself or the whole thing would be a waste of my time.

I left for Phoenix on schedule and began my troubleshooting the first thing Monday morning. I had an idea of what they wanted but I needed to ride with the drivers for a few days to make sure I understood their needs. I had the office software and the executive software down cold so it was no problem to revise that to their specifications, but the drivers were another matter. After three days riding with a few of them, I got the picture. By the end of the third day I was ready to begin revisions.

I worked steadily for the next four days, working through the weekend and into Monday morning. I wanted to run a test of the system as soon as possible to identify the bugs. There would be bugs. There always were. But to my surprise, they were few and easy to fix. So easy I felt I would be finished by Wednesday morning. I could book a flight out Wednesday afternoon and be home by the evening. I felt so good, I decided to hit the lounge in the hotel that evening to have a few drinks and unwind a little. I had earned it and I deserved to relax a little.

I ate dinner and treated myself to a steak, medium rare and baked potato with sour cream and chives. I finished that off, had a piece of pie for desert and topped it off with a cold beer. Perfect. Just like home. Or what used to be home. I thought back to our evenings together before. Paula was a great cook. She had a way with a steak and I loved her pot roast and even her meat loaf. Anything she touched had a way of tasting delicious. It had been a while since I had a good home cooked meal. But whose fault was that? Hers, as far as I was concerned. Hers and my ex brother. But according to Jessie, I was also to blame for allowing it to continue. I wasn't sure I bought into that theory.

I decided to hit the lounge and have another beer. A good cold beer or two to make the steak lay better. I settled in at the bar and got my first draft. It tasted so good, I made short work of it and motioned for a second. By the end of the third, I was feeling pretty good. So good that when this beautiful young blonde thing sat down next to me, I was just willing to buy her one as well. I offered, she accepted and I looked her over while she took her first sip. She was about ten or fifteen years younger than me, very pretty in that blonde, blue-eyed way and nicely stacked from what I could see. Maybe a hooker? But she didn't have that look, the one that said I'm available if the price is right.

I decided to make conversation so I thought of the first thing that came to my mind. "What's a pretty thing like you doing here all alone?" Once the words were out of my mouth, I almost choked. I gave her a sick grin and said, "Pretty stupid I guess, but then I'm not in the habit of coming on to pretty young things in bars. Even high end bars like this lounge".

She looked at me with those big blue eyes and smiled, a little sad smile however. "I'm staying here at the hotel while I'm in town on business." She reached into her purse and handed me a business card. "My name's Selena Campbell. Most people call me Lena." I gave her one of my cards as I introduced myself. I looked at the card she gave me, and then took a closer look. The card said 'Vice President of Sales'. The logo on the card was one from a fortune 100 company that had its headquarters in Phoenix, but her card indicated she was based in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Apparently she was here visiting the home office. For a woman as young as she appeared, this was a high level position. I had to know more, both about her personally and about that sad little smile.

"I sorry Lena, but I can't believe that they would leave someone like you alone for the evening. The men in your home office must be idiots. Any man in his right mind would have invited you to dinner. Spend some time with you. I know I would have. You are a very beautiful young woman if you don't mind a compliment."

"Well Del, I don't mind at all. After the trip I've had and especially this day, I can use all the compliments I can get. Seems like you're the only one that feels that way. This trip was a real downer for me."

She seemed so sad and I had to find out why. No one this beautiful should ever be sad. Or at least that's what four or five cold drafts thought. So, I signaled for two more cold ones and asked her to tell me what was bothering her. She took the draft, sipped, and then leaned back. She gave me a look that made my stomach flutter and motioned to one of the booths that were against the back wall. "Let's get comfortable first, OK?"

I nodded my acceptance, picked up her draft and led the way to a booth near the corner. Lots of privacy and too far away for our conversation to be heard casually. She followed, slid in and took the beer back. I started to move in across from her when she took my hand and pulled me down beside her. I was surprised but went willingly.

"I don't like to shout. I hope you don't mind?" she asked me with a slight smile. I knew she was being facetious but answered that I was quite willing to be near her, as if she had any doubts. Women who looked like her never had men turning away, especially ones with no ring on her finger. I noticed.