Who Wanna Be a Bimbo? - Backstory

Have you ever wondered how The Chamber came to be? Where does it come from? How are its abilities limited? Does the CIA use it to manipulate people? If so, then you must read this text! It contains the answers to all of these questions and more!

By the way, keep your zippers closed. This isn't just another erotic story, it's a serious factual article about the truth that the government doesn't want you to learn. There is no fapping material here or this won't be your proudest fap.

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The woman was lying on an altar. Or at least she considered it to be an altar, because she was about to be sacrificed for the gods on one only moments ago. But the surface she was currently lying on was not as cold as the stone in the temple. The red skinned priest with his bone-knife was gone as well. There were no torches either, yet the place was evenly lit and comfortably warm. The room was clean and empty, there were no windows and the walls were made of a weird smooth material. The woman's wrists and ankles were immobilised, the straps were firm, but not uncomfortable. She should have been afraid, but when you were supposed to be ritually sacrificed, yet you magically survived, the feeling of fear no longer looked the same. She just waited, for no specific reason expecting that she would be all right.

"Human's resilience and adaptiveness never fails to astound me."

"Yes, they are an impressive species, indeed."

The two scientists were watching the woman from another room; a life-scale hologram showed perfectly every detail of the woman's naked body. The scientists were both about 140 centimetres tall, had grey skin, large oval-shaped heads with big dark eyes. Physically they might have been weak, but their skulls contained huge brains whose capacity greatly exceeded those of humans.

"They learn swiftly as well."

"A lot faster than dolphins."

"Dolphins are just lazy, all they want to do is swim, eat and have sex. The latter might have some potential for probing, but as a testing species they're mostly useless."

"Yes, humans also have a great affinity for architecture. They had learnt to build the pyramids in no-time."

"The ones on the desert learnt it even quicker."

"But you have to admit that the jungle environment is more hostile. Plus there are no draft animals to use in this location."

"Speaking of which. Why do we also abduct the alpacas? And earlier the cows from the other pyramid people?"

"This is none of your concern. There are specialists who deal with those, their job is just as scientific and important as ours."

"As far as I'm concerned the Reptilians don't abduct livestock."

"Reptilians are meddlers, not scientists! We are serious respectable aliens, I mean spacefarers, and we use appropriate scientific methods. Leave that issue be and let's proceed to probing. Have you brought all the necessary tools?"

"Of course."

The advanced set of probing devices was broad and diverse. It included a wide variety of penis-shaped objects of all sizes; most were used manually, some were vibrating, others mounted on machines. There were also balls, pumps, clamps and other oddly shaped objects that only the respectable specialists could name. The human subjects, especially females, loved being probed with them. After a few experimental sessions of collecting scientific data they rarely wanted to return to Earth; especially if the alternative was a sacrificial altar.

2500 YEARS LATER

"I'm so glad that they finally developed space travel. This means they're advanced enough for us to contact them directly."

"The Reptilians have been doing that for years..."

"Yes, sabotaging our scientific effort! We need to counter their activities."

"Does that mean we'll stop abducting human's livestock and leaving signs in fields?"

"No, of course not! Be reasonable and stop interfering in fields that lie beyond your scope of specialisation."

"Sorry. I'm all ears."

This expression was borrowed from the humans, since greys had no external earlobes.

"We need to test the adaptiveness and flexibility of humans in their natural habitat. The test results of the abducted ones aren't fully satisfying."

"You're going to tell them that when we make contact?"

"No. At least not directly. Our diplomats will have to phrase it appropriately, something about coming in peace, the universe is for all to share, there are no boundaries in space and such."

"Our diplomats may be skilful, but I have doubts whether they can persuade the humans to conduct experiments on their own population."

"I could use your own argument against you and say that the Reptilians have done that a long time ago, but I'm a scientist and not a demagogue, so I'm not going to do that."

"Thank you, I suppose."

"A broad and comprehensive study of the psychology of the individuals and the behavioral patterns of the whole societies resulted in a method that not only gives us a 99.97% chance of success, but will also make the humans enjoy it."

"What kind of method have you developed which hadn't been tried before?"

"It's an improved combination of tested methods. A comprehensive analysis of diverse data..."

"To the core, please."

"We've created a device that can transform the physical form and the mental patterns of individual humans without taking them out of their natural habitat. To give us diversified figures we equipped it with a random numbers generator. It has an exactitude of 99.997%, so the transformations won't be repetitive and should give us all probable combinations. All transformed humans will then be closely inspected by our observers without interfering into their lives."

"How are you going to convince them to use that device?"

"We'll.... ehm... the... Reptilians came up with an idea..."

"What?!"

"Well, they're good at meddling. They've been doing it for years and their new plan sounded reasonable, even if it lacked concrete scientific data to back it up."

"I would've never suspected that you'd go to Reptilians for advice."

"We never intended to ask them for advice, just to negotiate with them, so they wouldn't interfere. It was necessary for the safety of the operation. Initially we wanted to create a new 'scientific religion', but they suggested a TV show instead. I have to admit it's a more modern idea..."

"Haven't we tried a religion already, just recently? It was a moderate success, but I doubt this concept could be used again."

"A fair point. So the Reptilians came up with the idea, but also wanted some level of control over the experiment."

"Don't tell me you agreed."

"It's nothing much. They won't interfere with the scientific process or data, only moderate the TV show itself. Their agent will go by the name of Frank Trustworthy."

"A perfect camouflage. They won't be using their main operative, Mark Sugarmountain?"

"No, he's basically unmasked by now. They had to use someone fresh."

"Sounds reasonable."

"By the way, what name do you use when in human avatar?"

"Bill."

"You could've come up with something more creative."

"Common names are the best for clandestine operations."

"A fair point."

"I wanted to be Jeff, but it's already being used by another agent. Does the new operation mean we'll cease the abduction and probing?"

"Not at all! A constant stream of comprehensive data acquired from meticulous probing is crucial for scientific progress. We'll just have to be careful and not let the humans who aren't a part of our conspiracy get too close to the truth. They can't handle the truth."

"Like that old agent Wolf Rotten who was so upset about his sister's abduction, right? If only he knew how much she enjoyed it..."

"All of the test specimens greatly enjoy it, which is an effective method for optimal conditioning."

"They can be so easily manipulated by pleasure. It's so fortunate that we're not similar to them."

"Yes, it's fortunate, indeed, that our physiologies are incompatible. Have you brought all the probing tools?"

"Yes."

"Let's probe then!"

"Yes!"