tagCelebrities & Fan FictionWho I Am Before I Was Ch. 01

Who I Am Before I Was Ch. 01


Summary: Ok. This is around and up to Passion . Jenny is still alive. Buffy and Angelus have continued their relationship without the others knowledge. Well, continued with the sex part anyway.

This story is a little violent, (not in my opinion, but someone else might think so). It contains m/f sex. Oral; anal; bloodplay, etc. This is Angelus and Buffy and all NC-17 – so take it to heart kiddies. If you are under the legal age to read this, leave now or forever hold your piece.

Now for the much anticipated Disclaimer: Not mine. Nor will they ever be. They all belong to the mighty (but clueless), Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, UPN, and everyone else that is not me. I get less than zero dollars for writing this smut.

. . . . . When the Blood Screams . . . . .

He knew she never told them. She couldn’t. The moment they knew, their virgin little minds would never be able to wrap around it. Grasp the need. The hunger. Including, if not especially, her watcher. It would definitely be one for the Watcher Diaries: Slayer has sex – willingly – with vampire. Not just any vampire; the Scourge of Europe.

Unfortunately for this particular Slayer she did not want anyone else but vampires. Or, one in particular. No one else could ever be able to satisfy her. She knew he was no longer her boyfrien., Yet still she craved him like no other. He rained torment down upon her, but still, the longing was always there. She loved the man they used to call Angel. But Buffy Summers lusted after the man they now call – Angelus.

“Slayer,” Angelus called out amidst all the tombstones that aligned the cemetery.

Buffy turned facing the man that flooded her nightmares and invaded her dreams. The man that was the cause of every fantasy and dirty thought she ever conjured. “Angel,” she responded simply, not completely surprised at his presence.

His brows narrowed at the sound of the souls name. He knew she still called him that. Not that she thought they were the same, but it gave her the illusion to dream to herself that she was not betraying her soulmate. Most times Angelus did not care what she called him when they spoke. Though he had made it perfectly clear that when he was inside her, thrusting into her tight heat, she would call him by his real name. His demon’s name. It gave him satisfaction watching her cringe at having to admit it was the demon that was giving her ultimate pleasure. It was the demon that pounded into her and had her screaming in exquisite rhapsody over and over again.

Angelus surveyed the surroundings, “Ah, looks like the little slayer is all by her lonesome tonight. What?” he smirked, “no one wanted to play with you?”

Buffy shrugged, “Better things to do, I guess,” she looked into his eyes. Not eyes that surged with love and devotion. No. These were eyes that swelled with lust and dominance. How many vampires in history could claim – and not be lying about – screwing a Slayer? None. Buffy continued on, “Must we always play these cat and mouse games? You know why I’m here,” she said in a serious tone.

“Ah yes,” Angelus said grinning as he leaned against a nearby headstone. “You are here for a fuck. Or more precisely, my cock. You know, lover, I gotta say, twice a week, not really doing it for me. I think we need to take this to the next level.”

“Sorry,” Buffy quipped, “it’s all I have time for,” it wasn’t the truth. She begged Giles for research and training every day – and night. She needed this man. He was in her system. And keeping herself busy allowed her to attempt to keep all her feelings and desires at bay. Buffy continued on, trying to show her annoyance at actually having to see him, “I kinda have a pretty busy life you know. Is hard to squeeze you in,” she narrowed her eyes.

“Don’t I know. You are pretty tight lover. Not that I mind, of course,” he sneered, “but have you ever thought of using a dildo? Oh,” Angelus put his hand up to his mouth contemplating, “on second thought, scratch that. I think I like being the only thing to ever be inside you. The only thing that will ever be inside you.”

“Not enough you’re the only man? Oops, sorry – demon? Angel was a man.”

Angelus growled low in his throat, “Nope.. Guess not,” he smiled.

“Well,” Buffy began as she twirled a stake in her hand, “back to the reason I’m here. It’s not for a fuck. Word is a few vamps are set to rise tonight. Courtesy of Spike from what I understand.”

“Hmm. Wouldn’t be surprised. He never really did have standards. Would turn a goat if he could. He never did listen to my teachings.”

“Gee,” Buffy said sarcastically, “I wonder why? Anyway, are you going to leave me alone now? I have a job to do. You know, the one I don’t get paid for.”

“Sorry lover. I can’t wait until later on. The only job you need do, is a blow job on me. I’m in need of your services now,” Angelus slowly walked toward Buffy until he stood only a breath away above her. Buffy turned her head upward as he held her chin up with a finger. “My little slayer. So fucking hot I can smell you. Your arousal is intoxicating,” he closed his eyes and took in her natural scent that only rose at the thought of him, “you smell so fucking good.”

Buffy blushed as her eyes went past his to the grave that was being disturbed. “Um…I think…...,” she couldn’t form words as Angelus slipped a hand under her short skirt and massaged her wet curls. She wore no panties. “Angel. . . . . there’s. . . . ,” she closed her eyes.

The new disoriented vampire made his way to the surface. Buffy had long since forgotten him as Angelus continued to stroke her, his eyes closed as well.. The vampire approached the unaware lovers. Just as he was ready to pounce, Angelus pulled his hand away from under Buffy’s skirt and grabbed the stake she still held. Buffy moaned at the loss, “Angel why’d you. . . ,” in a flash Angelus dusted the vamp without even turning around.

Angelus leaned down to capture Buffy’s lips, “Don’t worry about the other two either. They rose before you got here. I took care of them.”

Buffy pulled back, “Why should I honestly believe you?”

“Because. I didn’t want anyone disturbing our night. And I know that had I let the other two go, you would have to go searching for them. Thus, causing our night to end early. I couldn’t have that,” he said smugly.

Buffy looked at him questioningly, then dropped down her guard. She knew he wasn’t. She stared down at the grass. She didn’t want to feel this way. This wasn’t Angel. This wasn’t the man that loved her. But she still loved him. He may only have Angel’s voice and body, but it was all she had left of him. She couldn’t let that go too. She often wondered if Angel would hate her for doing this if he ever knew. Or would he understand? Could he understand?

Buffy continued to stare at the ground when she spoke, “All day I’ve been thinking about this. About you……,” she trailed off.

Angelus watched her inner struggle. Watched as her chest heaved with each breath she took. It picked up its pace, triggering his thoughts about how more aroused she was becoming with every breath. “What have you been thinking about my little slut?” he said softly.

Buffy raised her eyes to his, “I’ve been thinking about………about you fucking me hard. Making me scream. Never letting me go.”

“I never will let you go,” Angelus said as he came up to her, pushing her up against a tree. “So, hard you want it, slayer? Hard you’re gonna get it. Every part of you will scream out my name before I’m done with you,” Angelus stared into her eyes, “understand this slayer: I am not, nor will I ever make love to you. We fuck. I make it good for you. You make it good for me. That’s all this is about. Got it?” It was a lie. Angelus knew it. He only hoped Buffy never would realize the ugly truth. Or, the ugly truth as he saw it.


“Yes, what?” he said leaning into her.

“Yes, Angelus”

Angelus smiled in appreciation of her submissiveness. He lightly traced a finger along her face and down her neck. Once he reached her throat, he opened his hand and wrapped it around her throat. The grip was tight enough that Buffy had to grasp a moment, but not tight enough to completely cut off her airway. As Angelus gripped her throat tightly, the smirk disappeared off his face as he arched in and slowly nipped her lips. Sliding his tongue over her lips to silently tell her to open her mouth. Buffy complied as Angelus slipped his tongue inside her. The kiss started of slowly, as if they were two high-schoolers on their first date, then gradually picked up speed to the level only Buffy and Angelus knew.

Angelus thrusted his body into hers. Pressing his clothed erection into her stomach. He kissed her more forcibly as his hand still gripped her throat. Buffy’s arms flew around him and pushed him into her. In that moment, Angelus tore his hand away from her throat and ripped open her top and tugged on her bra as it to, gave way to his ministrations. He flung the items to the side on the ground, carefully making quick work of her skirt. His hand returned to her throat as he stared into her eyes, “Who am I, Buff?”

Buffy closed her eyes, “Angelus.”

“Good. Now, say it with your eyes open.”

Buffy slowly opened her eyes and whispered, “Angelus.”

A rush of arrogance flowed through Angelus as he unzipped his fly and pulled out his long, slick penis, not even sliding his pants down. Buffy looked at him questioningly. He merely smiled wickedly, “I know you find comfort in touching this body when we fuck. Feeling my skin beneath your fingertips. So I’m not going to undress. It’s merely a formality anyhow,” he said smugly as he glanced down at his throbbing cock, “well, look’s like I’m ready for you.” Buffy’s eyes followed his as she stared at his cock. At Angelus’ words, she looked up at him, “Now, let’s hope you’re reading for me.”

Angelus grabbed her upper arms and thrust her against the tree, impaling her on his pulsing dick in one long motion. Angelus groaned as Buffy cried out in pain at the invasion.

“Oh, fuck,” she cried out as she gripped his long coat with her tiny fingers. Angelus didn’t move, allowing her to once again grow accustom to his girth.

“That’s right, Buff,” he said at her former statement, “we are fucking,” Angelus slowly moved inside her. He would never admit it, but he didn’t want to hurt her. Partly, because if he did, she wouldn’t find pleasure in their affair. And if she didn’t find pleasure in these acts, she would never crave him and hate herself for doing so. But he also never wanted to do her harm. As unfortunate as it was, there was still a part of him that loved this girl. And it was more than just he’s penis. Whether there was still a piece of Angel inside him that refused to let her go, causing this sickening emotion, or whether it was he himself that loved this girl. He did not know. Nor did he spend too much time racking his brain over it.

Angelus picked up the pace of his thrusting as Buffy tried to keep up. He gripped her hips tightly and held her close as he fell with her to the ground.

“Tell me. Tell me you love it, Buff,” he said slamming into her with bruising force.

“I love ………ah God….I love it……………...Angelus.”

A smile crossed over his features as he continued his movements, “Do you want to come my little Slayer? Do you want me to fuck you into the ground? Tell me, my love,” he whispered in her ear.

“Yes!” she cried out tugging at his shirt.

“You want my flesh, don’t you? You want to feel my skin on yours?” It wasn’t a question. The answer had always been quite clear.

“Yes, Angelus……….please,” Buffy cried.

“Fine,” he pulled out of her hot snatch and moved his way up her body so that he straddled her chest. His cock was hard and glistening from their combined juices in front of her face. “What would your little friends think of this? The Slayer stark naked about to give head to a vampire?” Angelus glanced up, then looked back down at her face, “in a cemetery no less.”

Buffy glared up at him, “Fuck you,” she said bluntly.

“No,” he said smiling down at his hard member as it bounced in front of her face. His expression suddenly became serious, “Fuck it, Buff,” he grabbed her head and pulled her up so she was face to face with his cock. No more encouragement was needed as she stuck out her tongue and took one long languid lick up his shaft. Angelus growled, “Fuck, yes.” His growl only goaded her on as she took his entire member in her mouth, careful not to gag as she swirled her tongue around it. Keeping a hold on her head with both hands, he thrusted inside her willing mouth. “Oh, fuck………..damn Buff, you’ve gotten so goddamn good at this,” he shouted, “you are the best fuck ever……..I’m gonna come, Buffy. I’m gonna come all over your mouth and face……….Oh, yes…………do you want me to do that? Huh…………”

Buffy couldn’t respond, not with a huge nine-incher stuck down her throat. She merely grabbed his dick with both her tiny hands and thrusted him at her own pace.

Angelus repositioned himself so that he stretched flat above her while he supported himself with his hands in the grass. Buffy took her hands away so that he could fuck her mouth, “Oh, yes, baby………fuck it……….,” he said through clenched teeth as he pushed in and out of her mouth.

Buffy could only groan as she brought her hand to the juncture between her thighs. She started stroking and pinching her clit. Her moans grew louder as she entered two digits into her dripping core. It was no comparison to what was there only moments before, but it would have to do.

Angelus groaned as he went back to his original position straddling her chest. He pushed her hand away from her center, “Mine,” he growled, as if she wasn’t even allowed to get herself off. He pulled out of her mouth, “Do you want my come, Buff?” he said as he pumped his shaft.

“Yes,” she moaned, “I want it.”

Angelus smiled as he pumped harder, “Oh…….fuck yes…..I’m gonna come Buff,” Angelus growled as he came hard into her mouth and around her face, spilling his seed onto her supple breasts. “Fuck, baby,” he slumped forward, burying his wet crotch in her face.

The humiliation of that final act caused Buffy to push him off her, “Get off.”

Angelus smirked beside her as he rested on his side, “I just did.”

“You’re a real bastard, you know that?”

“Ah, come on Buffy. Don’t worry. I’m never one to leave a woman unsatisfied. I’ll be back up momentarily for another round. But I guess I could do a little something for you.”

Angelus cuddled closer to her, his eyes remaining on hers as his left hand crept down to her dripping pussy. The moment his hand glazed her sensitive clit on its way to her core, Buffy arched into him, “Oh, God.”

“No, my sweet. Not God. He would never bring you the pleasure I do.”

Angelus stroked her as their eyes remained fixed on each other. “Why...,” Buffy started, “why did you pull …ah…..yes…,” Buffy ground herself into his hand as he slid two fingers, then three, inside her hot channel, massaging her clit with his thumb, “my hand…..you pulled my hand….”

Angelus smiled at her lack of being able to even form a complete sentence at his ministrations. “Why did I pull your hand away from being able to finger yourself?” she nodded, “because every part of you belongs to me. You are mine, and your body will know it,” he grinned, “well, I suppose it already does know it, doesn’t it? Or you wouldn’t be here with me right now?”

Buffy gripped his shirt as her climax approached. Angelus cruelly pulled his finger out of her. Buffy began to protest until he leaned into her, “Shh, my darling,” he brought his fingers up to her lips, “taste yourself. Taste the juices that only flow for me. Go on,” he encouraged, “I promise you’ll love it. Taste yourself on my fingers.”

Buffy reluctantly opened her mouth to allow him to slip his fingers inside. He did not move., only kept his stare as his face became unreadable. Buffy knew what he wanted. She was to do this on her own. She took hold of his fingers in her tiny hand, and slowly licked from palm to fingernail. Taking each digit in her mouth and cleaning it thoroughly as a smile crept across his face. “Taste’s good, doesn’t it?” Now you know how you taste to me. So delectable. A truly fine dish.”

Buffy had closed her eyes, paying attention to his fingers the way she would his cock. It tasted bitter and tangy. At first she wasn’t sure if she did like it. After moments of realizing she could only taste this way because he made her taste this way, she began to enjoy it. It suddenly became a naughty thing to do that she would only do with him. At his voice, Buffy opened her eyes once more, then retracted his fingers from her mouth and nodded.. “It tastes….”her lips turned into a mischievous grin, “bad……,” she said with a gleam in her eyes that made Angelus proud.

“I will permit you to finger yourself when you’re alone. So long as you imagine your fingers are mine as they stretch inside of you, feeling the warmth of your pussy and mouth. And when you come, you are to stick those exquisite fingers of yours, in your mouth. You are to clean each one thoroughly as you just did mine. Doing it in the same manor,” Buffy nodded, “and Buffy,” Angelus said sternly, “you will suck your fingers clean. Never wash them until you have tasted yourself. Understand?”

“Yes, Angelus.”

“Good girl. Now, would you like me to make you come on my face?”

“Yes, Angelus,” she repeated. He smirked and leaned down taking a hardened nipple into his mouth, biting down, then doing the same to its twin. Each time causing a shriek of pleasure to escape his lovers mouth.

Angelus looked up at Buffy after he finished his assault on her breasts. “Didn’t want them to feel neglected. I’ll be having a little fun with them later on,” he flicked her nipple with his tongue once more, then made quick work of finding her hot, dripping core. No longer dealing with butterfly kisses on her stomach or nuzzling her abdomen. With his tongue thick and wet he glided it up her snatch, from her anus to clit.

“Oh, fuck,” Buffy screamed as her hands fell to the back of his head, holding him in place. Angelus lapped up all her juices. He stretched his tongue out as far as it would go, then tightened the muscles as he dove into her channel as it glistened in the moons light. He brought his right hand up to massage her clit while he thrusted his tongue inside her. He reached under her bottom with his left hand and pulled her closer. He slowly used his index finger to massage her puckered anus. Buffy groaned into him, arching up so that he was buried within her wet curls.

“Oh yes, Angelus…my ass…use your fingers,” the moment she said it, Buffy was ashamed. She had just asked him to fuck her in the ass with his fingers. Good girls didn’t do that sort of thing. Of course, good girls didn’t fuck the soulless version of their former boyfriend in a cemetery either. But the very idea of Angelus pushing inside her virgin ass, turned her on to extremes.

Angelus looked up from her sopping curls, “My baby wants it in the ass, does she?”

“Yes,” she called again.. She just couldn’t help herself

“Well, I thought I’d have to wait longer to introduce you to that, but you being willing isn’t all bad either,” he entered three digits into her aching cunt and used his teeth on her tiny nub. Gently biting as his left index finger entered her tight back passage. He stroked inside her anus as Buffy began to writhe on the ground, tearing the grass from its comfortable roots. Wave after wave of sheer ecstasy shuddered through her body. The final orgasm came as Angelus bit hard on her clit while thrusting his fingers savagely in each of her passages.

“Oh, fuck…..God…yes Angelus…oh Yessss!” Angelus was pleased. That scream probably woke up most of the residents of the cemetery. Not just the ones who were killed only to rise again. Angelus pulled his fingers from her body, causing a gasp to escape her. Buffy was completely sated. She couldn’t move. Her eyes were shut. Her mouth hung open.

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