Who is Tony Sanford

I knocked on his door, this time in a dress, high heels, and with my red hair sculpted into a do that a hairdresser friend had shown me a couple of years ago. The look on his face when he opened the door was priceless. Maybe there was hope.

"Jasmine?"

I laughed. "I don't look that different, do I?"

"Um, well, um, you just surprised me."

I had him off-balance and needed to keep going.

"I'm inviting you to go to dinner with me." I gave him my biggest smile.

An awkward pause.

"You're asking me... for a date?"

"Radical, right?"

"Jasmine, I don't know."

What was wrong? There was a look of almost fear on his face.

"I dressed up specially for this, Tony." I'm sure I looked disappointed.

He paced slowly across the room, then back. I wondered; it didn't seem like a life-or-death decision. At last, he smiled.

"I'd be silly not to go to dinner with an attractive redhead."

I almost sighed with relief.

"Let me change my clothes," he said and disappeared into his bedroom.

Of course, I'd seen his apartment many times when I'd prepared dinner and learned about Ukraine. It was simply furnished outside of what came with the apartment. It reminded me of my place when I'd moved in. I wasn't sure how long he'd lived here, but he certainly wasn't into interior decoration. Tony certainly was a puzzle. I hoped I could put the pieces together.

"Well, I'm ready," he said as he came through the door.

"Tony, you clean up really well." I wondered how he'd react.

"Thank you, Jasmine." He smiled, and it was a warm and friendly smile. " Am I dressed appropriately?"

The wonderful aroma of his cologne finally reached me, and I restrained the reply that sprang to my lips.

"Perfect," I said instead.

I realized that, since I had asked him to dinner, he was waiting for me to take the lead."

"I'm ready if you are."

Once in the hall, he offered his arm. I smiled and took hold.

"Why don't we just take my car?" he suggested.

I chuckled. "You a little uncomfortable having a woman take you out for a date?"

He looked at me very seriously. "It's not that at all." He paused. "Well, maybe it is. Plus, I don't go out a lot, so my car could use some exercise."

"I understand that."

"And I'll pay, too," he said as we reached his car.

"Like hell," I replied. "You'll have to wrestle with me to do that." I watched the look on his face change. I wondered if he was picturing himself wrestling with me. I needed to stop thinking like that. Tony was a fascinating guy in more ways than one.

He stopped at the exit to the parking garage and looked at me.

"Where are we going?"

"Oh, good question. Let's head for Mathew's Steak House." It had delicious food and was only three or four miles from the apartment.

"Wow, a great place to eat. I've been there a couple of times. Like I said earlier, I don't go out very often these days."

I was kind of aware of that but had never dwelt on it. But it was curious. A still relatively young and good-looking guy who stayed at home most of the time. If he were around women, I'm sure some of them would be after him. Nice looking and that fascinating accent.... and that little scar. Maybe it was better that he stayed in, and I could have him all to myself.

He parked, and we began walking to the restaurant, Tony offering his arm once again. I noticed that he wasn't looking at me, nor straight ahead, but was glancing randomly around like he was searching for someone or looking for a friend. And it wasn't a momentary thing, but continuous. I thought of saying something about it but decided against it.

We went inside and were seated. Ribeye steaks were in order and were delicious.

"So, Jasmine, what motivated you to ask me to dinner?"

I smiled a little self-consciously. Was he serious? Why would a woman ask a man for a date?

"Well, Tony, we've spent a lot of time together, and I thought it might be fun to spend some time in a different place and atmosphere."

"I've enjoyed the time we've spent together, too, Jasmine, and I hope it continues. Plus, I've enjoyed sharing what I know of Ukraine with you."

The subject was changed as it was now time to decide on a dessert.

I settled on apple pie a la mode, while Tony chose pecan pie, which he fairly devoured when it was served. When he was finished, he glanced at me, an embarrassed look on his face.

"That's embarrassing," he said. "Sorry."

"Not at all," I replied. "Now I know what to bring to your place for dessert."

"Jasmine," he began, a teasingly threatening tone to his voice.

I just smiled and nodded.

The bill came, was paid, and we were on our way to Tony's car. As I turned to look at him, his arms went around me, I was pushed against the restaurant wall, and his lips were pressed against mine.

I was shocked, surprised, and dumbfounded. Instinctively, my arms went around him. With the aroma of his cologne filling my nose and his strong arms squeezing me tightly, I didn't mind that my head was against the brick wall. It was probably fifteen or twenty seconds before he released me.

He faced away from me, and I waited for him to say something.

"I'm sorry," he finally said.

I knew from that response that there was much that needed explaining.

"Tony, look at me."

Reluctantly, he turned his head.

"You're sorry you kissed me?"

"Jasmine, no, I'm not, but... I think you'd rather not know."

"Know what?"

"It's complicated, and I feel like I used you."

"What if I enjoyed being used, whatever it was?"

"You don't know what you're saying, Jasmine."

"Please call me Jas. All of my close friends do."

That completely threw him, and he stared at me intently.

"In time, Jas, this memory will fade, and that's how it should be."

"You must have a low opinion of your kisses."

He glanced around the parking lot. "We shouldn't be talking about this in the parking lot. Let's go to our place and... we'll, we'll see."

I was in a different zone, probably where I shouldn't be, but when he said "our place, my heart pumped a little extra blood, I was sure.

I purposefully took hold of his arm as we walked to the car. I received a quick glance, but he was clearly avoiding looking at me. There was something going on that had him troubled, and I meant to find what it was.

We started toward our apartments, Tony still not looking at me.

"Tell me what's going on, Tony," I said as firmly as I could without yelling.

"It's best you don't know, Jasmine."

"Jas, please."

Now he looked at me, closed his eyes, and looked away.

"Jas, you're, well, special, and I like you. That's why you can't know."

"Tony, I haven't prepared dinners and come to your place just to learn about Ukraine. I've enjoyed the learning, but I've enjoyed even more just being with you. And you're going to have to forbid me to come near you for anything to change." I hoped that he was hearing in my voice more than I was saying with my words.

"That's not going to happen," he said softly, and I could see that his mind was churning.

Tony, I plan to spend a lot more time with you... a lot more!" I added emphatically.

"You're torturing me, Jas."

"Just tell me what's going on, and I can be there for you."

"It's not that simple. It's not like my family has disowned me or a good friend has told me to get out of their life."

Tony pulled into the parking garage in silence, but when we started toward the elevator, he took hold of my hand. I don't know what brought it to my mind, but I said it anyway as he pushed the "three" button.

"I bought some pictures, shelves, and knick-knacks, and I'm going to need help putting them up."

A half-smile. "Of course, I'll help."

"Thank you," I answered with a smile.

We were silent until we were in my apartment.

"Tony, in that parking lot, out of nowhere, you grabbed me and kissed me. In case you didn't notice, I kissed you back." I was willing to push him until he let me in on what was going on.

"I know that Jas, and I loved it as well as hating it." Once more, he closed his eyes, and when they opened, they created a look of resolution that gave me a hint of what might be coming.

"Jas, if I tell you everything, you will be in danger, and that danger includes death and even worse."

I think I began to tremble. This sounded well beyond what I had been thinking.

"Tony, that sounds... " I wasn't sure how it sounded.

"This is not fantasy, Jas. It's very real, and I live it every day. I'm not sure you want to live it too."

Neither was I at this very instant. He'd just dropped a huge load in my lap, but it was a closed box, and I had to decide whether or not to open it.

"We can stay just as we are, neighbors who share dinner occasionally. But it can't go beyond that."

I was beginning to understand what he was saying, that we'd be just friends or totally committed to each other. I mean, I was beginning to really be drawn to Tony, and the parking lot kiss had been exciting.

"You're talking about more of a commitment than just an 'I do.'"

"We're a long way from 'I do,' Jas, but no, I'm not talking about anything more than you'd do for a husband."

He was right, of course. I'd never had anyone I'd felt like that about, but there sat Tony, waiting.

"You didn't totally refuse to tell me, and I think that means you'd like for me to tell you that I'm in."

"I can't ask that."

"But what would you like?"

Silence as he stared at me. "I like you, Jasmine. Very much."

I leaned close and gently kissed him.

"Is that answer enough?"

He looked at me and took a deep breath. "In the parking lot, I thought I recognized someone, and I kissed you to hide, but when I realized that you were kissing me, it was one of the pleasantest moments of my life."

"Life can change very quickly, can't it?"

"It has."

I sat on the couch and patted the cushion next to mine.

"I'm all ears," I said.

He dropped down beside me and gave me that "are you sure" look one more time. I just kept looking at him and waiting.

"Don't call me anything but Tony, but my name is Vasily Kuznetsov."

"And you're Ukrainian."

"Yes, and Sheila Walters is my grandmother."

That stunned me. I'd never seen Sheila, and Vern had never mentioned that she was a little older. But now I was really anxious to hear the whole story.

"Ukraine was once a part of Russia, you know, controlled by the communists. My grandfather didn't like that and was very active in trying to stop it. So active that he just disappeared."

"Disappeared?"

"Yes, in those days, it wasn't unusual to disappear. My mother, grandmother, and I disappeared, too, but that was different. I was one year old. We moved from house to house to keep from being found. We'd all been convicted by the Russians and condemned to death. But then we declared our independence, and we thought all was well until my father was killed walking on a public street in Kyiv. We disappeared again and have been gone ever since."

"So, you were some sort of a freedom fighter?"

"Sort of, I guess. But my grandfather and my dad were part of a group that specialized in eliminating Russians who were especially harmful to Ukraine. Thus, the Russians were determined to eliminate us... and still are."

"So, the war over there has reemphasized all of that?"

"It has, very much so. And that's why my grandmother left so quickly. She is terrified of staying in one place too long. I tried to talk her out of leaving, and she tried to talk me into going with her."

A light bulb suddenly turned on in my brain. "Wait, Vern's stories. That's why they're so good."

"I tried to keep her from doing that. I was afraid the stories would be recognized, and the Russians would come after this Vern guy, and he'd lead them here. It hasn't happened. Evidently, the Russians aren't readers."

"How do you, well, keep going? Do you do some sort of secret work?" I was beginning to realize why Tony was so reluctant to allow me to get involved, but I was also sure there was more.

"Yes and no. I don't formally work as that creates more places to be discovered."

Tony stood and walked slowly to the big window, gazed out for a few moments, then returned and sat beside me once again.

"I assume you've heard of the witness protection programs that they have here in the United States.."

I nodded, a little puzzled.

"What I have is not exactly that, but similar."

I was processing what he'd been saying and what had been registering in my brain. I think I had been underestimating what had happened and what was happening to Tony.

"Has that been working for you?"

"The scar on my face is a reminder of what happens when you get careless. Thank goodness I ducked just in time."

The look on his face caused me to shiver. I opened my arms and beckoned to him. He slid over, and I pulled his head against my shoulder. I held him tightly.

"Tony, I can't imagine what You've been through and what You're going through right now."

He raised his head and furrowed his brow.

"Do you hear what you're saying, Jas?"

Suddenly, I heard it. And what I heard frightened me. I kissed him on the forehead.

"I want to learn all about you, what You've been through, everything."

"You realize, I hope, that it doesn't matter what you know; it's only that you're associated with me."

"What would you have me do?"

He looked at me like I'd just asked him to kill me.

"You're allowed to use if in your answer," I encouraged.

"Jas, I can't do it."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"That's the last thing I want."

"Then I won't.". I kissed him

~~~

In the next few days and couple of weeks, nothing much changed except the foundation on which my life was built. Oh, and the fact that I wouldn't be able to share much of my life with my friends. I'd have to get used to that and think carefully before I'd speak.

We still lived in our own apartments, and he met many of my friends in a very casual way. No one did much more than speak to him. He basically stayed away when I entertained friends. That would change eventually, but I knew that getting married would just produce more trails leading to Tony.

Just home from work one evening, I received a call from the lobby.

"Ms. Clemens, there's a Vernon Smith in the lobby to see you."

"Thank you. He's good to come up."

"Thank you, Ms. Clemens."

I was standing in my doorway when Vern came down the hall.

"Haven't seen you for a while."

"I know, and I don't want to bother you too much, but have you heard anything from Sheila since she moved out?"

Technically, I hadn't heard from her.

"Not a thing. And I'd gather you haven't either."

"My publisher is after me to write another spy novel, and I can't tell him that my little old lady story source is gone. He chuckled dryly

He most likely wasn't going to hear anything from Sheila, either, and I couldn't tell him that I knew another source possibly as good as Sheila had been.

"I'm sorry, Vern. I have your number, though, so if I hear anything, I'll give you a call."

"Thanks, Jasmine. I don't need to keep bothering you."

"Sorry again, Vern."

I thought I'd talk to Tony about that when Vern was gone. I didn't think there was anything he could do, but it wouldn't hurt to talk about it. I went to Tony's door and unlocked it. We'd exchanged keys a while ago.

"Hi, Jas. How was work today?"

"I got a lot done for a change. Anything exciting happen here?"

He held up an envelope. "Got this letter from Sheila today."

"Tony, that's exciting."

"I don't know exactly where she is, but she's not too far away, I'm sure."

Seeing the letter in Tony's hand got me thinking about a distant possibility.

"Let me ask a question. Is there a mechanism in place to ensure that, well, the Russians are still after you?"

Tony smiled, then walked to the window. Looking outside, he said, "I'm not sure?"

I raised my eyebrows as he turned to face me, a questioning look on my face.

"Are you saying that all of this could be for naught?" He shrugged. "We used to have a source, but some think it's gone."

"With the burden of the war that isn't going as expected, would they still be worrying about cold war things?"

"I hope not, and if I'm honest, I don't think they are. But if that's so, I'll have to get a job."

"How would that be?"

"Wonderful. I'd love it."

We hugged, and I nibbled his ear. I felt him kissing my neck.

"I love it here. It always smells so good," he said, snuggling in tighter and tighter until I squealed. But he didn't back off, and I squealed again. "I don't believe I've ever made a woman squeal before this."

"I hope it isn't the last time," I teased for an instant before he began tickling me. I was squealing continuously now, and we were on the floor, me squirming and Tony holding me down. The kiss that followed was fantastic: lips, tongues, and those little noises from our throats. Just when I thought my blood was going to begin boiling, he stopped.

"Later," he said, winking at me. "But first... "

I decided that his "but first" had better be good.

"If I really believe that I'm no longer on the list, I need to act like it. Before 'later' gets here, let's go to a nice restaurant and have a delicious preparatory dinner."

He sensually licked his lips, which had a double meaning now.

"As long as there'll be a 'later.'"

"Or two or three."

"Tony?"

"It's been long enough, Jas."

I had to agree with Tony; it had been long enough. Our time together hadn't been totally free of sexual activity, but intercourse had never happened. It wasn't as if I'd never done the deed, but might as well have been. Niki and I had dared each other and during a double date, it had happened at her house when her parents were out of town. We'd decided sex was okay but nothing special, and that probably had a lot to do with the fact that our partners just happened to be the ones who'd asked us for dates that night.

But now I was ready. No matter the circumstances, I couldn't imagine my life proceeding without Tony in it. Plus, if he were no longer on the "list," there'd be no reason not to get married and start a family. Right now, though, we were headed for an hour of torment at a wonderful Italian restaurant where I knew the food and the atmosphere were both exquisite.

I clung tightly to Tony's arm until we were inside Ricardo's. The aromas that filled my nostrils were tantalizing, and I could barely wait to order. The empty wine bottles topped with well-used candles provided an atmosphere that was appropriate for our evening. Of course, we had a glass of Chianti, which, provided we were prudent, would put us in an excellent mood for what would follow.

I ordered Pollo alla Cacciatore, and when it arrived, the aroma effect doubled. It was delicious, and I devoured it almost embarrassingly. I saw Tony smile, which warmed me. He smiled in the apartments occasionally but was generally very somber when we were out. Seeing the big smile on his face made me believe he was confident that he was off of the list. Time would tell.

We both waved off a second glass of Chianti and were ready to head home. I was already breathing a little harder, something I certainly hadn't done on that double date a few years ago. But this was already different, and I knew that the fifteen-minute ride home would seem an eternity.

It had gotten cooler and much darker as we walked arm-in-arm to the car. I heard some noise.

"What's that, Tony?

"Something over there," he said, gesturing.

I heard a loud noise and felt a sharp pain.

~~~

Someone was squeezing my hand. I struggled to open my eyes.

"Jasmine, thank God."

I tried to focus on Tony's face, but there were other faces hovering over me. One was doing something to my leg, and the other was looking straight at me.